(fictional story about fictional characters)
Red Foreman had learned his lesson and was not going to allow a repeat of last years fiasco when his entire family had forgotten his wife Kitty's birthday. Oh no...never again. Not only did he feel incredibly bad about the sleight; because although he was not the demonstrative type when it came to true feelings, he loved his wife boundlessly; but he, his son Eric, and Eric's girlfriend Donna had paid dearly. Kitty had forced them to join her in a night out square-dancing as penance. They had tried to get out of it by buying her ridiculous, thoughtless gifts at the nearest gas station, but knew they had to succumb to her wishes if they ever wanted to hear the end of it. The truth was, Red would do anything to make Kitty happy; she was the love of his life (although he wouldn't be caught dead making that declaration).
Eric had carefully written the date on his calendar and warned him of the upcoming event a couple weeks ago. Red had immediately gone into planning-mode for the celebration. He had even given Eric's older sister Laurie $20 to buy Kitty a card and gift. She had gotten the least expensive card she could find, and a 99 cent egg-shaped container of pantyhose called L'eggs for her mother. Red didn't even bother to ask for change...that was Laurie; as much as he treated her like a princess, he knew she was actually a totally selfish person...and a slut to boot. Eric asked, "hey, how about some money for your only son?"
To which Red had replied, "yeah, right...and if frogs had wings they wouldn't bump their asses when they hopped."
Red knew that Kitty loved parties so, enlisting the help of all of Eric's friends, he decided to throw caution to the wind and host a big birthday celebration. He put Eric's girlfriend Donna and her friend Jackie in charge of decorations, and they had gone all out: streamers and balloons everywhere. His annoying neighbors, Bob and Midge Pinciotti (who just happened to be Donna's wacky parents) had agreed to assist with the food. Red, being the assistant manager, had gotten a sizable discount when he ordered the cheese plates for appetizers and the sub sandwiches for food from the Price Mart deli. Red himself was in charge of refreshments, and had stocked his portable living room bar with everything he would need. Trying to be a little classy for Kitty, he had even splurged for bottled beer instead of his usual keg.
His big surprise for her was not a gift you could wrap up in a box...it was something that everyone would participate in and he had been planning it in his head for weeks: he was going to give his precious wife a night of pleasure. It would come as a shock to nearly everyone in Point Place, Wisconsin that Red and Kitty used to participate in what can only be called orgies. When Red was in the Army and Kitty was in the USO, they would get together with multiple partners; both in the States and in Korea. Kitty actually had an insatiable appetite for sex, and thoroughly enjoyed "entertaining" the troops. When they decided to settle down and raise a family, they agreed to suppress their "adventurous" lifestyle.
Red's plan was to provide enough alcohol to Eric's friends that their memory of the evening would be suppressed enough to at least be cloudy, or maybe even erase it completely. Normally he limited the "kids" to one or two beers at his parties, but this was a special occasion and he would not allow anyone to drive. Even if the participants were not inebriated enough, he knew no one was going to refuse to do this for Kitty: whereas Red not be their favorite person; everyone adored Kitty. She was like a second mother to Donna, Jackie, Fez, Michael Kelso, and Stephen Hyde. Hyde even lived in their basement, which was like a gathering place for stray cats...only the cats were kids.
On the morning of her birthday, Kitty awoke when the sunlight finally crawled across their bedroom and found it's way to their bed. Realizing the sun didn't reach their bed until late in the morning, she went from a lazy stretch, to a suddenly panicked jolt. Then it sank in...it was her birthday and they were letting her sleep late. She reached her arm to the opposite side of the mattress and was disappointed to find that Red was not there. Kitty remembered how she had woken Red on his birthday, and her loins suddenly felt very empty. Laying back against the pillows, she basked in the warmth of the rays for a few minutes longer until her door creaked open and Eric's head peaked in. "She's awake," he yelled behind him and he, Donna and Red marched into the room carrying trays of breakfast treats.
They had coffee, orange juice, assorted fruits and Donna proudly presented her with a plate of French Toast: "we learned how to make it in Home Ec this year," she declared.
All three were beaming as brightly as the sun, and Kitty sat up and laughed (her trademark cackle), "heh, heh, heh, this sure is a surprise."
There were even balloons attached to the trays, and Red responded, "you haven't seen nothin' yet." It was an uncommonly lazy day for Kitty, her family would not let her do anything around the house...they wouldn't even let her into the kitchen. Since it was a Saturday, Red actually accompanied her to a matinee of "The Goodbye Girl" at the Point Place Rialto. He hated the sappy snooze-fest, but Kitty hugged his arm throughout and seemed to be completely content. The plan was for all those invited to the party to gather at the Foreman home while Kitty was out of the house, and surprise her after the movie. Red knew the "kids" wouldn't be able to resist the beer when he wasn't there to supervise, and it was all part of the plan.
As soon as Red and Kitty left the house, the "kids" gathered in the Foreman basement, as usual, pulled chairs around the makeshift table made from a discarded wooden power-line spool and began to roll a couple marijuana cigarettes. As they began to pass the "doobie" around the table, the subject of the party was in the forefront. "It's going to be a pretty lame party, Foreman," Hyde interjected.
"Yeah, I know," Eric agreed, "but there's beer...and Red didn't say anything about counting bottles."
"You mean - yet," Hyde answered, "we'd better have a few before they get home. Still pretty lame."
"Hey, hey," Donna shouted, already feeling the effects of the "joint," "it's a party for Kitty so you better act like you're having a good time."
"You're right...Kitty is pretty cool," Hyde admitted, remembering how she had secretly taught him how to dance so he wouldn't be embarrassed at the school dance, and it was Kitty who had convinced Red to let Hyde live in the basement when his mother had split town and abandoned him.
"Yeah, you better have fun or Red will put his foot up your ass," Kelso added, and everybody laughed.
They had just lit up a second "herbal" cigarette when the outside basement door opened and Hyde's boss at the Photo Hut, Leo came bursting in; "hey, man...am I late?"
Hyde remarked to the group, "I swear he's like a bloodhound...he can smell this stuff from a mile away. Late for what, Leo?"
"I heard you say there was going to be cake...I love cake...who doesn't love cake," Leo responded, pulling up a chair at their table and reaching for the joint.
"Oooo, he's right about cake," Fez agreed.
"It's a birthday party for Mrs. Foreman," Hyde told him.
"OK, I like Kitty...and cake," Leo stated as he took a long drag and held it in, "and I brought a present," and he plopped a baggie of weed on the table.
"All right Leo," Kelso yelled.
"Yeah, I think we should keep that for ourselves Leo," Donna said, "Red wouldn't approve, and you wouldn't want to piss Red off would you."
"Heck no...he'd put his foot up my ass," Leon answered, and everyone giggled.
They sat around smoking and drinking, making a pyramid of the empty bottles, until they heard the doorbell ring. "Holy crap," Eric exclaimed, "we were supposed to be getting everything ready for the party." Hyde hid the stash and everyone else raced up the cellar stairs. Donna and Jackie busied themselves with putting out trays of appetizers (really just chips, nuts and dip) and cups and plates while Eric answered the door. Opening it, a big smile spread across his face when he saw Donna's mother, Mrs Pinciotti. She was an absolutely gorgeous brunette that every male in the neighborhood was in love with. "Come in Mrs. Pinciotti," Eric invited, with a wave of his hand.
"Thank you Eric...you know you can call me Midge...after all you're practically family," she greeted him. She was wearing a tight-fitting red dress that dipped in the front showing some daring cleavage.
Looking outside, Eric inquired, "where's Bob...I mean Mr Pinciotti."
"Just as we were going out the door, he got a call from the alarm company. Something triggered the alarm at the store so he had to go down...he shouldn't be long." Bob owned an appliance store, and had actually employed Red one Christmas season right after the plant closed.
"Well, I guess my parents aren't back from the movies yet, so why don't you just make yourself at home," Eric offered, gesturing toward the sofa and trying not to let her see him staring at her breasts. "Would you like some punch or a beer?" Red had made the punch himself and Kelso was just bringing the bowl into the living room. Red had spiked it with vodka...Kelso had spiked it with vodka, and Hyde had dumped the rest of the bottle in.
"Why aren't you the perfect host," Midge complimented him and Eric actually blushed, "I would love some punch." Eric nearly tripped over the ottoman fetching his girlfriend's mother a cup of punch. Red had purposefully invited just the "kids" and Donna's parents to the party because of what he had in mind. Everything seemed to be ready for the party so they just sat around the Foreman living room drinking punch and beer. Coupled with the joints in the basement and the alcohol, the "kids" and Leo were already plastered, and Midge was drinking the triple-spiked punch on an empty stomach.
Everyone jumped up when the front door opened, thinking it was the birthday-girl, but it was only Eric's sister Laurie. "Did I miss the party," she asked worriedly, knowing Red would punish her if she had. It was obvious she had dressed quickly because the buttons were in the wrong holes, and her shirt was un-tucked. Her tiny breasts were obviously jiggling freely because she had forgotten her bra somewhere. Seeing Kelso, she immediately went into "tease mode," and ran her hand over his shoulder and purring, "so Kelso...looking good...have you been working out." Laurie loved to see him squirm in front of his former girlfriend, and she was pretty sure Jackie still had feelings for him, even though she was dating Hyde.
Kelso, stuttering, replied, "hi...hi Laurie...actually I have been working out. You're looking good too."
"Yeah...working out," Hyde chimed in, "he combed his hair an extra five minutes."
"So when are the folks getting here," Laurie asked, "I'm supposed to be somewhere else."
"They should have been here a half hour ago," Eric told her, "and don't worry...the football team will wait."
"Oh that's good," Fez laughed, "because Laurie is a slut and she's dating the football team."
