Things a Man Oughta Now

A few words from the author:

The celeb is at least mentioned in this chapter. Still no explicit sex. Not even a tease this time.

For the real musicians who might read this, please forgive me for having not a clue about how the recording industry really works, or how bands interact on a tour. This is all pretty much pulled out of my own head. It's fiction, after all. But I will concede that accuracy is important, even in fiction, so any constructive criticism is welcome.

I do appreciate comments and feedback! If you think it stinks, that's fine. But please don't be rude. Tell me WHY it stinks, so I can fix it.

Finally, thank you to PastMaster for his invaluable help in making this a better story.

Hope you enjoy it.

**********

Seth had no idea how long he sat there, staring at the ring on the floor. It was Emma's crying that eventually got him to move. He picked her up, fed her, changed her, and sat back down on the sofa, just holding her in his arms as she slowly fell back asleep.

Seth didn't remember putting Emma in her crib or going to bed, and he woke up disoriented. He yawned, and noticed the empty spot beside him. He started to call out to Debbie, when it all came crashing back. She was gone. The heartbreak and confusion and loss ran in an endless loop through his head, to occasionally be replaced by such upwellings of anger that he had to clench his hands together to keep from shaking. All he wanted to know was 'why'?

Emma was crying again, and he knew he had to calm himself down, for her sake. Holding her, talking to her, did help. There was a soothing comfort in caring for her which forced him to focus on something other than his pain, at least for a while. He didn't know how long he paced the house, but Emma was asleep in his arms when he finally wondered if maybe Mary Ellen knew something.

Unfortunately, she was just as shocked as Seth was. "What?? Are you kidding me? No, she didn't come here, I haven't seen her in two months! Oh my God Seth, I'm so sorry! She never said a thing to me! God damn it, we've been friends for nearly ten years!"

She started to cry as it sank in. "My best friend."

Even in his misery, Seth got it. "She left both of us."

"Why?" she continued.

"I have no idea, Mary Ellen. She left a note, but it makes no sense." He read it to her.

"That... that... damn coward! She

tried

? And now she's just running away?" Seth had never heard her so angry.

"I know, I know. I'm numb right now, she just ripped my heart out and stomped on it."

Marl Ellen sniffed, then sighed. "What are you gonna do?"

"I have no idea. Work, take care of Emma, try to get over it. Easy to say, right?"

"You're right about that. But I guess that's all you

can

do. Will you try to find her?"

"That's a hard one. I think... if she came back right now? I'd probably take her back, as long as she didn't... you know. With Marcus. But the longer she stays away..." He let out a long breath. "No, if she doesn't want to be found, I'm not gonna try."

"Okay. That's about what I expected. You're a good person, Seth, you didn't do anything to deserve this. Don't forget that baby needs you more than ever, you gotta be strong for her."

"She's the only thing keeping me sane right now," he admitted. "Come visit soon, okay?"

"I promise. Call me any time if you need to talk."

"Thanks, Mary Ellen. You too, okay? You're a good friend."

**********

He called home next. His mother picked up.

"Hello?"

Hearing his mom's voice, he struggled to form words. She was about to hang up when he whispered, "She left me, Mom."

"What? Seth, it that you? I can't hear you honey, who left?"

"Debbie, Mom. She left me."

"WHAT? What are you talking about, Seth, are you sure?"

"Yeah mom, she left me a note and her wedding ring."

"Oh Seth...." He could hear the sadness in her voice.

His father picked up the phone. "What the hell have you done now, to make your mother cry, Seth?" he demanded.

"Debbie left me, Dad. She left me and Emma."

Of all the reactions that he thought he'd get from his father, a bark of laughter was the last one.

"So now you're a single dad, huh? That's just great. I warned you about..."

He heard his mother's shocked gasp. "Give me that phone, Rick. Damn it, sometimes you really can be an ass."

More clearly, "How are you, son? Do you need us to come down?"

Seth sighed. "No, that's ok Mom; you were just here. I've got Mary and Mary Ellen to help with Emma."

"Are you sure, dear?"

"Yeah, I'm going to have to figure this out anyway. Might as well start now."

"I can't believe she did this to you, Seth. I'm so sorry, honey."

"Thanks, mom. I'll talk to you soon." He hung up.

Emma gazed at him. He rubbed his nose against hers and she giggled, grabbing for it.

"Well, my girl, looks like it's just you and me now." She gave him a toothless smile and reached out her tiny arms to him.

**********

He went ahead to practice, since he needed to talk to the band anyway. He had Emma in her carrier as he entered their rehearsal space.

Matt laughed, "Hey man, who's this, our new lead singer?" He chuckled at his own joke. Then he saw the expression on Seth's face. "Damn man, who killed your dog?"

"Marcus." Seth spat.

He had everyone's attention now.

"Huh?" was the most succinct reply.

"Marcus. Well, he didn't kill my dog, coz I don't have a dog. But he did destroy my life. He stole my fucking wife and they ran off to California or some shit."

A chorus of

what the fuck

, and

no fucking way

, and

you gotta be shitting me

.

"I wish. I found the note last night."

"Ahhh, fuck." Matt finally said.

"Yep, that about sums it up."

They sat around in silence for a while. Finally, Stu said, "Well, I guess we start putting out flyers for a new singer."

Seth added, "A new bass player too guys. Sorry, but I'm a fucking single dad now. I have a baby. I can't be out gigging all the time. I'm sorry, but I'm out. Hope there are no hard feelings. If you hear from that son of a bitch, tell him I better never see him again."

He scooped up Emma and headed home.

**********

Three days later, he got a phone call. "I'm at the bus station. Come pick me up." For an instant he thought it was Debbie, and his heart stopped. But when he realized he hadn't heard her smooth drawl, he knew it who it was.

He zipped over to the Greyhound station, and saw Sara sitting on a couple of suitcases and a backpack as big as she was.

He gave her a big hug, and she cried on his shoulder a little. "Seth... oh, that bitch!" she finally choked out.

Seth shrugged. "Um... not that I'm not happy to see you, Sis," he said, eying the pile of luggage, "but what's up?"

"I'm your new nanny," she said, in a tone that brooked no argument. She started wrestling with the backpack and heading for his car. "Grab those, will you?" she jerked her head at the suitcases.

"Not sure it's all gonna fit," he thought, bemusedly.

But it did. Sara crammed in the back, and played with Emma the whole way home. He could hear baby giggles, and then dead silence followed by a gurgling noise, and then an unholy smell.

"Oh my God Seth, what are you feeding this poor child?" Sara gagged, as she frantically rolled down the window.

Once she could breathe again, she resumed teasing her niece. "Somebody has a stinky, don't they? Yes they do!" she baby-talked, and tickled Emma. Seth had his T-shirt pulled up over his nose, and was laughing too. For the first time in a while.

**********

Sara took up right where she left off, and for Seth it was a huge help, and also a huge relief. He hadn't wanted to admit to himself how worried he was. But Sara was still his little sister, and he didn't want her to waste her life taking care of him. So, he broached the subject one evening after Emma was down for the night. Right away, Seth could tell that Sara had thought hard about this, and would brook no argument.

She told him, "Look, you're my brother and I love you. Emma is my niece and I love her too. You BOTH need help, and I want to do it." More softly, "and I miss having my brother around. If you repeat that last part I will murder you in your sleep," she mock-glared at him.

"But what about your future? What about college, and a life? Sara, I don't want to take that away from you."

"You won't. I have that all figured out. I'm going to take this year off. I looked around, and I can get the education I want at Middle Tennessee State. It's public, not too far away, and has all kinds of majors available. I figure if I live here for a year and establish residency, I can get in-state tuition."

"Dad will like that," Seth mumbled.

She ignored him. "So for the next year, I can take care of Emma pretty much full-time for you, and probably part-time once school starts. But we have a year to figure all that out. It'll actually be better for me because I'll have family nearby! I don't want to go off to Penn State or something and be 4 hours away from home. It's a win-win!"

Seth bowed to her unassailable logic.

**********

That year went quickly. Emma grew, but she was still tiny. Sara adored her, and they bonded well. On more than one occasion, running errands with Emma, Sara was complimented on her beautiful daughter, and she could never bring herself to correct them. Even when it happened when the three of them were together, they would just smile, and say thank you. Then tease each other about it afterwards.

After one such occurrence, Sara said, "What's the harm, Seth? It makes me happy to pretend. Not that we're married, coz, eww, you're my brother, but... to just pretend I'm Emma's mom for a minute? I dunno, just makes me feel good."

She started to cry. "Especially since I might... might n-never get the ch-chance!"

He stared at her. "What the hell do you mean, never get the chance? Sara, you're scaring me, are you sick? Is something wrong?"

"Oh my god, no, sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. No, I'm not sick."

"Then what?"

She couldn't look at him. "Promise you won't hate me?"

"Sara, you're scaring me again. I could never hate you. Well, unless you secretly kick puppies. You don't kick puppies, do you?"

She snorted a laugh through her tears. "No, I don't kick puppies."

He put his hands on her shoulders. "Then what?" he asked gently.

"I'm gay," she said, eyes downcast. Then she looked up at him, nervously.

He looked into her eyes for a long time, then just gathered her up in his arms. "Oh, is that all," he whispered. "I thought it was something serious."

She peered up at him. "What?"

He kissed the top of her head. "Sweetie, who you choose to love makes no difference to me. I will always love you no matter what, I promise."

Sara rested her head on his chest and sighed. "Thank you. I love you too, even if you are a doofus."

"Very funny. Look, you can pretend to be Emma's mom all you want. You've been more of a mom than..." he choked up for a minute, "anyway, you're the closest thing to a mother she has. But don't let me hear any crap about 'never getting the chance', there are all kinds of options out there. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Feel better?"

She nodded, wiping her nose.

Seth hugged her again. "You'll be a great mom someday, Sara. You're a great mom

now

. Emma and I are lucky to have you. You'll

always

be part of our lives."

**********

Another event that had Seth's emotions in turmoil occurred when Emma was about eight months old. He had to file for divorce, citing abandonment. It was eventually awarded, along with full custody of Emma. As he had no idea where to find her, he had the paperwork forwarded to Debbie's parents. The day it was final, Mary and Frank took Emma for the night, and he and Sara and Mary Ellen all went out, and he did his best to forget.

A few weeks later, he made a trip to Chattanooga, and knocked on the door when he was pretty sure Debbie's father wouldn't be home. Her mother recognized Seth, but just stood there, her hand over her mouth. Seth said, "I'm sorry for just showing up like this, Mrs. Prichard. I just wanted to give you this." And he handed her an envelope with several pictures of Emma, from her birth up until a few weeks ago.

"I don't know if you were aware, Mrs. Prichard, but Debbie left me when Emma was only a few months old. We're divorced now, which I'm sure you

do

know about, and I'm sorry for sending the papers here. I just have no idea where to find Debbie, and frankly, I don't want to know. I just wanted to come down here and let you know that you have a beautiful granddaughter, and despite what Debbie did, that won't change."

Debbie's mother just stared at the envelope, her hands shaking.

"That's all, Mrs. Prichard. I put my contact information in the envelope too, if you ever want to come and see Emma."

The whole time he was there, she never said a word. But she was crying as she gently closed the door.

**********

Seth wasn't playing, or even looking to play in a band, but he was still practicing as much as he could. He and Sara would often drop Emma off with Mary, and go hang out on Broadway, just absorbing everything that was going on. Sometimes they would bring Mary Ellen with them, and sometimes Mary Ellen would watch Emma. She loved being Emma's godmother. But she and Seth never spoke about Debbie.

He perused the want ads, and was slowly gathering a collection of second-hand recording equipment. He still talked to a few musicians that he knew from the shop, and through them, he got to know a few more. They all agreed that this was good advice. Lots of times, they said, the customer can't pay for studio time. So, if you can record from home, that gives you more flexibility and more opportunities.

He was surprised to discover that as he discussed it with Sara, she was obviously fascinated. So much so, that when it came time to register for fall classes and choose a course of study, Sara told her advisor that she was interested in Audio Production.

**********

When Sara was partway through her freshman year, Seth got up the courage to call Jesse Smith, and asked if he could come by for another audition. This time, he got the job. After that, a whole new world opened up for Seth, musically.

As Sara progressed through university, she was able to help him improve his studio by suggesting different or additional gear, and tweaks to his existing setup. She became invaluable as his personal sound engineer, and she gained practical experience. Another win-win.

She hung out at the studio with Seth, when she wasn't watching Emma or in class. She wound up interning there during the summers and on weekends.

After she graduated, she was hired by Sun Records. She was able to move out of Seth's place, but not TOO far. She still spent as much time with Emma as she could.

**********

Seth's dad died a few months after Emma turned two. He was out cutting grass and just keeled over. His mother saw him lying in the yard and called 911, but by the time the paramedics got there it was too late. He'd had a massive heart attack.

Seth had never really reconciled with his father, but he was thankful that he had at least gotten to meet his granddaughter before he passed. Seth and Sara had made the trip home for Christmas each year, and while they never talked about their differences, Seth thought he saw a little moisture in his dad's eyes when he held Emma for the first time.

Seth's mother was a strong woman, but now she was alone. A couple of months after the funeral, Seth and Sara had a long talk, and then called her.

"Mom, how are you doing?"

"Oh, fine, you know me," she said.

"Exactly," Sara said, "Well enough to know that you'd never tell us if you weren't ok."

"I'm fine dear, really."

"Well, we're worried about you Mom, and we miss you. We hate to think of you rattling around in that house all alone."

"Well thank you, but you really don't need to worry."

Seth chimed in. "Mom, let me make a suggestion here. Sara and I have talked about it, and we'd like you to at least think about something, okay?"

"What are you two plotting now?"

"Nothing diabolical, I promise," Seth chuckled. "Anyway, we'd like you to consider moving down here."

"Oh Seth, I couldn't. All my friends are here, and-"

"Hang on Mom, you didn't let me finish," Seth interrupted. "I'm not asking you to decide right now. But hear me out. Your kids are here, probably to stay. Your granddaughter is here. On top of that, Sara is getting busier and busier with school, and pretty soon she'll graduate and get a job and who knows what." He grinned at his sister.

"Plus, Emma is growing like a weed. I'd be lying if I said I didn't selfishly want you around more, and we could really use the help."

"Oh, that's cheating, using Emma like that," his mother scolded.

"Maybe, but it's the truth. We just want to have you around. Please just think about it."

**********

A few days later, she called back. "Ok, I thought about it."

"And?" Sara prompted.

"Hush child. I've decided that what you said makes sense. I've missed being around Emma and you two, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life just seeing you on holidays. I do want to be part of my grandbaby's life, and my children's lives. So, I've called a realtor to sell the house, and I guess I need to start looking for something close to you two."

Sara burst into tears. "Oh mom, that makes me so happy. I can't wait."

Seth was a little misty-eyed as well. "Same goes for me, mom. And truth be told, we

may

have already started looking."

So Emily moved down to a little three-bedroom place. She had a room just for Emma when she visited, and another for Sara. She took over nanny duties without missing a beat, and never regretted a minute of it.

**********

Sara had tried to get Seth to try dating. The problem was that all of her friends were in college like her, and while several of them thought Seth was attractive, he made it clear that he wasn't looking for a hook-up. And none of them were ready to take on the responsibility of dating a single dad.

Mary Ellen had stayed around for a while too. When Debbie left, she still had two more years of school, and visited Seth and Emma often, as she had promised. She did take her godmother role seriously, and after a few months had gone by, she let Seth know that she might be interested in taking on other roles in his life.

Seth told her that he was honored that she would consider him as more than a friend, and that he would always be grateful for her help in getting through the tough months after Debbie's departure, but he just wasn't ready to move forward yet.

Mary Ellen understood. She continued to visit, but she eventually met a young man, and after graduation she moved away. She still kept in touch, and faithfully called Emma on her birthday, and visited whenever she was in town.

Seth's love life stayed on the back burner.

**********

Emma grew up a happy, curious child. She loved her daddy, and she loved her Auntie Sara and her Nana almost as much. She was also very observant. One morning when she was about six, they were sitting at the breakfast table, and she asked Seth, "Daddy, do I have a mommy?"

Seth choked a little on his coffee. "What makes you ask, sweetie?" He was stalling for time. He knew this conversation was going to happen eventually, but it still caught him by surprise.

"The kids at school... they all talk about their mommies, and they get picked up at school by their mommies, but I get picked up by you, or Auntie Sara, or Nana, or sometimes Miss Mary." As Seth's music career had picked up, he worked fewer hours at the shop, but Frank and Mary still looked out for Seth and still adored Emma. He could never keep them out of his life, nor wanted to; he owed them too much.