I can't believe what I just did! Oh, it had its humorous side to be sure. Like when the preacher asked me, "Do I take yada, yada, yada.", I answered "I did." instead of "I do.". My blushing bride, bless her, chalked it up to wedding day nerves. I quickly corrected my faux paux. She was none the wiser, but standing there in front of god and everybody, I couldn't get over the fact that less than twelve hours previous to my Freudian slip, I was having wild, uninhibited sex, not with my bride to be, but with my best man's sister!
If I had to blame anyone, it would be Bill, my best man. A better friend you will never find, but he is a little lacking in organizational skill. So much so, that the night of my bachelor party bore no resemblance to the Tom Hanks movie. No, it was more like me and Bill and a couple of our male friends sitting in Bill's apartment drinking beer and watching soft core porno flicks we had seen at least a hundred times. There were no hookers. There were no donkeys wearing disguises.
About 11 PM, we decided to call it a night. After all, I had a big day ahead of me and I didn't want to screw it up for lack of sleep. Also, Bill's sister Ellen shared his second floor apartment with him and she was due home from her job at the local hospital at any time.
Dave and Mike, two friends who were to be my ushers, had just left. I said good night to Bill and was heading down the stairs when I stumbled on the second to the last step. I felt two hands catch me, but I wasn't sure who they belonged to.
"Thanks." I said. I don't think I slurred my words.
"No problem, Jim." a rather amused female voice answered.
"Ellen, is that you?" Looking up I could see her face in partial silhouette. The entrance light formed a faint halo around her head.
It took her only a moment to make sense out of the situation. Unlike her brother, Ellen was not shy about taking action when action was called for.
"You're not driving home." It was a statement of fact rather than a question. The difference was lost on me at that moment.
"Well, it's too far to walk..." I offered weakly.
"I'm taking Jim home; he's in no condition to drive." Ellen called up the stairs.
"But he only had three beers, Sis!" I heard Bill call down the stairs as Ellen pointed me to her car, a gray 70s ish Volvo. I wasn't falling down drunk, and I feel I could have driven myself the 2 miles to my house without killing myself or anybody else, but I did feel better having someone else drive me - especially when that someone was Ellen.
Ellen was a year and a half older than Bill which made her the same age as me. She liked her hair long and strait and as far as I knew had never tampered with its natural auburn color. I don't think I had ever seen her in anything other than sweat pants and a loose t- shirt (or, like she was that evening, her hospital scrubs) for all the time I had known her. Just the way she moved, I could tell she wasn't hiding a weight problem. I was pretty sure there was a nicely proportioned woman lurking beneath those loose fitting clothes.
"I really appreciate this, Ellen." I said as we pulled out of the apartment building's parking lot.
"Not a problem, Jim. It would be bad form if your young bride had to bail you out of jail just to get you to the church." In the dim light inside the car, I could see that she was half a smile away from a laugh.
"I don't think she would take that very well."
"I don't think I would either, but I would get over it β eventually. After all, boys will be boys."
"Kathy doesn't think like that, I'm afraid. She's not that way."
"Really?" Ellen sounded genuinely interested and mildly concerned.
"Look at me! I'm not even married yet, and already I am complaining about my wife to another woman." I felt embarrassed and ashamed at the same time. Maybe it was the beer, maybe it was all of the tension that had been building up over the past three months to the wedding, but I felt if Ellen said anything, anything at all I was going to break down and cry.
Ellen chose the better part of valor, at least for the time being. We rode on in silence until we pulled up in front of my apartment building. I expected her just to drop me off in front, but she pulled into the parking lot. Of course, my space was empty so she parked the Volvo there and turned the engine off.