Tuesday came quickly, which was good due to all of the emotions running through my mind. Jake "The Snake" brought a pack of beer and we sat on the couch, watching baseball and catching up on the time that had past.
Jake was a veteran of The Agency and spoke of his exploits very nonchalantly. Even after spending more than a year with The Agency, it amazed me that people could be in this line of work and not be mesmerized by the opportunity that they had.
The mood was very light, but my heart and mind were still filled with gloom. I knew that the thoughts that had been plaguing me since departing from London were crazy, but I needed time to work through these feelings with someone else. Jake wasn't much for emotion, but he was the only friend that I could confide in.
"I've got something I've got to ask you about," I said during a commercial break between innings, "How do you keep yourself from getting too emotionally attached to your clients?"
"What do you mean?" Jake said as he gulped down the last of his third beer.
"Like, I've had clients that I would consider friends. Jennifer Lawrence and Ariel Winter are great girls, but they feel more just like a fuck buddy. I care about them as friends, but don't have any deep feelings for them. But, then I run into people like Taylor Swift, Kaley Cuoco and Emma Watson who I just get fixated on. We aren't just building a physical connection, but we also build a deep emotional connection."
"So, like you are in love with them or something?" Jake asked.
"No. Well, maybe. I'm not really sure what it is," I said, before taking a big swig of my beer.
"Well, dude, I'm not sure what you want me to say," Jake replied as he opened another bottle, "I just look at these ladies like girls in the bar. The only difference is instead of a one night stand, it lasts a little longer."
"So you don't have feelings for any your clients at all?"
"Not really. Why would I? They are paying me to do one thing. They aren't looking for love; they are looking to get laid. That's all I try to do. My feelings for Erin are something totally different then the feelings I get with my clients. That is why I like having a girlfriend."
"I guess, but I don't feel like I can just have sex with them without forming some sort of emotional connection. I've never been wired that way."
"Okay, let me put it this way. What do you think is the most that could ever happen between you and a client," Jake said, setting his beer on the coffee table with a more serious tone to his voice.
"Well, I guess I don't know," I sheepishly replied.
"Well, I do know! The most that can happen with you and a client is what you are already getting. You do realize that they are paying you to have sex with them. This isn't 'Pretty Woman'! They aren't trying to save you from this life. You are the guy that takes care of their sexual urges and offers them some companionship. They pay you so they don't have to worry about ending up in a tabloid for getting banged by some random dude."
I took in what Jake was telling me, and it was obviously true. The truth was cutting through me like a knife, but it is what I needed to hear.
"You think that you and Taylor Swift could get married?" Jake continued, "Of course not! We are no names! We are beneficial to women because we are bad boys. Women love to be with the bad boy!"
"I'm not much of a bad boy," I said with a chuckle.
"In reality, no you aren't. You are probably one of the nicest dudes I've ever met. But, to these women they don't see you as some normal guy. To them you are a high end prostitute. I know we aren't supposed to use the term 'prostitute' at The Agency, but if we are being honest that's what this is. They feel naughty because of what they are doing, not because of who you are."
"I see what you mean. It just feels like there is more there sometimes."
"I know it can feel that way, and every once and a while they do get some feelings for you. The thing is at the end of the day, they all realize that you are just a rental. They allow themselves to let their guard down because they know you can't hurt them. You can't break their heart when they know it will never go anywhere."
This point resonated more than any other Jake had made. It had never occurred to me just how easy it was to connect with most of these women emotionally. There were no games, no work; they just let themselves be vulnerable in almost every situation. It wasn't necessarily because I was easy to connect with; it was because they knew that they had no reason to not connect with me.
"Wow, I had never thought of it that way," I said.
"You need to be careful, bro," Jake said very seriously, "Getting attached to clients can not only mess with your emotions, but can mess with your ability to keep this job. Look at your boss. She got attached and she was lucky to get put in the position she has. She could have lost everything. A number of people have."
Jake had long ago filled me in on Eliza's history. I didn't want to jeopardize losing everything, but that didn't prevent the feelings for my clients from starting.
"Focus your emotions on Samantha," Jake suggested, "You two are great together."
"I wish it was that easy," I scoffed, "How do you build a relationship with someone you never see or talk to? I can't build much of a relationship off a few days a year. Samantha is incredible, but I don't see how we can have much of a future in this line of work."
"Sounds like you two need to work that out on your own. Erin and I make it work, but we both have the same expectations and have for quite some time. We take advantage of the opportunities we have together. You're right, we aren't going to get married while we work at this job, but we have still built a nice relationship."
"Well I'll get to spend the weekend with her before I go out on my next assignment. Guess we might just have to have a serious talk before another long break from each other."
"You two should talk. Just don't mess things up, Erin and I need someone to double date with," Jake laughed, playfully slapping my shoulder. I smiled, but found nothing funny about the situation. Emotionally, I was still all over the place. I needed some time with Samantha to refocus and get back on track.
The rest of the night with Jake was less serious, as we continued to enjoy our drinks and the game. Jake called an Uber and left before it got too late. I cleaned things up and went on to bed. It was only Tuesday, and Friday with Samantha seemed like an eternity away.
The next morning, I awoke with a slight hangover so I took things easy most of the morning. As I lay on the couch, a light knock sounded from my front door. I got up and looked through the peep hole, but saw nothing but an empty hallway. Confused, I opened the door and looked down the hallway to the left, but it too sat empty.
"Hey, sexy!" I heard come from the right. I turned my head and saw Samantha. She was dressed in a white tank top and a pair of short jean shorts.
"Wh..Wh...What are you doing here?" I stammered in shock to see her so soon.
"My assignment ended a few days early," she said with a huge smile, "I came straight from the airport because I wanted to see my man."
