A Large-Penised Male

This is a story about an affair between El Muy Lorenzo, a 36-year old Assistant Professor in the Department of Shitology at U-TRASH, and N, a brilliant 23-year old undergraduate student. It is told through Lorenzo's conversations with his psychiatrist Dr. Shitsteak.

We should say a few words about N, but the reader must respect the fact that what we relate is highly confidential and is derived from Shitsteak's records which were kept in a locked cabinet without indication of the patient's name, in accordance with U.S. Regulation 69 regarding confidentiality of psychological and psychiatric records. Actually, we cannot be absolutely certain if these records pertain to N, or Lorenzo's comments about N, since they do not actually have a label identifying them as such for the above reasons of complete confidentiality to which Shitsteak adhered scrupulously. However, they do refer to Lorenzo and to a young woman called N who appears to have been approximately 23 years of age in the late 1970s and 44 years of age in 1998, when the entries cease, following Shitsteak's final breakdown.

There are many scribblings in the margins which appear to be in Shitsteak's hand, but which were written in a darker-colored ink and in a somewhat shaky manner. These seem to be random entries made by Shitsteak at a later date, perhaps when he was reviewing Lorenzo's file for insurance purposes or as a source of materials for one of the many scholarly papers that he had written. "Tits From Heaven" is a frequent marginal notation usually in dark thick lines that seem to reflect repetitive, possibly even obsessional scribblings that were ringed by pen stab marks suggesting violent tendencies. "Enormous Tits, Bigger Than The Entire Universe" was another frantic, and somewhat overstated, entry. The pages also contained multiple stains, some of which were superimposed on one another. DNA analyses have indicated that these were Shitsteak's semen stains left by what appears to have been incessant masturbation onto these sheets over an extended period of time, perhaps twenty years.

In addition to these copious, and somewhat sticky, files, along with Shitsteak's composite file on Lorenzo, information on Lorenzo's relationship with N has been procured from: Lorenzo's truthful comments while under hypnosis as part of his treatment; interviews with various unnamed former students who attended U-TRASH while Lorenzo and N were involved in their torrid and despicable relationship; interviews with Doody Boy, Big Ass, Schmuckperson Chairly, Torpid-Stupid/Vladimir, Albion Nogooder, Yazum Yazum, and other members of the Department of Shitology at U-TRASH, along with statements made during their dispositions and at their trials.

It is obvious from Shitsteak's files that N was an extremely striking woman. At first, it was uncertain whether Shitsteak had actually seen N. It does not appear that she ever had an individual appointment with Shitsteak or that she saw the estimable doctor along with Lorenzo. However, the vivid descriptions of N in Shitsteak's files suggest that Shitsteak had possibly become obsessed with the lurid visions of N conveyed to him by Lorenzo, and that he had actually observed N, or had engaged in some sort of long-term voyeuristic surveillance of N, and may even had made attempts to gain favor with her in some surreptitious manner. There is no other possible explanation for the apparent intensity of Shitsteak's emotional involvement with N, given that she was merely the mistress of one of his patients.

Based on Shitsteak's records and the various sources listed above, it is clear that N was quite tall, approximately five feet ten inches in height, and that she had brownish blond hair that hung almost to her shoulders. N apparently had a rather dramatic visual impact on men, and observers uniformly commented on three salient aspects of her appearance. First, and foremost, so to speak, were what were universally described as enormous breasts that were so huge, and full, and limpid that they glared from her upper torso like two gigantic high-beamed headlights that riveted the eyes of all that beheld them (male and female alike) in an inescapable grasp. It was reported by many males that on first seeing this splendid sight that their lower jaw dropped in total amazement, followed shortly thereafter by a copious salivary flow and a certain sense of well-being that lasted a lifetime, as though they had been placed in the presence of one of the principal goddesses of classical times.

In an awkward, groping, and rather begrudging way, Shitsteak made what may have been a most important connection (so to speak). This insight, which is one of many testaments to Shitsteak's analytical expertise, was that N's tremendous breasts were equally as preposterous as was Lorenzo's signature characteristic, and that they both, N and Lorenzo, seemed to be placed completely apart from other humans, if only for these reasons. Or, as Shitsteak mused in one of his early entries when he still seemed clear-headed and detached on the matter, "This torrid and somewhat irrational relationship between N, a young woman with enormous breasts and a wild demeanor, and Lorenzo, an older professor who apparently has a gigantic penis, represents the classic confrontation between pure femininity and pure masculinity that is frequently portrayed in Preek mythology.

A second visual aspect of N, that was uniformly described as "eyeball melting" by all observers, was the plentitude of N's bottom, more discreetly referred to as her derriere by some and more frequently referred to as her ass by others. Yes, N was described as having an extremely feminine and highly attractive bottom that Shitsteak referred to as an 'ass of asses' and as a 'thousand-year ass'. It is also clear from these descriptions that what had caught these observers' eyes was not a shapely, soft, but modest female cushion. No, rather, N's rear portions were not seen as playful little knolls upon which one might wish to lay one's head, but, instead, they were described as enormous sensuous mare-like quarters that, like her frontal aspect, had the effect of completely riveting any eye which had the very good fortune of having this exemplary piece of female anatomy saunter into its field of vision.

The third and, should we say, equally dramatic feature of N was her face. N: had a brilliant mind and was truly a scholar (as an undergraduate in piochemistry, and afterwards in an aspect of jurisprudence); was extremely well-read and was a published novelist; was a highly empathetic person; and was a good mother to her three sons. However, despite these admirable characteristics, N's appearance, or the manner in which she presented herself in everyday life, was dominated by the fact that she had a very attractive and lustful-looking face and mouth, and slightly tired-looking eyes, that, coupled with her two other physical attributes described above, created an image, or a visual impression, of extreme sensuality and utter behavioral abandon that was many times more powerful than the sum of their individual anatomical parts.

In a women with a face with less sheer beauty and obvious character, breasts and a caboose of the size that were fitted onto N may have seemed obscene. Yet, when welded together in the perfection that these elements achieved in N they produced, in the terms employed by one colleague when he first cast his eyes on a slightly inebriated N together with Lorenzo at a reception at U-TRASH, a veritable 'Viking Goddess'.

N had a unique type of sensuality that would literally bring vehicular traffic to a stop. Before the rise of political correctness in the early 1980s, her presence on a sidewalk would bring trucks and taxis, and most other vehicles, to a screeching and appreciative halt to an extent that was only seen in fictional Italian films with highly stylized sex-symbol actresses. However, N despised this attention and the cheapening sexual label which most men seemed to attach when first encountering her. Nevertheless, N did have an extremely strong sex drive. However, her favors were not distributed randomly or widely, and she formed a limited number of strong emotional-sexual relationships, although her choice of partners, including Lorenzo, showed a certain lack of measure.

N's tragedy, or one aspect of her tragedy that was quite beyond her control, was that she had such an overwhelmingly erotic impact on men that they were not able to deal with her as a person. A man, any man who was not pay (and even some of them), could not be in her presence and think of anything else except kissing her lips and her full breasts and copulating with her incessantly until the end of time. Just by looking at N was to see the embodiment of possible total sexual and emotional ecstasy. Consequently, most men, especially those who did not have, or never had had, a modicum of sexual and emotional intensity in their lives, were threatened by her. They were unhinged because N personified what they, in the depths of their usually self-centered hearts and overly materialistic minds, wanted but knew they could never have. So, they would reject her as a person, and the unattainable option that her visage presented to them, by cheapening her obvious sensuality, the thing to which they were most attracted.

Thus, in many ways N was a marginalized person, the object of unwanted overtures from the less cultured and restrained segment of the male population, and hostility from among more socially appropriate males who found her too arousing to be near for extended periods of time. N's intellectual arrogance and her near total disinclination to suffer fools, pedants, and braggarts also did not serve her social cause in the long run.

N was a 23-year-old student in the Department of Shitology, and she and Lorenzo began their relationship shortly after they met. Like all men, Lorenzo was bedazzled when he first lay his eyes on N as she self-consciously (in those days she knew that wherever she went all male eyes were riveted on her, which made this rather shy and introspective young lady feel extremely aware of her social impact and quite uncomfortable about it) crossed a university plaza fronted and trailed by her signature silhouettes and topped by her Viking visage. He next encountered N chatting with, or being advised, in the office of Torpid-Stupid/Vladimir, one of his colleagues in the Department of Shitology. Lorenzo later learned from N that Torpid (who presented himself to the students as an overly sincere faculty member who was excessively solicitous of the undergraduate students, probably in compensation for the fact that he was truly a bit slow mentally and that his scholarship could only be characterized as pedestrian, although quite politically correct) had been pursuing N in a rather indirect and restrained manner, but that he had never gotten himself together to make an unambiguous approach to her.

N enrolled in a class that Lorenzo was teaching and their relationship began shortly thereafter, although N did later remarked to Lorenzo that she was surprised that he had not asked her out to lunch until two weeks of the semester had passed. Lorenzo clearly had taken the initiative with N. He had invited her to join him for lunch and shortly thereafter they were in bed and had begun a rather torrid relationship. But when thinking about it retrospectively, in the course of his therapy with Shitsteak, it became increasingly obvious to Lorenzo that N had chosen him, that she had taken the initiative, that she had decided that he, Lorenzo, was the one that she wanted. She had put herself in a position, in the class that he was teaching, where he, as a normal male, perhaps an extra-normal male due to his particularly fortunate or unfortunate endowment which we have described above, would respond predictably to her. And she, in this instance because he was the chosen one, would respond to him in a clearly encouraging, but socially appropriate manner.

From Shitsteak's notes we can see that N was an extremely demanding mistress (as all good mistresses are), insisting that she have, at least during the summer academic break, two full days of Lorenzo's time, irrespective of his scholarly needs and obligations. It is also abundantly clear, and here Shitsteak seemed to become excessive, even obsessional, in his descriptions, that N was extremely demanding in bed and had a near hysterical need for almost continuous copulation, which Lorenzo made every effort to quench. Yet, it seems that in N, Lorenzo had found his match and Shitsteak's files on both Lorenzo and on N are replete with Lorenzo's lamentations about N's emotional intensity and lability, and her need for physical and sexual intimacy in virtually all settings irrespective of the social consequences for Assistant Professor Lorenzo.

It appears that N, given the emotional and sexual frenzy of her hysterical female condition, wanted, no needed, Lorenzo to come into her immediately upon entering her apartment (invariably in the upright position), and that she was usually dressed in such subtly provocative ways when Lorenzo arrived (flaunting her full breasts in ill-fitting flannel shirts, or with skirts that graphically accentuated the vision of ecstasy that lay in the immediate future), that he had no power to do anything except comply, which he did as forcefully as possible given that particular orientation and the natural forces of gravity.

Shitsteak's notes and comments then become very copious for it seems that following their initial act a pied, they immediately relocated to N's bed where she demanded, and was provided with, the full fury of Lorenzo's multi-dimensional offense by presenting her considerable wares in the most tantalizing manners that are imaginable to the mind of man or, for that matter, adolescent boy.

What N required of him, and what Lorenzo delivered, were apparently incredible acts of romantic carnage. Shitsteak's notes, which could not possibly be precise in this matter, are highlighted by constant references to "copious amounts of thick, rich semen," endless orgasms, pleads of not to stop, references to "front door-rear door," and gagging and washing it down with inexpensive New York State champagne. There is no direct reference to the size of Lorenzo's penis in these notes, but it seems to be an implicit assumption that his gargantuan stick was an extremely important dimension of N's relationship with him, and that it accounted for a significant part of her continuing attraction to, and satisfaction, with him although Lorenzo did have other endearing characteristics.

In his notes, apparently taken directly from Lorenzo's descriptions of the details of his sexual relationship with N, Shitsteak frequently employs the term "cock" and "tits" in lieu of penis and breasts and often embellishes these nouns with highly descriptive adjectives which seem more likely to be of his choosing than those that were probably provided by the more placid Lorenzo. Again, these excesses appear to reflect Shitsteak's growing obsession with N and with Lorenzo's apparent ability to have his way with a host of highly desirable women, and is an additional indication of Shitsteak's growing instability.