In a few universes, Kira hesitated a little longer before setting off the bomb in Meru's and Dukat's quarters, thus she heard the heartfelt, loving message of her father urging her mother to accept without guilt whatever kindness Dukat offered, and she saw her mother dissolve into tears at her father's generosity, before she'd had a chance to do so. Kira slipped the explosive into a pocket, now unwilling to kill the two illicit lovers.
She had no way of knowing that the explosion was to have been the catalyst by which the Prophets would be signaled to retrieve her from the past, and that now she was stuck.
As the months went by, Kira grew increasingly despondent at her predicament. Her visits with Meru were her only diversion. She gained gradual insight into her mother as a person, which was valuable, because she had never really remembered her that well in the normal timeline. She grew fond of her way beyond expectation, even became used to seeing Dukat day after day, and eventually managed to mostly forgive and understand her mother's sacrifice. But her depression and frustration only increased in all of the hours when she was not in Meru's company. Plainly, her mother had become all that Kira's life was. She had quarters near those of Dukat and Meru, so that she could be available whenever needed, but the rest of the time she sat inside of them with absolutely nothing to do. It was especially difficult for her when Dukat took Meru to Bajor or elsewhere; then Kira had whole days or even weeks in which to sit by herself and brood. The irony was not lost on her. Kira had never previously considered the Occupation as a time of boredom or inactivity, but that was exactly what it had become for her now. And the endless monotony was destroying her.
As the years went by, she was endlessly tormented with wondering why the Prophets had abandoned her here. She had discovered the truth of what she'd needed to find out, hadn't she? What else was she supposed to do? In desperation, she'd risked wandering one day into the Bajoran sector. A very narrow escape taught her that she was now considered as much a collaborator as Meru, because she had not detonated the bomb that the resistance had given her; she would never be safe among her own people again. The realization devastated her. Up until then, Kira had at least held out hope that she might make other friends, might even meet a man and fall in love; her loneliness by now overwhelmed her. When even that possibility died a dramatically clear death, she felt helpless at how narrow her world had become.
A new irony haunted her unmercifully as well: on Bajor, at this very moment, her younger, earlier self was growing up and becoming a successful member of the underground, while here, her adult self simply sat, and waited upon her usefulness to Meru, and thereby Dukat, in her function of helping to keep Meru happy. She herself was nothing, merely a tool for the convenience of the Cardassians. As she mulled upon that, yet another bitter irony assailed her: in her own time, Dukat had pursued her relentlessly. Now, he hardly ever even spared her a glance. It was a vivid testament to how far her mind had slipped, for her to realize that she was beginning to feel an irrational resentment at his unaccustomed indifference. At that realization, her mind reeled: was she indeed jealous of her own mother??? Ironic again, in the extreme: Dukat's endless pursuit of her was what had driven her back into the past to begin with, because his anger at her rejection was what had caused him to tell her about Meru in the first place. And now, she was feeling definitely neglected and left out by his lack of attention. Kira began to realize that she had always found it so easy to take Dukat's pursuit for granted due to its omnipresence, and therefore she had never really seriously considered accepting him. Now that he was unavailable, she even found herself wondering in her endless idle moments if she should have taken him up on it, and what an affair with him would have been like. In the other timeline, she had always told herself that a relationship with him was out of the question, simply because he was Cardassian; even worse, he was the former Prefect of Bajor. But now, unable to be in the presence of Bajorans, her tastes began to adapt to the inevitable, and she grew able to see how attractive he really was, if dangerously so. Then she thought back to the party, in which she and Meru had been dressed up, done up, and made up like fairytale princesses. Dukat had not given her a glance; he had already had his heart set on Meru from the very first moment that he saw her. Kira thought back to whom (or what) she had attracted at that party: a loathsome, slimy, drunken legate, who undoubtedly only desired her for a one-night-stand, unlike the perpetual love that Dukat offered Meru. In that, at least, the Prefect was honorable.
Finally, Kira simply had way too much time to think, and the self-destructive path down which she trod was ominously bottomless. Inevitably, Meru began to notice her friend's despondency, and to become concerned for her. At first, Kira hastily declined to answer Meru's worried inquiries, but as her misery weighed upon her, and as Meru became ever more insistent, she eventually lost her battle to hold back the tears, and carefully admitted that she was terribly lonely and bored when not with her friend, and that, except for her wonderful time with Meru, her life was nothing.
"You need a man, Luma!" Meru, of course, used the pseudonym which Kira herself had given.
"I know. But it's impossible." Kira told of her and Meru's status among Bajorans as "collaborators." It hurt bitterly to have to admit it. She was regarded as one of the people whom she had always detested.
Meru grew quite serious, and obviously chose her words very slowly and carefully. "I'm not surprised at that. You know, when Dukat and I first got together, and he realized that I wanted you for my companion, he asked me if you had developed a relationship with any of the Cardassian men at the party, and I said that you hadn't, and that you'd been resistant in the extreme. He suggested that maybe you should try again, at the next party, but I begged him not to force that on you; I told him that you would be horrified, and that that, in turn, would upset me. So he dropped the issue. But now, I wonder if he wasn't right in the first place. I should have seen it before, Luma: of course you shouldn't have to just spend your whole life waiting for whenever I need you; you deserve a life of your own, too."
Kira was instantly shaking her head, once again falling back into form, not even considering it. "No, no, I can't do that."
"But is it better to be miserable?"
"Yes. Yes, I think that it is." Kira fought valiantly against tears that once more threatened to spill.
"What are you trying to prove, Luma? Are you trying to be some sort of martyr? Are you telling yourself that you're hurting the Cardassians by not letting any of them have you? You're not, you know. You're only hurting yourself."
Kira's eyes welled with bitter resentment, again feeling irrationally unwanted. "Well then, so be it!"
"Honey, this isn't healthy."
"I don't care!" Kira didn't mean for it to come out as a whine, but it did.
Meru became truly alarmed. Insightfully, she correctly recognized the signs of someone headed dangerously toward suicide. "I'm going to talk to Dukat. Something needs to be done."
"No!" Panicked, Kira grabbed her. "Don't do that to me! You were right in what you told him at first. Besides, how many of the Cardassian men would treat a Bajoran woman the way that Dukat treats you?? He's probably the only one! Most of them just want a brief fling, not a real relationship, and that would only make me worse! Did you see the slimy jerk that I attracted at that party??! Probably not! Dukat got you out of there so fast that night...!" Agonized, and fearing that she was saying too much, Kira broke off and dropped her face into her hands.
Meru held her and let her cry on her for a while, not at all sure of what else to do.
That evening, Dukat noticed that Meru was uncharacteristically pensive, and asked her what was wrong.
She sighed; she never could hide anything from him. "I'm worried about Luma."
He frowned. "Is she causing problems for you again? You know, my dear, sometimes I think that you would be better off with a less troublesome companion."
"Oh, no, no, it's not like that!" she hastened. "In fact, she didn't want to tell me what was bothering her; I'm sure that she was trying to spare me. But I could see lately that she's more and more unhappy, so I pushed her to tell me."
"Very well, what is troubling her this time?"
Briefly, and wording it delicately, Meru told of her friend's distress, about her close call in the Bajoran sector, and of "Luma's" reaction to the legate at the party.
He smiled. "I know which legate she means; I saw who dragged her into his lap at the party, and she's basically right about him. Although, he has managed to remain with one woman for just the last few weeks now, but we'll see. In any case, ironically, even he's not available right now, even if she wanted him." He thought for a moment, and then smiled again. "Leave it to me."
