(fictional story about fictional characters)
Point Place, Wisconsin was basically a small, boring mid-West hamlet whose one claim to fame was that every July 4th it staged one of the most impressive fireworks displays in the entire state. The event was officially hosted by the Chamber of Commerce, but all year long every organization in town; from the VFW to the Elks Lodge; would hold spaghetti dinners, pancake breakfasts, and penny-socials to foot the sizable bill for the explosives. Every business in town had a donation-jar on their counter for the "fireworks fund." Professional pyrotechnic engineers were hired to manage the extravaganza and it seemed like every resident joined in celebrating by having a good old fashioned backyard barbeque.
This year Red Foreman would be no exception. Being a veteran of the Korean War, Red enjoyed celebrating the birth of the nation he loved, and this year he had just been promoted to shift-manager at PriceMart so he had even more to celebrate. When his adored wife Kitty suggested the holiday cook-out, Red has surprisingly jumped at the idea. "We'll keep it small," she acquiesced, "just the kids and Bob and Pam," referring to their neighbor Bob Pinciotti and his current girlfriend, Pam Burkhart.
"Oh Kitty, not that dumb-ass," Red began to protest, "I see enough of him at work."
"Now Red, we can't NOT invite him," Kitty reasoned with her husband, "you know how easily his feelings get hurt...he'll pout for days. Besides, we can't invite Jackie and not her mother." Jackie was Pam's teenage daughter and one of "the kids" who hung out in the Foreman basement, seemingly constantly, with their son Eric and his friends.
"OK," Red surrendered, "beside I guess it won't be so bad having Pam around," and he chuckled.
"Oh Red, heh, heh, heh," Kitty cackled and slapped him on the seat of his pants, "you old horn-dog."
"You should know, my little fuck-bunny," Red answered and grabbed Kitty's left ass-cheek and squeezed. They were about to continue their playful exchange when they heard Eric bounding down the stairs in the living room and Red yelled, "let's get a move on it or you'll be late for work."
"That means you'll be late too," Eric chided him as he burst through the kitchen door with his PriceMart vest in his hand.
"I'm never late smart guy," Red corrected him, "I'm the boss. Now let's go before I put my foot up your ass."
Eric hated working for his father at PriceMart, but liked having money to spend on his gorgeous girlfriend, Donna Pinciotti. The Pinciottis had lived next door to the Foremans for as long as Eric could remember, and Eric had always had a crush on Donna. They had been formally dating for a couple of years now, and they were finally having sex. This Summer before their senior year promised to be the best of his life. Before Donna's mother, Midge, had left Bob, she had insisted that Donna go on birth control, and Eric still mentioned Midge in his prayers. Red had even recognized his age and let him have a beer now and then...if he was in a good mood.
When they got to PriceMart, Red reluctantly sought out "Brillo Head Bob," so named because of the curly black hair sprouting from his bulbous head; and invited him to his barbeque the day after tomorrow. Bob was working in the Produce aisle and Red couldn't help mentally compare him to a head of cabbage. "Thanks Red," Bob gushed, advancing to hug Red.
Red quickly stepped aside and reminded Bob, "here at work I'm Mr. Foreman; and you're welcome...it was really Kitty's idea." Red had never really cared for Bob, but had felt obligated to hire him when the big Sears opened in Point Place and put Bob's appliance store out of business. Bob had once hired Red to work for him when the Plant had closed leaving Red unemployed.
"What's this Mr. Foreman stuff," Bob inquired, "did I make you call me Mr. Pinciotti when you worked for me?"
"Yes...yes you did," Red answered sourly, "oh, and make sure you bring Pam...Kitty enjoys her company," he lied. Kitty found the conceited Pam as annoying as Red found Bob, but he figured this was pay-back for him being forced to invite Bob; and besides, Pam was exceptionally nice to look at. "How the Hell does he do it," Red wondered, "he has had two of the most gorgeous women I have ever seen."
"We can have it in my backyard since yours is so small," Bob suggested, always trying to trump Red, "and I have the hot-tub."
"No," Red quickly squashed the idea, "we're having it in my yard, with the grill in the driveway so my grass doesn't get burned. There is plenty of room."
"Well, I'll bring my grill over too and we can cook up twice as many burgers," Bob offered.
"Ha, burgers," Red snorted, "you're looking at the new shift manager. I just got a great deal on some juicy steaks."
Bob waved his finger and continued, "oh no, no, no Red. July fourth screams for hot dogs and burgers...it's tradition."
"I'll tell you what Bob," Red responded, "you bring your grill and burgers and we'll see who the better grill-master is."
"Deal," Bob shouted, "and I still have the hot-tub. I'll set up the volleyball net in my back yard."
Walking away, Red spoke over his shoulder, "you do that Bob," and under his breath, "what a dumb ass".
The next day was July third and Donna and Jackie slid the Foreman's back door open without knocking and entered the kitchen where Kitty was diligently toiling , making food for the next day's cook-out. "Hi girls," Kitty cheerfully greeted them as they made their way toward the cellar stairs.
"Hi Mrs. Foreman," Donna smiled widely back at her boyfriend's mother, "is there anything I can bring to the picnic tomorrow?"
"Yeah, Hi Mrs. Foreman," Jackie echoed, "my mother wanted me to ask you if there was anything we could bring...keeping in mind that my mom doesn't cook."
"Oh girls, heh, heh, heh," Kitty chuckled, "I told you to call me Kitty, after all we're almost family. No you don't need to bring anything but your bright smiles; but I could really use some help putting together my word famous potato salad. Heh, heh, heh, well at least famous in a corner of this neighborhood."
"Sure Mrs. Fore...Kitty," Donna assured her, "we'd love to help you. Just let us pop down to the basement and say Hi to the guys and we'll be right back."
As the girls bounded down the basement steps, they heard a cacophony of whistles and catcalls from the all-male gathering who appreciated their tight jeans. "Real mature," Donna drolly said as she sidled up to Eric, who immediately kissed her on the lips and dipped her back as if they were doing the tango.
"Looking good hot-stuff," Eric greeted her as they stood up.
