A destination wedding 01
Not only was it the first wedding that I ever attended, it was also a destination wedding, LOL, kind of. I mean, my old classmate Blake and his bride were coming from a northern state, but all I had to do was to drive 2 hours to the coast. Oh, and as an experienced coastal weekend warrior over the years, I knew the tricks when it comes to asking the hotel front desk clerk the right questions, which means for half of the cost, I had a better hotel room than those reserved for the destination guests. So, my first wedding and reception had a lot going in my favor.
Also, ah, don't tell anyone I said this, but the ceremony itself is, well, not as exciting as I thought it would be, but that's just me. I mean, I spent most of the ceremony looking around at the wedding guests and making mental notes of who I knew and who I didn't. So, in case anyone asks, my official position is that it was an absolutely wonderful and exciting ceremony and everyone looked great, OK?
Anyways, after the wonderful and exciting ceremony, while the bride and groom went through the photography side of the event, I mingled a little with the guests in the hotel lobby. What I learned from my mingling was that I did know a few people at the wedding and most importantly, it was perfectly acceptable to change into something a little more comfortable for the dinner reception, which sounded cool to me. I mean, everyone looked great during the ceremony, but at 22, I was certainly in a position to prefer Khaki's over suit pants, so yay to destination weddings, right? I mean, there was the nice hotel, the ocean beach and the ocean itself, so changing sounded great and it sounded like everyone had almost two hours to make up their mind.
Oh, and also during my mingling, I happened upon Mrs. Olsen, who was a friend of my mom, you know, back in the day.
"OMG, Mrs. Olsen? Miss Brandi? I didn't recognize you. And might I say, wow, you look amazing in that dress!"
"OMG, Jake from down the street! Oh, it's so good to see you. Ah, you must know Blake the groom, right Jake?"
"Yeah, yeah, we hung together back in school. Anyways, I'm happy to see you and not just for that dress you're wearing. It's so very good to see a familiar face here. So, are you friends with Blake's mom or something?"
"Ah, yeah, Blake's mom, Susan, but the truth is that I desperately needed this trip to the coast and I agree that it's great to see a familiar face, but you know, right?"
"Ah, I don't follow, but I know what?"
"Well, Jake, at your tender age you may not understand these things, but I look this good in this dress because of two layers of shape wear, so pull your eye balls back in and whatever you do, don't scream out "release the Kraken!" because my shape wear might take out a wall when I start the unsnapping process, LOL."
Ah, nope, I really didn't understand most of that, but I clearly wasn't thinking with my head at that moment, although, LOL, I made a mental note to watch what I asked for, especially for the release of the Kraken.
"Ah, I'm sure you're exaggerating, but I'll be careful what I ask for as the weekend goes on. Anyways, it sounds like it's OK to change into something a little more comfortable, so let me ask you about what that means. This is pretty much my first wedding, so the rules are a little unclear to me."
"Oh, well Jake, some will keep their suit pants on, some will change into long leg pants like Khaki's and a few will change into shorts, and LOL, hopefully, appropriate shorts. I myself am going to change into capri pants and a blouse, LOL, even though the shape wear stays on. Anyways, if your mother was here, I think she would want you to stick with at least long leg pants, but it's your call."
Huh, the wisdom of people in their 40's, right? And I mean that, although my Khaki's were probably wrinkled, they did sound much more comfortable than my suit and jacket. Also, ah, hopefully that was the last time my mom entered this or any other conversation, right? I mean, we all love mom, but there is a place for everything and with Miss Brandi in that dress, well, this wasn't the place for mom to come up.
"Jake, if your pants are wrinkled because people your age just shove stuff into a back pack, I might be able to help smooth them out a little bit. I mean, we're all on the same floor, so I can just walk down."
"Or I used my coastline weekend experiences and got a room on the 9th floor, like room 912, not that we need to throw that around to the others. Which room are you staying in, Miss Brandi?"
"317, I'm rooming with Cindy Burrows."
Huh, so this is how destination weddings work, right? People who know each other shacking up, LOL.
Anyways, we exchanged phone numbers and went our separate ways for a while. I think that she and a few others used the free time to shop on the hotel boardwalk street and I went the other way to quickly find another pair of pants because the Khaki's that I packed were in no condition to be seen in a dinner reception, no matter how casual it was meant to be. Also, LOL, I searched shape wear on my phone and all I could come up with is, LOL, that's cheating, but I'll place a bet anyways.
Anyways, I would say that we all got what we wanted for the short shopping trip up and down the street and paid three times what we would have in a mall, but I had new pants, right? Also, that still didn't stop me from texting Miss Brandi and inviting her up to my hotel room.
"Well, well, well, look at you in your swimming suit, Jake. That's, ah, that's, um, how old are you now, Jake? By the way, permission to enter?"
"22 and I didn't leave the door open for a wandering hooker, so please, come in, Miss Brandi."
"Oh, so Lydia didn't wander by yet, LOL? Anyways, how are your pants looking and drop the "Miss" please?"
Well, I let her check my pants out while I checked her out. I mean, she said that she was going to keep her shape wear on under her short pants, right? But it really wasn't that obvious, LOL, to me anyways, so point shape wear.
"Well, Jake, this will be easy because your suite has an iron, so poof, this will only take a few moments."
I mean, people who have lived for a while and used modern appliances, right? I mean, I thought that thing was a giant game piece.
"Alright, Jake, there you go, not to crisp and not too wrinkled. So, I'll see you in about an hour or so for dinner? The reception is in the Blue Iguana room, by the way."
"Yes, yes, I'll be ready on time. Ah, Brandi, are we supposed to kiss now? I feel as if we should share a moment right now. Do you think we should share a moment while we're both out of town and in a hotel room?"
Oh, so people in their 40's have heard it all, right? Well, maybe, but that doesn't mean they don't mind hearing it again, I guess.
"Hmmm, Jake, ah, you just put me in quite the situation, didn't you? The answer is yes, but I'm not sure that would be appropriate, so the answer is no, but maybe you can try that again after we both have a few cocktails in us after dinner tonight."
Oh, so people in their 40's have that kind of logic, huh? LOL, yes, but no and then no, but yes, a little later, maybe. Huh, right?
Fortunately, the time I required to get ready was a lot less than the time I had available, so I hurried out and made on more purchase, just in case. LOL, unfortunately, the hotel gift shop didn't offer condoms, so I made another walk down the sidewalk until I found a store that did carry such items. LOL, and so did Mrs. Cindy Burrows.
"Oh, well, hello Mrs. Burrows. I was just, ah, getting a cola before the dinner. Ah, how are you?"
"Oh, I'm fine Jake and I'm on a mission to help my weekend roomie get some action tonight. And by the way, I followed you, so drop the cola act and put those condoms down on the counter. Oh, cashier, oh Miss young cashier, my friend here is ready to cash out with these max condoms! Hello????"
Oh, so people in their 40's aren't shy, huh? Ah, no, they are not and neither was the young cashier girl. Unless cashier's just smile like that at all of their customers.
"The rest is up to you Jake, but let's be clear that if everything goes right tonight, well, does a towel on the door knob still mean the same thing these days as it did back in my day, Jake?"
Alright then, we're talking condoms, we're talking towels on the door knob, so we're talking about an overnight guest, right? And the young female cashier was still smiling way too much, by the way.
Whatever, right? After all that, it was time to attend the dinner reception and gain my first experience with wedding reception dinners.
"Alright Miss Brandi, ah, is this a good reception or what?"
"Jake, so far, this is about right. Standard chicken or beef for dinner and way too many glass-clinking kisses. But we'll see what happens as the clock approaches 10pm."
"Ah, is that the magical hour?"
"We'll see. By the 10pm, the groom should have consumed too many cocktails, the bridal team should be yelling at each other, the bride should have cried at least once, then there needs to be at least one wedding guest who can't see or talk straight and then we'll have to count how many extra affairs occur in the hotel lobby, the restroom hallway and on the side of the hotel grounds. After all that, LOL, then we'll see how this reception stacks up. I mean, as your friends start to marry off, well, this is what you have to look forward to, the wonderful world of drunk events, I mean weddings."
SOB! People in their 40's with real life experience, right? I mean, tell it like it is, right?
"Well, I think you may have been in the restroom when that guy over there in gray coat kind of went off the deep end. He passed out in the chair and no one seems to care, but he was off the rails for a few minutes."
"Damn shape wear and the extra 15 minutes it takes in the restroom! I missed that, but hopefully I didn't miss much else. I'm always on the prowl for dirt to toss around during our Bridge game nights. So, what else did you see, Jake?"
"Oh, well, I didn't follow anyone, but I might have seen a few suspicious couples sneaking off in different directions."
"And by that, you mean sneaking off alone from the tables that they were sitting at? And by the way, why in the hell didn't you follow any them? Which way did they all go? I mean, thanks for waiting for me to get back into my space suit after using the Lady's room, Jake."
"Ugh, I thought this was school stuff, but one of the couples in near the back of the hotel lobby, one couple appeared to be headed towards the indoor pool and your friend Cindy appeared to be going outside for what I assume was a smoke break with a guy I have seen before, but I don't know his name. Is that some good dirt, Brandi?"
"Ahh, Jake, NO. LOL, we need video. Um, my legs are feeling a little fatigued, so maybe you and I should take a stroll around the lobby and grounds. Escort me, Jake????"
Oh, so people in the 40's still use eye batting, huh? Fine, but the joke was on her! I mean, it was awfully hard to draw my eyes up that high, but we strolled just the same."
"Ooh, ooh, ooh, dirt at 3 o'clock! They're making out like teenagers! That's good stuff, right Brandi?"
"Ah, no, they're actually married, so they're just keeping it spicy. But wow, right? That's spicy, which reminds me, I may owe you a proper kiss myself, so let me know when you find a quiet place to pause."
