Based on the Little Rascal's short "Beginner's Luck"
*
1.
"The muscles on his brawny arms stood out like iron bands."
It was Saturday afternoon at the McFarlane home. All around the living room were the female friends of Darlene McFarlane. At 41, Darlene was a very beautiful woman and quite aware of it. Her blonde hair came to her shoulders, framing a face accented by green eyes and poutty lips. Her 5'6" figure was well toned and voluptuous, most of the outfits she wore drawing attention to her 36C breasts, though there was plenty of neighborhood speculation she'd had them done for her 40th birthday - a gift to herself after her recent divorce.
"And into the fray, he cast himself onward."
At the center of the living room was Darlene's son, Tommy. At 18, he was a little small for his age. A fact made even more obvious by the robe and cowl he wore as he stood before the gathering of women. He was doing his best to remain poised in front of the guests while reciting the monologue given to him by his mother, but found himself embarrassed and nervous by the unwanted attention.
"And forward..." Tommy stammered, losing his line.
From her spot sitting on the armrest of the sofa, Darlene whispered at her son.
"Forward he went, a man!"
"Forward he went, a man," Tommy repeated. He breathed a sigh and awkwardly bowed before the women.
Darlene was the first to begin clapping. The other women politely followed. Darlene stood up. She was wearing a very tight pair of black lowrise slacks and a white sweater that her full breasts strained against and also showed off her tan midriff.
"Well, ladies, did I not say my son was an actor?"
"Very charming..."
"He's so cute..."
"How wonderful..." The other women kindly responded.
Tommy went to slouch in the corner where his Grandmother was sitting patiently.
"Well, Grandma, I'm glad that's over."
"Me, too," replied Grandma. Close to 60 years old, Grandma was rather portly, but still maintained a joyful spirit, even when it came to indulging her daughter's constant efforts to remain the most popular woman in the neighborhood. Her sympathy to her grandson Tommy went a very long way.
Darlene stood before the women in her living room. "Well, ladies, I'm sure you all enjoyed that and now I have some exciting news. Tommy is going onstage. I've entered him in a talent contest." Darlene began passing out flyers to the women.
"How very interesting..."
"Oh, it's at Lindley Hall..."
"I'm sure he'll win First Prize..." The other women politely commented.
Darlene beamed with pride. "Well of course. And I want you all to be there when he does."
Tommy groaned, looking toward Grandma. She put her arm around him. "Darlene, why do this? We've never had an actor in the family before."
Darlene turned toward her mother. "Mother, I think I know what's best for Tommy. It's about time he had some real exposure to the arts." Darlene returned her attention to the other women, following them to the door and making them promise to attend the show.
Tommy looked to his Grandma. "She's the one that wants the exposure, not me."
Grandma gently patted his shoulders. "I know, Tommy. Your mother has always been like that. Hopefully, we can get through this together."
Darlene returned to the living room. She stood before Tommy and Grandma, putting her hands on her hips. "Oh, the both of you get those looks off your faces. This talent show is going to be a wonderful opportunity for everyone."
2.
"Friends, Romans, and Countrymen, lend me you ears..."
Tommy McFarlane paced back and forth in the living room while practicing his lines. It was two days before the competition and his mother had him practicing for a week now. The pressure was beginning to get to him. The doorbell rang and Tommy welcomed the chance to answer it.
Standing in the doorway were Tommy's friends Nick, Darin, Jake, Billy, and Alan. "Hey fellas," Tommy greeted them.
"Where ya been, Tommy?" Nick asked.
"Yeah, we haven't seen you all week," added Billy.
Tommy shrugged. "I know, my mom's got me practicing for this stupid talent show she put me in."
The other boys laughed. "Talent show?" Jake sneered. "That's so lame!"
At that moment, Darlene McFarlane pulled into the drive way in her BMW Z3 and got out of her car. She was wearing a tight off-the-shoulder black top with a short black skirt that showed off her bare legs and black boots almost to the knee. She had her blonde hair up in a high ponytail. There was a large white box under her arm. She walked up the drive way and to the front door.
"Excuse me, boys," Darlene brushed by the boys standing on the doorstep without giving them a glance. She stopped to stand next to her son. "Tommy, you're supposed to be rehearsing. Now tell your friends you'll see them later and come back inside." Without another word, Darlene stepped into the house, her perfume lingering amongst the boys.
Tommy sheepishly stood before his friends. "Sorry, fellas."
"Your mom can be a real snob sometimes, Tommy," Darin said.
"Yeah," agreed Billy. "She acts so stuck up."
Jake grinned at Tommy. "I got and idea, Tommy. Why don't we show up at this stupid talent show and when you go onstage, we'll really heckle you and make fun of you, so that way you won't even have a chance to win." The other boys agreed with Jake's suggestion.
Tommy nervously shrugged. "Gee, fellas...I don't know."
From within the house, Darlene called out. "Tommy, I don't hear you practicing!"
Jake took on a mocking tone. "Yeah, Tommy, better go back inside and practice like your mommy told you." The other boys laughed.
"Ok, fine," Tommy replied. "Let's ruin my act before she has me trying out for any more of these dumb contests."
"That's the spirit!" Jake shook Tommy's hand. "Don't worry. We'll make sure to give you the works!"
"My pals," Tommy smiled. The boys walked off and Tommy shut the door. He walked back into the living room. Darlene was in there and opening the box. From within she took out a very short looking Roman toga.
"Look, sweetie. Look what, mommy had made for your performance!" Darlene proudly held the toga up to Tommy. It was very short and ended just below his waist. "And I've had some wonderful boots and a helmet made, also. You're going to look wonderful!"
It was all Tommy could do to keep from crying.
3.
"Is that what you're wearing tonight?"
Darlene stood before the full length mirror in her bedroom. She was wearing a to the floor, clinging low cut silk chiffon lavender halter gown. Her full breasts were accented by the gown's support. A double strand pearl necklace drew extra attention to her cleavage. Darlene's lean legs were enhanced by shimmering pink nylons, that were glimpsed by a side slit up one side of the dress that went to mid thigh. The strappy heels she wore matched her gown perfectly. Her blonde hair was done up in a high French curl. Her make-up perfect, her lips glossed a glimmering pink.
Grandma stood in the doorway wearing a modest wool dress. She looked disapprovingly at her daughter. Darlene continued to admire herself in the mirror. "This is a very expensive original Marc Jacobs design," she said. "Besides, I don't see anything wrong if it helps the judges to remember Tommy's act if they remember me also."
"Just who's night is it supposed to be anyway?" Grandma asked.
"This is Tommy's chance to meet with a commercial agent and I will not have anything ruin it," Darlene replied.
"Oh, then don't let me get in the way," Grandma said. And with that, she left the room.
Darlene walked out of her bedroom and into the living room where Tommy and Grandma were waiting. Tommy was clearly uncomfortable in the Roman toga and gold boots he wore.
"Tommy, don't slouch in your costume," Darlene admonished him.
Tommy tried to keep his hands close to his toga while still holding the foil shield and helmet in his hands. "C'mon, mom...the guys are gonna laugh at me. "
"Sweetie, you're going to wear the costume and that's final," Darlene raised her voice. "Now can we please go to the theater?"
4.
The Lindley Theater was crowded. All the seats were taken except for the front row. That is until Jake, Nick, Darin, Billy, and Alan pushed their way into the front row seats. Under their jackets they held various sling shots, pea shooters, and other prank items.
Backstage was a bustle of activity. Stage hands moved back and forth. The majority of the parents backstage were women with their teen-aged children. Darlene arrived backstage with Tommy in tow and Grandma following behind. Darlene drew plenty of attention in her long, clinging dress. Tommy kept a robe on to cover himself in the short toga while holding the foil shield and helmet.
Darlene went over to sign Tommy in. She leaned over the table to sign the call sheet. Underneath the backstage lights, Darlene's lavender dress was almost see-through, her figure and tiny thongline showing through the thin material of the dress. Standing nearby, the Master of Ceremonies got a very good glimpse of all of this. He stepped closer and introduced himself. "Hello," he said. "I'll be the MC for the show tonight. And you are..?"
"Darlene McFarlane," she replied.
The MC checked the list. "Ah yes, Tommy McFarlane. He'll be on first."
" That won't due at all," Darlene said. "My son is too much of an artist to open the show."
"We have him down as the first act," the MC responded. "Artist or not."