Who I Am Before I Was

Disclaimer: Again. Not mine. Rating: A forget it. Buffy and Angelus. What do you think the Rating is. By now, I’d say I’m being a tad redundant. Feedback: Pretty please. The more feedback I get, the faster I right. Like sex: the more attention I get from you, the more attention I’ll give to your needs J Email: to the link below. Note: I added a teeny bit of X/C because I got nice feedback from a guy who wishes he read more of Cordy. So, it’s small, but I hope you like it. And, Cordy and Xander haven’t gone all the way. But they’ve gone further than any of us have seen.

Pangs of Clarity

Where the hell is she? She pulls a stunt like she did last night, then damn well takes off and doesn’t come back. Well, I know I told her to leave. But Fuck! When has she ever listened to me before? And now it’s daytime. Can’t leave. Damn sun. I have a raging hard on, which granted is my own fault since I was wacking off in the shower recalling her disobedience from last evening. Spit of a thing that Slayer. Pisses me off enough to shove my cock down her throat, and now I want nothing more than to fuck her for hours because she’s such a headstrong child.

Fuck! Where is she??

*****

“So you haven’t heard from her?”

“No. I’m afraid not Joyce.”

“Oh,” she sunk deeper into the couch, “I just thought, well, Buffy talks so much about you. And you’ve helped her out so much. I just thought…oh Mr.Giles. I don’t know what to think. She wasn’t angry when she left for school yesterday morning. But you said she was at school.”

“Yes Joyce. She was. And she was fine,” Giles had been steadying his nerves with bourbon all night. Was the beast Angelus spoke of? Was it the Erkshire? Even through all his extensive research last night, he had not come across anything remotely at all what Angelus spoke of. But then, where was she? “Joyce you need to keep calm. This is a small town. Chances are she just needed time to herself.”

“She’s never done anything like this. I’ve called Willow. Xander. No one knows where she is.”

*****

His cupped her heavy breast in each of his palms, slowly fondling her, hoping to arouse her from her slumber. He had taken off every article of clothing she had had on the previous night. Spike inhaled each piece extensively as he savored the aroma of her juice mixed with the smell of Angelus. He even darted out his tongue to taste a sweet drop that had decided to linger around longer than the whole act itself.

Buffy’s head slowly moved as he backed away. Spike stood as he watched her features contort. First the soft moans escaped her at the awakening of a new day. Then the awareness that something had happened the night previous, but she couldn’t remember. Then the pain she felt in her temples as consciousness began to take over. And at last, the sharp fear of remembrance.

Buffy bolted her head up to witness Spike’s stare. He smiled back at her, “Are we alright then, luv? Thought I might have hit a tad harder than I should have.”

“You bastard. Let me – ,” slowly Buffy’s head followed the lines of her body. From her bare toes painted with a light pink, up to her round breasts peaked with a rosy hue. Fear washed over her, “what did you do?”

“Relax. We didn’t shag. I just wanted to have a good eye-full of what Angelus has been seeing. Hoping that I’d see it myself.”

“See what?”

“What keeps him so bloody infatuated with you,” he backed up slightly as he turned to stoke the fire. That was one thing at least that Buffy was grateful for. “I have to say, I don’t see it. I mean, sure, tight little petit body and all. But that’s it. And Angelus has had his share of little blondes.” Again he turned to watch her. “But there has to be something more,” he leaned against the wall, “is it the fact you let him bugger you?” Buffy’s eyes widened, “Oh, luv, we all know of that. He squeezed into you in the cemetery.”

“Are you going to kill me or just talk my ear off until I commit suicide? ‘Cause as amusing as this all is, I do have places to be.”

“You have no place to be. After the story your lover told your Watcher, his head will be buried in those musty old books. The only place you have to be is here. You see I’m thinking that if I can’t see why he so enamored with you, maybe I’ll be able to feel it,” a wicked grin spread across his face. A grin that would have made Angelus proud.

“This is getting old,” Buffy said while attempting to subtly pull on her restraints, “we all know how jealous you are of Angelus. Add that to the fact that he’s probably been screwing Dru since he’s gone all soulless and all. You want a little payback. Well, if I don’t kill you first, I’m sure Angelus would love the honors. And since I have read up on some of his more interesting and creative torture techniques, I’m sure you’ll be in for some good quality time with Daddy,” she smiled.

“Keep talking luv. It’ll make it all that more enjoyable,” Spike said while pulling off his duster and unzipping his fly.

*****

“Giles what are we gonna do? No ones’ heard from her since yesterday. Its nightfall now,” Willow finished as tears streaked her face. Xander placed his hand on her shoulder in an attempt to console her. But quickly moving away, she went to stand beside Oz.

“I don’t know. Jenny has been looking through a few things in the occult. See if anything was slated to happen this week; any dark ceremonies and such. So far, no luck,” Giles said pulling off his glasses, wiping them then replacing them back on his nose. It was more out of nervousness than cleanliness.

The library doors opened and Cordelia walked through the doors. Off everyone’s somber faces, she quipped, “What? No one’s found little girl lost yet? I thought you guys were supposed to be, you know, the Scoobies or something,” They all glared toward her. Xander shook his head at Willow’s even stare toward him and slowly lowered his head. Cordelia huffed, “More like Inspector Gadget. You guys are always screwing up.”

“Cordy,” Xander spoke, “you’re not helping.”

“Whatever,” she stated off their looks, “I just thought you’d all want to know that I saw Angelus on the way here.”

“What?” They all spoke in unison.

Giles approached her quickly, “What do you mean you saw him? You saw him, but he didn’t see you?”

“No. I mean, he and I spoke. And can I just say, I know he’s all evil and stuff, but at least he talks more now than he used to. Though I kind of liked him better not talking. I mean, don’t you hate it when people talk none stop about themselves? So juvenile.”

“Cordelia,” Again they all spoke in unison, their irritation growing and patience growing thin.

Giles sighed heavy then carefully looking into the young womans eyes, “What did he say?”

“Yeah,” Xander walked closer, “and how’d he wind up not eating you?”

Willow snuggled closer to a protective Oz, “Even Angelus didn’t want to get to know Cordelia that intimately.” Oz smiled back at her.

“He asked me if I had seen Buffy. That’s it.”

Giles looked at her questioningly, “He asked you if you had seen Buffy?”

“Yeah. He was all quiet at first, ya know. Then it was like macho jerk showed up, and he adds, ‘cause I’m up for a good fight.’ Men. I know what he was up for,” she smiled, “those leather pants show it

all

off,” she said looking over at Willow who turned her head slightly to avoid the gaze.

Giles cleared his throat at her last comment. “So he doesn’t have her. Or -,” Jenny walked in the room. Giles raised his eyes toward her, “Jenny. Did you find anything?”

“I’m sorry Rupert. I couldn’t find a thing. All is quiet on the evil side. Well, on the planning of bigger things anyway. And I couldn’t find anything about this Erkshire either.”

“Damnit,” he muddled under his breath.

Xander gathered his jacket, “Well, I can’t just sit here anymore. I have to do something. I’m gonna check out the cemeteries. Keep my ears open if I can hear anything. Cordy, wanna come?”

“Yeah. Cause I just wanted to spend my evening in a graveyard with you. Do you know how much these shoes cost?”

“So, you’ll get daddy to buy another pair.”

Cordelia pondered a moment, “Well, there is a lot of evil and scary things out there. And I am gonna get scared. And you know what happens when girls get scared,” she smiled as Xander had momentarily forgot all about Buffy.

*****

“I don’t know Rupert. Maybe Angelus only spoke to Cordelia to throw us off. Maybe he has her?”

They weren’t a couple anymore. But still, Jenny Calendar had such grace. And although she was certainly at least partly responsible for Angels turn, due to her silence, Giles was in love with her. “I must admit, I was somewhat skeptical when Angelus came to me about this Erkshire. I mean, he did explain himself, although rather weakly. There is just something I’m missing.”

“What are we going to do?”

Giles finished his cup of tea, setting the mug with a clang on the desk. “We’re going to pay Angelus a visit.”

***** “Oh Buff. You have to watch this part. It’s beautiful,” Spike said as he turned up the volume on the TV.

Buffy slowly moved her head to the side and watched the images play out on the screen. It was she and Angelus. They were at her house. The camera, courtesy of Spike, had been planted in the house with thanks to a minion. Since Spike didn’t have access to the Summers home, the minion was therefore hired.

Buffy was sitting on the island in the kitchen. Her bare legs hung over Angelus. Her skirt hem rode high on her thighs and her blouse torn open to reveal a beautiful burgundy silk bra. No lace, Simple and elegant. The bra enveloped her breasts snuggly, but comfortably so that her breasts bursted above the seam. She was in a state of complete abandon as Angelus continued to lap at her pussy.

“Here comes the shot Buff. Wait for it,” Spike said as he watched the video-tape with his raging hard on in hand, slowly stroking it.

The video showed before them as Angelus’ face finally came into view with that arrogant look on his face. Spike paused the tape, “Look at him luv. His whole bloody face is covered in your juice,” Spike looked at Buffy, who had been watching the scene wishing she was back in her kitchen. Back with her legs hanging over her lover as he lapped her up. Noticing Spike’s glare, she turned her face out of view. “Aww, come on. Tell me there Slayer. Are you soaked right now?” he waited a beat before continuing, “you could answer me, and I’ll just move on. Or you could not answer me, and I’ll just come see for myself. So then, are you soaked?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

Spike smugly turned toward the TV again, hitting the

play

button in the process.

“My lover does like her pussy tasted, doesn’t she?”

“Yes. Please Angelus. Fuck me. I’m so wet. I need you to fuck me hard.”

“Hard lover? Why? Were you a bad little Slayer?”

“Yes,” she moaned as she desperately tried to get closer to the mouth that had abandoned her moist center.

“How were you bad, lover?”

“Because. We fought. I hurt you. Cut your eye.”

“Hmm…yes. I seem to recall now. Tell me Buff,” Angelus said as he slowly traced her lower lips with a finger, teasing her mercilessly, “did you want to taste my blood? Did you, even for one fleeting moment, imagine drinking from me? Becoming my mate for eternity. Think about it lover: you and I fucking until the end of time. I’d shower you with the most beautiful and priceless gifts. You’d be my Queen and we could rule the world together. My mate. My lovely little Buffy. Tell me,” he lowered his head briefly, sticking his tongue out and lapping up her juice that had began to drip, then returning to watch her face, “tell me Buff. Did you want to taste me?”

“Yes,” she sighed.

Buffy closed her eyes. How could she have admitted that? They had fought earlier that evening. More of sparring partners actually. But she had done a high kick that connected with his face. Cut his eye. She saw the blood. Witnessed that she hurt her lover. And felt a pang in her heart because of it. But as Angelus stood watching her, he saw the look in her eyes. The desire flow through her at the possibility. Perhaps the inevitable.

She had walked slowly up to him that night. Placed her hands on his shoulders and leaned up. She tasted his cheek, ran her tongue up the side. Nearly bathed his face, yet avoided the blood. It was a step she couldn’t take. Wouldn’t. Or so she told herself. But she wanted to feel as if she was going to do it; the adrenaline rush, the desire to be by this man’s side for all eternity.

“Were you ever going to?” Spike questioned as he momentarily stopped stroking his cock, “when you walked over to him. Were you going to taste his blood?”

There was that pang again, Buffy felt. But was it because of her admitting that she even contemplated it. Or, was it because she really had? In that moment, she really wanted nothing more in the world than to taste his blood. And for him to take her. Every last part of her.

A smile spread across his face. Angelus buried his head back between her thighs as Buffy placed her hand atop his head. Not to guide. With Angelus, no guidance was needed. The hand was to keep him there. One thing she learnt with Angel during their makeout sessions, was he had an incredibly long and talented mouth.

Angelus tightened his tongue, and while a finger played across her clit, he inserted his tongue into her passage, fucking her with wild abandon. And shocked at himself, he had not pulled away at the feel of her hand on his head. He liked it there.

Buffy began to grind harder into him, “Oh, fuck. Angelus. Yesss…deeper…I want your cock. Please. I need it..”

Angelus’ tongue lashing did not waver. He continued his penetrative lashing long after her orgasm had subsided. He stood and thrust his cock inside her tight passage, causing another orgasm to ripple through her. Her legs swung around him, holding him tight to her sweat soaked body as the two lovers screamed out their ecstasy as Angelus emptied his seed deep within her body.

Buffy fell against the island, completely spent. Angelus gathered her in his arms and, with his cock still hard, carried her over to the dining room table where he placed her. Buffy stirred as she realized she was fully on the table.

Angelus could feel Buffy’s eyes on him, “Lets hope this table is sturdy. They don’t make them like they used to.”

“I can’t. Angelus. We’ve been going at it for hours. I’m sore. And my mom will be home soon.”

“Aww, poor Slayer. Maybe you need another good fucking in that hole. I mean, if you want it to get used to something, you have to keep at it,” he chuckled, “perhaps I should attach my dick to you all day long. Have you walk around with me shoved in that tight pussy. I’m sure Giles would love the show. He doesn’t get much.”

Buffy sighed as he got on the table, straddling her. “Sit up.”

“What?”

“Sit. Up.”

Buffy rose slightly. She watched as Angelus took her blouse off and then her bra, discarding each of the items onto the floor. Slowly, Buffy lowered herself back down to the table.

“Remember back in the cemetery when I said I had plans for your tits later? Well, here’s my plan,” Angelus stood on his knees and with both hands, fondled her breasts, occasionally sweeping down to capture a puckered nipple between his teeth and gently biting down. It didn’t take long for Buffy to start swooning again.

“That feels…so good. I never knew that being touched here could turn me on so much..”

Angelus, who had been stroking his cock, sat back up, and with cold eyes, said, “Hold your tits together,” off Buffy’s look, he stated it again, “hold your tits Buff. I’m gonna fuck them and watch my come spill out over them and on your face.”

Buffy looked at herself, as much as she could while lying down, then questioningly at Angelus.

He sighed heavy, then reaching out, pushed her breasts tight together, like this.” Buffy replaced her hands with his. He pumped his cock several more times, then raised himself slightly on his knees. He pushed between her breasts and Buffy could hear his sigh. He thrusted between them, quickly gaining momentum. And while Angelus seemed to be having the time of his life, this did little for her.

Buffy darted out her tongue each time the purple head came toward her. She desperately tried to taste him, but he moved too fast. The only thing she felt was the overwhelming desire to have Angelus back inside her again. Pain be damned. She wanted some relief from the aching in her core.

“Oh, yes….I love your tits Buff. They are so fucking good. I’m gonna come….fuck,” Angelus thrusted profusely. The sensations were incredible. This human was tight everywhere. “Fuck,” Angelus pumped several more times, then spilled his seed of her neck and face.

Angelus could feel her wiggle under him. “Hmm…guess my Buff wasn’t really ready to call it quits just yet, was she?”

“Please Angelus.”

“Well, as much as I love to hear you beg and see you on your knees…” he grabbed the thick candle that rested at the end of the table. He held the candle while he wiped the remnants of himself from her body on it. The candle glistened with his semen when he was through.

“What are you doing?”

“We’ve gone nine times in the last couple of hours. Even I need a good twenty minutes every now and then. Just relax.”

Angelus sat up once again and positioned the candle at her entrance. Buffy had a worried look on her face. Surely she must have gotten off on household items before. Either way, she would now. He thrust the hard item inside her as she lifted off the table. It didn’t take long for her to fuck the candle the same way she fucked him.

Spike turned the TV off. As he glanced over to his side he saw Buffy holding her legs tight together, desperate for the friction. Passion played across her face. She needed to come. Well, Spike thought, he was due for a little community service…

*****

“Xander! Oh…don’t stop. That feels…” Xander began, in his own clumsy state, pulling on Cordelia’s nipple. His hand went underneath the hem in her track pants. Her panties soaked with her desire. Xander wanted nothing more than to get down on his knees and eat her right there. The last time he tasted her, he wasn’t sure about the taste. But suddenly his views changed, Cordy had this high pitched scream when she came. And her arrogance didn’t stop when she left school grounds. She gave orders, “Xander will you just stick your finger in already. I’m soaking my pants.”

He smiled up at her. “And my hand. But of course that’s not the first time. Cause this isn’t out first time. Well, it could be out first time if we go all the way, cuz we haven’t done that -.”

“Oh would you shut up,” Cordelia grabbed his hand and threw him against the stone monument. One of many that housed the dead. She quickly unzipped the fly to his kakis. Pulling out his cock, she smiled up at him, “Now I better get the favor returned. Cause if what happened last time is gonna happen again, then you can forget it buddy.”

“I’m sorry I fell asleep after. You just did such a good job.”

“Thanks for the compliment,” she sneered then lowered her head toward his cock. Cordelia didn’t start slow. She plunged his cock as far as she could down her throat as her hand pumped his cock at the same time. The only thing Xander could do was hold on for dear life.

“Damn. Cordy. Really. You should start slow. It’ll make him last longer. On second thought. Don’t slow down. No one needs to see his dick longer than ten seconds.”

Cordelia had jumped up to stand beside Xander, who frantically tried to tuck himself back in his pants.

Cordelia’s hands rested on her hips, “What are you doing here. Aren’t you supposed to be out killing people or something.”

Xander leaned in close to her, “Unless it’s us he wants to kill.”

“Relax school boy. I’d never go anywhere near your blood. I’d be afraid it would make me a bumbling idiot. But Cordelia….those tits just speak to me,” he smirked.