Synopsis
: Kira the Night Elf stars in Azeroth's first porn film. A goofy light comedy with plenty of sex. A World of Warcraft story.
Author's Note:
A commission I wrote for someone. Enjoy!
THE PORNSHOOT OF AZEROTH
Section I.
The chains rattled on my bedside as I wrenched my arms around frantically. Metal shackles were clasped tight around my wrists. I grit my teeth; there was no way out!
"Hahahah! Try and escape now, Princess! You have been defeated and kidnapped! And now, you shall become my sexual plaything!"
"Th-these shackles!" I cried out, wincing in pain. "They're so, SO tight around my wrists. But you'll never have your way with me, you uncouth orc! Sir Rob, my one true love, will rescue me!"
"Oh, will he now?! Let's see him--uhh--try! I'll uhhh... you know, kick his uhh--"
"Cut! Cut! Cut!" a disgruntled voice bellowed. "Grom! Don't tell me you forgot your lines AGAIN?"
Oh God. I heaved a sigh. This was the fourth take and Grom was somehow still messing up his lines?!
Hello! Before you start to wonder, my name is Kira. I have long white hair, purple skin, and bright, glowing eyes. I'm a 21-year-old Night Elf from Kalimdor, born relatively high by the grace of my lineage. But having found myself at a crossroads in my life, and running desperately out of coin from a bad case of poor spending habits, I decided I needed a reliable form of income. And so, just one week before, I agreed to meet with an eccentric dwarf by the name of Khornin.
"This is a fantastic opportunity," Khornin said that night, having coaxed me for a drink at the tavern. He was bearded and dressed in blue Dwarvish robes with a flat cap and a pair of blackened goggles. I figured that he might have simply desired a one-night stand, and at the time I would have been happy to provide that.
"My business partner Vidollo has invented a device that will allow us to capture moving pictures and sound! He calls it a camera," Khornin exclaimed enthusiastically. "And with this new camera, I will create something called a 'film'! These films I will distribute across all Azeroth in pop-up booths. And all those who wish to see these films will pay a fee. Tis a grand idea! Marvelous!"
"Uh-huh," I said, downing a mug of ale with obvious disinterest. "And... why am I relevant to all this?"
"You, Kira," he grinned. "Will be my film's star attraction! You want to be famous, don't you?"
"Fame?" I sighed. "Not fame! Coin! Gold sovereigns! Now are we going upstairs to do the deed or not?"
"Oh, Kira! I need no such ephemeral pleasures of the flesh. Nay! If my film is successful, we both shall swim in such pools of gold that money troubles will be a thing of the past!"
"So you say," I said, not believing a word of it. "What makes you think your... 'moving' pictures will be successful?"
"A good question, Kira! Very good question! It will be successful for the same reason that drew me to you!"
"And that is?"
"Sex! Fornication! Eroticism! Lust! ORGASMS!" He shouted manically, drawing eyes to their table.
"Shush! Just shut up! Okay, okay! I'll do it!" I begged. "Just don't... scream it out like that!"
"Excellent!" He grinned from ear to ear. "It will be bold! New! It will have adventure, betrayal, true love! A masterpiece of fancy and fluids! Heroic! In fact, I shall call it 'Herotica'! I must find our leading man! I must cast our villain--!"
And on and on he went on in a creative tirade of Dwarvish. Little did I know what I had gotten myself into.
One week later, I was chained to a bed in a small, ill-furnished hut. The budget for our film was clearly lacking. But even so, Khornin had decided to dress me in a very revealing, leather bikini top and loincloth, fitting so snugly as to accentuate the curves of my body and the admittedly prodigious swells of my breasts. Khornin had obviously chosen me for those two specific reasons, but for the moment I could not hate him for it if what he said was true. And I rather liked the idea of the many men of the world gazing upon my body and finding comfort in it.
But Grom, my Orcish co-star with a massive body and a bulldog-like jaw who played the villain of the film, had unfortunately not memorized his lines.
"Grom! How many times have I told you! The line is: kick his ass!"
"But Director Khornin, I can't say things like that on film!"
"Ugh!" He groaned.
I continued to watch them bicker as I lay quietly on the bed. And when the pair had at last compromised, I nearly yawned in boredom despite having felt a modicum of sexual excitement just minutes ago.
"Alright! Take five!" bellowed Khornin. "Final take! Get it right!"
Here we go!
The cameraman Vidollo, a gnome seated on a small stool, began to roll the camera.
I struggled on the bed once more, acting like a damsel in distress. Standing before me, Grom was dressed from head to toe in the most typical armor an orc could wear. Myriad leather straps and spiky armor were belted around his massive torso, and he held an obviously fake axe that had been painted grey so as to resemble metal.
"These shackles are SO tight around my wrists. I can't possibly escape!" I cried out. "But you'll never have my way with me! My true love, the Guard Captain, is on his way!"
"Oh, is he now?" Grom chuckled menacingly. "Let's see him TRY! I'll kiss his ass!"
KICK his ass, you buffoon! I swore internally.
I saw Khornin's palm on his face. "Nevermind, we'll fix it in post--" He mumbled. "Continue!"
"W-what are you going to do with me?" I shouted helplessly. "Are you... are you..."
I exaggerated a gulp as I fidgeted my thighs.
"That's right!" Grom laughed. "You will become my SLAVE OF SEX! I shall partake in your youthful, virgin flesh and spill my Orcish essence deep within you! And you, Princess Kira, shall relish every moment!"
"Never! The Guard Captain will save me any moment now!"
"You mean--" Grom grinned menacingly. "The Guard Captain Robert who I killed last week?"
"What?!"
"We were engaged on the battlements, fighting to the death on the tallest tower! He was a formidable opponent, I admit. But then he--HAH--tripped and FELL to his death!
"No! No, it's not true! That's impossible!" I screamed.
"Search your heart! You know it to be true!"
"NOOO!"
With that, the huge orc grabbed at his belt. With one, deft stroke, he tore his costume whole from his bulky frame, stripping naked in less than a second. His huge, green manhood sprung to life in an instant, shoving itself obnoxiously before the camera lens and nearly smearing it with precum. Vidollo the cameraman nearly dropped the camera at the sight of it.
Khornin had clearly chosen Grom for his size.
"It's huge!" I screamed in spite of myself. "Is that massive, orc cock going inside me?"
Suddenly, there came a loud, boisterous voice as deep as a lake.
"NOT if I can help it!"
A ray of sunlight blanketed the room as the thick, wooden door flew open in a cloud of dust. The silhouette of a large, musclebound man in glittering silver armor stepped into the room wielding a thick, gem-encrusted sword. Curly brown hair tumbled over his large forehead. And his obnoxious, handlebar mustache barely concealed a pompous, toothy grin.
"Never fear! Sir Robert is here!"
It was Robert, my actual partner for the film. He barely needed to act; this was his personality even off-set.
"You?!" Grom cried out. "How are you alive?!"
"Hah! Heroes NEVER die from falls! Only villains, villain!"
"No! This can't be!"
Grom reached for his sword that he had dropped to the floor, but it was too late. With one movement, Robert lunged forward and plugged the painted sword into Grom's armpit, leaving it there.
"Grah! This can't... be happening..."
Grom cried out in anguish, doubling over and hitting the bookshelves and bottles in the most dramatic fashion I had ever seen. Clutching the blade, he attempted to pull out the weapon even as he feigned gurgling blood in his mouth. And with what seemed like two whole minutes later, he finally fell to the rug and became still.
"Oh, Sir Robert! You came for me! You really did!" I put on the happiest smile I could.
"I did indeed, my Princess Kira!" He nodded, furrowing a bushy, heroic brow. "Let me get you out of those uncomfortable-looking shackles!"
He fumbled with the key he had taken from Grom's clothes, and for a moment he was visibly frustrated that they weren't coming off as planned. I decided to improvise.
"Oh Robert, you saved me from a fate worse than death! How could I possibly repay you?!" I wrapped my arms around him. He smelled of horses and sweat.