As the plane approached the landing in St. Maartin, I clenched the armrests tightly. I never did like to fly and these little "puddle jumpers" they have for commutes to the smaller islands don't handle turbulence particularly well. That was the price of vacationing in the Caribbean, I told myself. I closed my eyes and remembered why I was here.
I had just finished graduate school, having handed in my thesis the previous week. After ten consecutive years of college (including undergraduate) I was more than a little burned out. Good thing my new job didn't start until the beginning of the year. I had a couple of months to relax and recharge before I would be responsible to anyone. So I did what I had been fantasizing about for years - take a relaxing vacation on a remote Caribbean island.
I checked the weather - it was hurricane season after all - and booked a room at the cheapest hotel I could find on St. Barts. I had heard that this was the place celebrities liked to relax at during the winter months. Of course, I'd need to be a millionaire to afford to go then, and I didn't want to deal with the Christmas crowds anyway. It also sounded like the perfect getaway for rest and relaxation, as the island is known for its laid-back atmosphere. Heading down in September, the "dry season" for tourism, was the best time to get a deal and, when I booked the flight, I knew I'd never have a better opportunity. So there I was clinging to my seat, thinking positive thoughts, hoping that the flight would come to a safe end.
I opened my eyes after I heard the screech of the landing gear touching down and took a peek out the window. The water was crystal blue and it was right next to the runway. I thought, 'They don't give these pilots much room for error!'
After passing through customs without problem, I headed for the boat dock. I had just enough time to make the last ferry ride of the day to St. Barts. The warm, humid air was a welcome change from the hot, dry air back home. I felt myself relaxing already.
The boat ride was fast and smooth. I watched the sailboats as the sun began to dip below the horizon, the clouds providing an amazing contrast to the glow of the sun's last rays.
When I arrived at my hotel room in Gustavia, I passed out almost instantly. I had a big smile on my face.
The next morning, I awoke completely refreshed and relaxed. I stuffed a few things into my backpack, grabbed a bite to eat and walked down to the bike rental shop. Renting a bike for the day was another great way to enjoy my vacation, while still keeping to my budget.
St. Barts is not a particularly large island, but the hilly countryside combined with the humidity and heat - even at mid-morning - had me in a sweat in no time. I saw the sign for Gouverneur beach and followed the road, figuring my short ride had earned me a break. I was on vacation, after all.
I coasted the last stretch down to the beach - letting gravity do the work was always one of my favorite parts of riding a bike. At the end of the road, I found a place to park my bike, set down my backpack, took off my shirt and looked out at the nearly empty beach before me. I could see one woman a ways down the beach and that was it. I grabbed a towel out of my backpack and cursed to myself. I forgot my sunscreen. 'Ah, well, I won't be here long,' I thought. I put my shirt and shoes in my backpack and headed down the beach.
I noticed the woman sitting on the beach was wearing a straw hat and sunglasses. Then I realized she wasn't wearing anything else! Not only was she naked, she was beautiful - one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen! I slowed my walk to take in her beauty. She was talking on her cell phone, so she didn't notice my gaze. As I walked in her direction, she hung up the phone, took off her sunglasses and looked around in her bag for a few moments before pulling out a bottle of suntan lotion. That's when she turned around and saw me. I froze. Not just because I was caught staring, but because I realized who she was -- Heidi Klum, completely naked, maybe twenty feet away from me!
She smiled at me and it felt like my heart stopped. My mind was racing. Who would have thought that I would see her here? When she returned her attention to the suntan lotion, I reminded myself to breathe and walked up to her.
"Hey - you're Heidi Klum," I blurted out, followed by a mental "D'oh". 'That's not the way to make a first impression,' I thought.
"Ja," she replied with slight Germanic accent as she took off her straw hat. She looked back at me, twirling her hair in the process, and caught me staring at her breasts.
"It's just that I, uh, I didn't expect to see anyone famous." I was flustered. There was a naked supermodel only a few feet away from me. I reminded myself to look only at her face. It wouldn't slow my heartbeat any, but at least it might keep me out of trouble.
She could sense my nervousness. She was about to say something, but I preempted her. "Look, I'm sorry to intrude. I'm sure you'd rather be left alone and..."
"No, wait," she stopped me. "You don't have to leave."
"Well, uh, I, uh, forgot my sunscreen and, uh, I wasn't planning on staying long anyway." (What was I thinking? Was I really trying to back out of an opportunity to spend time with a naked supermodel?)
She picked up her bottle of sunscreen and showed it to me. "I've got some right here. We could do a quid pro quo thing."
"Quid pro quo?" I asked sheepishly.
"You know, you rub some on me, I rub some on you..."
I couldn't believe my ears.
"...but..." she paused for dramatic effect. She had a devilish grin on her face. I knew this was sounding to good to be true. There had to be some catch. "...you have to be naked, too."
That did it. My heart was on the verge of breaking some kind of speed record already and that statement pushed it over the edge.
"Uh, naked?" I stammered, trying to keep breathing.
"Of course. Why should you get to have all the fun?"
"Uh, well..." I took a couple of deep breaths and glanced around the beach to make sure no one else was around. The beach was empty except for us. I paused.
"Come on!" she prodded. "It's not that hard!"
I ignored the possible double-entendre and thought, 'You only live once', and pulled down my shorts. Since I don't normally wear underwear that was it. I was naked.
"Ooh la la," she cooed. I looked down and, sure enough, the anxiety wasn't doing me any favors. Reflexively, I put my hands in front to cover up. "Hey, why are you covering up? Are you embarrassed?" she asked, adding, "I think it's cute."
"You do?" I asked sheepishly. She laughed.
"You guys... always worried that it's too small. Trust me - it's not that big a deal to us, as long as you can get it to work when you need to."
"Well, uh, I..." I stammered. Where was this going? Besides, I wasn't small, I was just nervous.
"Now get over here and start putting the lotion on me," she commanded as she handed me the bottle. She quickly flipped over onto her stomach, presenting her lovely backside. I gazed down the length of her body to soak in the view. I must have been gazing for too long, as she interrupted again. "Come on. I'm not going to bite."
