I like touring. Truly. Seeing new places, getting wasted with people I don't know, fucking groupies, it's brilliant. The thing is, I never realized before how much bloody work goes into making a tour happen. That's what bands have managers and such for, right?
I know now. Christ.
I shall refrain from banging on about the months between Colin's moment of genius and the start of the tour. I'd just as soon forget, anyway, it was a fucking nightmare. Suffice to say, we managed to bring the whole blasted thing together in spite of ourselves, mostly because I cleverly went out and hired the sorts of people who are good at it after realizing that we were not. We still had plenty to do, mind you, but clearer minds were in charge. Thank God.
Strangely - or perhaps not - we agreed almost from the start about which bands we wanted touring with us. H.I.M. was a no-brainer, though that Ville fellow frightens me. Silly, I know, but I can't help it. He's not even the vampire in that group, believe it or not. We wanted Marilyn Manson, but the wanker turned us down. Obviously not as bright a businessman as I'd always thought, oh well.
Bowie called me up one evening when the sun had barely set to ask if he could be in on it. How he knew, I haven't a clue, as it was early in the process and we'd not even asked anyone yet, him being one of our first choices, of course. I believe he's the only vampire in this part of the world with such generalized psychic powers. Whatever, doesn't matter. He was on board, which is the important thing. Everyone else was nearly as excited as I was, though no one else did the shrieking fangirl thing.
Other not quite so obvious choices ended up on the roster, after a couple of weeks of phoning up agents and managers and talking through endless layers of underlings to get at the actual musicians.
Beck, who is a complete and utter pervert even though he's not a vampire. He donates, and that plus his close "friendship" with Thom got him in. I was delighted; he's a hell of a top. I made a mental note to pack the Very Special Bondage Equipment for him. Dear boy does love to see me hogtied, bless him.
Franz Ferdinand agreed at once to join us. Alex Kapranos is by far the oldest vampire in the British Isles; he was born during the time of Achilles, who he swears was a real person. And I was surprised to learn that he'd turned Bob way back in 1820. Made me feel like an absolute child.
My Chemical Romance took a bit of convincing, but they agreed in the end. They're all vampires. It was Stef's idea to ask them, sap that he is. He's never been the same since he "accidentally" saw that pretty-boy singer naked. Good thing I'm not the jealous type.
No, really, I'm not.
Surprisingly, The Libertines got back together just for this tour. Pete's the vampire. Shock horror, I know. We all went back and forth for days over whether or not it was safe. After all, Pete and Carl were as likely to kill each other in a fist fight as snog onstage. But in the end, we decided there was no choice, really. The public loves those violently angsty relationships. Plus they're a fucking incredible band.
A month before the tour was to begin, we were still one band short of what we wanted. Thom and I spent most of the night in a thoroughly disreputable London bar, desperately trying to think of someone else we could ask.
"What about The Demons? You know, that band from the East End?" I tossed back a shot of tequila. "None of them are real vampires, but their bassist has a blood fetish."
Thom shook his head sadly, tracing the edge of his glass with the tip of one finger. "Sorry, but their singer's afraid of Ed."
"You've got to be kidding."
"Nope."
"For God's sake, why?"
"He says Ed's abnormally tall and has scary teeth." Thom smirked into his whiskey. "Prat."
I sighed. "All right, so The Demons are out. Don't like them anyway."
"Me neither. They sound like chipmunks on acid."
That made me laugh, because it was true. Thom started laughing too, and we sat there giggling like a couple of schoolgirls for a bit. Once we settled down, however, we found ourselves still short one band.
That's when it hit me. I smacked my forehead, wondering why I hadn't thought of it before.
"Why're you hitting yourself, Bri? I could do that for you, y'know." Thom grinned wickedly at me.
I gave him my sexiest smile. "Yes, please. Later. Thommy, I know who to call for the last slot on our tour!"
"Who? Oh, and do you want full bondage or just a bit of spanking?"
"Spanking, please. You can tie me up and hurt me another night. I think we should call up Blood And Fire."
"That's that band you and Stef met in Chapel Hill, right?" Thom tossed back the rest of his drink, slid out of the booth, and pulled me to my feet.
I linked my hand with his and followed him toward the door. "That's right. They're an amazing band."
"Doesn't hurt that they're blood donors as well."
"Indeed."
The second we got outside, Thom pushed me up against the wall and kissed me, deep and hard. I melted against him. God, his kiss can turn any mere human into a quivering mess. Any vampire as well, evidently.
"I think," he purred, nipping at my bottom lip, "that you just want them because of those pretty twins."
He was right, of course. Partly, anyway. Michael and Damien, the incredibly gorgeous identical twins at the core of Blood And Fire, are sexy enough to turn the entire NFL gay. Stef and I had spent a mind-blowing night with them last time we were in America. But I wasn't lying when I said they were an amazing band. They are.
"Mmmm. I'd argue, but I can't." I rubbed my crotch against his thigh. "Let's go to my place and fuck like bunnies."
He laughed. "You," he said, slipping a hand between my legs, "are an insatiable little bastard."
"Your point?" He did something to my balls that made my vision blur. "Christ, do that again."
He did. "No point. All right, your place. Stef won't mind?"
"He's in Oxford, working out some tour details with Colin and Jonny."
"Oh yes, of course. I'd forgotten." Lying sod. You don't forget where your lover is when you can feel him in your mind all the time. "We'll share with them."
"Certainly." I pulled him tight against me and kissed him, caressing his fangs with my tongue. He shuddered in my arms. "Let's go, darling. Bri's been a bad little girl and needs a spanking."
He gave me a grin that was pure evil, and we hurried out into the night.
*****
I called Damien as soon as I woke the next night. I could hear the smile in his voice when he picked up the phone.
"Hey, Brian, how are you?"
"Good, love. How are you and Michael?"
"Fine. Been playing a lot of gigs out of town lately."
"Yes, I've seen. I subscribed to your newsletter, you know."
"Seriously?" He sounded genuinely surprised, the dear. "Wow. So, what's Placebo up to these days? Heard you were back in the studio."
"Oh, we are, yes."
