Whipping Boy

Author's Note:

1.

This is the second chapter of a multi-chapter work, so yes, the, er, action IS coming, probably in Chapter 3.

2.

This chapter won't really make sense unless you've read Chapter 1.

3.

See the Chapter 1 notes for warnings, disclaimers, definitions, and the like.

4.

Thanks for reading!

Whipping Boy, Chapter 2

by WeirdLittleStories

One week later:

Once again, Kirk and Spock were having dinner together in their quarters, facing each other across the small table. Spock ate with his customary delicate efficiency, but Kirk seemed distracted and pensive, twisting his fork in his pasta without actually lifting it to his mouth.

So Spock was not surprised when Kirk said, "I've been doing some reading ... and some thinking ... about the topic we discussed on your birthday."

"Yes, Jim. I have, as well. Have you come to any conclusions?"

"I've mostly gotten terminology from the reading, though I guess I've also gotten some things to think about. I've been running from this side of myself for so long that I hadn't really allowed myself to think about it much before."

Spock nodded. "An understandable state of affairs. Your need for physical expression of your desires is not yet so urgent that you cannot take a few weeks to assimilate the new information."

"The things I read tell me that wanting to hurt someone usually goes along with wanting to tie them up or wanting them to kneel and call you 'Master.'"

Spock looked at Kirk consideringly. "From your tone of voice, I gather that this is not the case with you."

"No, it isn't. Tying people up doesn't interest me." He smiled. "And maybe I'd be more interested in having someone call me 'Master' if I didn't already have 429 people calling me 'Captain.'"

"You could well be a dominant but one whose desires in that realm are already fully satisfied."

Kirk chuckled. "Yeah, you could say so. But I'd never really thought about dominance and submission as something two people could do together for fun, and what I'm wondering is ... Spock, your devotion, your deference, your constantly putting my needs before your own ... are you a submissive? Have you been my submissive for the past four years, without either of us realizing it?"

Spock cleared his throat. "You are aware that Ms. Uhura and I had a romantic relationship during the second year of our mission."

"Yes. You've never said much about the details, but I do know that the relationship existed and that you parted on friendly terms."

"I had not shared those details with you because I did not wish to violate Nyota's privacy, but some of them have now become relevant. Jim, for that year, I was Nyota's dominant."

Jim leaned back in his chair. "Her dominant?"

"Only during the erotic games we played together, not full-time. Not '24/7,' I believe is the term."

Jim took a bite of his spaghetti, more at ease now that the focus was on Spock's secrets instead of his own. "And you liked that? Being her dominant wasn't what broke you up?"

Spock's cheeks flushed slightly green. "Being her dominant was the closest I had come to experiencing the emotion of joy, up to that time."

Jim played with his glass of wine, surprised enough that he forgot to drink it. "Then what changed?"

Spock looked at him steadily. "I fell in love with another."

Kirk smiled. "Me? You mean me?"

"I do. My affection for you was apparent to both of us, and Nyota and I agreed that it was time for our relationship to end."

Kirk put down his glass and touched Spock's hand where it lay on the table. "I'm sorry to rob Uhura of you but not sorry that you're mine now."

Spock inclined his head. "Indeed. Nyota's and my time together was pleasant for both of us, but it was a lesser relationship in every respect than the one you and I share."

He sipped his tea, gathered his courage, then added, "And yes, Jim, I am your submissive. I have been aware of it for quite some time but did not wish to burden you with knowledge that you might find irksome. I have never had submissive desires before and expect never to do so again; you are, for me, the exception to every rule."

Jim looked at him intently. "You're a natural dominant except when you're with me."

"Yes, Jim."

"And this doesn't trouble you at all?"

"You recall that I said that being Nyota's dominant was the closest I had ever come to joy, up to that time?"

"Yeah."

"I have since experienced joy, full stop, no qualifications."

"With me."

"Yes."

Kirk looked down, touched. "I may be supposed to be the dominant, but I've never felt anything as humbling as having a Vulcan tell me I bring him joy."

Spock serenely took another sip of tea. "Your reaction is part of why you are the only person to whom I could give myself in this way."

"So when you defer to me, when you support me and meet my needs before I've even thought to ask for something, that's not just the First Officer role leaking into the personal relationship?"

"No, Jim, it is not."

"If you're trying to do what I want, why haven't you been more assertive when I've asked you to be?"

"You believe that the only appropriate interpersonal relationship is an egalitarian one, so your conscience prompts you to encourage assertiveness on my part. Your reaction to my behavior, however, clearly demonstrates that you prefer me in a deferential role, and I conform myself to your actual wishes instead of to your stated ones."

Kirk laughed. "Managing me! You spend your whole life managing me!"

Spock allowed his eyes to twinkle. "It is no hardship."

"You restrain me from sassing admirals. You remind me about the paperwork. You nag me to sleep when I think I should be on the bridge three shifts in a row."

"You are not the sort of dominant who requires a submissive with neither brain nor will. I could never respect such a person, so the current situation would not arise. You require a submissive who will employ every talent in their repertoire to improve the functioning of the

Enterprise

."

"Not to improve my own life, but to make things right on the

Enterprise

?"

Spock raised a brow. "You seek to test me? I did not jettison my capacity for observation when I took on the submissive role. The optimum functioning of the

Enterprise

IS your life." He paused. "As you are mine."

Kirk clenched a fist. "Spock, I don't deserve that. No one does!"

Spock shook his head. "It is not about what you deserve but about what I wish to give you. Not that you are undeserving — not at all — but it is my own psyche that provides the impetus for my submission to you."

Kirk relaxed slightly. "This is about who you are when you're with me, not about what I ask of you or what I deserve."

Spock nodded placidly. "As you say."

Kirk chuckled. "If anyone had told me that I'd be discussing a highly emotional topic with a Vulcan, and that I'd be the uncomfortable one while the Vulcan radiated joyful serenity all over the room, I'd have told them they were drunk."

"I had not wished to burden you with the knowledge of my reaction to you, but I am pleased that I no longer need to conceal it."

Jim looked down, then back up again. "This is part of why, isn't it? Why you can think about letting me hurt you without getting upset?"

Spock inclined his head. "Exactly so. The satisfaction of this particular need should vastly decrease your feelings of agitation. There is little that I would not do in order to accomplish that goal."

"And you won't enjoy the pain, but you'll feel ... useful? Important? Necessary?"

"I will feel the satisfaction that I always feel when I meet your needs in a way that no one else can do."

Kirk felt so touched by what he was being offered that he had to try for lightness. "You'll feel Vulcanly smug at being better than everyone else AGAIN."

To hide the smile that threatened to manifest itself, Spock took an unnecessary sip of tea.

"All right," Kirk said. "Let's plan, then. We know who. We still need to figure out the what, the when, and the where."

"I have already given some thought to this, if you are agreeable," Spock said.

Kirk motioned with his hand. "Let's hear it."

"The ship will be in dry dock for upgrades beginning one month from today. Mr. Scott will manage the work on the ship's engines, and you or I can provide what little oversight he requires via a daily check-in by communicator. The upgrades are projected to take ten days to implement, giving us ample time for a week's shore leave."

"Yes, I'd already planned to give shore leave to everyone but Scotty. He deserves it, too, but I know he won't leave while the upgrade team is at his engines."

"Indeed not." Spock handed Kirk a PADD with a map of the area around the upgrade facility. "There are three planets that are close enough to the upgrade facility for shore leave to be practical. Fornax features a large number of restaurants, entertainment establishments, and markets, and it is where the majority of the crew is likely to go. Bellona is renowned for its natural beauty, and those who desire rest rather than recreation will go there. Porrima caters to those who desire quiet contemplation. It not generally a tourist destination, more of a meditation retreat, but it is possible to rent a small hut that is separated by many kilometers from all other habitation."

"So we could be alone, and we wouldn't run into any of the crew, or anybody else, it sounds like."

"Yes. Not only would we be physically isolated; we would be aurally isolated, as well."

Kirk swallowed. "Are you saying that no one could hear you scream?"

"Precisely."

"But, Spock, you

don't

scream. I've seen you injured a hundred times; I saw the parasite on Deneva push your pain levels to the maximum your system could register, and you barely twitched."

"I chose not to scream, because screaming is incompatible with Vulcan standards of conduct. During the Deneva incident, I chose to sever the connection between physical sensations of pain and the registration of those sensations in my awareness. I do this under most injurious circumstances so that I can continue to function, but those things ARE choices. You require screaming for maximum satisfaction, so when you desire my pain, I will choose differently."

Kirk caught his breath, rocked by the magnitude of what he was being offered. The only person he knew who could deliberately choose

not

to feel pain would instead choose to feel it. For him. It would be easy to let himself slide into guilt and feelings of unworthiness, but they'd already had that conversation. His crew needed him to get this part of himself under control, and Spock had convinced him that the only way to control it was to deliberately give it periodic expression. Guilt was a luxury he couldn't afford.

Spock watched the play of emotions over Kirk's expressive face, concerned at first that he may have handed Jim more than he could handle. Then he saw Jim's face take on that familiar expression of Kirkian resolve and knew that they had won this round. He waited for Jim to settle himself, then spoke. "Do the time and location meet with your approval?"

"Yes. Well-planned, as always, Spock."

Spock inclined his head. "Thank you. I will make reservations on Porrima for one month hence."

Jim said, "So, we're left with the what. I've been researching ways of causing pain that don't cause damage."

Spock shook his head. "That will not do."

"What? What do you mean?"

"Jim, I explored this area of your mind thoroughly. It contained a large number of mental images of the things you wish to do. All of those images featured rivulets of green blood."

Kirk winced and looked away, then took a deep breath and looked at Spock again. "Well, but I've been reading, and the experts all make a big distinction between the things that people fantasize about and the things they actually do. They say it's very common to think about things that are more extreme — even much more extreme — than the things those people really want to do. Just because something's in my mind doesn't mean that I should do it, doesn't even mean that I really

want

to do it."

"I agree that we should not perform the most extreme activities your mind can visualize. But if we examine even the mildest of the images in your mind, they feature not just pain but also damage. You differ from recreational practitioners of BDSM in that your subordinates frequently suffer physical injuries as a result of your orders. In order to be able to tolerate continuing to give similar orders, your mind has a safety valve: you can eroticize such damage. This is a good thing, Jim, lest your mind break under the pressure."

Kirk looked angry. "I don't get off on it when my crew gets hurt!"

Spock covered Kirk's hand with his own. "I did not say that, nor did I mean it. Perhaps I have been unclear. It is not that you eroticize your crew's injuries. Rather, it is the fact that you are

capable

of eroticizing injury that allows you to

tolerate

the crew's injuries. You feel great dismay when the crew is injuried, but the safety valve of eroticism allows you to treat injuries as the price we must pay for the dangerous work we all do."

Kirk blew out a breath. "It makes sense when you say it, but it's a hell of a thing to find in myself."

"Of course. If you accepted such a desire without qualms, then it would be cause for worry. Your very distress is evidence that you pose no threat to those under your command."

Kirk looked at him sadly. "Except you."

Spock shook his head. "You do not threaten me in any way that matters. Contusions and surface lacerations would be a small price to pay for either your pleasure or your continued ability to function as captain; since our activities should ensure both of those outcomes, the cost to me is completely trivial."

Kirk smiled. "Spock, you're a man and a half."

Spock judged it was time for the lightness that his purported failure to understand English idioms always produced. "'A man and a half,' Captain? You are not so innumerate."

Kirk chuckled, tension somewhat relieved, and Spock thought that Jim was ready for what he had to say next. "When using implements on human flesh, or even Vulcan flesh, it is advisable to practice with those implements on an inanimate object first, in order to perfect one's aim."

Kirk frowned. "You're right, and a month isn't that much time, so I should start practicing soon. But it'll be awhile before we're at the kind of place where I could buy something like that at all, much less buy it anonymously."

Spock cleared his throat. "I anticipated this difficulty and procured a small selection of implements for you immediately after our last conversation on this topic, using the anonymous account I have had for some time."

"Anticipating my needs and fulfilling them before I even realize I have them. You've been doing this for years now; how come I never realized what was going on before?"

"Until I forced the issue, you were actively avoiding looking at this facet of your personality."

"Okay, there is that. But it's so ... obvious."

"My position as First Officer requires that I fulfill a similar function professionally, which gave me plausible deniability with respect to our personal relationship."

"And wait — YOU have an anonymous credit account? I know they're not illegal, but you're so by-the-book that I'm surprised you have one."

"A number of our past adventures convinced me that a situation could arise where I would have access neither to my own body nor to the resources its identity provides me."

"Sargon and Henoch. Janice Lester."

"Among others. I decided it would be wise to have a portion of my resources available via a memorized code number, rather than through a retina scan or voice print, should I ever be required to permanently inhabit a body not my own."

Kirk laughed and shook his head. "You're always three steps ahead of everyone else; I guess that's why you're the

Enterprise's

chess master."

"Passing much of the night in meditation does permit consideration of many alternative courses of action."

"All right." Kirk stood up from the table and walked to the open area of the room. "I've stalled long enough. Suppose you show me these 'implements' you've bought us."

Spock rose and walked to his dresser, fetching a bundle wrapped in cloth from the bottom drawer. He walked back to Kirk and said, "I believe they are commonly referred to as 'toys,' if you prefer that nomenclature."

Kirk was now all the steely captain, his previous qualms no longer visible. "I would prefer it only because it minimizes the effect they'll have on you, and I don't want to hide behind that. 'Implement' will do. Let's see 'em."

Spock unwrapped the bundle and placed it on the table, then withdrew something from it. He turned and handed the captain a dark blue flogger consisting of a dozen flat rubber tails attached to a handle. "This is called a 'flogger,'" he said. "They are commonly made of leather, but I preferred not to purchase an implement created from animal hide, and according to my reading, rubber is both more painful and easier to clean."

"I know you're a vegetarian; I didn't know that leather was also against your principles."

"I use leather when it is absolutely necessary, but that is not the case here." He pointed to the flogger. "The technical term for each tail of a flogger is 'tress.' Rubber tresses, as I said, are reputed to be more painful than leather ones. The shape of the tresses also matters; flat ones are less painful than square ones, and braided ones are more painful still. Wielders commonly test a new flogger by striking the inside of their forearms to get a sense of what sort of stimulation the implement provides."

"Back off a little, then."

Spock moved to the other end of the room, and Kirk grabbed the flogger by its handle and whacked the inner side of his forearm with it. He drew in his breath in a hiss. "Holy shit, that stings."

Spock nodded. "It is supposed to." He gestured slightly towards the bundle on the table. "I can show you how to properly wield a flogger on another individual later, but I have additional implements for you."

Kirk put the flat-tailed rubber flogger on his chair. "Okay, what else?"

Spock pulled another flogger from the bundle; this one was very similar to the first, except its tails were braided, and it was red. "As you can see, this one has braided tresses. In addition to inflicting more pain, braided tresses will also inflict more damage. It is very difficult NOT to inflict bruises with this configuration, and breaking the skin is not uncommon if the flogger is swung with more than minimal force. I selected different colors for the two implements so that the difference between them would be discernable at a glance."

The temperature of the room had not changed, but Kirk was sweating. Spock eyed him with some concern, then took a deeper-than-usual breath. Ah. The smell of arousal. Kirk was not upset, then; he could continue. "Would you like to test this one, as well?" he asked.

"Yeah, I guess I'd better. Give me some space."

Spock backed off again, and Kirk swung the braided flogger at his arm. His gasp was louder this time around, and he said, "Jesus. And that's maybe half strength, from just a short distance." He put the red flogger on top of the dark blue one.

"Yes," Spock said calmly. "It will be extremely painful when used at full strength." He moved back to the table and took another flogger from the bundle, then showed it to Kirk. It was a miniature version of the flogger Kirk had just tested, a tiny braided flogger with tresses only ten centimeters long.