Want B Tae B Have B

Author's note

This story is a sequel to my 'Keeping Faith' story and is also set during season 3 of Buffy when both the characters and actresses were over 18.

***

Buffy's POV

Another slow night for slaying. That's been the fifth night in a row. I wonder if it could mean something. Like maybe there's something big on the horizon.

Normally a few slow nights of slaying means that there is something coming, then again a few nights of heavy slaying normally means the same thing.

Of course I could just be paranoid and the reason for the lack of slayage is due to my fellow slayer coming out earlier than me and taking care of the job.

I haven't patrolled with Faith since the night we met Gwendolyn Post and I haven't seen her since the night........... since the night she caught me with Cordelia.

That was supposed to make everything better. My one night stand with Cordelia.

It was supposed to help me get my head straight but I left feeling even more confused.

The fact that Cordelia has been calling me at home hasn't helped.

She doesn't come anywhere near me at school in an attempt to make sure nobody knows about what we did or maybe it's to keep up the facade that she hates me. Then again maybe she does still hate me, but if she does why did she offer to be my one night stand in the first place? An why is she calling me every single night since the night we where together?

Earlier today because I wasn't answering her calls she actually showed up on my front door step and asked my mom if she could come in and see me.

Luckily mom had her wait at the front door while she came up and asked me if I wanted to see her.

I looked out my bedroom window and saw that she was still wearing what she wore to school which made me think that she had probably come directly from school to my house.

I then told mom to tell her that I was busy and the excuse I gave her was slayer stuff.

Mom passed on the message and I watched Cordelia walk back to her car making sure she couldn't see me from my window.

I wonder if mom suspects something.

I mean I don't think she would suspect anything anywhere near what is actually going on but I am sure she is curious about all the phone calls from Cordelia each and every day due to the fact that ever since the first phone call I have been letting mom answer the phone and I have told her that if it's Cordelia to tell her that I am busy.

After each phone call from Cordelia I have always asked mom if she told her what I wanted her to tell her and she would always tell me she had and I leave it at that without offering her any type of real explanation except for 'slayer stuff'.

And now Cordelia has shown up at the front door and I have had mom turn her away.

I know I am going to have to deal with Cordelia eventually and it is going to have to be before mom talks to Willow or Giles or Xander about me and Cordelia because the last thing I want or need is them asking me questions.

Apart from when she has called or when I have seen her at school Cordelia hasn't been the main focus of my attention.

Faith has.

Ever since the night I saw her looking in through that window at me I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. Actually that's not true, since she first showed up I haven't been able to get her out of my mind but now it's like every other thought is a Faith thought.

I still remember as clear as day that smile on her face through the window.

Ever since that night I have been wondering what she was smiling about.

I'm constantly wondering what she was thinking that night, what she is thinking now about it, and what does she think of me. Does she even think about me? And why does it matter to me so much what she thinks.

I'm not sure I want to know the answer to any of those questions but they keep repeating themselves in my mind anyway.

This wasn't my idea, I didn't plan this, going to see Faith tonight that is, it's all my mom's fault.

We were having a nice mother-daughter conversation and then out of the blue she asked me if Faith was going to spend Christmas with her family and that led me to stupidly telling mom the sad little information I knew about Faith and her family and that she'd probably be spending Christmas on her own. I immediately cursed myself for it because I realised that it would make mom invite her to spend Christmas with us and she wouldn't take no for an answer and I was right on both counts. I tried to talk her out of it but it was hopeless and before I knew it I was being reminded to drop by Faith's to ask her over for Christmas.

Only, that's not the real reason I'm going, it's just an excuse.

The truth is I need to sort out this mess.

I don't know how I'm going to do it, but something needs to be done, especially if something bad is coming, which in itself might just be another convenient excuse to go and see her.

But I need to deal with this and get it over with because it has been driving me insane.

All sorts of things have been going through my head since my night with Cordelia.

I'm not saying I regret my night with Cordelia........... in a way I don't but it certainly hasn't helped matters.

Maybe if Faith hadn't caught us it wouldn't be so bad.

I think that is the main reason why I am so confused is because Faith caught us.

Some of the things I've been thinking or imagining that Faith is thinking or planning on doing with the information that she has over me are un-Faith-like or things I can't imagine Faith doing but then I don't know what Faith would do with this information.

The last time we talked we didn't exacterly end very positively or rather the air between us wasn't exacterly cleared.

Faith hasn't had the easiest of lives. There haven't been that many people she could count on, there haven't been that many people who haven't abused her trust. The one person if not the only person she ever trusted she had to watch get killed by a Master Vampire and that was her Watcher.

I think the reason what happened with Gwendolyn Post hurt her so badly was because she was looking for somebody to trust. I don't know if she trusted me at that time or maybe she had until she found out that I hadn't told her about Angel weather she did trust me or not I think she did trust Gwendolyn and like so many others she abused that trust.

Once I've reached Faith's motel room I sighed deeply. Hopefully this situation will soon be resolved, one way or another.

Talk about de-ja-vu as I climb these steps I can remember the last time I climbed them and what I saw when I reached Faith's actual motel room.

That's really what started all of this off. Seeing Faith and Cordelia together.

If I hadn't seen that none of this would be happening.

I'm actually glad that Faith's blinds are down and her curtains are drawn mind you that only allows my imagination to wonder as if it hasn't been doing enough of that already this week.

When I have been awake I have been wondering and imagining what Faith is thinking and what she plans to do etc. When I have been asleep I've been wondering and imagining what it would be like to actually be with Faith the same way I was with Cordelia. And since my experience with Cordelia I have to say my imagination has gotten a lot wilder than it was before my experience with Cordy.

Don't think about that Buffy. This is not the time or the place to be thinking about that. Think about what you're going to say to Faith. Think about how you're going to hopefully sort this situation out.

Ok.

Here goes.

I reach up and knock on Faith's motel room door and wait for her to answer part of me wanting to run as fast as I can like I did when both Faith and Cordy caught me watching them the last time I was here however I manage to stop myself from doing that.

Finally the door knob turns and the door opens to reveal Faith who the moment she see's me smiles one of those big smiles of hers which always makes at least half a dozen different thoughts and feelings rushed through my body in about a second.

"Hey B." Faith said, sounding totally casual.

"Hi Faith." I said.

"Ready for patrol?" Faith asked.

"No, it's done actually. I just thought I would stop by and see you on my way home." I said.

"Oh." Faith said almost sounding disappointed.

"Can I come in?" I asked.

"Sure." Faith said as she opened the door fully.

I walk in and watch her as she closes the door behind me. The moment the door is closed I feel trapped and a part of me wants out of here however I do my best to control my fears and my nervousness.

"Wanna a drink?" Faith asked me as she headed over to her fridge.

"What do you have?" I asked her figuring that maybe a drink will help me get through this.

"Just beer." Faith said as I watched her open the fridge and pull a beer out.

"No thanks." I said despite how much I would love a drink in order to quench my thirst I don't think alcohol is a very good idea under these circumstances.

"You sure?" Faith asked me shutting her fridge door and turning and walking towards me.

I nod my head.

"I'm underage." I remind her doubting that that would stop Faith giving me a beer.

It's a stupid answer anyway, I mean she's underage too.

Faith smiles at me.

"I won't tell if you don't." She said with a wicked smile.

I do my best to smile at her despite my nervousness.

"Sit down." Faith said, gesturing to the bed.

I walk over to it and sit down, doing my best not to remember what was going on with Faith and Cordy on this bed the last time I was here.

"So." Faith said causing me to look at her.

"How've you been?" She asks me.

"Good." I said wishing we could just get this over with already and yet not sure how to approach the subject I want to approach with her.

"You?" I asked her hoping that I can come up with a way for us to get to the subject soon due to the fact I don't know how much small talk I can take.

"Five by five." Faith said with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Good." I said already hating that term due to the fact that it doesn't really answer my question and the last time I asked her how she was she gave me the same answer and I am sure she wasn't at all "five by five" as she puts it.

For the first time since I arrived neither of us are saying a word however we are both looking at one and other almost as if we are waiting for the other one to bring the subject up or at the very least waiting for the other person to start talking.

"So." Faith said as she breaks the silence much to my relief as she opens her can of beer and takes a swig, "Cordy tells me you're a bottom."

This takes me completely by surprise as I look at her with a completely new expression on my face. Obviously I can't see it but I am pretty sure it's one of shock and confusion.

"You've seen Cordelia?" I asked her my voice adding to my shock more than my confusion.

Faith nods her head.

"When?" I asked.

"Few days ago." Faith telled me seeming totally at ease.

There is one question I want to ask her but I don't because it's none of my business and I don't know if I want to know the answer.

"And she told you about us?" I asked instead of asking the question I really want to ask.

Faith once again nods her head.

"And she told you I was a........."

"A bottom." Faith said with a smirk.

I frown not knowing what on earth a bottom is and yet by my understanding the term a bottom is not a very good thing to be.

"Which is a..........what?" I asked.

Faith's smirk turns into a smile.

"It's a term used for someone who is submissive in bed, someone who likes the other person to be in control. It's generally a same-sex thing but I guess it can apply to straight couples too." Faith explained casually.

I tried not to blush and failed as her words sink in but then I focus on one particular thought. Cordelia said I was submissive, I mentally ask even though I am not sure who I am asking weather I am mentally asking myself or mentally asking Faith.

"Would you say you're a bottom B?" Faith asked bringing me out of my thoughts.

"No, I wouldn't call myself that." I said a little defensively not really liking the term or thinking of myself as a bottom.

"Would you prefer the term bitch?" Faith asked her smile widening, "That can be another term for a bottom." "Can't you just ask me if I consider myself submissive." I snap only realising after I have said it what I have just said.

"Well do you?" Faith asked.

I think about it and realise at least from Cordelia's point of view that I was I guess you could say submissive when we where together but the only reason I was is because I didn't know what to do and she did hence the reason why I let her lead.

"Does it matter?" I asked looking at Faith.

"Well if you and Queen C are an item then yes." Faith said.

"We're not an item. We never have been. We never will be. The thing with Cordelia was just.........." I said, doing my best to try and think of the right way to put this, "It was just a one-time thing. A one-off. A fluke. I don't want to repeat it or have to be reminded of it. Which brings me to the reason I'm here." "And that was because?" Faith asked.

"I want to know if you are planning on telling anybody about what you saw." I said doing my best to once again convince myself that this is the reason why I came here even though deep down I know that it isn't.

Faith looks at me her facial expression is either unreadable or she simply doesn't have a facial expression on her face that I can describe except to say it is one of total seriousness.

She slowly takes another swig of her beer as she continues to look at me.

"Is that really why you're here B?" Faith asked.

This takes me by surprise.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

"I'm just thinking." Faith said taking a moment to take another swig of her beer, "Maybe if your experience with Cordelia wasn't that great you should try it with somebody more experienced."

I immediately get where Faith is going with this conversation and it is somewhere I do not want to go with her.

"No." I said, getting to my feet, "That isn't why I came here at all. I said why I came here. Now I am asking you to forget what you saw that night to pretend like it didn't happen and let us simply move on and get back to the way things where before."

With that I head towards the door however just as I am within reaching distance of the door Faith is there blocking my path.

"What's the matter B?" Faith asked in almost a mocking tone of voice, "Are you afraid?"

"Afraid of what exacterly?" I said, doing my best to sound un-afraid even though deep down I am a bit nervous.

"Afraid of what it would be like to be with me." Faith said smiling an almost predator like smile, "Afraid that it would be too good. Afraid that you would like it a bit too much."

I look at Faith in a way that suggests she thinks too much of herself.

However my look doesn't seem to phase Faith as she continues on her attempts to make me nervous.

"Is that why you have been avoiding Cordy? Is that why you haven't gone back to her?" Faith asked.

"I'm not going to avoid her anymore. I'll deal with Cordelia." I said doing my best to sound convincing even though I don't even believe the words coming out of my own mouth let alone believe that I am convincing Faith.

"You know B." Faith said sounding as though she hasn't heard what I just said either that or she hasn't paid any attention to what I have just said, "C's just a beginner when it comes to pleasing a woman. She doesn't know how to make a girl cum like I do and she never will."

I do my best to remain calm even though every fibre in my being is screaming for me to get the hell out of here. However it feels as though I am rooted to the spot I don't know why I don't just force Faith out of the way and run for it I don't know why I am not saying anything in response.

Maybe it's because I can't.

Right now I don't feel as though I am in control of my own body anymore the only thing I can do is look at Faith who is looking back at me in a way that makes me feel things I have never felt before I wish I could say they where bad things but they're not.......... at least not all of them.

"You're feeling very confused right now aren't you B? But I can take all that confusion away." Faith said, no longer sounding as arrogant as she did when she talked about how good she was at making a girl........... now she just sounds confident, "I can make everything as clear as can be. Being with Cordy obviously confused you. But maybe if you try another girl, a different girl, you won't have to question weather or not what your feeling right now was a fluke."

I'm still rooted to the spot. I know mentally what I want to say I want to tell Faith that it was a fluke and that it will never happen again and then tell her to get out of my way so that I can go home and get on with my life unfortunately the words die before they get to my mouth.

"Maybe then you can make peace with yourself rather than bury your feelings and live in denial. As for right now, you should go and think about it and come back when you're ready to stop making excuses for what you feel and have some real fun." Faith said, moving out of the way of the door and even opening it for me.

I look at her once the door is open and she looks back at me.

I then take a step towards the door and then another and then another not breaking eye contact with Faith until I am through the door and outside. Once I am outside I do my best to walk as fast as I can away from Faith's motel not looking back despite the desire for me to do so. I just keep walking until I finally reach home and when I do I stop and for the first time I really start to think about what Faith said to me before I left her motel room.

Faith's POV

Slow, but not entirely uneventful night so far.

Dusted a couple of vamps on my early evening patrol, but there weren't many of them and they hardly put up a decent fight which was hardly satisfying. Not that slaying is ever satisfying. The total opposite actually. Least I dealt with one H on my way back. Now if I could just deal with the other.

It didn't used to be that hard. Just go out, find some random guy or girl and fuck them senseless, but now even that isn't good enough.

Sure, it's almost good enough, and it's definitely better than nothing, but ever since I got to Sunny D whenever I get like this one person is always on my mind and the more I think about her the harder it is to enjoy getting off with anyone else. Even my little fuck toy Queen C can't take my mind off Buffy freaking Summers.

At least when I thought B was strictly dickly I could push her to the back of my mind while getting my rocks off but now I know she's into the girl on girl action I can't go five seconds without wanting to fuck her.

The crazy thing is if I really tried I could probably get B in my bed pretty quickly, only problem is if she's not 100% sure it's what she really wants she might freak out after, or worse during, kick my ass and never speak to me again. It would suck to loose such a powerful ally but I be losing so much more than that. B's not just a ally or a friend or anything like that, she's not even just the other slayer, I feel like she's part of me, like she completes me. Sounds sappy but it's not meant to, because she doesn't complete me in the sense that she's my true love or any of that fairytale shit, she completes me because our powers are linked.

The way I figure it there's only meant to be one slayer and now there are two there's an imbalance in the world, things aren't quite right with it, or with us, but when we're together it's like we're both the slayer and all is right with the world again, and us.

I'm sure B feels it too but she won't admit it. Me and her are two sides of the same coin, a coin which is destined to be together, not necessarily in the physical sense but like no matter what we do we're always going to be a part of each other.