Steam billowed up from my hot cup of coffee as I brought it to my lips, enjoying the rich aroma as it wafted into my nostrils. My laptop was open on the table in front of me and I took another sip from my cup as I fired up Zoom. That particular app will feature prominently across the next few pages, for the tale I'm about to tell largely consists of three separate video calls. The first took place about two months ago. I received a text a week earlier from Jessica Chastain, requesting a booking and a Zoom call in which to discuss it. Now this was curious to say the least, for texts from Jessica usually read something like 'need to see you. Fit me in ASAP', which of course, I always did. So the fact that her next booking required any kind of discussion at all was both intriguing and exciting.
We arranged a time to talk and that familiar beaming smile was there to greet me as I opened up Zoom and joined our video call.
"Hello there," said Jessica, sipping from a herbal tea.
"Hello, hello," I replied. "Long time, no see." It had been about two months, which for us was a very long time indeed.
"Right?! I've missed that pretty face."
"Likewise. What have you been up to?"
Jessica talked me through her hectic work schedule (which was the reason I hadn't seen her), giving me the lowdown on her latest projects. She flipped the question and I filled her in on my recent guests, giving her a detailed account of my day at Alison Brie's. I took my guest's privacy incredibly seriously but I have to admit that often went out the window when conversing with Miss Chastain. But I trusted her not to blab, and she
loved
hearing about my exploits, so I felt it my duty to indulge her once in a while.
"Wow!" she said as I wrapped up my story. "Lucky ladies."
I laughed. "Weren't you listening to the story? There were six of them, for Christ's sake! I think *I* was the lucky one."
Jessica smiled. "Well, agree to disagree."
"Suit yourself. So, we have a booking to discuss?"
"We do. So, it's my girlfriend Em's 40th birthday next month and I'd like to organise a little something for her."
"Em?" I asked.
"Emily Blunt."
"I see. So you'd like to throw her a party?" I asked, wondering if I'd end up with another Alison situation on my hands and very much hoping that I would.
"Actually, no," Jessica replied, and if I told you that my heart didn't sink a little, I'd be telling a big, fat lie. "I was thinking of something different."
"Oh, yeah? And what might that be, exactly?"
"Well, Em's always had this fantasy and I'd like to help her fulfil it."
Well, it was no reverse gangbang, but I've gotta say, that sounded pretty good as well.
"I see. And what fantasy might that be?"
"She likes to...watch people."
"So, she's a voyeur?"
"Yeah."
"Interesting. And has she ever watched you before?"
"Uh uh. She's asked me a few times but, well...let's just say that until I met you, my sex life wasn't that exciting."
"But now that it is, you want to share it with your friend?"
She grinned and nodded her head.
"Right. So, what, she'll come here and sit in the corner while we bone?"
"No, she doesn't like to do it live. She said she doesn't trust herself not to join in the action."
"Well, I mean...I'd be fine with that."
Jessica laughed. "I'm sure you would. But unfortunately for you, Emily is monogamous." A grin spread across my face and I was tempted to say 'we'll see about that', but I thought better of it. "That's why she likes to watch. She gets to witness all these wild sexual encounters..."
"But without cheating on Jim Halpert?"
Jessica tipped her head back, unleashing a tittering laugh. "Exactly."
"So, we'll be doing it on here then?" I asked, nodding at my webcam. "Zoom sex?"
"Actually, I was thinking we'd go old school with it."
"Oh, yeah? Good old fashioned sex tape?"
Jessica nodded, a naughty smirk tickling the corners of her mouth. "I bought a new camera specially."
"Damn," I said. "Someone didn't watch
Pam & Tommy
."
She laughed again. "Well I won't be keeping it in my safe while the workmen are in. It can go on here." She tapped the side of her laptop. "This thing's like Fort Knox."
"I see. So how we gonna show it to her?"
"On here," she said, pointing at her screen. "We'll have a little virtual viewing party."
"Party for three, huh?"
"Four. My girl Annie wants in on it too."
"Annie...Hathaway?"
"Uh huh. You like her?"
"Who doesn't?!"
She laughed once more, her smirk growing wider. "Yeah, she's stunning, right? Such a sweetheart too."
"So, she wants in on the premiere or the making of?"
"Both."
"Nice," I grinned. "So, where we doing it? Here? Yours? Hers?"
"Actually, I thought we'd rent somewhere and make a little trip out of it. I found a little place near Big Bear Lake."
"Sounds good," I said, and well, it really did.
Jessica and I chatted a while longer and she told me she'd set up another call with Anne once we'd landed on a date, so we could discuss the finer details. Emily's birthday, I'm reliably informed, was on February 23rd, so Jessica booked our accommodation for the weekend before. I met Anne during our second call a week or so after and the itinerary for our little trip was laid out before me, getting me very,
very
excited.
I rearranged a few dates in my diary and the big weekend rolled around quicker than I had expected. I woke nice and early on Saturday morning, ate, showered, packed a few things, and before I knew it, a rental car was pulling into my driveway. Jessica and Anne (both New Yorkers) flew in from the east that morning and drove straight to my place from LAX.
I went outside to greet them, watching as the car doors opened and two gorgeous figures emerged from within. Jessica, of course, I was already more than familiar with, but she looked as stunning as ever in a simple white t-shirt, tucked into a pair of pants, with a matching jacket on top. As did Anne, who looked very cool and sexy in a sleeveless black top and leggings with an oversized green flannel hanging just below her shoulders. Very 90's chic.
Jessica raced up and hugged me, kissing me on the lips before she gave me and Anne a proper introduction. We shook hands and exchanged kisses, then I invited them in for a pit stop before we hit the road. The girls took on some water and made use of the facilities while I popped the trunk of the rental, moving their cases from their car to mine. I shoved my luggage in the trunk with theirs, locked up my place and we all climbed into my car as we set off for Big Bear Lake.
*
Fast forward a week or so and our trip to Big Bear had been and gone. It was early in the evening on February 27th and I found myself in the midst of a second video call with Anne and Jessica. Emily's actual birthday was four days earlier, but it was surmised that the big day and following weekend would be reserved for family matters, so Jessica arranged the call for the Monday after. I was on my bed for this one, dressed in a T-shirt and shorts with my laptop on my thighs. Anne and Jessica were on bed too (though not the same one, unfortunately) and both appeared to be wearing some kind of silk dressing gown, while still being dolled to the nines.
This was the first we'd all seen each other since the trip so that was the main topic of conversation, as I'm sure you can imagine. We were deep in discussion about the events of the second day when Zoom sent us all an alert. A fourth party had requested to join.
"She's here," said Jessica. "We all set?"
"Yep," said Anne.
"Mmhmm," I replied.
"OK." Jessica clicked her trackpad and Zoom helpfully re-arranged our windows for us as Emily Blunt was added to the call.
Before she could speak, Anne and Jessica promptly burst into a hearty rendition of the "Happy Birthday" song. Unlike the rest of us, Emily was sat a sofa, clad in a brown (probably faux) leather dress. A big, broad smile stretched across her face as her friends serenaded her and she thanked them emphatically when they reached the final note.
"Aww, thank you, ladies. You know how to make a girl feel special."
"You're welcome, sweetie," said Jessica. "We know it's a little late, but we wanted to take this opportunity to wish you a happy birthday and to introduce you to our friend, Tyler."
"Ah, so
this
is the famous Tyler," Emily replied. "I've heard a lot about you, love. Great to finally meet."