Chapter One: A Very, Merry, Emilia Clarke Christmas
It's difficult to know how to even begin writing this. Of course, there are many who would prefer that I not even try. If this got out with my name attached, I would probably be in some amount of trouble, so I'll have to be careful about what I say.
I suppose I should start by introducing myself. Hello. I am a producer of films and television, and this is my journal. I have held my position for the last 15 years. Unless you are living under a rock, I am confident that you have watched projects that my hands have touched. No, I will not tell you my name.
Spilling Hollywood secrets is something of a taboo in the industry. Especially the kinds of secrets that I will be spilling in this journal.
I'm sure you know that the industry was rocked a few years ago with the fall of industry titans whose names you already know and the uncovering of the seedier underbelly of Hollywood, but really, that was only the tip of the iceberg in terms of Hollywood secrets. Not all of them are quite as vile as those connected the the #MeToo movement, but these secrets run just as deep and have for a long time. Much longer than I've been in the industry.
I'll just come out and say it. Believe it or not, most actresses that you know have traded sexual favors for prestigious roles and career advancement. Now, why didn't all of them come forward during the #MeToo movement? Because there is a stark difference between what those awful men did and what I believe to be more of the norm. I will not mince my words when I say that there were rapists in the industry and that they needed to be exiled from our business and locked up for good. But what I believe to be a much more common experience is the entirely consensual trading of favors that has ruled the industry for a long time. Is this ethical? Perhaps not, but it is the way the industry has worked for a long time, and I don't expect to see a change any time soon.
It all comes down to supply and demand. At every level of prestige, from the biggest awards-bait movies down to cable television, there are more people looking to get cast than there are parts to go around, and people are willing to do whatever -- and I mean whatever -- it takes to get them. This is the way it has always worked.
I learned this firsthand on my very first day on the job back in 2006. I came into the industry with the best intentions. I'd heard the rumors, and I knew I was never going to make anyone feel like they had to do something they didn't want to. But I was naive and didn't really understand the way things worked. I could say that I was not going to run a "casting couch," but I quickly found myself faced with the expectations of the ways things have always operated. In this specific instance, an actress that absolutely everyone reading this knows came into my office and showed me firsthand the way things operated in this town.
That's a story that I can't wait to share with you, but I don't think it's the right time for that yet. But I felt like I had to mention it just to illustrate that the relationship between producers and actresses (and yes, in some cases, actors too) has always been more intimate than the public knows. Like I said, I really had no idea until I was faced with this reality, and it opened my eyes.
Ever since that day, I've had many interactions with many, many actresses. Some of them incredibly transactional, but occasionally some of them have been far more interesting.
And that's what I'd like to share today in this first journal entry. As I write this, today is Christmas 2021, and I was thinking back on Christmases past and some of the incredible experiences I've had in my life, especially since joining the industry 15 years ago. Above all, one Christmas stands out in my memory as the greatest Christmas of my life.
It was December 2015, and I was in London for a party. No one in this industry has ever been able to resist the temptation to throw a party, and of course Christmastime is no different. But this wasn't any ordinary Christmas party. With awards season on the horizon, this was an event meant for BAFTA members to get together and discuss the films of the past year before awards season kicked into gear in the new year. This was everyone's opportunity to rub shoulders in a laidback way and just discuss what they thought were the films of the year.
Typically, this is not an event I would attend. While I do love a good party, I try not to make any more international flights than I have to. I'm in London countless times a year for premieres and I would be here for the actual BAFTA awards before long, so I was planning to skip out on this one.
That was until Emilia Clarke told me to go.
Now is probably the right time to say that since 2012, Emilia Clarke has been one of my most frequent -- and favorite -- hookups. We met just before she began filming
Game of Thrones
' third season. She came into my office to discuss why the time was right for her to begin to transition from television to the silver screen, and her, uh...
argument...
was extremely compelling. It just so happened that there was a part in a movie we were putting together that she was perfect for, which I of course gave her, and she's been grateful ever since.
It was pretty quickly that what transpired between Emilia and I went from her showing gratitude to something of a real bond developing between us. I think it was safe to say that we enjoyed each other's company -- and not just when she wanted something from me or I had something to offer her. To put it simply, the relationship between Emilia and I quickly moved from business to pleasure. I would never say we were dating -- I don't think that was something Emilia was particularly interested in, and I certainly enjoyed my freedom -- but it has been nearly a decade of spending time in each other's company.
So, that is to say, when Emilia asked me to come to London for the Christmas party, I said yes. We'd known each other for just over three years at that point, and that was long enough for me to have learned that when Emilia Clarke asks you to do something, it's usually worth it to say yes.
That's why not only was I in London for this party, but I had also booked a specific room at a specific hotel that Emilia had requested. I would have been more than happy to return to Emilia's flat after the party, especially since she wasn't dating anyone at the time. But something I learned long ago about Emilia is that she loves fancy things, and if we were going to party then we might as well do it in style. So, I booked the suite she requested.
It was a blustery, snowy day when my flight touched down at Heathrow on Friday afternoon, but the weather wasn't so bad to affect the flight at all, thankfully. You'd think I'd be used to it flying as often as I do for work, but I still get all screwed up by a rocky flight. I collected my belongings and called an Uber to take me from the airport to the hotel.
"Oy! You ████, mate?!" a short, pudgy man stepped out from behind the wheel of a Toyota Corolla and yelled at me. I recognized him from my app as Jack, my driver.
"Yeah, that's me. Hi, Jack."
"Well, hurry up, you? I haven't got bloody all day, have I?"
Had this been my first time in London, I may have been taken aback by his brash, inhospitable demeanor, but I was used to it by now. Customer service was more often than not just like that here.
The ride to the hotel only took about a half hour or so, but it was long enough to really get into the Christmas spirit. With the snow falling and the city decorated for the season, it did a lot to get me in the mood, and suddenly I was really excited for that night.
It didn't take long once at the hotel to get checked in and make my way up to the suite on the 45th floor, and as soon as I opened the door, I knew why Emilia had picked this one out. It was incredibly nice. Nice, but not tacky. This wasn't a suite with obnoxious excess at every corner with a toilet made of gold or anything like that, but it was certainly fancy enough. On the wall was a TV that had to be at
least
