I have always been afraid of my dark side. I have always denied it even to myself, because good girls aren't supposed to want THAT kind of sex. And good girls who use a wheelchair damn sure aren't supposed to want any kind of sex, let alone THAT kind of sex. It's harsh and rough. Edgy. Maybe a little bit painful. But fascinating. And so damn hot.
So for all of my adult life and all of my everlastingly vanilla sex life, I denied it. And patted myself on the back for being a good girl. And wondered why, if this was supposed to be what good girls wanted, why was I so dissatisfied? Sadly, our society being what it is, we who don't look like supermodels, or those of us with disabilities can sometimes become sexual "wallflowers", thankful for whatever sexual attention is cast our way. Over the last few months, I have come to the conclusion that what I really want is okay. We are
all
sexual beings and it's okay to want what you want. Good girls sometimes want to lose themselves temporarily in the rough stuff.
The truth is, just once before I die, I want a man to look at me and lose control. I want a man to say to me, "Baby, I want to fuck you so bad, I don't think I can be gentle. All I can think about is burying myself in your pussy and giving you what you really want. What you need." How I yearn for that!
Then I want you to do it. No finesse, no thought to whether it will hurt me. You can kill me with gentleness afterwards. Right now, I want you to rip my clothes off and consume me. I want you to mark my neck because you can't keep from biting me, from marking me as yours. I want to feel the sting of your teeth. You want to tie my hands? That will make me feel twinges of fear, uncertainty about what is to come. But isn't that part of the excitement? Go ahead and tie them. Butβ¦ you won't hurt me, will you? β¦"Only until it feels good, baby. Only until it feels good."
I can feel your hands in my hair pulling tighter and tighter. Just this side of pain. Enough to make it clear that I won't be able to get free unless you allow it. God, give me your tongue. Search out the recesses of my mouth. Kiss me so hard I can feel the sharp edges of your teeth. Oh, my God. I can feel reality start to fall away.