The Royal Rumble

NOTE: THIS IS A FICTIONAL VERSION OF THE RUMBLE MATCH ITSELF. I SHOULD ALSO NOTE THAT I WROTE THIS IN 1998 SO SOME CURRENT STARS ARE NOT IN THIS. ANYWAY, ENJOY!

The ring announcer, Howard Finkle, is now coming to the ring for the Royal Rumble.

FINKLE: Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for The Royal Rumble!!

A roar comes up from the crowd.

FINKLE: Here are the rules. The match starts with numbers 1 and 2. Every two minutes thereafter, another wrestler will enter the fray. The winner will be the one left standing after all 30 numbers had been called. Elimination occurs when a wrestler is thrown over the top rope and to the floor. Also, this match is under "Death Match" rules. This simply means come as you are and use "any means necessary to win." Also, there are no safety mats on the outside of the ring for this bout!! Now, let the Royal Rumble begin by finding out who drew number 1.

With that, the music of Edge starts to play.

FINKLE: From Hamilton, Ontario Canada, Edge!!!

Edge comes through the crowd as usual with no shirt, his long coat and black jeans.

ROSS: What a hell of a situation for this kid. To be in the Royal Rumble takes guts but to draw number one? This kid is going to be in for a long night.

LAWLER: You got that right. He had the misfortune of drawing number one and, to my knowledge, only two men have ever started this match with the numbers 1-5 and won it.

ROSS: You are exactly right "King." "Nature Boy" Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels are the only two men in the history of this event to ever get an early number in the Royal Rumble matchup and still go on to win it.

FINKLE: And now, the man that drew number two!!

The music of The WolfPack starts up.

FINKLE: From Chicago, Ill, "The Total Package" Lex Luger!!

Luger comes down the aisle with black jeans and no shirt as well.

LAWLER: This doesn't look good for Edge. It's bad enough that you got to start this bout but to start it against someone like Lex Luger? Well, you can kiss this kid good-bye in my opinion. Edge is about to be dulled!!

ROSS: Indeed, it looks bad for the youngster but we have seen stranger things happen in the Royal Rumble so I'll wait to see what happens.

Indeed, Luger hits the ring and the Royal Rumble is underway. Edge is battling "The Total Package" despite being outweighed by 50+ pounds. Edge tries to whip Luger into the ropes but Luger reverses things and delivers a hard clothesline. Edge gets up only to receive the same move again. Luger then clotheslines Edge over the top rope but Edge hangs on and doesn't go to the floor. Luger thinks that Edge is gone but he isn't.

Edge takes advantage by spinning Luger around and executing his "Downward Spiral" maneuver on Luger. Luger is stunned as he hits the mat head first from the move. Edge takes over on his bigger opponent with kicks and punches. He then tries to leverage the big man out of the ring with some success. Still, Luger uses his bigger mass to punch his way out as he is back into the ring. Edge now kicks him in the left leg, trying to take away the size advantage from Luger.

Luger responds with a right hand as the time is ticking down for the next entry into the Royal Rumble.

ROSS: Oh my Lord in heaven!! It's Gangrel!!

LAWLER: Ha, ha!! I stand corrected, Edge will not be dulled. He will be recycled when Gangrel hits the ring.

Indeed, Lawler did have a point as Edge will now have to fight his long-time nemesis as well as "The Total Package." Gangrel hits the ring and is all business. He knees Edge in the back, knocking him face-first into the turnbuckle. Luger goes for a clothesline on Gangrel but the former Vampire Warrior ducks it. When Luger turns around, Gangrel hooks both of Luger's arms in a double-arm bar position and gives him a suplex that drops Luger on his neck and shoulders. Gangrel then goes back to Edge.

Edge comes in to attack him but is met by Gangrel spewing a red substance into his face!! Gangrel takes advantage and hooks his "Texas" DDT on Edge. Gangrel then takes Edge and dumps him, eliminating him from the Rumble. Gangrel then goes to work on Luger. Luger is still fighting back but he's also fighting through pain as that suplex did take some steam out of him. These two fight for the remaining minute as the next participant is about to come down.

LAWLER: Oh my God!

ROSS: It is the music called "War Machine"!! That can only mean that the WWF Intercontinental Champion TAZ is the next man coming down to get in on this insanity.

Indeed, TAZ "power-walks" to the ring. He slides underneath the bottom rope and stands ready for anyone. Gangrel tries for a right hand but TAZ ducks it, goes in behind him, and executes a German suplex on the "vampire" man. Luger comes in and gets in about two right hands. He then hits the ropes for another move but TAZ uses a Judo type shoulder throw to take Luger back down. He then nails Luger with a "Yakusa" kick that knocks him back into a corner. TAZ then lines up Luger with his own back against the ropes. He then hooks Luger in a bearhug and suplexes Luger over the top rope and to the concrete floor!!

ROSS: "The Total Package" has just been eliminated from the Rumble and what a hell of a way to be eliminated.

LAWLER: You got that right JR. TAZ just took a 275 pound man like Luger, threw him over his head, over the top rope and Luger went "splat" on the floor. He's still not moving too much now.

Indeed, Luger landed squarely on his back and is having trouble getting up. TAZ, meanwhile, goes back to battling Gangrel. Gangrel racks the eyes of TAZ to get a slight advantage. Gangrel hits the ropes to another move but TAZ catches him and executes his "T-Bone" suplex on Gangrel near the ropes. It sends Gangrel over the top rope and to the floor. TAZ has eliminated two men in just under two minutes!! As the clock winds down, TAZ stands in the corner and awaits his next opponent (or, after what he just did, his next victim).

The buzzer rings and it is "Ravishing" Rick Rude!! He comes down with blue jeans, shirtless and cowboy boots. He get to the ringside area and he is up on the ring apron. TAZ comes over to Rude and grabs him. Rude quickly drops down, snapping TAZ across the top rope throat-first. Rude has now entered the ring and he is going to work with forearms smashes to TAZ. He is now putting the boots to TAZ. With "The Human Suplex Machine" down, Rude stands over him and does his "bump and grind" schitck. This turns out to be a mistake as TAZ places an "Iron Claw" hold on Rude's "privates"!! The look on the face of the "Ravishing One" is priceless!! TAZ then gets up (still "holding" Rude) and drags him around the ring. Finally, TAZ lets go and Rude falls to the mat in tremendous pain. TAZ is now putting some good, old fashion boots to Rude as the next man is getting ready to come down.

We now here the theme of "2001: A Space Oddessy."

ROSS: Oh, my. Here we have the man that once won the WWF World Title in this very match, he is "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair!!

LAWLER: Flair is known for being a classic wrestler but this isn't about wrestling, it is about kicking butt here and under these "Death Match" rules, I don't know how Flair will fair here, especially coming in at number 6.

While Rude is recovering from his "problem", TAZ stands ready for Flair as he takes off the robe outside the ring. He slides in and has a stare down with TAZ. TAZ shoves Flair and Flair answers in kind. TAZ throws a right hand and Flair answers with his one of his famous chops. The two trade back and forth around the ring with Flair, surprisingly, gaining the upper hand. Flair lets out a "WHOOO!!" to the crowd and they respond.

Flair goes for a whip into the corner but TAZ reverses it. Flair goes into the corner and when he comes out, he is met by a "T-Bone" suplex. Flair quickly scrambles to his feet but is met by a cowboy boot from the top rope by Rick Rude, who climbed up to the top rope while the two were fighting. Rude is quickly met by a clothesline from TAZ. TAZ then goes over to Flair to dish out more punishment but Flair delivers a low blow to TAZ. Rude takes advantage and gives TAZ the "Rude Awakening" neckbreaker!!

This is the first true punishment that TAZ has taken in this bout as he lays prone on the mat. Rude doesn't have time to celebrate as Flair gets up up and kicks Rude in the left knee. Flair quickly takes Rude down and locks in the figure four leglock as time runs down and the next man is on his way.

The theme of "Sexy Boy" fires up as it is the WCW World Heavyweight Champion Shawn Michaels!! He comes down in black, knee length shorts, no shirt and in tennis shoes. He quickly leaps on the apron and heads to the top rope with Flair still having Rude in the figure four. Flair hasn't seen HBK yet and that proves to work to Shawn's advantage as Michaels leaps off of the top rope with an elbowsmash on Flair, freeing Rude from the hold.

Meanwhile, TAZ has recovered somewhat from the "Rude Awakening" and sees Rude up but hurting. He comes up behind Rude and hooks in the "TAZ-mission" chokehold on Rude. Rude is fighting for his life but TAZ has a good grip on the hold. Michaels has now decked Flair with his "Sweet Chin Music" superkick while Rude frees himself from the "TAZ-mission" by kicking TAZ low. Michaels and Rude quickly double-up on TAZ and throw him out. TAZ is gone from the Royal Rumble. With under a minute left, Michaels and Rude go back to work on Flair. They carry him over to the ropes and attempt to dump him over. Flair is holding on for dear life as it looks bad for "The Nature Boy." Rude is almost out himself as he helps out Shawn. Suddenly, he is brought over the top rope and to the floor. That is because TAZ is still around ringside and has caused the elimination of Rude!!

Rude is now pissed as he and TAZ fight up the aisleway. Meanwhile, Flair gets back in with a finger to the eyes of Michaels. Flair slides outside of the ring and gets a steel chair. Flair lays it down flat, hooks up Michaels and delivers a backdrop suplex on the WCW World Champion as the time winds down for another contestant to come down.

It is Greg "The Hammer" Valentine. The former NWA World Tag Team Championship partner of "Nature Boy" Ric Flair is coming down with traditional wrestling attire.

In the meantime, Flair is getting set to put the figure four on Shawn. As Flair completes the spinning toehold portion of the hold, Valentine hits the ring and nails Flair with a hard forearm that knocks him down. Valentine quickly drops an elbowsmash onto Michaels. "The Hammer" immediately goes back to Flair with chops similar to Flair in the corner. You can hear the flesh smacking as Valentine is laying them in. Flair quickly reverses the situation and starts to chop Valentine and the two are now trading back and forth with hard chops to the chest.

Michaels, meanwhile, is getting a rest while these two fight it out. Valentine manages to get the upper hand as he has Flair trapped in a corner. In the meantime, Michaels has made it up to the top turnbuckle on the other side with the steel chair in hand. Valentine whips Flair into that corner but Flair reverses it. Just as Flair does that, Michaels leaps off of the top rope with a chair shot that hits Valentine flush in the face!! Valentine stands still at first, but then falls face-first to the canvas!!

Michaels goes for a chair shot on Flair but Flair counters with a kick to the stomach. Michaels drops the chair. Flair then whips Michaels into the ropes and goes for a back elbow. Michaels ducks it, picks up the chair on the way by, and clobbers Flair in the head with it!! Flair goes down hard. Valentine is just getting up and has a cut on his forehead from the chair shot. Flair is also bleeding as well as the time ends.

The next competitor is six-time former NWA World Champion Lou Thez. He is greeted by applause from, for the most part, respectful fans that admire what this man has done in the past. He gets into the ring and, as he does, Michaels goes for another chair shot but Thez ducks it, hooks Michaels waist, and delivers a "Saito" suplex on Michaels.

Michaels gets up and charges in on Thez, only to be met by a Judo style shoulder throw!! Thez moves in with a bodyslam on Michaels. Lou follows that up with a "Rito Ramierez" special on Michaels. Michaels is being stretched. Seeing an opportunity, Valentine and Flair move in on Michaels. Valentine goes to work with elbows to the head of Michaels while Flair drops right hands into the exposed mid-section of Michaels while Thez still has the hold on him.

Flair follows that up with an elbowsmash to the groin (nuts) of Michaels while he is still trapped in that hold. Thez finally lets go of him and Michaels rolls down in pain. Valentine seizes the opportunity and drops a kneesmash into Thez while Flair stalks Michaels. Michaels is in no condition to fight back after being stretched by Thez, elbowed several times in the head by Valentine and having Flair perform an elbowdrop to his balls!! Flair loves this as he picks up the helpless Michaels and chops him at will in the corner. Meanwhile, Valentine is trying to get Thez out with no avail as Lou has a death-grip on the top and middle ropes. This is the way it goes on as the period ends for another competitor to come in.

It is "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan!! He comes down in a white tank top, blue jeans, tennis shoes and his 2 X 4 plank. He gets into the ring and surveys the situation. He sees Valentine trying to get Lou Thez out of the ring. Duggan responds to that by clobbering Valentine between the shoulderblades with his trusty board!!

Valentine falls backwards to the canvas. Duggan lets out a "HOOOOOO!" to the Texas crowd as they respond in kind. Flair comes in from behind with a knee to the back that only gets Duggan's attention. Flair chops at the "Hacksaw" to no avail. Duggan then jabs Flair in the gut with the board and hits him in the back with it!

Flair falls to his knees after that hit. Duggan goes to work with right hands to the face of Flair, re-opening that cut which had stopped bleeding slightly. Meanwhile, Michaels and Thez are going at it with Thez hooking him in a "Tiger" suplex!! Thez feels that he has Michaels ready so he goes to lift him up to get him over the top rope. As he picks him up, Michaels delivers a low blow and dumps the legend over the top himself. So Thez is gone from The Royal Rumble.

Remaining in the ring are Flair, Duggan, Valentine and Michaels. Flair, Valentine and Michaels decide it would be best to get rid of "Hacksaw" then worry about each other. The three heels move in on Duggan, who manages to fight them off at first. Still, the numbers catch up with him as Flair and Co. have him now. They are attempting to get him over as the period ends.

Up next to join this mayhem is former two time WWF World Champion Bruno Sammartino. He is wearing traditional ring wear. He races to the ring and sees that Flair, Valentine and Michaels have their backs to him (they are trying to get rid of Duggan). Bruno takes advantage and dumps Valentine over the top rope!! Valentine is gone from the Rumble and he is hot!!

Duggan has now regained his balance and is slugging away at Michaels while legends Flair and Sammartino hook it up. Sammartino has a distinct advantage right now over Flair due to the punishment that Flair received earlier in the bout. Bruno is peppering Flair with right hands and kicks that has Flair reeling along the ropes. Meanwhile, Duggan has taken over on Shawn Michaels. He throws Michaels over the top rope but Michaels hangs on and swings back inside to prevent elimination.

Michaels is near the steel chair that's still in the ring. Michaels throws it at Duggan but Duggan catches it. It turns out, however, that it was a set up as Michaels goes for his "Sweet Chin Music" superkick. Duggan, showing surprising savvy, ducks with the chair in hand. Michaels turns around to see Duggan throw the chair at him. Michaels catches the chair but he was being set up as Duggan throws a hard right hand to the chair, thus clocking Michaels in the head. Michaels goes down.

In the meantime, Bruno has Flair in a bearhug and in a corner, trying to lift him out of the ring. Flair is holding on for dear life as the clock runs down for our next competitor.

It is WCW Cruiserweight Champion Dean "The Ice Man" Malenko. He comes to the ring in traditional ring attire. Malenko comes in and goes for "Hacksaw." Michaels is just getting up to his feet from the "chair-punch" he took earlier on. Duggan takes over on a slugfest and has Malenko against the ropes early. Malenko gets underneath Duggan and tries to lift the 280 pound man up and over. He does get him up but not over.

Michaels, seeing opportunity, runs from across the ring and dropkicks Duggan in the back of the head. This, along with Malenko's lifting, was enough to get Duggan out of there!!! Duggan is gone. Michaels, showing tremendous heart, is now battling the "Ice Man" tooth and nail. Meanwhile, Flair has just nailed Sammartino with a vertical suplex. Flair, bloody and all, gets up and delivers his patented knee to the head of Bruno. Michaels, believe it or not, actually has Malenko down and is putting the boots to him. He picks up Malenko and executes a bodyslam on him.

Michaels then goes to the top rope, with difficulty I might add, and gets in his elbowsmash on "The Man Of A 1,000 Holds." That move, however, seems to have taken as much out of Michaels as it did Malenko.

LAWLER: How can Michaels still be in this thing after the punishment that he has taken? It is unbelievable!!

ROSS: I have to agree with you there. Flair's taken a pretty good beating as well. These two were numbers 6 and 7 respectively and they are still in this matchup. Flair is a bloody mess but Michaels has been beat almost to death and they are still fighting in that ring!!

As Ross and Lawler commentate, Michaels is on his feet again but is met by a right hand from Bruno. Michaels fires back with a right of his own as Flair goes to work on Malenko. He picks up Malenko's legs and drops a knee into his "privates." This occurs when the period ends.

Coming down at break neck speed is WCW United States Champion Chris Benoit!! He comes down in black jeans, black cowboy boots and no shirt. He hits the ring and confronts Flair. Flair stares "The Crippler" down and gives him a shove. Benoit responds with a slap to the face and the two men begin to battle. Flair goes to his chops but Benoit answers with hard chops of his own that stagger the former champion. He chops Flair back into a corner. Meanwhile, Bruno goes for his backbreaker on Michaels but Shawn saves himself by poking Bruno in the eyes. As Michaels backs up to the center of the ring, his back bumps into the back of Benoit. The two turn around and face each other!!

ROSS: Oh, my god!! Folks, we may be getting a preview of WCW SuperBrawl next month as these two men, regardless whether or not either one wins a shot at the WWF Title, will face each other for the WCW Title.

LAWLER: We may have SuperBrawl right here and now in Houston!!

Indeed, Michaels and Benoit are exchanging punches on each other. The other wrestlers (Flair, Sammartino and Malenko) have stopped to view this match up. Benoit gets the better of the exchange but Michaels stops it with a poke to the eye. Michaels now whips Benoit into the ropes but Benoit reverses it. He catches Michaels, throws him up into the air, and catches him in a "Gut-Buster"!! Michaels quickly heads to a corner on his knees with Benoit in hot pursuit. Benoit follows him in with kicks to the back and kidney area of Michaels. Michaels is in more pain now than ever.

"Get up!!" yells Benoit at a struggling Shawn. Shawn fights back with a right hand that only brushed against Benoit. Michaels gets some momentum and the second one had more effect. Shawn then grabs Benoit by the hair, goes up to the top rope from the inside, puts on leg on Benoit's head and neck, jumps off, and drives his head into mat with his leg!! Michaels slowly makes his way up to his feet as he has Benoit hurt with the time running down for another competitor to come in.