Above all, a mother has to protect her children. That's what I believe. I would do anything to protect my children. Anything!
Girls grow up to fast today. The culture is so sexualized and the pressure to act like a woman before you are one is irresistible to most girls.
I resolved to protect the innocence of my daughter, Caitlin. I set a goal for myself: if I could get her to 18, still a virgin, I was doing well.
That's why I was so concerned when, at barely 16, Caitlin began dating Jason. He was a senior and had just turned 18 when they began to date. I knew that he'd be pressuring Caitlin to have sex. He was an 18-year-old male, after all.
As I watched the relationship progress—and snooped unforgivable, even reading Caitlin's diary that she thought she'd hidden so cleverly—my concerns only grew. It was clear that she was yielding to his persistent pressure to "go all the way."
I knew it would have no effect—and maybe even be counterproductive—for me, either alone or with my husband, Kevin, to sit down with Caitlin for a serious heart-to-heart. What 16-year-old girl takes life advice from her parents?
So, I made a decision—a dramatic decision. I made it without any discussion with Kevin. He would never have approved; he would have not only opposed my plan, but made it completely impossible to carry out. But, above all, a mother has to protect her children, even if she has to go it alone. So I did what I felt I had to in order to protect Caitlin.
Deciding
to
do it was one thing; deciding
how to do it
was quite another. I decided that I needed to act like the adult in charge. I was 36; Jason was 18. Despite their sense of worldly sophistication, teenagers don't really know how the world works. If I were confident, I figured Jason would follow my lead.
My plan started off with a lie. One evening, I stopped by the gas station convenience store where Jason worked after school. I knew he'd be getting off work in a matter of minutes. It was the perfect time to begin my plan. Kevin was out of town on business for a few days; Caitlin was at play practice which wouldn't end until nearly 10:00; and her brother, Brian, was watching a football game at a friend's house.
I went into the store on the pretext of actually buying some overpriced, low-quality item they sell in such stores. (Who shops at those places, anyway?) Jason was working alone in the store and there were no other customers. We chatted as I was checking out and, with a show of frustration, I told him my computer wasn't connecting to the internet and I didn't know what to do about it. I had work to do from home tonight and no way to do it if I couldn't get connected.
"I get off in a few minutes," he said. I acted surprised. "Would you like me to stop by on my way home and see if I can fix it?" Jason had been doing some unpaid technical support for our household for the last few months. I was pretty sure he'd offer to help.
"Oh, Jason. You don't need to do that." I said, but my expression said, "Oh, please ... help me."
"It's no problem. I don't have much homework to do. I'll bet I can fix it pretty quickly."
"Would you?" I said appreciatively. "I mean, if you could, that would be wonderful."
So it was set. I thanked him and left for home. When I got home, I changed into comfortable but, I was sure, attractive clothes: form-fitting pants, moderate heels, and a silky top that draped over my breasts in gentle folds.
I looked at myself quickly in the mirror. Thirty-six and with two teenaged children, but I looked good. Even I had to admit that and, like most women, I'm my own harshest critic.
Not fifteen minutes behind me, Jason drove up. When he came in, I offered him a Coke, which he accepted. I think he was perplexed when I told him to sit down on the couch in the family room. He knew my computer was in a study I shared with Kevin. But he sat down, maybe figuring that I was planning to explain to him in more detail what problems I'd been having with the computer.
"Jason, I lied to you." I paused for effect, knowing that I'd gotten his full attention. "I didn't get you over here for help with the computer." Another pause while Jason looked confused.
"I wanted to talk with you about your relationship with Caitlin." Confusion gave way to terror, at least if I could read his expressions. What 18-year-old wants to have a discussion with his girlfriend's mother about his relationship with her daughter? I'm guessing none. And Jason's expression gave confirming evidence.
"I know you two like each other a lot. And you're getting pretty serious." Now Jason looked almost panicked. "I didn't trick you into coming here to scold you. And I'm certainly not going to ask you to stop seeing Caitlin or anything like that." Perhaps his face showed a slight release of tension but he was still silent. No surprise there.
"Nothing matters more to me than Caitlin's well-being. And I think she's too young to get involved with a young man sexually."
"Mrs. Kerry ... we haven't ..." And then he sputtered, not knowing how to say what he started to say.
I put my hand up, "I know ..." instantly regretting it because, while I
did
know, I shouldn't have. It was only from reading Caitlin's diary that I knew how far the relationship had progressed. Of course, I didn't want Jason to think I had been snooping like I had been. And I didn't want him to think that Caitlin told me everything. If he thought that, he might talk with her about this and, then, she might figure out that I'd been snooping. But I figured Jason wouldn't think too much about how I knew this and, so, I moved on.
"I know ... I mean, I'm assuming that. But you're older than Caitlin and neither Caitlin's father nor I are naïve about what teenagers think about and do."
"Well, I don't know what to say, Mrs. Kerry. Caitlin is a good girl and ..."
"I know she is, Jason. I know that. And you're a good boy. But boys your age have desires—strong desires. They're completely natural. They're healthy. You'd be weird if you didn't have them. And those desires are relentless. They can overcome your good judgment."
"I guess ..." he sputtered. "But, I mean, I don't know what you want me to say ... or do."
"I want to offer you a deal." Now his expression was back to "perplexed." I paused again but it wasn't for effect. It was so I could gather my courage—the audacity, really—to go on.