This Ain't Schooled Xxx

All characters are over the age of twenty.

Note- I do not own the rights to the TV show Schooled or The Goldbergs. This is just a fun spoof for no monetary gain. This is also a more fleshed out version of the one I wrote and published elsewhere.

xxx

It was March 13th, 1990 something and in Philadelphia the William Penn Academy reunion was almost here.

"Holy crap, it's you!"

"Holy crap, it's you too!"

Erica Schwartz, nee Goldberg, bounced into the teachers lounge and straight into the arms of her once best friend Lainey Lewis. The slim and attractive blonde had come full circle in her life, going from her dream of being a famous musician to teaching music at her former school.

"Look at you, all teachered up and hanging with the other teachers. Hell, I miss you!"

They remained hugging as they visited for the first time in years.

"Erica, you're so sweet pretending my life isn't a sack of shit."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. It's not like my life is so much better."

"But what about you and Geoff?"

Erica broke away and rolled her eyes.

'Do not get me started. Holy crap, we're back!"

The two young women jumped up and down on the spot enthusiastically. They had grown up together, gone to the same schools and had become almost like sisters.

"Let's go to my office."

"You have an office? No way!"

They set off down the hall, the very same hall they had spent so many years in just a short life time ago. The office was a tiny affair with no window, a desk, one chair and an upturned bucket. Erica smiled weakly and sat.

"You know it's kind of a relief to know that your life turned out to be a suck fest like mine. All I ever wanted was to turn up at my reunion in a helicopter as the sixth member of the Spice Girls."

"Lainey, that's my dream too. This is gonna be a shitty reunion."

Both slumped back and a gloomy silence fell over them.

"Wait! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"YES! No, actually I don't."

Lainey sat up excited.

"Let's turn this into a Romy and Michele thing. You know, the movie. Two women turn up pretending to be millionaire inventors of 'post it notes' and totally have the reunion of a lifetime."

Erica quickly became deflated and looked off into space.

"But if we're to be rich business ladies what did we do?"

Lainey reached into the top drawer of her desk to find an aspirin and her eyes lit up.

"Look at this!"

She picked up her pink rabbit vibrator that she, ahem, kept for emergencies and waved it in her friends face.

"Honey, are you serious? You wanna make out here? Gross!"

It had been a natural thing for the pair of them to have their first sexual experience together when they were younger. They had always fantasized about their favourite pop singers and they had turned their first stirrings of sexual feelings into physical contact.

"NO! This is it. We are the inventors of the best selling female sex toy of the nineties!"

Lainey held the purse sized toy in her palm and giggled. She flicked the on switch and it began to make a low buzzing noise.

"Holy crap! This is going to be one hell of a reunion!" Cried Erica.

Lainey checked out her old buddy and her eyes lingered on the adorable brunette. Blessed with dark brown eyes she was a petite but sexy five feet three with a 32-26-36 figure. The smoking hot young woman still had her killer body after several years of marriage but she had chosen to go with the 'Rachel' look hair wise. Anyone who was around in the nineties knew the iconic look that had become an overnight success. The choppy layers and blown out shell that just fell above the collarbone had taken off big time.

"So, no regular boyfriend?" Asked Erica.

By contrast Lainey was taller at five six and was a blonde and blue eyed honey. Long limbs, flat stomach and tight of ass she always wondered how she was still single.

"No. Struck out again. How's Barry?"

"Barry is Barry, you know that. Still wishing and hoping."

The younger brother of Erica had gone steady with Lainey, even as far as getting engaged until they both called time. At that moment a head popped around the door of the office, all teeth and blonde waves.

"Holy crap! It's Evy Silver!"

"Lainey Lewis! Hey, look who it is."

Another figure emerged from the shadows, long legged, slim and with waist length hair.

"Carla! I didn't know you were coming." Said a surprised Lainey.

"Well, after four years in Yale I figured what the hey."

"You went to Yale?" Piped Erica.

"Sorry. In Mexico they say Yale instead of jail. I've had some bad luck since I split up with Johnny Atkins."

Evy eyed Lainey with an evil grin and looked around the poky office. She ran a finger along a dusty bookshelf.

"You work here?" She wondered.

"No, no. Erica and I are successful business ladies. We invented the rabbit vibe actually. We just got in from the Tropics of Paradise. It's for the elite you know."

Evy rolled her eyes.

"Tropics of Paradise, really. I can't believe you're Romy and Michele-ing the reunion."

"Who? I don't know those people."

"Own up. Your picture is all over the school. You teach here."

All four looked up a poster on the wall for 'Teacher of the Month' next to Lainey's face.

"OH BALLS! Alright. Erica and I may have planned a slight Romy and Michele. God, has everyone seen that movie?"

"That is so sad. I want in!"

"Me too!" Agreed Carla.

Lainey narrowed her eyes and looked directly into Evy's.

"Why? I mean, I get it with Carla, but you?"

Evy shrugged and drooped slightly.

"I don't know. It's like every guy I date breaks up with me. They say I'm too bossy. Can you believe that?"

Carla shrugged. Erica shrugged. Lainey shrugged.

"I said. Can you believe it!"

Evy pouted angrily and tapped her shoe on the floor.

"Look, you can't have a Romy and Michele with four people."

Erica looked at her friend and everyone seemed to wait on her next words.

"Oh, who cares. Let's just do it."

"Great! Now all we need are some awesome business suits."

"No problem actually. I have the key to the drama class wardrobe. We should go check it out."

"Say. The rabbit? God, I LOVE that thing!"

Everyone looked at Carla who had picked up Lainey's vibrator and was turning it over and over. Wow, thought Lainey. How bad do we all suck.

x

The evening of the reunion and all four burst through the doors of the large function room side by side, all dressed alike in pinstriped blazers, clinging mini dresses and killer high heel pumps. All eyes in the room checked them out as they stood and basked in the attention, all bare legs and lifted chins.

"Well, here we are. What could possibly go wrong."

Erica smiled at Lainey who looked back with a slight unease.

"Lainey! Here she is! Teacher of the month!"

Principal Glascott waved from the drinks table. All eyes turned to the willowy blonde and then back to a life sized poster of her.

"SHIT! That unravelled faster than I expected." Said Erica.

"BALLS!" Cried Evy.

"Ohh, it tickles." Purred Carla who wiggled her ass seductively.

"Carla? What is up with you?"

"FUCK! She's got the rabbit stuffed up her pussy!"

"Have not! Oh, oh, oh. There it is!"

Carla sighed and teetered on her heels with her eyes closed in bliss. She pulled the vibe out from under her dress and Lainey grabbed it and ran off disgusted.

"This is a total disaster!"

Erica shrugged and quickly followed her friend.

x

Lainey looked up with red eyes as she rested her elbows on her desk and saw Erica with her arms open.

"Why do we always mess up?"

She said as the two hugged tightly. Erica sighed and felt her heart race next to Lainey's, and her pussy tingled in response. She felt warm breath on her cheek and the two old friends instantly dissolved into a lengthy kiss. Both sucked in each others tongues and nibbled on their lower lips.

"God, you look so hot in that outfit."

"So do you."

"But what about this?"

Erica shook her blazer off and wriggled out of her stretchy dress. Lainey watched enthralled as her best pal stripped off with a methodical slowness and her panties started to moisten under her dress. She eagerly joined in and in a trice stood in just bra and panties.

"I am so fucking wet right now. Are you?"

"Feel."

Erica guided Lainey's hand between her legs and together they cupped her mound. "Ohh, you ARE wet, aren't you."

They kissed again and Erica stroked Lainey's inner thighs as she pinned the blonde against the edge of the desk. Lainey gasped as Erica shoved her pink and wriggling tongue into her open mouth and began to probe inside. Their pussy juices were practically running down their legs as they bumped hips and writhed together.

"Just like old times."

Erica went onto her knees, tugging Lainey's white undies down to her heels. The striking blonde stepped out of them one foot at a time and pressed her cute ass on the wooden desk. Her legs were pushed apart and her muff was licked from the bottom up to the top.

"I fucking love that!"

Lainey snapped her head back and gripped the edge of the desk until her knuckles went white. Erica dug her nails in soft flesh as she swiped up and down with her flattened tongue.

"So...sweet...babe." She muttered in between licks.

Lainey grabbed her by the head and pushed her closer to her cunt as she humped her pelvis to and fro. Her mind went back to the numerous experimental afternoons when the pair of horny females wiled away the boring weekends in bed.

"You were always good at that."

Lainey unhooked her bra and let it drop off her shoulders and onto the floor. Her firm tits bounced out and sat high on her chest, the nipples stiff and large. As Erica licked greedily on Lainey's inviting mound she eased her middle finger inside the already swollen lips. The young brunette was completely absorbed in the moment as her squirming friend let out guttural moans and gyrated her hips.

"God, I needed this so bad."

"Now me, eat my pussy."

They switched and Erica kicked off her panties and bra and her pert breasts popped out. She faced the desk and put both hands on top of the desk, palms down and feet planted wide. Lainey took a moment to take in the trimmed pussy that sat plump and moist between Erica's upper thighs. The brunette cooed in delight as the backs of her legs were nibbled and kissed lightly. She gasped and dipped her head as her labia were teased with tiny flicks which deliberately avoided firm contact.

"Oh, you big tease! I can't take it!"

Erica felt her cunt run freely as she pushed back into Lainey's face in an attempt to make more physical contact. The more Lainey toyed with her, the more Erica leaked juices and begged for more. She stood on the toes of her high heels and then lifted her right leg onto the desk.

"You have such a beautiful pussy, Geoff is so lucky."

"Eh, maybe."

Lainey gave in and worked her tongue inside the puffy folds and Erica squealed and lifted her hips up. A finger slid in and out as Erica had her erect clitoris sucked and flicked. The combination of finger and tongue brought her ever nearer to her impending climax.

"Faster babe."

Lainey pushed her finger in and circled it around and around the wet slit and licked at Erica's puckered anus at the same time. This caused her to arch her back as she screamed out, her whole body rocking to her shattering orgasm. Still not done Lainey turned on the rabbit and drew the toy slowly across Erica's clit and down her pink slit, making sure not to let it penetrate her. Erica was breathing harder now and her lips moved but no words came forth as she became lost in the ecstasy of the slim vibrator. The blonde had turned herself on and was desperate for her own gratification. She switched the vibe off and spoke.

"How did I do"

"Lainey, you were amazing as always. Let me show you my appreciation."

Erica shook slightly as she stood up straight and watched the blonde sit on the edge of the desk. The vibrator was on the chair and Erica took it and turned it over in her hand. It had a smooth texture and was about six inches in length. When she turned it on it buzzed in her palm.

"It tickles."

Erica brought the toy to Lainey's splayed legs and held it against her damp mound. The hot blonde had wonderful tits, firm and rounded, and Erica looked on as they jiggled on Lainey's chest.

"Put it in babe."

Erica promptly pushed the vibrator up inside the panting honey who looked down mesmerised between her open legs to see the buzzing sex toy move in and out of her fine pubes.

"Oh, Erica! It's so yummy! I love how it rubs inside me."

Erica grinned wickedly as she removed the false cock and placed it on Lainey's clit and held it there firmly. She could feel the toy shudder in her hand as Lainey looked her right in the eyes.

"I...don't...believe...it!"

Lainey felt her throat dry as her little nub was rubbed and stimulated relentlessly.

"OH GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD!" She panted over and over as she experienced the orgasm of a lifetime.

Erica squinted as she ran the vibrator up and down the vertical slit, lingering on her clit on the up slide.

"FUCK!"

Her slim body tensed as an earth shattering tremor ran through her. Both naked women were now glowing with perspiration as Erica leaned over and planted a tiny kiss on her friends nose.

"Having fun? Would you mind terribly if we joined in?"

Evy and Carla entered the office and made sure to close the door and lock it. Erica and Lainey were speechless as both intruders began to strip off their blazers and dresses. Although only about five feet three Evy had truly eye popping curves packed into her tiny frame. Both Erica and Lainey were hypnotized by her voluptuous breasts that hung heavy over a trim waist and wide feminine hips. She turned side on and showed off her lusciously rounded buttocks that stuck out behind her. Her mischievous smile dazzled her admirers.

"I mean. What idiot would throw me out of bed?"

She stood with hands on hips and parted her thighs just enough to display her succulent bald snatch.

"I said. What idiot would throw me out of bed!"

Lainey was checking out Carla who had removed her bra and panties and all eyes trained on her well toned back and glorious backside, dimpled and lifted and as smooth as a baby's.

"You know, this may be the reunion to top all reunions." Said Erica to Lainey.

"Good, now that's settled."

Evy moved to Erica and their lips met hesitantly. The kiss deepened as the scrumptious little blonde grabbed her by the waist and pulled her in close. Their lips parted and Evy slipped her tongue into Erica's open mouth. Evy traced her fingers between their bodies and over Erica's ribs up to her perky tits. Erica felt her nipples distend to the touch of Evy's slender fingers and broke free of the lengthy kiss to suck in air.

"Such cute boobies."

Evy lowered her face and her mouth fell onto Erica's right breast and smothered the erect nipple. She drew it in with a snort of air and hummed on it with wanton sounds from her pursed lips. Erica felt her pussy become slick with excitement as both her tits were cradled and sucked.

"Oooh, lovely!"

Erica reached out and ran her fingertips over Evy's more ample pair of boobs and rolled the hard nipples between her thumb and forefinger. Both tilted their heads back as each pawed and caressed the others breasts eliciting loud moans as their fires of lust grew.

"Yes, oh yes!"

Carla mewed as Lainey pressed her against the desk and leaned over until her face was at her cunt. Her pussy lips were warm and wet and a vertical ribbon of her juices trickled out and dissolved in the crack of her delectable ass. Lainey poked out her tongue and stabbed at the mouth watering and shaven pussy, pressing her thumb on Carla's quite large and erect clitoris.

"I never saw a clit this big." Said Lainey as she rested her jaw.

"Be careful. It's very sensitive."

Lainey's eyes grew big as Carla's clit swelled even more. The bud was popped into Lainey's mouth and she held it there as Carla squealed and pushed her hips forwards. Lainey was incredible as she slowly twirled her tongue around the clit, circled it and nibbled with hard teeth.

"Almost there, al...most!"

Lainey sucked harder and gripped the slim thighs of Carla as she twisted and shook from her welcome climax.

"Oh my, Erica!"

Just to their left was Evy who was writhing on the floor with Erica atop of her with the rabbit slammed up her cunt. The teasing and buzzing of the sex toy embedded inside her was making the top heavy blonde pant furiously.

"Oh yes! Honey, fuck me! Faster, harder."

Evy ground her hips up against Erica's hand as the cock drove in and out with a low pitched hum. The sound dulled as it entered the panting Evy and then buzzed as it exited her bald pussy. Erica shifted on her knees and gave her all until Evy yelled out and had a squirting orgasm.

"That was intense."

Erica stood up and looked at the two slender women in a tight clinch by the desk. She pushed between Lainey and Carla and pressed her tits hard against her best friend. Behind her Carla found Erica's pussy and started to finger her clit, Lainey kissed Erica on the neck as the brunette moaned from frantic rubbing between her legs. Then Lainey moved her hand down and shoved two fingers inside Erica's sopping cunt. All three humped at each other with Erica in the middle who spread her legs a little more. Carla used her free hand to run over Erica's thighs as she continued to flick at her clit. Her legs were beginning to give and tiny beads of sweat formed at the base of her spine.

"I need to taste you."

Lainey went down on bended knees and Erica whimpered as a tongue hit the spot. She put her hand on top of Lainey's head and grabbed her long hair.

"Oh!"

Lainey plunged her tongue upwards into the soft pink gash of Erica as Carla pushed her thumb firmly on her tight asshole. Her juices flowed as her anus was massaged and her pussy licked and she screamed at the top of her lungs as she came.

"Hey, what about me?" Asked Evy who felt abandoned.

"Yeah, what about you? You know you were always a bitch back in school."

"And, you stole my Geoff," added Erica as Lainey loomed over the kneeling Evy Silver.

"We ought to spank your ass."

"Good idea, actually."

"I want in too, sounds like fun!"

Carla grinned and helped Lainey take Evy by the wrists and position her over the desk.

"Hey!"

Evy leaned forward so that her rump was raised a little in the air. Her pussy was soaking wet and dripping as Lainey massaged her cheeks.

"Look how dusty your ass is from the floor. Here, let me."

Lainey wiped and brushed the grime from Evy's ass, using more and more pressure every time. She pushed the heel of her hand at the wet crack and then released it. Then Carla smacked her on the butt hard and Evy cried out loudly. Carla slapped her twice more and was quickly joined by an enthusiastic Erica.

"Ooh, ooh, ooh!"

Evy became shaky legged as four hands rained down spanks on her sorry bottom. Her ass quickly changed from white to pink and then red as her cheeks jiggled from the blows. Lainey used both her hands to slap on the twin globes and the muscles in Evy's calves contracted as a continuous barrage of spanks from three pairs of hands overlapped on her backside.

"Shit! We should have done this years ago."

"You enjoying this, you bitch!"

Evy just groaned and pushed her bum out in reply. New shockwaves ran through her as the flattened palms of the three ladies criss crossed her buttocks.

"Hey! Everything okay in there?"

"Shit! It's CB! Okay in here, just dropped my pencil."

"If you're sure. But you're missing out on the party. Oh well. See you later maybe."

Carla sniggered as they stopped chastising Evy who cupped her sore ass in both hands.