"I will miss you, too," Xena had replied. "In fact, you will have a hard time keeping me away from your door." But despite that promise, Xena knew she would have to go... soon and as far away as possible. She couldn't stay here, seeing Gabrielle in Perdicus's arms; her pain and jealousy was just too strong.
Xena had been leaving that morning of Perdicus's untimely demise knowing she may never see her beautiful bard again. Her heart was heavy as she rode away from her best friend. It seemed she had lost so much in her life. First Lyceus, her beloved brother, who had been lost in battle when Xena was still young. Because of losing her brother and Julius Caesar's betrayal, Xena had turned evil, proclaiming herself as The Destroyer of Nations, and together with her lover, Borias, she had stopped at nothing, even killing innocents to get whatever she wanted, wealth, power, land, whatever her heart desired. But Borias had fallen in love with Xena... and despite becoming pregnant with his child, Xena could not give her heart to him. She believed he was becoming soft as he befriended the centaurs and decided to give up his evil ways. She cast Borias aside, becoming lovers with her slave girl Satrina as well as a beautiful Asian woman named LaoMa who taught Xena many of her fighting skills as well as how to use the "pinch" on her enemies. For once in her life, Xena had fallen in love, and it was with her teacher, LaoMa.
But a wicked shamaness named Alti wanted nothing more than to hurt Xena and make her suffer, so she saw to it that Xena's little slave girl was killed, then on the night Xena birthed her son, she had Borias brutally murdered, right outside the tent where Xena had birthed her baby boy. As Xena carried her child to saftely, she saw Borias dying there before her eyes, his blood soaking the earth. She reached out to him, her heart aching as he too reached out to her and the baby, crying out Xena's name. Xena never forgave herself for his death... as well as never loving him as deeply as he had loved her. Borias had been a good man, but she had been so caught up in the power she wanted to attain, she had been partially responsible for his death, although only indirectly.
Xena knew she could not keep the baby she had just bore. Sadly, she went to the centaur camp where she met up with Kaliepus, her once sworn enemy who had become Borias's best friend. She handed him her swaddled baby boy, tears of grief shining in her eyes. "Take the son of Borias, raise him as your own," Xena spoke, explaining to Kaliepus that her life as a warrior was no place for a child and she only wanted to best for this little one. She sobbed openly as she walked away, leaving a great big piece of her heart behind.
After Lyceus death, Xena had not let herself love, not till LaoMa and Solan, her son. Then when she lost Borias and had to give up her son, she guarded her heart even more, afraid to love and lose another. But two summers ago, she had met Gabrielle. Gabrielle had been fascinated with Xena and her fighting skills. She begged Xena to take her along and teach her all she knew. Xena had refused and tried to leave Gabrielle behind. Gabrielle wouldn't hear of it. One night she snuck out of the small farmhouse where she lived with her family. She kissed her little sister Lilla goodbye and with a small sack of her possessions, she followed after Xena.
The rest was history; Gabrielle had become Xena's sidekick. Every night as they rested beside the fire after their adventures, Gabrielle had written in her scrolls all about her travels with Xena, and how Xena had protected the greater good by fighting for justice whenever necessary. Gabrielle and her goodness had changed Xena for the better, and Xena had grown incredibly fond of her companion, declaring Gabrielle as her best and dearest friend. During their time together, Xena had more than once saved Gabrielle's life, even once coming to her aid when she had been captured and nearly sold into slavery. Gabrielle admired Xena's fighting skills and was fascinated with everything about her. She couldn't be sure when the feelings she had changed from pure fascination and friendship into something more. Every night when she rested in Xena's arms, she longed to tell the Warrior Princess she had fallen in love and about all the emotions she felt being in her embrace. But being nearly 10 years younger and a bit niave, Gabrielle couldn't imagine that Xena would ever want someone as youthful and inexperienced as she, even if Xena did in fact have feelings for other women, in which Gabrielle suspected from some of the past stories Xena had told her about her life, yet Xena had never quite made that clear. Eventually, Gabrielle knew she either had to tell Xena how she felt, or somehow find a way to return to Potedia as her desires and longings were now impossible to deny.
That's when Perdicus had come along, asking for Gabrielle to marry him and return to the small villiage of Potedia where they had both grown up. Gabrielle's heart was aching; she didn't want to leave Xena, but knew she couldn't remain, cuddling with her night after night, and never having the relationship with her that the bard's heart was seeking. But now, all that was passed, Perdicus was gone, and Gabrielle knew she had to tell Xena the truth. It was time to confess her feelings to the Warrior Princess and tell Xena what she had been coming to say to her on that morning after her wedding night when Callisto had struck. She only prayed Xena would understand..............
Stay tuned for the next part: Gabrielle's Confession
