"Tonight on Fox 11. Where is The King Of SEXXX? He hasn't been seen in a week and no one seems to know where he is. More tonight at 10... I'm Christine Divine, see you then."
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Where am I? Odds are, I'm somewhere fucking. That's what most people would think. Maybe I am. Maybe... I'm not.
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"I honestly don't know where he is." My girl Kate Upton tells those snoopy motherfuckers at TMZ as she gets in her car. Kate takes off and makes a call.
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"The only person that would know is either Kelly (Porn Queen Kelly Madison) or his mom (Kathie Lee Gifford). Yeah... I forgot about Drita (Mob Wives Star Drita D'Avanzo). She might know. I'll give her a call." One of my wives Kim Kardashian tells Kate... another of my wives.
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"He's fine, Kim. He just wants some private time right now. He's fucking stressed out, so he's just chillin. He's fine, I promise." Drita reassures Kim.
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"I bet he's having one of his drug binges with a couple of his hot friends. I would put money on that." A TMZ dude tells his boss. Dumbasses think they actually know me... maybe they do... or...
A cemetery in Brooklyn...
"We had a lot of good times, dude. Some fucked up good times. Ha. Maybe I shouldn't have ever left home. If I would've stayed in New York, maybe we would still be having those fucked up good times." Pouring some rum beside my best friends grave. I'm chillin, sitting here, having a drink with my best buddy. He got killed recently. Mob shit.
We each take a different path in life. Mine was towards the sex world. His... was to here. I've got several old friends that went the crime route. It's sad. Two others are in the same situation as ol Tommy here. Gunned down on the streets.
Tommy and I have been best friends since first grade. Kinda fell out of touch with him for awhile when I first went out to LA in 85. We got back in touch and had been hanging out pretty regularly since. But... real life stepped in and fucked up our fun times.
People think I'm just a sex maniac. I'm definitely a sex maniac. But... I also have another side. Loyalty and friendship mean a lot to me. When you've been best friends with someone for 46 years it scars you when they die. Yep... even me.
"Well... buddy... guess I better get back home." I get to one knee and put my right hand on the tombstone. I pause, thinking about my friend. I never cry... but, I almost do this time. "Love you, brother. Rest in peace." I kiss the tombstone and get up.
Drita walks over to me and hugs me. She's crying. I put my left arm around her and hold her, kissing her head. I take the bottle of rum and chug a shot. I hand it to Drita and she does too. She smiles at me. We kiss.
"And one for Fatty B." I pour out a shot for my best friend Tommy. His nickname was Fatty B. Aptly names, cause of his big ass, fat ol balls. Sometimes nicknames just happen... pretty damn easily. (Smiling salute to my old pal)
"To Fatty B." Drita cheers, teary eyed.
We walk back to her car, hugging, comforting each other. Back to the real world... or my real world. It's gonna get freaky so get ready...
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The LA skyline when you're approaching LAX is always a welcoming sight to me. Even though I'm a native New Yorker, I've become an LA guy. I've lived here longer than I lived back home. I'm 52 and I've been in LA since I was 18. The porn world seduced me and drew me out here.
We're descending. Drita smiles at me. She puts her hand in my lap and rubs my massive bulge through my black leather pants. She looks around, then unzips my pants and pulls my soft cock out. She kisses me, then lowers her gorgeous head into my lap and licks all over my huge, mushroom head. She kisses it, leaving red lip prints on it. I pull out my camera and take some pics.
A few people look over and gossip amongst themselves. I smirk. Drita sucks me in, jerking my ridiculously fat shaft as she sucks me off. She gets me hard quickly, then beautifully bobs that dirty blonde head of hers on my massive meat. I put my hand on the back of her head and keep taking pics. Drita poses with my big ass cock in her mouth.
She massages my fat balls, and sucks me faster, licking all around my bulging shaft, bobbing her head faster and faster. Those jizz craving lips of hers are so tightly wrapped around my shaft, she's got me ready to pop. Drita senses it and sucks harder, wanting my cum badly. I close my eyes and feed it to her. Drita sucks out every thick, creamy drop. Several thick ropes of thick jizz shoot into her mouth and Drita eagerly drinks it all down, sucking me bone dry. She kisses all over my happy cock and balls, then rubs them as we kiss.
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I call for my cousin Spence (The King Of Queens) to come pick us up. Kelly comes with him. She was in Frisco with my mom on business. She just got in a few hours before me.
Kelly, Drita and I make out in the back seat of my pimped out, root beer and crème colored Bentley. Swagg pimp living... always. Spence watches in the rear view mirror while trying not to get in an accident.