Jimmy couldn't stop staring at her. Where had she gone? This timid and shy creature wasn't Lou. Not the Lou whose eyes shot fire and brimstone when crossed. Not the Lou who held her own and better in gunfight after gunfight. Not the Lou who crossed this country on horseback, solo, delivering the Express pouch. He glared at her. What the hell had happened to her?
He downed his drink again. Jimmy took his time perusing her form. She still had the rich brown hair, now falling to the middle of her back in waves. Her face was smooth and sun-kissed to a light tan. Her neck, still so graceful and long. He longed to press his lips against it. Lips... God, why her? Why now?
His body, clad in his long john bottoms, hardened even further. His stomach clenched with a hunger food couldn't touch, stoking the fire in his loins. He had to put it out, to snuff the desire to reach out to her, touch her, pull her to him, to banish her lifelessness and his emptiness.
Damnit, Hickok, he berated himself, she's not even ten minutes back in your life and you already want to be the damn hero again. He glared at her harder. Her hero.
'What if she needs you as much as you need her?' His whole being responded to the thought. Damned stupid tiny voice. The fire inside him was not listening to reason. He couldn't remember his reasons anymore.
He looked at his glass filled with his ... sixth? drink, then at the half filled bottle.
Standing up, he noticed her flinch again, just like she had in the doorway. Her tiny movement penetrated his angry and slightly inebriated haze. What the hell? Was it from that Wicks bastard still, or something more recent? He sighed, took his glass and the bottle to the kitchen and put them on the counter next to the sink.
He slowly walked to her side of the sofa, and crouched next to her. She flinched again and seemed to curl up into herself, even though she had just slightly leaned back away from him and closed one eye, before she caught herself and straightened out with her chin up. Watching her carefully, he stood up with measured and deliberate movements, and showed her the forgotten whiskey glass that was now in his hand.
She let go of the breath she didn't realize she was holding as he cocked his head with a sardonic half smile that belied the rage boiling inside towards whoever had done this to her.
Walking back to the sink, he had to mentally force his fingers to relax around the glass as he deposited it into the basin. He clung to the side of the sink, leaning on straight arms with his head down, breathing deeply, willing himself to relax. He was no good to her angry. He'd just add to her fear. She needed him calm. She needed him level-headed. She needed him.
He cursed himself for not seeing it sooner, for letting her see him like this. There is always drinking involved when someone reacts the way she did. What the hell did Kid do to her?
He grabbed a bucket, filled it with the pump and washed his face and mouth out repeatedly, trying to wash away the stench that could mean fear to her. He swore at himself while the water dripped off his face and into the basin.
What the hell was he doing? He threw an angry look over his shoulder at the lone figure on the sofa. She was sitting bolt upright, her eyes focused on a point on the floor and not moving.
She looked so tiny, so lost. So beautiful. The water had cooled him momentarily, but as he turned and ambled back to the couch, the full force of his desire returned and threatened to take over his body.
His head wanted to help her, defend her, protect her. His body wanted to touch her, lick her, possess her. He sat down hard between his previous seat and the middle cushion next to her, shocking her out of her reverie.
She looked at him with wide eyes. He stretched his arms up then rested them along the top of the sofa cushions and watched her get control over her reaction. She lowered her eyes and rested her hands together in her lap.
Lou noticed movement on his lap, and glanced up at it curiously. Blushing furiously, she quickly turned her head and eyes away from his burgeoning desire. To her chagrin, her own body responded in kind.
Warmth from her core spread like wildfire all the way to her fingertips and toes. She could feel the answering moisture between her legs as she struggled with all her might to tamp down her reaction.
Closing her eyes tightly, she yelled at herself, 'Get a hold of yourself, girl!' A tiny voice inside irreverently responded, 'I know what I'd like to get a hold of...' Lou growled in warning to shut the little voice up, too late realizing she had made the noise out loud.
She opened one eye and tried to sneak a peek at Jimmy. His eyebrow was raised and corners of his lips were curled up in a mocking half smile. His lap was moving more obviously. His length was straining against the long-john buttons that were holding him in with all their might, but Jimmy did nothing to hide it. She quickly looked down at her hands in her lap again, and let out a shaky breath.
With his hand that was next to her, Jimmy lightly touched her shoulder closest to him. She looked at him, red-faced. Her heavy shaking breaths warmed the skin on the back of his hand. He wanted those breaths on his face.
'Damnit, Jim,' he yelled at himself, using Ambrose's abbreviation of his name. 'That's Kid's wife, not some common whore,' he chided himself. She hasn't left yet, his tiny voice pointed out. He groaned and rolled his eyes. God damned tiny voice.
He gently stroked the back of her neck with a finger. She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. 'God, Lou, stop encouraging me,' his mind yelled. He pulled back his hand as if he had been burned.
Her eyes flew open, her face hot, her core even hotter. 'What was she doing?' she chastised herself. What had she become? She knew better than this. She knew she had to leave. Why wasn't she moving?
Jimmy touched her shoulder again. If he had gotten that response from just a finger, he pondered. Hmmmm...
She looked at him again, and he crooked his finger at her, beckoning to her to come nearer. His eyes seemed to dance with mischief. Her stomach flipped. It was not a sight Lou thought she would see again. There was her Jimmy again. Her Jimmy. She liked the sound of that in her head. His eyes had shed his pain for the moment, and he was the light-hearted boy she fell in love with.
She caught her breath. Love? When had she fallen in love with him? It had to have been well before their kiss under the moonlight. Perhaps it was when he ran Teaspoon's velocipede into the pigsty, and came up laughing, coated in mud and pigs' wallow wanting to try again. Maybe it was when he shot the tennis ball out of the air. It could even have been as early as when they were watching the mare and her offspring cavorting around in the corral, when she asked Jimmy his thoughts about having a family.