I have a confession to make. They say confession is good for the soul, so here I am. Now that I am this hot sex fantasy writer on this sex fantasy website, people have been expecting me to keep coming up with hot stories. But the truth of the matter is, my sex life has not really been all that exciting. If I had to write the Kama Sutra it would only be one page. In 48 years on the planet, I really have not had that many exciting sexual experiences. I already told you most of the good stories. I told you about the time I got a job teaching oral sex at an all girls' high school. I told you about the wild airplane ride I had with my hot flight instructor. I told you about the time that I was abducted by a tribe of wild Amazonian women while on vacation two years ago. I really don't have a lot more to tell.
But here is the biggest confession I have to make. Believe me this is not easy. The fact is, not all of the stories are completely true. I know, I know, this comes as a shock. You're probably sitting there thinking I don't even deserve to live after lying to you nice people. Believe me, if I owned a gun I'd shoot myself right now I feel so bad. But, yes, the stories are not all true. Take for instance the last story, 'Mistaken Identity'. The truth is I never owned a BMW 2002 when I was twenty years old. The fact is I drove a '74 Ford Pinto wagon. I just wanted you people to think I was cool. And the story before it, 'Lost Tribe' about a vacation I took in South America two years ago, that is not completely true either. The fact is we never intended to pay for our guide's plane ride back from Brazil. We intended to stick them with the bill. I know, I know, I'm really sorry. Oh, but speaking of vacations, I never told you people about my vacation last year. Now this is completely true. Every single word. I would swear to it but my mother told me never to swear. Your gonna love this one...it's the best. I promise.
It all started when my cousin George invited me out to California to visit. George is one of my cousins on my mother's side of the family, the Italian side. He had moved out to California about five years ago and I had yet to visit. I like George, he is a real down to Earth kind of guy. A little loud, and everything he has is the best. I mean everything. His house is the best. His Cadillac is the best. His wife Bernice, the best. His kids Tony, Michael, Joseph and Rosemary. The best, the best, the best and the best. Heck, I think if he took a dump he would tell you it's the best. I think everyone has a cousin George in the family. The point is, I needed a vacation and California sounded great.
George had bought a limousine service a couple of years back. George was one of my Italian relatives who somehow always comes up with large amounts of money to buy things like businesses, but that's another story. He and the family lived near the Hollywood hills somewhere in LA and a lot of his clientele were famous celebrity types. Every time I talked to him on the phone he would tell me about some celebrity he drove to some famous restaurant or whatever. I might have been impressed with that sort of thing twenty years ago, but nowadays I really didn't care. The last time I spoke with George on the phone he told me how great his clientele were. In fact, they were the best.
I had been planning this trip for a few weeks now, cleaning up loose ends at work and the like. Finally the Friday afternoon before the trip arrived and I went home. I was greeted by my girlfriend Joyce.
"Your cousin George called honey." She said.
"Did he say I was the best?" I had to ask.
"At least a dozen times." She answered.
"I'll call him back later."
After dinner I called George back. I told him when we would be arriving. He would pick me up at the airport in one of his limos.
That night Joyce and I went to bed early. We would have to wake up early the next day to catch our plane. We slept soundly that night and everything went well the following morning. We got our plane at Newark Airport and arrived in LA just before noon, California time. The airport was quite crowded, sort of like Times Square on New Year's Eve. We got our bags and made our way out front. A couple of minutes later I heard shouting.
"Cousin Al! Over here!"
It was George and Bernice.
"George I want you to meet my girlfriend Joyce. Joyce this is George and Bernice."
"Joyce looks like a lovely woman, the best. You're a lucky man Al." George said.
"Yea, I know."
We all piled into the limo with our luggage and headed out to George's home. It was a fairly stately place with a large circular driveway and an in-ground pool. It seemed staying here would not be all that bad. We parked the limo in front of the house and got the luggage. We were greeted by the kids moments later.
"I'm telling you Al, moving out here is the best thing I've ever done. Living out here is the best."
We settled in and afterwards sat in the living room and made small talk. George talked about how great his limousine business was and about all the famous people he's met.
"Let me tell you all the famous people I met cous. I drove Lindsay Lohan just the other day." George said proudly.
"What did you do, drive her to rehab?" I asked somewhat sarcastically.
"Ha ha. Very funny. Actually I picked her up from rehab."
Later we went to dinner at an Italian restaurant George bragged about. The food was good. Later we returned home and went to bed early. It was a long day and Joyce and I were tired from traveling.
The following day we slept fairly late. Joyce and I woke up and started off the day with a bit of a romantic interlude in our room. We then went out and greeted our hosts.
After a very nice brunch of poached eggs and biscuits, we all hung out by the pool. It was a beautiful day with plenty of California sunshine overhead. Suddenly George's cell phone rang. He stepped off to carry on his conversation with a bit of privacy and then returned a bit later looking very agitated.
"I got a problem." George started in a serious tone, "One of my guys is sick and I have no one to drive tonight."
"Can't you get one of your other drivers Hun?" Bernice asked.
"I got nobody else. All my other drivers are busy on other jobs and I have to drive myself tonight." George seemed concerned, "Hey wait. Cousin Al, you know I wouldn't ask this if I had any other choice, but man, do you think you can do me a solid and drive a limo tonight?"
"Oh, I don't know." I said slowly.
"Oh come on honey, George will be gone and it will give Bernice and I a chance to get to know one another." Joyce said.
"Oh, I don't know. I never really drove a limousine before." I was trying hard to think of a good reason to say no.
"Don't worry, it's easy. Do you have a suit?" George asked.
"Why, yes. I did bring one in case we go out later." I replied.
"Great cous. You're the best!" George exclaimed.
I really didn't have much of a chance to say no and Joyce really didn't help much. I'm the best, huh? I felt like telling my cousin the best place he could stick his damn limousine. I mean, I really didn't come all the way to California to take a temp job.