That 70's Show - Red Goes on a Date

A fictional story about fictional characters

This one is only for Red & Kitty fans

*****

Red Foreman loved his wife Kitty with all his heart, but if there was one thing he dreaded; it was when she returned from her excursion to the grocery store with a copy of Cosmopolitan tucked in her brown bag among the bread and milk. It always lead to some feminine discussion about "feelings" or emotions. He had been in a good mood, sitting at the kitchen table reading about the Packers, until he saw her approaching with her copy of Cosmo folded in her hand. "Oh brother, here we go," he sighed to himself as Kitty sat opposite him, a concerned expression on her face.

"I have some bad news Red," she began, "I've been taking the "How Spontaneous Is Your Relationship" quiz in Cosmo and we only scored a three out of ten: that's hum-drum. I'm worried about our relationship."

"Oh Kitty," Red groaned, "that magazine is for saps...like Midge next door. Our relationship is fine...see, I'm smiling."

"I don't know Red," Kitty continued, "you know Midge and Bob are talking about having an Open Marriage where they are both free to date other people," and when she said the word "date" she made air-quotation marks. Midge and Bob Pinciotti were their neighbors and like to consider themselves free-spirits. Midge was an absolute knock-out, but Bob was a Brillo-headed dork. The best thing about having them for neighbors was that their gorgeous daughter Donna kept Red's son Eric occupied.

"Jeez Kitty, you know they're dumb-asses," Red implored her. "How about this, we take a night all to ourselves...no kids. Let's go out to dinner. What do you say?"

"To Phillies, I suppose," Kitty asked, "I don't know, Red, that's pretty predictable."

"Yep, good old reliable Phillies," Red confirmed.

"Well OK, but I don't even think that will even raise us up a whole point," Kitty went up the stairs seeming dejected.

The rest of the day went pretty well for Red, none of the kids really bothered him and he found a good John Wayne movie on TV (hell, weren't they all good). Although he and Kitty actually only had two children, it usually seemed like a dozen because of all Eric's friends had adopted the Foreman basement as their own. They were down there constantly, doing who knows what. Red's daughter Laurie was hardly ever home; she was such a popular girl. Red knew she wasn't the perfect little angel like he treated her; the truth was he only pretended to worship her because he knew it pissed off Eric.

Eric was a disappointment to Red. It wasn't that he was such a bad kid: he always got good grades and never got in trouble. Maybe that was the problem: Red wished he would get into some trouble once in a while, act more like a man...like Red. He wanted a son that he could watch football with; take hunting; work on the car; do "manly" stuff with. Instead he had "goody-two-shoes" Eric, who sometimes almost seemed feminine...the opposite of Red. Oh well, Red knew that tonight Eric was taking Donna to the drive-in to see some horror film, "hey maybe he'll finally get to first base," Red chuckled to himself. "That Donna a one fine piece of ass," Red daydreamed, "just like her mother." He had often admired how Donna's ample breasts wobbled inside her shirts as she walked around the Foreman house.

He wondered where the rest of the swarm was today, instead of infesting his home. Eric's friend Stephen Hyde was busy trying to convince their friend Fez (the school's foreign exchange student) that the government was responsible for the subliminal messages supposedly found on rock-and-roll records. Fez's host parents had played a KISS album backwards for Fez and claimed they could hear the Devil speaking. His reaction had been innocently, "that can't be good for the record."

Hyde, ever the conspiracy theorist, was convincing Fez that the government was behind the messages. "It's Congress man, they don't want us listening to Rock-and-Roll because they know the music makes us horny. And you know the government hates sex. You know why they hate sex, Fez...because they can't figure out a way to tax it."

Eric's other friends; Michael Kelso and his petite girlfriend Jackie were off someplace making-out and arguing over whether they should tag-along on Eric and Donna's date. Kelso had told Eric that he and Jackie had been "doing it" for months and Donna was nervous about being alone with Eric at the drive-in. The truth, Jackie admitted to Donna, was the they had never gone "all the way," but they would go along on the date to make her feel more comfortable.

Red's reveries about Donna's fine nubile body were interrupted by Kitty bounding down the stairs to show Red her dress for their dinner date. It was a stunning red number that showed off her cleavage and her legs when she twirled. In the car that day the radio had been turned to one of Eric's stations and Red had actually left it there and listened to one of the songs. It's lyrics had gone "long tall woman in a black dress," and in his mind Red just changed "black" to "red" and could almost hear the beat as Kitty modeled in front of him.

"That's way too fine a dress for Phillies," he mused, teasing her, "but it would be just right for The Lion's Head."

"I thought we were going to Phillies," Kitty blurted out in a stunned voice.

"Changed my mind...being spontaneous," Red declared with a smile.

"Oh Red, heh, heh, heh," Kitty cackled in her distinctive laugh, "I think that will raise our score by two points. I love The Lion's Head; they are so fancy. Their butter is in little patties the shape of flowers. Come on upstairs and I'll get the clippers...if we're going to The Lion's Head we'll have to shave the back of your neck, heh, heh, heh."

Red grudgingly stood in front of the sofa, still humming the "Rice-a-roni" commercial theme song, and thought, "man this idea has already backfired."

Just before they left for the restaurant, Hyde came up to Red in the Foreman kitchen and stuffed something in Red's shirt pocket saying, "I hear you're going on a date tonight...this is just in case you get lucky."

Red reached into his pocket and pulled out a foil-wrapped condom and confronted Hyde, "first of all; this is my wife you're talking about...and second: how would you like my foot up your ass." He was smiling as he said it and couldn't help but chuckle at the balls on Stephen.

"You can never be too careful, I always say," Hyde chimed in. "Always use protection...you don't want another whining little Eric wandering around here do you?"

"OK Stephen," Red added, "thanks for your wisdom. Why do you always have to be such a wise-ass?"

When they arrived at the restaurant, everything about it had change: it was now a modern, buffet-style chain restaurant called Flannigans. "What the Hell happened to The Lion's Head," Red demanded and was told it had burned down. He tried to go with the flow of this new, unfamiliar style of establishment but in the end they decided to leave and go to "good old reliable Phillies."

"Salisbury Steak I assume," Kitty asked drolly.

"Nope, I'm going with the chicken," Red announced, "being spontaneous."

After the meal, Kitty chided Red, "I suppose we can go home now and watch some TV. That's what people do when they're our age, and have slowed down, flattened out...it's inevitable."

Little did she know (or so Red thought) that he had a surprise for her, "we'll see how much we've flattened out or become predictable," he answered as he revved the Toyota into gear and sped out of town.

He soon turned onto an overgrown dirt road that most people would never have known was there and Kitty blushed in the dark, "oh Red, you remembered."

"Hell yes," he answered, "we sure had some good times on this road."

Many times when they were dating, Red and Kitty had "parked" on Old Quarry Road. Of course that had been twenty years earlier and it didn't look like anyone had traveled the road since. The quarry had gotten a new paved road years before, and then the quarry had been abandoned altogether, so only the "old timers" knew this road even existed. Red pulled the tiny vehicle into a grassy clearing and parked, "how's this for unpredictable," he grinned.

Kitty threw her arms around Red's neck and signed, "Red Foreman, you're just an old softee."

Red took Kitty's hand and placed it on his groin, "softee you say...I don't think so."

"Heh, heh, heh," Kitty chuckled, "it looks like Big Red is happy to be here," she said referring to their pet-name for his penis. As she fondled his huge erection through his pants, they began to kiss passionately, sharing their tongues. Kitty pulled away slightly, "let's let Big Red get some air, heh, heh, heh," she laughed as she unbuckled Red's belt, unbuttoned his trousers and laboriously shoved them down to his knees. "Heh, heh, heh, he is glad to see me," Kitty giggled as Red's giant cock sprang up toward the roof. She never tired of the sight of Big Red; the largest cock she had ever seen. It was nearly a foot of hard, thick meat with a crown like a tennis ball. She tried to lean over and lick the tip, she knew how it turned Red on to see lipstick on his rod, but there just wasn't room enough in the tiny foreign car to maneuver.

"Damn Jap cars," Red complained as his knee cracked against the stick shift. The back seat was no better, it was seemingly built for a child.

"Luckily for us I brought a blanket," Kitty told him while reaching in the back seat, "it looks like there is some nice grass outside."

"Allllrrrright," Red exclaimed, "but what made you bring a blanket."

"Heh, heh, heh, just being prepared in case you got spontaneous," Kitty slyly answered.

The windows were completely fogged over and neither of the Foremans noticed the red flashing lights until they heard a knock on the driver's side window, and saw a flashlight tapping on the glass. "Oh crap," Red cursed, "now what."

As he rolled the window down he was blinded by the flashlight beam, but heard a familiar voice, "what seems to be the trouble here."

"Oh hey Officer Bob, " Red began before being interrupted."

"That's Officer Kelly to you Mr. Foreman," Bob instructed him, "hello Kitty are you OK, it looked like he was using force on you."

"Nice touch," Red whispered as he winked at the Point Place police officer.

"I don't know what you are referring to Mr. Foreman, but please exit the vehicle with your hands up," Officer Bob ordered him. Actually Bob Kelly and Red were old friends who had served together in Korea, and when Red had decided to surprise Kitty with a night out, he had called Bob and given him the location where he was going to park. The truth was, back when Kitty was in the USO and before they had fallen in love, he and Bob had double-teamed her a few times. Bob was a huge black man, at least six feet six and was the only person Kitty had ever met whose cock came close to equaling Big Red. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to take you both in on a charge of trespassing."

"OK I'll play along," Red muttered, "but this isn't exactly what I had in mind."

"Yeah, I'm sure it's not Mr. Foreman," Bob continued trying to maintain his professional act. He slapped a handcuff on Red's wrist, threaded it through the window frame and then cuffed the other hand. He stood back, noticed Red's pants down around his ankles and questioned, "do you have a permit for that weapon Mr. Foreman?" Without waiting for a response he directed Kitty, "please get out of the vehicle ma'am." He whistled as Kitty slid across the seat, her dress sliding up to her thighs and Red completely missed Bob and Kitty wink at each other. "Well since you're going to have to ride back in the squad car with me, I'm going to have to do a thorough cavity search...would you mind bringing that blanket with you and spreading it out on the grass."

Red nearly exploded when he heard Officer Bob press the button on his radio, "Officer Kelly to Unit 3...requesting backup on Old Quarry Road...subjects resisting arrest."

"What the Hell Bob," Red shouted, realizing this was not what they had discussed, and feeling helpless handcuffed to the car with his pants down..

"Just relax there Mr. Foreman and let me do my job," Bob suggested as he watched Kitty spread out the blanket right in front of the squad car's headlights. "Now Kitty if you'll just take your clothes off so I can search you for concealed weapons," he instructed. Kitty, standing on the blanket, looked Red right in the eyes, reached up to her shoulders and began to slide the straps off her shoulders.

When she shrugged her shoulders as if to say, "what else can I do, I have to follow his orders," the brilliant red dress slid down to her waist revealing that she had decided to go without a bra tonight. "It was a surprise Red, you know... unpredictable," she confessed.

Red, trying to play his part of being shocked at this turn of events, yelled, "damn that Cosmo."

Kitty's breasts were remarkable for a woman with two children, a generous 36 D and they sagged only slightly on her chest. Her nipples were like brown gumdrops surrounded by large areola , a lighter shade of brown. "Please lift up your breasts so that I can see under them." Officer Bob ordered. Kitty complied, placing her hands under her tits and lifting them off her chest. Bob nodded his approval and when Kitty let them go they bounced on her chest like water balloons. "OK, now the rest, so I can do a cavity search," Bob declared.

She hooked her thumbs under the sides of the dress and pushed it down over her wide hips until it just fell to the ground.

She just smiled as Red asked, "another surprise Kitty...damn Cosmo."

Kitty had also gone without panties for their date and her bushy dirty blonde pubic hair stared out at them. For a middle aged housewife she really was quite stunning: a little chunky around the middle, but her legs were firm and shapely, and her ass did not sag at all. Officer Bob stood next to her and told her, "now kick off those shoes and stand with your legs wide apart." As she was removing her shoes, he cradled each of her breasts in his hands, hefting them, weighing them and then pinching her erect nipples. "Very nice Kitty," he complimented her. He dropped down on his knees behind her, grabbed her ass cheeks roughly in his hands and spread them apart. He kissed each cheeks and let his tongue lick up the crack of her ass, then pretended to inspect her anus for hidden weapons.

"Turn around please," he advised and when she did he used his thumbs to fight his way through her blonde jungle to find her slit. Separating her prominent lips with his thumbs, Officer Bob turned on his large flashlight and shone it up into Kitty's cunt. It was like a spotlight and from his vantage point Red could see her pink insides glistening in the bright light. Holding the light in one hand, Bob gently inserted one of his long fingers up into her moist hole.

Bending her knees and almost losing her footing, Kitty moaned, "oh shit," as she had an immediate orgasm.

"Well, I don't see anything hidden but this is going to take more thorough penetration," Officer Bob announced, as he stood in front of Kitty and began to disrobe. Red smiled because this was what he thought was going to happen tonight, except that he expected to be able to participate. Bob towered over Kitty and his shaved black head made him seem somehow sinister as he shed his clothes.

It had been along time, and Kitty had forgotten just how large Bob's penis was until he finally dropped his boxers. "Oh my, Red," she exclaimed, "I think you have some competition." Bob's cock was about ten inches long and as big around as a soda can with a huge dark purple crown staring up at her. She instinctively reached out with both hands and grasped the rod, running her seemingly tiny hands up and down its length.

"This is what's going to happen," Bob told her, "I'm going to lay down and you're going to sit on my lap so we can probe deep up into that hole."

"Heh, heh, heh...yes, sir, Officer," she giggled as Bob lay back on the blanket, his pole resting on his stomach. Kitty straddled his prone body and slowly lowered herself to her knees on his thighs. He held his cock upright to accommodate her, pointing it at the bright, star-lit sky, and Kitty used her fingers to separate her bush and her plump lips. She felt the pressure from his large head pressing against her damp slit as she lowered her naked body and her lips spread wider to accommodate him. "Oh yes," Kitty moaned as his crown penetrated her opening and she began to slide down his giant cock. Inch by inch of his massive meat stick slid up into her hole as Kitty sunk lower and lower until she just sat down on his groin, skewered by his incredible cock.

She was , of course, used to being filled by a huge prick but couldn't resist playing along with the game, "it's nice to finally have a real man inside me, I've never felt a cock this big." Immediately she started to raise and lower herself on the gigantic cock, impaling herself over and over, a squishing sound coming from her stretched pussy. Her huge tits were flopping aimlessly on her chest, slapping against her skin. Red had a perfect view of the spectacle as the headlights of the police car acted like spotlights. His penis was hard as a rock, watching his wife fucking their old friend, but he had anticipated taking a more active role. Bob reached up, grasped Kitty's tits, and squeezed then so hard that they spilled through between his fingers.

Just as Kitty was increasing her pace, bouncing up and down on Bob's pole, a new set of headlights further illuminated the area and Red watched as a second Point Place police car pulled up and stopped; their headlights also focused on his nude wife. Officer Bob, thrusting violently up into Kitty's pussy, stopped and shouted, "it's about time...when I call for backup, I mean NOW."

Red recognized the two officers who got out of the car as Officer Josh Becker and Sgt. Javier Cabrera. Josh was a fairly new, young officer and Javier was a tall, thin man who Red had known for years. Sgt. Cabrera asked, "are they still resisting Bob?"

"This one isn't resisting one bit," Officer Bob chuckled, "but I do need assistance with the cavity search...there are still two holes to be probed."

Red began to protest, "hey, what the Hell, this wasn't part of the deal."

Sgt. Cabrera responded, while shedding his Sam Browne belt with all his equipment, "this is what happens when you mess with the Man...just relax Red, I mean Mr. Foreman. Come on Josh, get that uniform off, you don't want to get any stains on it, grass or otherwise. Just consider this part of your training." With four headlights pointed at the blanket, it seemed like daylight as the two officers swiftly shed their uniforms. Javier's penis was exactly what Kitty would have expected: long and slender like the man. The junior officer, Josh, had a tool that was anything but junior: it was probably nine inches in length but as fat as a Coke bottle, topped with a crown the size and color of a ripe plum.

She and Bob had stopped for a breather while watching the other participants get undressed, and she watched as Sgt. Cabrera walked up behind her, "have you given her a perfunctory anal cavity examination, Bob?"

"Just a visual Sarge, she definitely needs a deeper probing," Officer Bob answered. Red just watched as Kitty lay forward against Bob's chest, her ample breasts flattening out, while Cabrera dropped to his knees, spread her firm ass cheeks wide with his hands and placed his crown against her anus.

He reached over, retrieved his uniform shirt and pulled a plastic bottle from the breast pocket, "good thing for you Kitty that this bottle of Coppertone was in the squad car for when we pull crossing-guard duty at the elementary school. Otherwise I would have had to go in dry." He squirted the coconut scented oil over the entire length of his hot-dog shaped rod as he announced, "anal cavity search in progress," and pushed forward, the tip of his cock penetrating Kitty's sphincter ring. "Proceeding," he declared as he shoved steadily forward, burying his slick prick all the way to the balls into Kitty's ass-hole.