Tony Blair's package finally arrived. It was an old genie style lamp he had bid for on eBay. After a few days he had won the bidding - at an amazingly low price. The seller had seemed a bit shady, but it had arrived as promised. When he unpacked it, the lamp was about like the picture - dusty and in need of a little cleaning; it was also surprisingly heavy. But, it had potential. He tried to open the lid but it was stuck shut. Tony set the lamp aside, intending to clean it later that evening.
Much later that evening Tony decided to clean the lamp. He brushed most of the dust and what appeared to be caked-on mud off of the lamp. It looked like there might be some sort of inscription on the side, though it was hard to make out. He rubbed it with a soft cloth to see if there was an inscription or just a decoration.
Now, to his complete surprise, there was a bit of a low pitched rumbling noise inside the lamp and an odorless thick blue-grey smoke started spewing out of the spout. Tony quickly set the lamp on the kitchen counter and stepped back to see what would happen. A few seconds later, out of the smoke cloud, appeared a genie. A real genie! A soft "Wow!" was all Tony managed to utter.
"Ah…good to be out of there for a little while anyway," the genie said looking around. "I needed a little fresh air. Nice place you have here. Not quite like my place in Baghdad, but this is nice."
"Holy shit!" Tony exclaimed. "A real genie!" It didn't take him long to figure out what that meant. "Hot damn! Your being here means I get three wishes…right?" He didn't know what wish two and three were going to be, but number one on the hit parade was something like a ton of money - tax free of course.
"Oh no, no, no," said the genie. "I'm a sexual genie. You only get one wish."
"Just one?" he asked rather disappointed. "What happened to the three wishes thing? And, what's a sexual genie?"
"First of all, that three wish thing was abused. Second, I specialized and specialists only grant one wish; therefore you only get one wish. And, it has to be a sex wish. I can't grant you a truck-load of twenty dollar bills or anything like that. Just sex. I deal with... well, fucking."
Tony gave the genie an odd look. "Are you sure you're a real genie? What's your name anyway?"
"Absolutely, I triple guarantee you. Uh, not that anyone has ever asked that before, but I go by Ali, which is short for Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf - and no jokes about that other guy, who ISN'T a genie, Comical Ali, the information minister in Iraq. Now, back to business, what's the sex wish?"
"Fine Ali, no jokes, but I dunno, what exactly am I supposed to wish for? I thought I got three wishes. I thought that was a standard thing."
"Nope, just one. Now, as to what to ask for, may I suggest that it be in a generic form? If you wish for a sexual tryst with a certain woman, you get that woman and everything about her. If she's an actress and hot as hell on the big screen, but a screaming bitch in real life, then you get the screaming bitch in bed. But, if you just say you want a hot super model type, then I can give you one hot looking woman who's a nympho and will screw your brains out - not to leave out that she's real eye candy to boot. Now that's a deal if I ever heard one; I triple guarantee you!"
With only one wish, Tony wanted to make sure he was going to get something worthwhile, triple guarantees of otherwise. "So, asking for a specific person isn't a good thing?"
"Can be, but it's your fuck. Centuries of experience in these matters compels me to suggest the generic form of say a super model? However, it's your wish, so go for it!"
"That's okay Ali; I think I'll go for the generic one. I take it super models are real popular?"
"Or porn queens."
"Porn queens?" He had to admit, he hadn't thought about them. Now there was a possibility. He had seen more than a few porn movies, and there were some pretty talented babes in them!
"Oh yea babe, they have some moves that you never heard of when it comes to sex."
Then reality hit home. "Yea, including whips, chains, and handcuffs."
"Or the odd cattle prod."
That pretty much cinched it; porn queens were out. Now Tony was curious. "Ali, have you ever had anyone killed fulfilling their wish?"
"Just a few. It happens, but not often. Usually it's older guys who have a coronary: fucked to death if you will. As we say in the biz, 'they rubbed their last lamp.'"
"I think porn queens are out."
"How about just a queen?" Ali offered with a wink.
"Nah, I think I'll stick to women thanks."
"Okay, so what'll it be?"
Tony thought about it for a few seconds. "I think I'll go with a really good looking super model type that's just horny as all hell. I dunno if I should get in to specifics about what she'd look like. Maybe I just ought to leave that alone. If she shaved, that would be nice, but otherwise, just a really great looking and very horny woman - no wannabe women - a real one.
"Yea, fine. Okay. Let's see if I got this straight. You want a generic super model type woman that shaves and is really horny. Is that about it?"
"Uh…" Tony thought for a moment. "Yea, that's about it. That should do just fine." At this point he figured just getting a good lay would be fine.
"Okay, I can do that. Done deal. Have fun!"
With that, there was a sucking sound and the genie became so much smoke and was sucked back into the little lamp. For a few seconds nothing happened, then there was a very bright flash, no noise at all, and the lamp simply vanished. There was nothing left on the counter but some dust where the lamp had been. Now what? Tony wondered. With the lamp gone, it was going to be a little hard to ask the genie just when this super model sex pot was supposed to show up. It also occurred to him that while he had asked for a super model that shaved, he never said what she should shave; he could get one that shaved her legs and had the bush from hell! Too late to elaborate on that now. He used one hand to brush the dust into a small pile and then herded it off the edge of the counter and into the other hand. He looked at the little pile of dust in his palm for a few seconds. It was all that remained of his eBay purchase. He slowly poured the dust into the trash bin.
Nothing happened: no super model showed up in his kitchen. He thought it was silly, but he checked his bedroom to be sure that some hot sexy chick wasn't lounging around on his bed waiting for him - nope - nothing. The bed was empty. Tony decided that he might as well catch a little sports on television since it was now obvious that there wasn't going to be any hot sex tonight. And, he thought, he might as well have a beer while watching it. Just as he was about to open the refrigerator door, the front door bell rang.
Tony abandoned the idea of the beer and answered the door. Swinging it open, he was facing one hot, yes, super model like woman standing there wearing a very slinky red dress.
"Tony honey," she said as she pushed past him, "you wouldn't believe how horny I am tonight and how much I really want you to fuck my brains out! Let's go!" she said grabbing his hand on the way by.
In total disbelief, Tony kicked the door shut and stumbled after her. Amazingly, she even knew the way to his bedroom. He was too dumbfounded to say anything.
"Needs a woman's touch," she said looking around, "but I'm not here for that tonight. Let me help you out of your clothes," she said turning to him and yanking his shirt out of his pants. The zipper on his jeans went down next.
"Uh…what's your name?" he finally managed to ask.
"Laura - Laura Bush, and no I'm not related to "them." And, right now, it's Really Horny Laura."
"I think I can help with this!" he said finally recovering enough to start helping her get his clothes off. So this was the genie's horny super model - she was certainly horny all right. Nice going genie, he thought.
