Event: Gymnastics
In the Olympics world there is a multi-event event known as Gymnastics where prepubescent girls show off their stretchiness. In the Literotica world, there is Bondage Gymnastics where women of legal age show off much much more.
“All right then, welcome to the Literotica Dungeon. I’m Tom Gunn, and with me is my colorful commentator Dick Gently, and an old expert of the games, Harry Reasons. Glad to have you both with me.”
“Thank you, but I’ve told you a million times, We’re not gay,” Dick replied curtly. “Now, Harry, you brought home the gold in 1984, tell us what we’ll be seeing tonight.”
“What the hell are you two babbling about? We’ve been watching the events for days. This is the final run for all the participants. Have you been snorting coke all this time?!?”
Dick raised himself from the line on his desk guiltily, “Um, it’s medicinal really.”
“And I’m a moron,” Tom said flashing a million-dollar smile at the TV camera. “Well, let’s meet the judges.”
“Did they break you both out of the zoo? What’s wrong with both of you,” Harry screamed losing his patience.
“Well, Tom,” Dick said interrupting Harry’s rant. “From Scotland, we’ve got the giant Oggbashan. There was some contestation earlier about him having an influence in the event wasn’t there Harry?”
“What,” Harry said completing his rant. “Yes, yes. One of the contestants, a Jeanne D’Artois was disqualified from the event when she was discovered to be a figment of Oggbashan’s imagination. There is a 1992 Olympic code banning figments of a particular judge’s imagination from competing in the events to limit conflicts of interests.”
“This was after the Terri Neverwas incident, wasn’t it,” Dick said falsely interested.
“Yes. Her gold medal was revoked when it was discovered that the Chinese judge had invented her. The series of 10s she had received from the judge were disqualified and the Chinese are no longer allowed to have judges here at the Bondage Gymnastics.”
“Fascinating,” Tom said never letting his eyes leave the camera. “But why is Oggbashan still judging.”
“I told you an hour ago before we got into that debate on Keats.”
“Shut up, on air I’m a moron or they fire me so just repeat the banality for our mindless TV audience and limit your verbosity because they’re all dumber than a…I mean, Keats was an exhibition event wasn’t it?”
“Whatever, Tom. Well, what happened was they were going to enforce the law, but Oggbashan said he’d lift his kilt at the first man who tried and no underpaid security guard wants to grapple with that particular monster.”
“Next is one of the two judges from the UK. He’s looking quite suave in his moustache, jacket, and “fuck me” hat,” Dick said describing a debonair if not desperate man.
“Yes, Carl East is a master of suave technique,” Harry said. “He has also been the most lenient of the judges thus far, giving almost eight tens in the course of the competition.”
“Guess he’s hoping a couple of tenners will aid him to a lap dance or two,” Tom laughed. “Now the other UK judge is…I’ll say! He’s playing a guitar.”
“Huh,” Harry said drifting out of the protective daydream he had entered to avoid the bad pun. “Oh yes, raphy tried to quit the games earlier after a bad experience commenting on the Nordic Combined, but the Olympic Committee’s contract on his soul demands that he still do a few more events. He’s actually quite a good judge at these games though as well as an old friend.”
“I guess he really knows the ins-and-outs of these games,” Tom laughed again.
“If you do one more bad pun, I’ll be forced to brain you with this microphone,” Harry snapped curtly. Mentally, he despised the contract on his soul that the OC had on him and raphy, and wondered how to breach contract without being eternally damned.
“Next we have the Scandinavian judge, there has been a lot of controversy about him this year, could you elaborate, Harry,” asked Dick in order to prevent Harry from injuring his co-host.
“Oh, yes, Liar, during the 2000 competition, claimed at the end of the event that all the scores he had given were ‘all in jest’ and that he’d like to take them back. The OC were going to throw him out of judging, but they have his soul on contract as well and so that is why he is bedecked in the finest of polygraph technology. With this he’s forced to give his honest scores this year much to his disappointment.”
“I see, next to him, we have the American judge, who I notice is sporting his first smile. He’s been miserably depressed so far this event.”
“Well, if you look at that gold medal around his neck, he won the Nordic Combined and well… it’s really hard to be depressed after receiving an Olympic blowjob. That and he finally found his trusty headphones.”
“I thought you said, no puns,” Tom said poutily.
“Oh, shut up and die, why don’t you,” Harry snapped rubbing his aching migraine.
“Ha ha ha,” Dick chuckled nervously. “You two kidders. Oh, good the judge from Hell has finally arrived for today’s final round.”
“He’s been a real prick, these games, giving out the worst grades of the competition,” Tom added momentarily taking over the color commentary job.
“Yes, well that is to be expected of Lucifer_Carroll,” Dick replied. “Incidentally I heard a rumor that he was actually pretty nice as a judge during the triathlon that just occurred.”