CHAPTER I
1
I awoke to the sun streaming through the windows, forming ice picks, and jabbing through my eyelids and into my brain. Some bastard had filled my neck and shoulder muscles with rusted barbed wire, there was a Linkin Park concert in my head, a small rodent had died in my mouth, and my stomach was sending distress signals to what was left of my brain. I also heard a voice talking to someone.
"No, he hasn't told me what's wrong yet, Vince..., I haven't got a clue..., Same as before you sent him on medical leave, he works out, he drinks, and now he takes me out on dates sometimes..., No, it really ain't a sign of improvement, he's just doing that for the same reason as the other two things, to keep from dealing with what's bothering him. It's kinda' scary. I'll catch him just staring off into space, and then he'll flash this dazzling smile at me and ask me if I want to go out, and I'll say 'sure,' but that smile, it doesn't reach his eyes. They're just these black pits of pain. It's almost like the smile is there to keep this scream of pain from escaping, and I don't know what to do..., I will..., yeah he's working on songs for his next album, and they're beautiful, but..., anyone listening to it might have to be put on suicide watch..., yeah that depressing..., You too, Vince, bye." She sighed after she hung up. Damn. I was hoping she'd think McMahon was being silly, but she knew better. You can't hide shit from your friends, I guess.
"You know, if'n you were worried, you might've tried talkin'
to
me, instead of
about
me," I drawled from the bed.
"Jesse! I didn't know you were awake...," Danielle started to stutter out an apology, but I interrupted her.
"Don't worry," I gave a weak chuckle, "I should've known you can't hide some things from your friends. I give. Let me shower, and have some sort of breakfast, with
lots
of coffee, and I'll see if I can't go ahead and get this off my chest. Maybe then I'll stop driving the self destruct express."
2
I walked downstairs in a robe, wearing shades. Hangovers are the gods' way of reminding you to, as a DJ once said, "Use it; don't abuse it." I heard a skillet sizzling, and smelled bacon, coffee, and eggs. My stomach sent conflicting messages, desire and the urgent need to throw all systems into reverse. Danielle smiled at me, but I saw signs she'd been crying. Shit. This ain't gonna be easy, but her and Vince were right, if'n I didn't talk, it'd kill me.
"Danni, what're your feelin's for me? Truthfully."
"You're a dear friend, why?"
"'Cause if'n they are anything more, I've got to find someone else to talk to, or you'll get hurt. I've hurt enough people in my life, and don't wanna' add to the list. Now, was that an honest answer?"
She sighed, not a good sign, and looked at me while I made a cup of coffee. "Truthfully, I don't know. There
might
be something there, but you date several people, you're honest about it, and you don't show any favoritism, but it's a little confusing. You treat all of us like we're special, which is just schizo, if you ask me. Sometimes I'm torn between wanting to kiss you, and wanting to kill you. That a more honest answer?"
I smiled at her. "It'll do. As long as you didn't say 'I think I'm in love,' I can tell you what's up. Sit down, I'll finish breakfast." I cooked and collected my thoughts, making a southern breakfast, i.e., greasy and fatty. I'd work out more to keep the sins off my body, and I knew that despite her diet and exercise regimen, Danielle enjoyed food like this, too. I made bacon, fried the eggs in the grease, washed the skillet, and made French toast. I then made some O.J., and dumped the coffee and got out the chicory coffee I'd brought. Nice girl, Ms. Fishel, but who makes friggin' Folgers(tm) when you have gourmet coffee right there? I reached into the fridge and nibbled on some cheese to cleanse my pallet from brushing my teeth.
"Okay, here you go," I said, sprinkling some powdered sugar on the French toast. "
Viola
!" She smiled.
"Sadist," she accused, "Do you have any idea of how much aerobic activity I'm gonna' have to do to work this off?"
"Blah, you don't need to, you look perfect." She looked at me and smiled. I made us both a cup of coffee, making sure to lace hers with plenty of sugar and cream. I make coffee that can be used in lieu of turpentine. "Okay, I guess it comes down to this. Do you really want to hear what's wrong? I never showed up to work drunk, but my life was spinning enough out of control that Vince made me take a sabbatical, so you know something's got me fucked up. Do you really wanna' know what?"
"Jesse, if you don't talk, I really think it's gonna' kill you. So talk."
3
"Okay, it started...," I laughed, "Hell, it all
really
started when I was fifteen, to tell the truth. We'll just gloss over that part, with 'boy meets girl, boy becomes best friends with girl, boy foolishly falls in love with girl, and then, boy loses girl, and nearly dies of broken heart.' Fast forward to recent events. Well, I had just got done with a show, and was gettin' ready to do a meet'n'greet, you know, shake hands with the fans, sign autographs, get a couple of photos taken, when one of the security guys comes into the locker room and says, 'Yo! Jesse! Some one out here says they know you!' Well, I tell him, 'Yeah, everyone knows me. If'n they ain't on the list, tell 'em to wait for their autograph with everyone else,' He says, 'They said to tell you they know you from Archer City!' Okay, that made me pause. I get done with my hair, and tell him to let whoever it is in. I see Bobbi, the girl I mentioned earlier. You coulda' knocked me over with a feather, and I feel my traitorous heart start to melt, just like always, and have to remind myself I don't love
her
anymore, I love the
memory
of her." I pause, and light a cigarette. Danielle
hates
when I smoke in her house, but I need one. My eggs are congealing into an unappetizing mess, but the French toast and bacon are gone, and so's the O.J. I pour a second cup of coffee for my self, and offer more to Danielle, she declines. "You still okay? If this is too heavy, or too much of a head trip we don't have to continue." Damn. For some reason, there's a frog in my throat. Plus some of the toast must be stuck there, 'cause there's also a lump of something there.
"Go on. You need to talk. Right now, forget last night, forget our first night together, I'm a concerned friend. Now tell your story."
"Okay, you asked for it...,"
CHAPTER II
1
As I spoke, and gave her an edited version, my thoughts ranged back to that night. I'd just announced my run for the Tag-Team belts. My partner and I said to prove we were worthy of the belts we'd take on the Brothers of Destruction at the next PPV, which got the crowd fired up. I had just gotten out of the showers, and was getting the tangles outta' my hair, when one of the security guys came in.
"Yo, Jesse, Got someone out here who says they know you!"
"Yeah, everyone knows me since the album and gettin' on WWE. If they ain't on the list, tell 'em to go to the meet'n'greet and wait for their autograph like everyone else."