DISCLAIMER:
The stories in the "Celebrity" section of Literotica are all fictional parodies - none are true, nor are they approved of by the celebrities named in the stories. Authors write these fictitious stories about famous people for the same reason that Larry Flynt made fun of Jerry Falwell, because they can. The Supreme Court of the United States, the country where this site is located, has ruled that parodies involving famous people are perfectly and totally legal under the United States Constitution. The specific case law on this was decided in the case of "Hustler Magazine, Inc. et al. v. Jerry Falwell" in 1988. No harm is intended toward the celebrities featured in these stories, but they are public figures and in being so, they must accept that they are fair target for parodies by the public. We believe in the first amendment, and more broadly, in the basic principle of free speech and this section may push the boundaries of that principle, but the United States Supreme Court has approved of this type of material. We believe that the Supreme Court was correct in their decision.
Author's Notes: The characters of Nara, Mara, and Taloon ( as well as the world setting ) are not my creation. I have added my own take to each of them. This is a fanfiction fantasy, and simply draws upon the original world/characters as a setting. No toe-stepping is intended.
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I awoke in clothes that felt stiff and damp, blinded by the bright sunlight streaming down on me.
"Young Master, this is a most unwise place to take a nap, I must say."
Squinting through the glare, I made out the silhouette of a man standing over me. Gradually, my eyes adjusted. The man was dressed garishly, with a wide comical mustache of gray.
Looking around, I didn't notice anything familiar. In fact, everything looked entirely too green. The air smelled odd too -- cleaner. Sitting up, I muttered, "Where in the hell am I?"
"You are a few miles southwest of Endor, young Master," Mr. Mustache answered me.
I laughed, "Endor? Should I be looking for Ewoks or Taloon?"
"You know Master Taloon? I would expect one acquainted with such a shrewd arms merchant to be better equipped. Unless you have things hidden in that obviously magical bag your head was resting on."
Oh, man, I must have fallen asleep playing D.Q. Four. This is one fucked up dream,
I thought with amusement.
What the hell, may as well play along.
"Thanks for the wake up call, good merchant. I assume you're a merchant by your sack of wares."
The wandering dealer smiled, and replied, "Indeed I am, and I am at your service, should you require anything."
"Well, let me go through my bag here, and see if I need anything." Picking up the bag, I could tell it was magical the moment I opened it. There's far more space inside the thing than it could possibly contain.
Digging into the bag, I quickly recognized Erdrick's Armor.
That should impress the hell out of the locals.
Attempting to remove it from the bag, however, proved impossible. An attempt to drag out the Armor of Radiance from Dragon Quest three failed as well.
What the hell?
Grabbing a suit of leather armor, I found it came out of the bag easily enough. A maker's mark on it listed it as coming from the village of Lifecod.
Testing a theory, I dug around until I saw something else familiar. The maker's mark on the wing of the wyvern said Leftwyne, and I was able to pull it from the bag without any problem.
Okay, so something has to be common to all the games in order for me to get it out of the bag. Either that, or it has to come from this world. Not a problem. What's the strongest common armor? Magic Armor should work.
After a moment, I found exactly what I was looking for. Pulling it out of the bag, along with a broadsword, I told the merchant, "It appears I'm fairly well supplied, I'm afraid, good merchant."
Shrugging his shoulders and smiling, the wandering salesman said, "Such is my luck. I must warn you, there are many bubble slimes in this area."
Having recognized several healing and antidote herbs in my bag, and now almost dressed in my Magic Armor, I wasn't terribly worried. I found the armor to be quite light, and the broadsword felt completely natural in my hands. The only thing I could guess was that my skills in the game were transferring over as skills within it.
Attempts to cast a spell after that proved fruitless, however.
Damn it,
I laughed mentally.
A good Zap spell or two would be pretty impressive. Oh well, I guess I'll have to depend upon my trusty sword here.
Sheathing the sword, I said, "Thanks again, good merchant. Now, if you would be so kind as to point me in the right direction of Endor?"
"I travel that way, if you wish to walk with me," he replied.
"Sounds like a plan to me. Shall we go?"
As we set off, I hoped I wouldn't wake up too soon. This dream was actually kind of fun. Seeing the Dragon Quest sprites as real, flesh and blood people was a real blast. I whistled
Wagon Wheels March
as we walked, and found that the tune actually set a good cadence for a quick hike.
"That is quite a stirring tune, young Master. I recall now that I do not know your name."
Well, I use this name the first time I play through any game, so it seems appropriate.
"Just call me Thakkor."
"Thakkor it shall be then, young Master. You may call me Bertir." He hesitated a bit as we continued on, tilting his head as if listening. "I would advise having your sword ready, Thakkor. I believe I hear something."
Snapping my weapon free of its sheathe, I discovered the merchant's advice was quite sound only a moment later. A pack of three bubble slimes came bounding out of the underbrush along the trail, their smiling faces from the game nowhere near as amusing in real life. They bounced toward us at a quick pace, and the merchant next to me readied his sword, even as I brought mine in front of me.
With a gurgling cry, the first one leaped at me. I reacted with perfectly timed instincts, slapping the creature aside and cleaving a great rift in its poison-oozing hide. The creature hit the ground and almost appeared to deflate, fitfully undulating in an attempt to rise again.
I didn't have time to admire my handiwork, as the other two bubble slimes were already on the attack. Bringing my sword back across, I caught the slime attacking me with the flat of my blade. The blow sent it hurtling into the distance like a line drive.
My merchant friend didn't have such good luck, and he took what looked like a painful wound to his right shoulder. He managed to batter away the attacking slime, and I stabbed down right through the center of it, holding my breath against the acrid stench of the creature's poison. For good measure, I jabbed the still twitching first slime, to make sure it stayed down.
Glancing toward where the final bubble slime had landed, I saw it rapidly running away. I whistled the 'end of battle' sound effect, tilting my head as if listening for the level-up music to follow. "Damn, not enough experience, I guess," I chuckled.
Turning back to my fellow traveler, I saw him breaking out in a sweat, not looking well at all. I asked, "Poison?"
Bertir nodded, and then pointed weakly at the dissolving remains of the bubble slimes. Lying upon the ground were a few gold coins, and a pair of herbs.
Those would be antidote herbs, of course. Bubble slimes drop antidotes, when they drop anything.
Bertir having pointed out the herbs more or less confirmed it as well.
Snatching up one of the herbs, I handed it to Bertir. He rubbed it on his shoulder wound, and almost immediately started to look better. After a minute or two, he said, "Thank you Thakkor. You fight quite well. I am lucky to have found such a worthy traveling companion."
Clapping him on the opposite shoulder from the wound, I said, "No problem, Bertir. That's what you do on the road -- take care of your fellow travelers, right?" Picking up the coins from the ground, I handed half of them to Bertir. "Oh, and share the loot, of course."
Laughing, and refusing to take the coins, Bertir said, "You did all the fighting, young Thakkor. The coins belong to you. I find I enjoy my gold more when I earn it through bartering, anyway."
Pocketing the coins, I said, "Fair enough. How far are we from Endor?"
"Just over that hill, and we will be there," he replied.
Gesturing for him to take the lead, I launched back into
Wagon Wheels March
as we walked.
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Endor was a big town in the game, but it paled in comparison to the sprawling city before me. Everywhere there were merchants, buying and selling. People bustled here and there, roaming from shop to shop, and home to home. The entire city seemed to be alive with movement as I walked the streets.
Off in the distance, I could see a tall stone structure, with bright pennants on top. At first, I thought it was the castle, but then I noticed an even larger mountain of stone in the distance, and determined that the first must be the casino. I certainly planned to check that out at some point.
"I must go to set up my booth. It has been a pleasure to travel with you, Thakkor," Bertir said, sticking out his hand to shake.
"Same here. I'll be sure to look you up if I need anything," I replied while shaking his hand.
