Who I Am Before I Was

Okay, so this is the second part of a series. The first part being, When the Blood Screams, which was initially intended to be a stand alone. But with a little, lets say, pressure, from friends, I've developed it into a series. Which I am kind of hooked on now. So, I figured I should give this series a name, since it doesn't have one. This is

Who I am, Before I was

. I know it may not make sense, but eventually it sort of will. Kind of like, you are the person today, who you were destined to be before you existed. Okay, deep, I know. So, anyway, that's the name of the series now. This story takes place I guess about a week after the first story. A little more plot this time. Who knew I could write plot??? Still totally

NC17

though. I wasn't going to go totally go insane. And now, the ever important

Disclaimer

: Not mine. All Joss'. And everything that is wrong with the two shows is all his too. Please send feedback.

Chapter 2: Fully and Completely

"I think it gets a little old, Spike, trying to destroy the world. And exhausting if I do say so myself. And frankly, I'd rather spend my energy elsewhere," Angelus coyly stated as he relaxed on the mansion sofa, sifting through an old book that was boring him beyond means.

"Like shaggin' the Slayer?" it wasn't really a question, "I don't get it, I know she's hot and all of that, but she doesn't have the expertise a vamp does. She doesn't have, ah," Spike smirked as he regressed into his subconscious remembering how the previous day with Drusilla had been played out, "let's say, pleasure for pain."

Angelus smiled, "Spike, my boy, you have no idea what she is capable of. You forget," he stood, strutting over to his wayward childe, "she is the Slayer. Therefore, her ability to except and enjoy pain is completely matched to a vampire. If not more so."

Spike huffed and turning away from his Sire, tossed himself onto the sofa Angelus had previously been occupying. Lighting up a cigarette, he spoke once more to Angelus, "How do you figure?"

Standing adjacent to the fireplace in the cavernous room, Angelus smirked, "She's human. Makes her willingness to partake in rather masochistic sex, all that more interesting," at Spike's clueless look, he continued on, "You see, we're vampires…"

Spike cut him off as he bolted upright on the couch, "Bloody hell. We are? Damn, all this time I never knew," Spike's sarcasm was brought to a halt with a flying fist contacting his jaw.

"Don't get smart, William. Allow me the courtesy to finish," Angelus relaxed against the fireplace once again, "we're vampires, so it is in our nature to seek pain out. It's essentially what we live for; causing pain for our victims; enjoying pain with our lovers. It's a need for us. It's why we exist. To induce, and enjoy, pain."

Spike nodded, "Yeah. It's a beautiful thing, ain't it?"

Without giving Spike's remark notice, he continued his explanation, "Whereas Buffy, all things born of light and goodness, she seeks pain out as well. Only not to destroy it as she is supposed to do. She seeks it because it is a need for her. Most humans may, from time to time, enjoy a little pain, but tend to still prefer the softer side of things. As vampires we don't have the choice. It is our nature to want pain. As a human, Buffy's nature is to fear it, yet she does not. She embraces it."

"Alright, so you're saying she should want all the happy, fluffy things in life, yet she wants pain instead," Spike pondered a moment, "still not getting what you're saying here."

"She couldn't handle a human boy, nor will she ever, because I'd break his skull, but she couldn't handle one. Or should I say, one could not handle her. Even if he may be into B&D or SM, it is still not providing what she needs, which is a true person of darkness. Not someone who plays a game to escape the world. Pain is our world. Not an escape. That is the world for which she lives in, even if Buffy herself has yet to know this. Her strength as the Slayer needs to be tested. As do her healing powers. Only I know how to truly test them. And if – when, I chose to show her the ecstasy in pain, she will not only welcome it, it will be like a homecoming for her."

* * * * * * *

Angelus watched as Joyce waited patiently in line at the Dry Cleaners. Amazing how the purpose of this little shop inside the Sunnydale Mall was that it cleaned items, yet the store itself was the proprietor of unsanitary conditions. Nonetheless, people still flocked here to get their precious garments or soft duvets cleaned. What they usually got was a lost item and a free coupon for the next time they came in.

Angelus chuckled as he headed toward the opening of the small store. Such things should be left to true professionals. Angelus sent clothes weekly up to a San Francisco Cleaners that has been around since the Earthquake of 1906. They were expensive. But nothing had ever been stolen or lost. Every blood stain, every dirt mark that Buffy herself was the cause of on Angelus' garments, or cum stain as it were, were always so well laundered and folded beautifully when they returned. It certainly helped that the store never changed hands. It was still owned and operated by the very same people that dealt with the tattered and debris-filled items from 1906. Well, people is such as loose term. Malinolan demons. Human in their appearance, but very much demon in their actions. If, again, that earthquake had been any indication. Such troublemakers, Angelus thought, always stirring up something. Be it a tavern brawl, or a shattering earthquake. However, they were masters at doing laundry.

As Joyce walked out of the store into the main mall with clothes in hand, she bumped into something, "Oh, sorry," she looked up into the face of a very gorgeous man.

"Ms. Summers," Angelus greeted with a smile, "you probably don't remember me, but I was…"

Joyce cut him off, finally remembering her voice in the wake of this man's beautiful face, "Yes, Angel, right? You were tutoring Buffy?" Of course. Everything always had to do with Buffy.

"That's right. I guess I should be flattered you remember me," he said sincerely.

"Well," Joyce embarrassingly laughed, "I don't think I've seen you since then, so my guess is you gave up on Buffy and her history?"

Angelus shook his head, "It wasn't that at all, Ms.Summers. I believe Buffy was actually learning, but I have to say, it was my fault the tutoring stopped. You see, I think Buffy developed a crush on me. And I certainly didn't want that to interfere in her school work."

"She…oh, I'm so sorry. She never told me."

"She was probably embarrassed. A girl her age, liking a man my age."

"Well, I'm sorry if she made you feel uncomfortable. I'm glad you stopped it before it could go anywhere. It…didn't," Joyce stuttered, "…go anywhere, did it?"

"No. Absolutely not," Angelus answered in such truthful form. The last thing he wanted Joyce to know was that he was inside her daughter in everyway imaginable. "How is she doing in her history, if you don't mind my asking?"

"Not at all and frankly, she's doing horrible."

"Hmm. I don't think I should start tutoring her again, but perhaps I should talk to her. I did leave her rather abruptly when she attempted to kiss me. I would like to explain my reason for leaving. I don't want to feel like I caused her pain. I know how impressionable teenagers are. I didn't want to hurt her," this was beautiful. Joyce was eating this stuff up. He could tell by the look on her face. "If I could just let her know that I'm involved with someone else. Explain to her that she should be with boys her own age. I'm sure she will concentrate on her studies once more."

Joyce smiled. Here was a nice, gorgeous, sweet, gorgeous, man that made her wish she was a bold woman so she could pounce on him. It was no wonder Buffy was interested. But he was involved. This was good, because maybe by telling Buffy this, she will loose interest. Maybe even get her grades up. Joyce didn't know why, but she trusted this man with her daughter. This man that smiled with concern for Buffy's welfare. Not with lust like most boys. Yes. This man was okay. "Why don't you come over tonight? You could speak with Buffy. She'll be home anyway. I grounded her for sneaking out," Joyce smirked, "Oh, and you can call me Joyce."

Grounded? Yes, of course. Angelus knew this. It was originally the reason behind this little game, so that he could still fuck her while she was, incapacitated, as it were. But suddenly this was becoming interesting. "Joyce, of course. I would love the opportunity to speak with her tonight," he leaned in closer to her, "but I think I should speak to her privately. I don't want to give her the impression that I tattled on her. Hormones are a part of life. And I don't see why she should feel like she did something wrong by coming onto me. I just want her to know that."

"Well, you can speak with her in her bedroom. I have to go out later anyhow. Why don't you stop by a little later? Say, around eight," Joyce stifled a laugh, "I'm sorry, that's usually date time isn't it. And you said you were involved, so.."

"Oh, no. Eight is fine. My girlfriend is…otherwise engaged tonight."

"Great. Well, I should get home. She's probably waiting for dinner. Till later then."

"Yes. But first," ever the gentleman, "allow me to help you with all those clothes to your car. You don't want to trip," he smiled as Joyce handed over some of the items.

* * * * * * *

Buffy finished her meal, leaving the dining room to drop the dish into the sink. "So what is it?" she asked to her mother from the kitchen.

"We aren't sure exactly. We have to work on restoring it first. It looks like an old relic from Asia, circa 1800s. Buffy, it's really fascinating. You should be interested in this stuff you know."

Buffy walked back into the dining room where her mother had spread out documents of places the artifact may have originated from. "Sorry, mom. History and me - not so much love there."

Joyce stood bewildered at her daughter as if trying to remember something. Then it clicked, "Oh, Buffy I can't believe this. I forgot to tell you. You're old history tutor is coming over."

Buffy's face went blank, "What," she asked quietly.

Joyce watched the emotionless face of her daughter. If she looked close enough, she almost looked frightened. Joyce walked toward her, holding Buffy's head in her hands, "Honey, he told me everything."

Aghast, Buffy stood back wide-eyed, "What?"

"He told me that you tried to kiss him and that that's the reason he won't tutor you anymore. Sweetheart there's nothing wrong with that. He is very good looking. Too old for you, definitely, but good-looking nonetheless. He's coming here to smooth things over with you. To make sure you aren't hurt."

Buffy breathed a little easier, but was still concerned, "So, you saw him. Spoke to him."

"Yes, we ran into one another at the mall today. Literally ran into. Purely by accident though."

"I'm sure," Buffy said under her breath.

Joyce watched her daughter's emotions play on her face. It almost seemed as if she was thinking back on something. The door bell rang, bringing Buffy back to the present. The present, as in staring at her mothers concerned face. "That's probably him, Buffy. Do you want me to get it?"

"No. I will," she said leaving her mother to her work.

Buffy opened the door to see Angelus on the other side. He stared at her with lust filling his brain, and blood filling his cock. Buffy was exquisite. Her rarely worn jeans hugging her hips so deliciously. Her tank top, save bra, highlighting her luscious breasts as her nipples began to poke through at his heated gaze. "Hello darling. I trust your mother told you of my little drop-by?"

Buffy glanced over her shoulder, checking to see if her mother was still busy at the table, then back at her lover. "Why did you talk to her? Why involve her?" she asked with innocence.

"Hmmm," Angelus put his finger to his mouth as if to contemplate his answer, then simply replied, "because she was there."

"Buffy," her mother called from the dining room, "we don't need to freeze the house out. Let Angel in."

Angelus smiled, "She does so adore me."

Buffy moved to the side, granting access to Angelus. Softly she said, "She adores you because you showed her Angel. Not Angelus."

A growl came up from his chest, but before he could react any further to her little comment, Joyce walked up to them. "Good to see you again, Angel."

"Likewise Ms. Sum…I apologize," Buffy rolled her eyes, "Joyce. Likewise, Joyce."

"Well, why not get straight to it. I know you wanted to talk to Buffy, so I'll clean up in the kitchen, then I have to leave. Work. It's fascinating stuff, really. Only Buffy doesn't have interest. So, I won't be back until very late."

"But mom…" her mother wasn't really allowing her to be alone in this house with Angelus, was she?

"No buts, Buffy. I think it's very admirable for Angel to speak with you. For him to take time out of, what I'm sure is a very busy schedule. With work, and a girlfriend, and, I believe school as well, right? I think it's nice. Please show him a little decency."

Buffy had heard nothing else except the girlfriend part. Had he actually told his mother he had a girlfriend? Jealously also waged itself inside her. Maybe he was with someone else. Dru? Another vamp? And just calling whomever that was, his girlfriend.

"Thank you, Joyce," Angelus turned to Buffy, "Buffy, maybe we should speak in your room?"

"Ah, I don't think…"

"Go on, honey. I'll just shout when I'm leaving," she turned to Angelus again, "please come by more often, Angel."

He smiled as he watched Joyce's retreating form. "She really is very nice, Buff. I don't know why you give her such a hard time?"

"I really don't think that's any of your business, Angelus," she punctuated the last word. "Why are you really here?"

"Because, your insolence as your mothers daughter has caused you to get grounded. Really, Buff, you must stop such childish behavior. Sneaking out. Tsk, Tsk, little girl. What will your punishment be?" his grin played across his face as he watched anger begin to cloud her eyes.

"Insolent? Childish? How childish is it to be caught sneaking back in your room after you've been fucking your un-dead ex-boyfriend in a graveyard. And I believe I already have my punishment set for me. That's why I'm stuck here, grounded."

Angelus sighed and took her hand, heading up the stairs, "Your mother isn't the only one who gets to dual out the punishment. That's my area of expertise. And childish because you know better than getting caught," once they reached the platform of the upper level, Angelus roughly pushed Buffy against the wall. "and there is nothing ex about us lover. Except maybe x-rated," he said pushing his straining erection into her taut stomach. "I am not your ex-boyfriend. I am your boyfriend. Just not in the flowers and candy sense. You are mine. I thought we already covered that."

Buffy tried to push him away. Her mother was close by. But then again, maybe if her mother saw how Angelus had manipulated her, she would throw him out. Of course, thinking that he would not retaliate, was an illusion. Angelus was playing nice, at least to her mother. Why rock the boat? The truth was that Buffy loved that he was here. They stood only inches away from her bedroom. With her mother leaving, that meant Angelus could stay overnight. In her room. In her bed. Somehow that seemed more intimate than all the things they had been doing the last few weeks. Suddenly Buffy realized he had said nothing. He was staring at her. Watching her train of thought as if he knew what she was thinking. Could he?

Angelus leaned into her, his mouth hovering over her ear, he whispered, "Say it, my darling. Ask me what it is you want to ask," he finished with a slight lick to her ear as he heard Buffy take a deep breath. Angelus pulled back, watching her face, keeping a listening ear out for her mother.

Buffy's eyes turned down. Fixed on his chest, she whispered, "Stay with me?"

A roar of male pride surged through Angelus. His cock twitched in his pants at her innocent tone to her question of a not-so-innocent nature. "Why, my love, I wouldn't think I've being anywhere else."

Angelus moved a hand to the button on her jeans. He pulled the button from its comfortable hold, and slowly slid the zipper down. Buffy's eyes shot up to his at his actions. Quickly placing her hand over his, she panicked, "No. Not here. She'll hear. Please Angelus. Wait until she's gone."

"No," he stated simply, removing her hand from his, and continued with the zippers journey. "Think about it Buff. Remember the other night in the cemetery? Imagine if your mother knew. Imagine if she knew how easily and quickly you spread those beautiful thighs for me," he tugged her jeans down past her hips, letting them rest by her knees. Her panties soon following the same path, "then she would know, wouldn't she. Your mother would know that you were a woman. A sexual being that needs to be sated." Buffy had long since closed her eyes, giving Angelus free will to do as he pleased. He took her hands and placed them on his pants zipper. She didn't move. "C'mon. Think of it. Think of how your mother is just under us, while I'll be inside your warmth, your beautiful pussy clenching around my cock. Think of the danger, my darling," he finished as she slowly stepped out of her clothing.

Buffy opened her eyes to see him staring at her. She stared back as she began to slide his fly down, and undo the button. She reached inside his pants. He didn't wear underwear. She was not surprised. Buffy pulled out his hard shaft, slowly stroking it as his pants pooled around his ankles. "I want you inside me," she whispered, "I want you to fuck me while my mother is only a second away. I think I want her to…I want her to catch us. I want her to see my face flushed in the moment of bliss," still evenly stroking his hard prick, as he never tore his eyes away from hers, "I want her to hear me scream your name as I cum. I want her to know that I'm squeezing your cock as you flood inside of me," Buffy panted harshly, "I want to watch her face as she realizes just what I've become."

"And what is that lover?"

"A whore." Buffy flew into his arms and kissed him roughly. Savagely. Her tongue sought his out as he pulled it into his welcoming mouth. Pushing her body up the wall, he quickly sheathed himself inside of her. Buffy cried out. But her moans could not escape the prison of his mouth as they continued to devour one another. Angelus would not let her go. He brutally pushed her into the wall, knocking a picture out of place, and picking her up, Buffy's legs surrounding his thighs in an instant. He continued his brutal thrusts as she came up for air. "Fuck me, Angelus. Fuck me like the whore I am."

"My whore," he said as a hand grabbed at her breast, twisting it. Buffy whimpered, but made no move to stop him. "See the pleasure I can give you, Buff. I can bring you this pleasure for eternity," he said thrusting into her wet heat.

Buffy gripped his shoulders tightly as her release neared. Nothing had ever been this intense before. She was fucking Angelus a whole twenty feet from where her mother stood, and never gave it another moments thought as she hurled over into her abyss. Clutching at his shoulders hard enough that she knew she was drawing blood beneath his shirt.

With the smell of blood filling his nostrils, and Buffy clenching around him, Angelus came, spilling his seed deep inside her welcoming body. The couple made no sound when they came except a squeak from Buffy and a groan from Angelus.

"Did you say something," Joyce called up the stairs.