After that awesome night last week things have just kept getting awesomer. Well, up until now ...
I slept really well that night, and only woke up the next morning when I heard the front door closing. It was about ten o'clock.
Total Silence. Excellent.
I lay there with a big steely early (ha!) morning erection - feeling great. But even though I was tempted i didn't do anything with it - even with the events of the previous night flooding back into focus in my sleepy head - cos i was totally starving!
Good job it was Saturday morning and i didn't have to work.
I got up, stark bollock naked, and made my way to the kitchen. My big knob wobbled rigidly from side to side (again) with each step. It felt funny to walk in that condition. But I liked the feeling, just like I always did when I had the place to myself, being able to walk around starkers.
Toast.
I wanted toast. Toast with lots of creamy melting butter and lashings of marmite.
Couldn't wait.
I strode through the doorway into the kitchen to get the toast on. Out of nowhere, out of the silence, erupted an almighty screech, which screamed the air blue. I jumped about a mile in the air in surprise. I looked at where the scream had come from. Eric's girlfriend was sitting at the kitchen table.
'Shiiiit ... I thought you'd gone out' I said, strumming an apology.
'Does it look like I've gone out?' she said sarcastically.
To be honest, it didn't. Not sitting there like she was. She was just as naked as I was. Her big exposed knockers jigged as she posited her hands on her hips in mock indignation.
They were huge.
Her breasts, I mean. Not her hands.
The biggest pair of breasts I've ever set eyes on. But something about them was different to last night. I could just tell.
And then I couldn't help it. My eyes glanced down of their own accord as I realized what it was - a big purple hickey planted right under the left nipple. Under and over actually.
It looked sexy. Very sexy. Which only added more steel to my highly visible 'embarrassment'.
She was staring at it again - like she had done in the bathroom the night before. Only this time my hard-on wasn't pointing directly at her, it was pointing bolt up toward the ceiling.
'Do you always walk around with your cock out?' she said, a bit softer this time, without so much of the sarcastic tone ... and without taking her eyes off it.
'Yeah ...' I said dreamily, not thinking what I was saying. I was still fixated on those marvelous mammaries. It was one of those moments, the both of us staring at each others' bits, when something - an inner feeling - tells you that whatever you're both thinking is exactly the same thing.
'... er, no! Of course not.' I stammered, suddenly gathering my senses before adding 'Only when no-one else is around'
Then just as I was about to ask where Eric was, I heard the catch of his key in the lock of the front door.
'He popped out to get some milk' she said, knowing exactly what I had been thinking.
Well, how awkward can you feel?
But to be fair, Eric took it well. I was stammering out an explanation as he entered the kitchen. Then he burst out laughing. Good old Eric, never let anything bother him. In fact he almost wet himself, he laughed so much.
'She told me last night you had at least a mouthful's worth' he said chuckling, pointing at my quickly deflating weapon.
'Which is a couple of inches more than you've got' I heard her laugh as I scurried away back to the haven of my bedroom.
The last thing I heard before I shut my door was Eric goading her 'I bet you'd love to get your gob around that, wouldn't you?' and then her voice muttering something that I couldn't make out.
***
A green light was blinking on the corner of my phone. I opened it up and saw a message from Marco reminding me about his older brother's wedding that afternoon - I was going to be second best man. Marco was the best man really, but had volunteered me as a second, to be the one to tell all the funny embarrassing stories that he didn't want to. I was happy to do it.
And that's when another awesome night happened. Honestly. My life was turning into one awesome thing after another.
***
You just never know about some people. That's what I was thinking as I propped up the bar at the reception later that night, thinking about the events of the previous twenty-four hours.
Knowing Lucy at college, I pondered, how bookish she had been, how quiet, how ... utterly lovely. Ha! Since when had I ever used the word 'utterly'? But that's the exact word that came into my head as I thought about her, about Lucy. I mean, I could never have imagined I would've ever ended up in a ... a what? A blow bang? With her. With posh, bookish, utterly lovely Lucy.
And Peanut-brain.
And Marco.
Now that was weird.(Awesome maybe, but definitely weird).
I tried. I really did. Tried so hard to stop thinking about her and have a laugh. Eventually I did but it took a couple more lagers and a lot more cheesy jokes than the ones I'd used in my speech.
I'd even tried to join in with the real-ale enthusiasts who kept talking at me even though I didn't have a clue what they were going on about. Weddings eh?
Yep, it was the conversation about home-brew kits that did it for me. That was when I got bored rigid and thankfully managed to slip away while Marco's Uncle Jerry banged on about 'fermenting yeast' and 'sterilized buckets' and every single thing I didn't know anything about.
What did I know about real ale? Absolutely nothing. I didn't even know the difference between a hoppy aroma and a fart.
So, as Uncle Jerry got excited and chattered away to all the other 'uncles' I slipped over to the bar and got myself another lager.
Poor old Uncle Jerry - possibly the most boring man I'd ever met. Completely harmless though, to be fair.
I stood at the bar, thinking about Lucy, surveying the carnage around me; Uncle Jerry and the home-brew crew on my left, the middle-aged ladies doing something that used to be called dancing straight ahead of me, Marco's grandma to my right struggling with her cake. Marco's sister Sadie sitting with her.
What an awesome night.
Ah, Lucy. I needed to get her out of my head. So I went over and sat with Sadie and Marco's grannie.
'Having a good time?' I asked both of them.
'Lovely cake' said grannie. I think she meant it.
Sadie looked a picture; nineteen now and grown into a true beauty.