This Aint The Man From Uncle Xxx

Note from author- My crossover story featuring the sixties tv shows the Avengers (UK) and the Man from Uncle. I have incorporated the Girl from Uncle tv episode 'Mother Muffin Affair' for plot. Adult movie stars Chanel Preston as Emma Peel and Ryan Driller as Napoleon Solo.

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ACT 1- Oh, to be in England.

London, England. Hackney Wick to be more precise, late on a cold and misty evening and an old timer crept along the deserted street singing an old nursery rhyme. The shabby grey haired man tapped two spoons together as he begged for small change but he couldn't have chosen a quieter place to raise a penny.

As he paused to rest by a lamp post he was approached by a large and imposing bald man in a two piece suit who looked all around the street and saw there was nobody around. Then he stopped by the beggar and loomed over him in silence. The little man gulped as he perceived the six foot plus shaven man and noted his left ear had been torn from his head in some form of violence. A coin was flipped and the beggar looked down at a halfpenny piece by his tattered shoes and smiled with broken teeth.

"Ta guvnor, much obliged."

As the imposing man walked away without a word the beggar picked up the coin and his face changed and he became alert. He twisted a button on his shirt sleeve and spoke into it. It was in fact a two way communicator and he relayed his message.

"Fine kettle of fish here, the King on the halfpenny ain't got a right ear."

He lifted his head to the two storey brick building to his right as he spoke. It was a grubby, seedy and cheap hotel that had seen better days. In the darkened window was a tall man with black hair and hazel eyes.

"And the man who made the halfpenny drop?"

Napoleon Solo, top agent in Section One spoke into his fountain pen, which was in fact his pocket communicator.

"He didn't have a LEFT ear, just a hole for hearing."

"Received. Open Channel D, Denver."

Back across the Atlantic in Colorado Alexander Waverley answered immediately.

"Speak." Said the head of UNCLE, The United Network Command For Law Enforcement.

"Solo here, Section One, the coin drop has been made, over."

The head of Section One nodded in approval. Born and bred in England the distinguished gentleman took a keen interest in this latest operation.

"Very well, we may proceed to the next move."

"I'm afraid there may be a slight delay." A woman interrupted the overseas conversation.

Beside Solo stood Mrs. Emma Peel, an occasional special agent for the British Intelligence Service, normally teamed up with her mentor, John Steed. With exclusive knowledge of various evil doings in the country UNCLE hoped to utilise the information handed to them. The graceful five foot eight brunette with a slender figure and tight butt spoke in an educated Rodean accent which the New Yorker found charming. She was dressed in a chunky blue woollen sweater with roll neck and a short grey mini skirt with ankle boots.

"Explain." Said Waverley abruptly.

Mrs. Peel peered through a pair of military night vision binoculars as she spoke up.

"Well, we're in a trap. I'm afraid Mister Solo was followed from the airport by one Agnes Twicksbury, otherwise known as Mother Muffin, head of England's biggest assassination organisation."

"Good grief. Do they know agent Smith is with you?"

Solo looked out the second floor window and saw the fake beggar alone by the lamp post. Across the street from them was an old grey haired lady hunched over and holding a walking stick.

"Smith looks like he is in the clear. Mrs. Peel would you be so kind as to hand me the glasses."

He took the binoculars with the pinhole lens covers and surveyed the area then spoke into his fake pen again.

"I can see Mother Muffin and Babcock, her whipping boy by her side. Three other men in the street, another across from us in the second floor window. All armed. One in the entrance to the building opposite as well."

Mrs. Peel heard a footfall and in the skylight above their heads the two of them saw a shadow of a man with a rifle in his hands.

"There is one man on the rooftop." Solo continued.

Emma nudged his arm as they saw a shadow under the door to the tiny room they occupied.

"And right outside the door." Solo looked to the woman beside him.

"Do you have an escape plan Mister, er, Solo?" Waverley said concerned.

"Mrs. Peel, your sweater, is it woollen?"

"Why, yes it is. Pure lambswool." Emma wondered where this was going.

"Take it off."

"What!" Said the brunette.

"What!" Said Waverley on the overseas relay.

"Sorry, but I need a large spool of yarn if we are going to get out of here."

He nodded to the surprised woman who did not hesitate and began to unravel her sweater and wind the wool around her left hand.

"Not to make a big deal about it but I am not wearing a bra." She gave Solo a wry smile as he continued to look out the window.

"Necessity is the mother of invention." He said and turned back to her with sparkling eyes.

The chimes of a church bell sounded out the hour, ten o'clock.

Emma was about done and she handed a big ball of yarn to the superspy who did not take his gaze from the womans bared breasts. She was proud of her figure, honed by her love of martial arts, and she stood ramrod straight as her 32D boobs sat nicely on her slim torso. With a sweep of her left hand her long curtain of chestnut hair fell over her creamy shoulders, and her unwavering dark brown eyes met his.

At that moment the door knob rattled and Solo quickly moved to a position where he might disarm the intruder. He motioned to Emma to stand in the threshold, and both waited in silence as a hunched man in a black suit and flat cap crept into the unlit room. As he raised his head his eyes went wide as he stared at the bare breasted brunette. Emma smiled at the shocked man as Napoleon threw his necktie around his neck and shoved a light bulb into his gaping mouth.

"I strongly advise you not to speak. Ground glass is hard to digest."

Emma moved a chair under the man who began to black out from the throttling and watched the Uncle agent as he tied the blue yarn to the ceiling light. His fountain pen twittered as the impatient Waverley attempted to make contact again.

"Situation please, Mister, er, Solo."

"The same Sir. Apologies."

"Well listen carefully. When you finally pick up the halfpenny coin proceed at once to the Jolly Roger Amusement Arcade in Brighton. There you will drop the coin in the fortune teller machine in the penny arcade and retrieve the ticket from the machine which contains a coded message. That is all, and er, get a move on will you?"

Napoleon exhaled loudly and looked at the patient Emma who picked up his jacket and flung it around her bare shoulders. She watched as he tied the end of the yarn to the ceiling light and secured his five inch knife to the other end. He moved to the window, opened it and trailed the knife down along the outside wall until it hovered a few feet above the sidewalk, then he nodded to Emma.

The elegant spy took a deep breath and started to yell very loud.

"Keep your hands off me, what kind of a girl do you think I am! I'm a lady and I need to be treated like one, you dirty old pervert!"

Solo grinned as the woman zipped up the jacket and left the room still yelling.

Across the street the commotion was clearly heard by Mother Muffin who gave the order to advance to her men. The first three men, all clad in black suits and flat caps entered the hotel lobby. Emma continued her screaming in their faces.

"Drunk as a Lord he is, and telling me dirty things like he is my Uncle!"

The three all looked at each other and raced up the stairs as Emma went outside into the street. As they burst into the dark room Napoleon slipped out unnoticed and shut the door on the three armed men who scoured the room. At the top of the stairs Solo gave a loud whistle and Emma reached above her head and tugged on the suspended knife. Attached to the electric light fitting the room was filled with bright light and downstairs Babcock yelled into his communicator for all units to open fire. An extreme loud barrage of machine gun fire commenced and all four men in the room were extinguished along with the man on the roof.

Napoleon joined Emma in the street and saw Uncle agent Smith in the shadows. Without a word he handed over the coin and fled the scene. Solo flipped his pen.

"Open Channel D, Denver."

"Waverley here, continue."

"Situation normal here Sir."

"About time, now pay attention. Thanks to British Intelligence we have a high ranking operative of Mother Muffins organisation in our hands. He has told us the coded message in Brighton has the names of all their agents in England. We need that information Mister Solo, so proceed with Mrs. Peel to Brighton."

"At once Mister Waverley."

Emma tugged on the sleeve of Napoleon urgently and pointed to a lorry that turned into the tiny alley they stood in. With nowhere to turn the two spies were bundled against an unyielding garage door. As they looked at the driver they saw none other than Mother Muffin herself!

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Act Two- The permissive society rears its head.

"Well that was tiresome and costly my dears. I have lost quite a few of my men tonight and I am very cross indeed. If it were not imperative that I travel to Brighton right away I might do something very naughty to the both of you. The Jolly Roger Arcade I believe Mister Waverley said?"

Mother Muffin spoke in a steady and educated voice as she gazed at the two tied, and very naked spies before her. Both had been stripped and their ankles and wrists tied with thin rope to wooden chairs in the middle of the room. Solo wiggled his fingers but the man who had secured him had been thorough and he could not move. They had all gathered in the rear of Twicksbury's House of Murders Wax Museum in Hackney and the smell of formaldehyde filled the hot room.

"Yes, you are quite the ladies man aren't you Mister Solo, pity I have to leave, after all I am a woman you know."

Muffin dragged a scrawny finger down his hairy chest to his groin where his manhood was at half mast. His lean, muscular torso was pleasing to the old lady who smiled with yellowing teeth. Solo kept his composure and grimaced as her nails scratched his bare thighs.

"Ah yes, I've heard all about this."

His prick was seized in a firm grip and he felt the blood course through the stiffening shaft.

"You've broken many a girls heart I hear, you devil you. Anyway must be off, see you on the flipflop."

His erect cock was released and it smacked back against his belly. As the entourage left the two alone they looked at each other.

Emma, like Mother Muffin had also learned of Napoleon Solo and his physical prowess, the kind of man most women found irresistible. The New Yorker had thick black hair and the most penetraing hazel eyes. The cool and capable man clenched his square jaw as the woman stared at his naked frame, totally masculine with well formed chest and abdomen.

Mrs. Peel had welcomed the general free loving that had embraced the age and adored the styles and dress of the swinging sixties. Since the death of her husband Peter, she had fulfilled her sexual desires and needs without guilt and in particular enjoyed a casual affair with Steed.

His well endowed prick she loved and she was now highly impressed with the American trussed up beside her. His erection was very large and extremely thick, nearly nine inches long. It poked up straight from his curls of dark pubes like a rod of steel, the shaft was smooth unlike the veiny stalk of Steed.

Napoleon was equally aware of the enchanting English woman beside him. Her magnificent breasts were pushed foward as a result of the position of her arms behind her and the nipples had become erect. She squirmed seductively and her silky skin seemed to have been sculpted from marble. His eyes were drawn to her parted thighs and the dark brown triangle of hair atop a neatly trimmed labia. His cock twitched like crazy and a tiny drop of precum appeared at the tip as he observed the stunning beauty as her butt rose up and down from the seat.

"Eureka!" She exclaimed as her bound wrists became freed up.

"How, er, did you do that?"

"Unlike you my dear Napoleon my man didn't make a good job of tying my wrists. I think he was distracted by my tits."

Emma bent at the waist and untied her ankles and stood up. Solo whistled as he took in the fine form before him. A tall slender figure of about five feet eight with long shapely legs and flat stomach.

"I wonder if you could oblige Mrs. Peel."

"Oh, you really can't move? Let me help."

She neared the bound spy and took a deep breath of his smell and sweat and her pussy gave a welcome tingle. She moved around the chair and trailed a finger across his broad shoulders.

"You know, Mother Muffin was right, you do cut an attractive sight."

"Why thank you, but do you think this is the time or place?"

He was cut off as the aroused woman kissed him hard on the mouth as she caressed his chest.

"Don't you find me atttactive? I'm told I turn most mens heads."

She bent and squeezed both his taut thighs and dug her fingers in the flesh. He gulped and his aching prick twitched madly. Her slim fingers stroked his inner thigh and tickled his big ball sack. One finger traced out the strip of skin between his balls and anus and his breath hissed between his teeth.

Emma mounted his groin and her exposed cunt pressed against his rigid cock.

"Wouldn't you like it if I put this in my nice warm pussy?"

"Gee, and I always thought of English women as delicate and engaging.

Solo felt his member reach new length as she gripped him at the base and fed the very top inside her pussy lips. They both froze and held their breath then she lifted up and off.

"Wow!" Was all he could muster.

"Delicate and engaging enough?" The dazzling woman raised an eyebrow.

Emma stood back up and rubbed her open folds where his knob had just been. His pulse raced and he watched enthralled as the wanton woman poked out her pink tongue and rolled it around the swollen head. Then her red lips closed over the crown and he was sucked slowly. He felt huge in her mouth and she kept it there before she made little moves on just the tip. His cock was drawn further into her mouth and he gasped softly. With her right hand she frigged her wetness as her head bobbed gently on his throbbing prick. As her speed increased she took him in deeper and deeper. Saliva dribbled from the corners of her mouth as he felt himself hit the back of her throat. Her lustrous mane of chestnut hair moved back and forth across his bare belly until she gagged and released his dripping organ.

"You're quite large Mister Solo, I'll grant you that."

All he could so was grunt as Emma wrapped her hand around his shaft and pushed her mouth down on him again. He was in a state of high passion as her exquisite tongue raked along his pole with every suck. Emma raised her head and looked at him with her deep brown eyes.

She got to her feet once more and ran a hand through her dark locks and swung her long leg over his lap. His eyes fixed on the V between her upper thighs and groin where her moist pussy beckoned. Solo was past the point of no return, he had to have her.

With slow deliberation Emma raised up and then dropped onto his raging hard on with a contented sigh. She leaned forward and with both feet planted on the hard floor kissed him. Her weight pressed down on his boner and she felt his love rod on her sensitive spot. Both hands on his marvelous chest the sexy brunette started to rise and fall, breathing in sharply as his fat cock filled and stretched her cunt. With a measured pace she managed to slide up and down on his entire length much to his delight. He tugged on his binds as he so desperately wished to touch and caress her firm boobs. Emma cooed in pleaure as her pert ass smacked gently on his upper thighs as she rode his pole. Once she was well lubed from her weeping pussy the elegant English woman moved back and forth faster and their mutual cries of lust filled the empty garage.

"Don't stop Mrs. Peel I beg you!"

"You, oh my goodness. You may call me Emmmm, fuck! Emma!"

As she fucked him hard and fast they both were totally lost in their passion, oblivious to where they were or what their mission was. With grace and poise the titian haired beauty turned and showed him her firm ass. She bent and offered a bird's eye view of her pink insides and then grabbed his cock and plunged it deep inside her.

"Oh...my...word." He muttered as she leaned back against his chest.

"Ready?" She asked.

Emma moved her hips back and forward and rubbed her clitoris with her right hand. She was so wet his prick became super slick and he glided in and out of her with great ease. Now she flicked at her clit and her body trembled on his. He watched her delicate back and smooth rump as his manhood vanished up inside her cunt. Her head came back further and her silky hair fell across his face.

As they neared the end Emma was the first to convulse and achieve orgasm, closely followed by Solo whose body was wracked by his release. He burst out inside her and she held him with a tight grip of her pussy muscles as he gushed up. The white cream oozed out of her slit and onto his balls. She lifted off him and she held his dribbling cock and rubbed the shrinking organ.

"That was pretty amazing." She said as she put her chin on his stomach.

"Can you untie me now, EMMA!"

She grinned and nodded.

"Lets focus on the task at hand otherwise Mister Waverley will be a tad angry."

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Act Three- I'll make my heaven in a lady's lap- William Shakespeare.

"Where are we anyway?"

Emma looked around at the wax dummies in various stages of disarray and took a black camisole from a waxwork of a ballet dancer and stepped into it. The lycra costume was a size too small and hugged every inch of her figure like a second skin. All Solo could find was a Shakespearean costume that was probably meant for Macbeth. He picked up a pair of boots and Emma slipped on the ballet pumps.

"Lets make haste."

The two spies looked outside the door of the building and looked around. One of Mother Muffins men heard the door open and charged at it. It was a wooden door with two halves hinged at the centre and Solo closed it and then opened the upper half and the armed man crashed over the lower half onto the hard floor. Emma gave him a karate chop to the back of his neck and he went out like a light.

It was somewhat naïve for the experienced agents to expect no other guards, and sure enough two more armed men met them as they made their exit. Helpless in their borrowed outfits and without their communicators they gave themselves up without a fight.

"Mrs. Peel, we're in trouble."

They were returned to the same chairs and tied up yet again, only this time the guard ensured they could not escape a second time.

Time passed and eventually Mother Muffin and Babcock returned in triumph and waved the coded message retrieved from Brighton. She noted the pair tied to the chairs, but dressed.

"Now what has been going on here, hmm?"

The guard told of their attempt to escape and Mother Muffin shook her head.

"Can't leave you alone for a minute. Guard? Strip them again."

Emma blinked hard as a knife slit her leotard down the middle and was roughly ripped from her body. The same for Solo and the pair were yet again totally naked in the chairs.

"You horrible old witch!" Said Emma.

"That I did not hear! I would advise you to watch your manners you foul mouthed wench. So different to this beautiful specimen."