The Perfect Pill

Chapter 10: The Tomb Raider & The End Of The Line

JULY 25, 2003.

After almost two months of touring Europe with Gwen and No Doubt, everyone was ready to close another touring chapter and open one of rest.

I woke up that morning in Southern California-to be specific-in the bed of Gwen Stefani...covered in sweat from a love fest the previous night.

A wake up kiss and a wake up hump started off the perfect day that would become the perfect night.

On the counter, there were two tickets to the premiere of Tomb Raider 2 with the company of the lovely Gwen...my final mission was going to be just fine.

The premiere was filled with stars and wannabes. I was ill prepared for the tons of interviews that I would have to give before the film's outstanding debut.

As the movie came and went, I was surprised and shocked at the ending of such an excellent sequel.

As the credits began to roll, I felt Gwen grip my hand with all her strength as we began to whisper back and forth.

G: Are we going to the after party?

B: Who's gonna be there?

G: It's a smaller one...with Ali Landry and some other big stars. Angelina supposed to be coming too.

B: All right then...if you want to go.

We kissed for a REALLY long moment before standing up to leave.

We walked through the front of the theatre and found our limo.

A few moments later, we were at a plush L.A. mansion.

As we climbed from the limo, Gwen smiled at me in a lustful way and then we entered the house.

As the front door opened, I noticed the extremely tame and neat surroundings, especially for something in the Silicone City.

It was 10pm when we arrived and the party was jumping until around 3 the next morning...without seeing Angelina.

Gwen and I mingled amongst some of Hollywood's greatest-like George Clooney, Brad Pitt, and Charlize Theron.

At 3am, the party thinned out and I never saw Angelina during the whole night.

As we left, my cell phone rang and I was excited to hear the beautiful voice on the other end.

After hanging up the phone, I told the driver to take us to a mansion just outside of Los Angeles.

We pulled up around 3:20 and got out as the car pulled away.

It was very quiet as we entered the house.

After we entered, I noticed that it was pitch black. Suddenly, the door slammed and locked automatically...then, the lights came up and I was shocked at what I saw.

The eleven women that I had fucked over the last year, all sitting throughout the room.

I quickly panned the room and exchanged smiles with each of them.

Shortly there after, Sheila entered from a bedroom upstairs, smiling like the sun shines.

She stood in front of a stone textured fireplace as it suddenly lit to a roaring fire...and then, she spoke.

S: "Brad...you are here to make a very important decision about your future. You have several choices to choose from and many beautiful ladies to live with for all eternity."

B: "Wow...I had not idea that I had to make such a difficult choice."

She smiled.

S: oh, don't worry, dear...you have all the time you need to make your decisions...after all, they are about your eternal happiness-in a literal fashion."

I started to remember all the fun days and nights and days that I had had with these lovely ladies...I found it hard to choose, all of them were perfect and beautiful.

Throughout the remainder of the night, I pondered my choices but I was almost never alone even when I went to take a leak.

As I shut the bathroom door and unzipped my fly, the shower curtain began to move.

I walked over and pulled the curtain way...to my dismay, I found Angelina Jolie, in a bubble filled tub.

B: "Whoa...I didn't realize that there was somebody in here."

A: "Well, you do now...what are you going to do about it?"

B: "I'm gonna apologize and go piss in the kitchen sink."

A: "Chanting...but, you really have a lot on your mind, am I right?"

I sighed and stared into her beautifully haunting blue eyes. I froze and quickly sat down on the toilet lid.

B: "I have so much shit and so many possibilities to deal with right now...and I still have to deal with your beauty."

She smiled deviously and zinged me back.

A: "You're just gonna have to wait...I'm so full of surprises."

I shifted an eyebrow and turned to leave the room.

As I walked down to the living room, I was caught by my first fucking victim/lover...Pink.

P: "Hey Sexy."

I smiled shyly and walked down the stairs to the living room, in hopes of catching something interesting on TV...but, as usual, 450 channels and nothing but the same episode of Gilligan's Island.

I found a comfortable leather couch in the corner of the room and fell asleep for a brief moment.

When I awoke, I had come to a decision.

I got up and walked towards the fireplace, where all of the ladies were waiting to find out who I had chosen to live my perfect life with: courtesy of the perfect pill.

I made my way over to Sheila and whispered my decision into her ear...her face showed a sly smile as she reached for a remote control, located on a coffee table.

S: "Well ladies, Brad has made a decision as to his fate and I'm going to announce that shortly...but, first-I'm going to show him what would have happened had he chosen any of the eleven other fine ladies.

With the push of a button, a flat screen TV came down from the ceiling and the lights dimmed.

Suddenly, the screen flashed, as the clips were set into motion.

As the show continued, I was incredibly glad that I had made the decision that I had because of the series of misfortunes that occurred with each of the other ladies.

The screen and lights rose as Sheila again stepped forward to state the obvious.

S: "Obviously ladies, Brad chose to live with Cameron and that concludes the test study of the so-called "Perfect Pill"...Thank you and there is coffee and cake waiting in the kitchen."

I smiled as I wondered over to the dumbfounded Cameron Diaz, as she sat on the kitchen counter.

I entered the kitchen, picked her up, and made the way to her car.

She gave me the keys and we drove back to San Diego.

When we arrived back at her place, I carried her inside and locked the door with little time wasted.

THE NEXT MORNING

I woke up beside the one woman who I was to spend the rest of my life with and I was so overjoyed.

Then, came a knock at the door.

I was surprised but not entirely shocked as I saw who stood in the doorframe.

It was my favorite Guru, Sheila, dressed as a maid.

I turned back to the sleeping Cameron and then back to Sheila.

She motioned for me to move towards her.

I exited the bed carefully and complied.

We walked to the hallway and she started to expel a stream of ideas.

She wanted to tell me about everything that was ahead of me but I refused.

In the end, Cameron and I lived together happily for eternity.

And thanks to the pills I gained additional stamina over the years that I would use it.

As for the rest of the world, The Perfect Pill became even more successful than Viagra and it even slowed the divorce rate to around 15%.

It happened because I helped Cameron to change the effects of the pill down so that the men (or women) who used it would imagine their partner was the actual celebrity fuck...instead of sending the user through time and space.

As for Cameron and I, we got married in Vegas and had three daughters and a son.

They grew up and lived successful lives.

Our oldest daughter, Chloe, took over the company after Cameron retired in 2030.

Our middle daughter, Jade, became a famed director in the field of slapstick comedy.

Our son, Jonas, started an internet company and was it's CEO...until it went bust...He now writes the screenplays to Jade's films.

Our youngest daughter, Harmony, grew up to become an actress herself...and to top it all off-she is an exact clone for her lovely mother.

Cameron didn't age on the outside and stayed young forever.

We can still make love like the first time...all these years later.

As for Sheila...she has stayed on as our housekeeper, very happily for almost 35 years now.

And just between you and me, Sheila and I have a long standing appoint to "Rock the Casbah" inside the pool house out back.

And sometimes, Cameron joins us in our fun but usually it's just a one on one affair.

I have truly found the perfect pill.