"I can't believe you didn't tell me!"
Belcarm's anger resurfaced as soon as their bedroom door was shut behind them.
"With everything that's been going on lately it was honestly the last thing on my mind," Livinia said, hands held up in front of her. "I'm sorry Bel, I really am."
"It would have taken one minute Liv! All you had to do was tell me and that's it!"
Livinia could understand Belcarm's anger, she truly could. She could only begin to imagine the way it would feel to find out the person you love is betrothed to another. The more that she thought about it, the more she thought that Belcarm might feel the same way that she felt when she found out about it the first time.
"It is just one of those formalities Belcarm, that's all. If I didn't do it Kalendras would have either had to wed that stupid cow or have to live the rest of his life alone."
"And I would have no problem with either of those outcomes!" Belcarm snapped back.
Livinia's eyes widened and she crossed her arms over her chest. Belcarm met her look of shock with his own stubborn glare. Livinia was tempted to smack that stubborn look off his face. Despite his harsh words Livinia knew that Belcarm had come to begrudgingly respect Kalendras and she was sure that, in a different situation, he wouldn't wish that upon his comrade.
"So now what, you fuck him and then you are married?" Belcarm asked.
"Bel, it's not that simple-"
"That's right. He still has to ask the council, right? Well, once they've given their blessings you'll be free to become mates and then you won't need me around any more."
"Belcarm!" Livinia gasped. Belcarm continued to glare at her. "Don't do this. You know I love you. This Peh'ahroon is just a complication. Whatever happens between myself and Kalendras changes nothing; I love you both equally, titles aside."
Livinia took a step closer to her irate lover and reached out, putting a hand on his shoulder gently.
"So what if the Tauren council decides to grant you the right to be his mate?" Belcarm asked, eyes glittering with a peculiar mix of anger and hurt.
Livinia took a deep breath. That was something she was unsure of herself. As she'd told him; so much had happened in the past few weeks that she hadn't had time to think about it.
"I don't know Bel, I really don't," Livinia said, shoulders falling in defeat. "Part of me thinks that it isn't really a big deal, you know? Neither Kalendras or I would gain anything more from it being official than the right to call each other mate. Either way it's just a title."
Livinia took her hand of Belcarm's shoulder and looked around their room. It was slowly getting dark and she was getting tired. This line of conversation was emotionally draining and she really didn't have the energy for it.
"It would be the same if you and I were to marry. Nothing would change for me apart from the fact that I would call you husband," Livinia's voice was resigned now, and she could feel the beginnings of a head ache threatening to turn into something bigger.
"And would you marry me if I asked you to?" Belcarm asked, his voice cracked, suddenly he sounded less angry and more vulnerable. The change of tone in the conversation swept Livinia off her feet. She looked back at him, eyebrows arched.
"It's like I said Belcarm, if we did get married nothing would change, not in my heart."
Livinia's heart pounded as Belcarm's gaze locked onto her own. They both knew that she hadn't answered his question properly, but Livinia said how she truly felt.
"Would marrying me change the way you feel about me?" Livinia asked.
"No." Belcarm's response was firm and immediate. Livinia just shrugged in response and now it was his turn to cross his arms over his broad chest.
"I'm going to bed," Livinia said gently. She got to her toes and placed a chaste kiss on his lips before turning and walking towards the adjoined bathing room. She rung the bell pull and waited for some hot water to be brought up to her. As she waited she tried to think about anything but the peh'aroon.
Livinia had a lot of trouble getting to sleep that night. Belcarm hadn't returned to their room until later. When he slipped into bed she remained facing away from him and pretended to sleep, not wanting to get into another frustrating discussion. After a few moments she felt his lips press against her cheek before he turned and settled into sleep.Livinia pulled away from Belcarm and turned to face the opposite direction. Once his breathing had turned slow and measured, Livinia's mind turned to other dramas. Mitrae's trial would be the next morning and Livinia found it difficult to doze off with the knowledge that d that he could be found innocent and released. The thought of him having his freedom made her sick, and she knew that if she tried to get justice she would be the one to end up in jail. With a deep sigh she tried to put thoughts of the verdict out of her mind, whatever would come the next day was out of her hands. It wasn't until Belcarm turned over and wrapped his arms around her protectively that she finally managed to drift off to sleep.
~*~
The following day Livinia hunted down her Aunt just after she and Belcarm had finished breakfast. Belcarm had excused himself, saying that he had to go and get some of his items repaired, but Livinia had a strong suspicion that he really just needed time to think about things. She couldn't blame him either. The situation was strange, and something that none of the three of them could ever have imagined. They just had to figure out how to make it work as best as they could.
"There you are!" Livinia said as she walked into the office on the second story.
"Hmm?" Caristra looked up from a pile of parchment that she was thumbing through and smiled "Just doing a bit of paperwork," Caristra replied, putting the pile to the side and motioning to the vacant chair near the bookcase. "How are you feeling?"
"Good..." Livinia replied, sinking into the overstuffed arm chair. "Well, the cramps are gone... and speaking at the trial helped me to get things of my chest."
"That's good," Caristra said with an approving smile. "And you know that the verdict from Swiftspell's trial is today?"
"Oh yes," Livinia said with a nervous laugh "It's not far from my mind..." She sighed.
"Why don't you and Belcarm go and join your Guild Mates on a raid?" Caristra asked.
"Without Kal? No, it wouldn't feel right." Livinia replied, she'd already considered it. The idea of sinking some of her arrows into some thick flesh sounded highly therapeutic, but knowing that Kalendras was imprisoned in Thunder Bluff would dampen the satisfaction.
"His trial is in a couple of days isn't it?" Caristra asked.
"Yeah. The letter you gave me yesterday was from one of the Tauren Elders requesting that Bel and I attend."
"Do you want me to come along for moral support?"
"Well, I wouldn't mind actually. I think it would be good to have you there. Will the elders allow you in though?" Livinia said with a shrug, her aunt laughed.
"It shouldn't be any trouble."Caristra said dismissively "I have some good connections in Thunder Bluff."
"Did you come to Mitrae's trial?" Livinia asked, her cheeks flushing a deep red.
"No, I couldn't, I hope you'll forgive me for not being there. Unfortunately I have dealt with bastards like Mitrae before- I had no inclination to recall my own memories about events such as those. Plus, I find it comforting to know that there is always someone who doesn't know exactly what you've been through- gives you a bit of space."
Livinia looked at her Aunt with her eyebrows knitting together. Her aunt had been through a similar situation before? She had no idea.
"When you say that you've dealt with bastards like Mitrae-"
"When I was new to my business," Caristra said with a sad smile "I got a bit careless. I was gone for two weeks before your mother alerted authorities." Livinia gasped in horror.
"How did you deal with it?" Livinia asked in a small voice.
"Much the same way you are. Except I didn't have two lovely gentlemen to help me through it. You are doing well Liv. I won't lie and say that you'll forget all about it, but in time the pain will dull and you'll be able to go for weeks at a time without thinking about it... But come, you didn't seek me out to talk about me?" Livinia laughed and shook her head.
"No, actually, I was hoping for some advice," Livinia said heavily, Caristra's perfectly shaped eyebrows rose high and her face was a picture of curiosity.
"Of course Liv, I'm always willing to offer any tidbits of wisdom."
"Well, after the Diplomat's Ball Kal and I ended up in Thunder Bluff and I discovered that his Peh'ahroon had already happened and that he was already betrothed. I, quite impulsively, challenged his future mate... I won the challenge and therefore the right to be his mate and, if Baine agrees, we'll be classed as married in the Tauren culture when we have sex next."
"Oh my," Caristra said with a symptathetic but amused smile. Liv sighed heavily. "And what does Belcarm know of all of this?"
"He found out yesterday, and not in the best way. I hadn't had a chance to tell him and Kal let it slip when we were talking," Livinia replied, "He's angry, and I completely understand, but I just don't know what to do."
Caristra looked at Livinia thoughtfully.
"What do you want to do?"
"I still want them. Both of them. I know that next time I'm with Kal we'll become mates, but it doesn't mean I love Belcarm any less."
"Of course it doesn't. Though I don't imagine Belcarm feels that way?"
"No, he doesn't get it. I love him, I just don't know how to show him!"