Susan Wheeler was in a bind.
Having graduated from Lehigh University just before her twenty-second birthday, she was looking forward to spending part of the summer (before entering graduate school in Art History at the University of PennsylvaniaâIvy League!) in India, looking up the spectacular Hindu temples and other great examples of Indian architecture scattered throughout the subcontinent. But the problem was that she would have to get shots to ward off various diseasesâspecifically, typhoid, cholera, and dysenteryâthat were still endemic to that country and that plagued the foreign visitors who showed up there.
But then she thought she could turn this problem to her advantage.
Throughout her years at Lehigh she had taken every opportunity to see a really nice doctor in the health clinic there, Jason Fields. He was, technically, a residentâan M.D., to be sure, but one who needed to do a certain amount of advanced training following medical school in order to receive his license to practice medicine. Susan guessed that he was about twenty-eight, and he was cute as a button: tall, lanky, but with broad shoulders and (so far as she could tell) some nice muscles around his chest and thighs. And those buns! Oh, baby, did he have nice buns! She got wet just thinking about them.
So she hatched a plan.
Even though she had graduated, she was still allowed to make an appointment to see him at the clinic. And so, when she tripped into his office in mid-June, she saw him scribbling diligently on some forms. It seemed he hadn't even noticed she'd come into the room, for he looked up in faint alarm and unwittingly showed off his deep blue eyes and shock of wavy blond hair.
"Oh!" he cried, then settled down when he saw who it was. "Hi, Susan. I'd forgotten about your appointment."
"Shame on you, Jason!" she said, boldly using his first name. Up to that moment she had respectfully addressed him as "Dr. Fields." He blushed faintly at hearing his first name, but tried to remain professional.
"What can I do for you?" he said.
"Well, you see, Jason, I'm going to India."
"Wow, that's great! Big trip."
"You're telling me! So much to plan for! I'll be there for three weeks, maybe a bit more. And, of course, I need some shots. You know, the usualâtyphoid, dysentery, stuff like that."
"Yes, that's very important," he said primly.
"But here's the thing." She sat down on the chair right next to his tiny desk. "I don't like getting shots."
And she didn't. She had always been frightened of needles, and she did everything she could to avoid being subjected to them. In fact, she had fleetingly given some thought to getting her shots in her posteriorâthat might foster the plan she had hatched, but she didn't know if she could go through with it. Ugh! The idea of that sharp little dagger penetrating her tender flesh . . .
"Well," Jason said philosophically, "I guess not many people like getting shots."
"Isn't there any other way I could get the medicine I need?" she said, now placing a hand on his arm.
He looked at the hand as if it were some alien entity, then gazed back up at Susan. He said nothing.
"Don't they come in pills?" she whined.
She knew they didn't, but she made herself look as surprised and disappointed as she could when he said, "No, I'm sorry to say they don't."
"Are you sure there's
no other way
to get this stuff?" Now she had placed both of her hands on his arm, gripping it tightly.
He licked his lips and, after a long interval, looked her in the face. "Well, there
is
something else."
"What? What? I'll do anything!"
He swallowed again. "You can, um, get them asâsuppositories."
Susan glowed with triumph inside. She knew that was the answer she was looking for. But she played dumb.
"Suppositories? What are they?"
Now a sweat broke out on Jason's forehead. "Theyâwell, they're little pillsâ"
"But I thought you said these medicines didn't come as pills!" she cried, only as a way of teasing the poor guy.
"They don't, Susan. These pills are placed, um, in your"âhe looked everywhere except at herâ"rectum."
"Oh!" she exclaimed. "That sounds like fun!" She bit her tongue:
Oh, God, I'm blowing this!
"I mean, that sounds fine."
"You really want to do it that way?"
"I'm sure it will be okay if
you
do it. I trust you, doctor."
Both of them stood up. Jason turned his back on Susan and fished into a drawer on another wall of the office, pulling out three little packets containing pills wrapped in plastic.
"I guess I'll undress," Susan said blandly.
"No, no!" Jason cried. "There's no need for that! Justâ"
"Oh, Jason, it'll be so much easier. I don't want to get my clothes all messed up. You know what I mean?"