I do not own the characters.
***
Ever since I can remember I've had a crush on TV presenter, Lorraine Kelly. There was just something about her natural presenting style. She makes no attempt to hide her Scottish tones. On top of that she never made any attempts to cover up 'her boys' as she would refer to them, her ample tits. Her cleavage of course. Also on show were those lovely legs, often covered in Black nylon, her thighs well and truly on display. She appeared in so many of my masturbation images.
In 1991 I won a place at Glasgow University. This lad from Leeds was to move to Scotland's biggest city! My older cousin was from Glasgow, so I knew I'd have a way of getting used to Glasgow.
When I first went up to Glasgow I stayed with my Aunt and Uncle, my cousin Gary also still stayed there. I told my cousin about my thing for Lorraine, he was the same age as her, 22.
"Good taste, William son!" He said. "I'd love to fuck the arse off her myself."
"I'd love to come across her." I said. "I wouldn't know what to say, I think I'd cum in my pants just speaking to her!"
"She does come up every now and then to visit her family, and to watch her favourite football team, Dundee Utd."
"A couple of Scottish guys have claimed to have fucked her." He said "But I'm not sure it's true."
My uncle Robert came in to the room.
"What are you two talking about?" He said in his usual friendly manner.
"Young William here has a bit of a hard on' for Lorraine Kelly, Da." Gary told him.
"Well who wouldn't want to get inside her knickers? Not a word to your aunt Ann." He said.
Later that afternoon, Gary, who was reading the paper suddenly, looked up.
"You'll never believe it. Lorraine Kelly is going to be doing a book signing at Central Hotel in Glasgow city centre on Friday at Noon! Well, you would be able to get the chance to meet her, William, I don't think fucking her is likely though!, Haaaa."
"Well" I said. "I'm not doing anything on Friday so I think I'll go and see if I can meet her briefly, in the flesh, so to speak."
"I know what parts of her flesh you'll be thinking of," Gary laughed. "Those wonderful tits, who wouldn't?"
"You never know," I said. "She might go for my Yorkshire charm."
"It's your Yorkshire cock that'll interest her." He said.
"Well, it'd be great just meeting her."
"I've heard she's a really nice woman." Gary said. "Though you're probably hoping she'll be BAD!" He laughed.
On the Friday I travelled into Glasgow's city centre and after asking a few people I finally found the Central hotel. 'In here we find the woman of my dreams.' I thought.
The name of her book was 'Sweet Lorraine', her first book, she wasn't a writer of course, but a TV presenter, and person responsible for many erections. I read on quite a few occasions, mostly my Mother's magazines, how she received loads of horny men, some even asking for pictures of her Boobs!. She would occasionally pose in ways in which the camera could catch her exciting cleavage, and sometimes she'd raise her skirt just a little to expose a little more thigh. But she knew what she was doing, it was never enough for any fuss to be caused. Though Mary Whitehouse was probably aflutter. I wouldn't be surprised if it opened up some Sapphic feelings in her.
When I reached the hotel I noticed quite a few people gathered outside. Women outnumbered men, but only just. I had forgotten one thing. It was a book signing, so I was going to have to posses the book. There was a station about 70 ft away from where Lorraine was to be seated where one could buy the book. £7.50 it was going to cost me! (It was '91 remember). I had a quick flick through the book before buying it. There were quite a few pics in it. 'She's got clothes on, damn' I thought jokingly.
At this point, after they announced that Lorraine might be about 10 mins late and that she sent her apologies.
"She needs her bottom spanked." The man behind me whispered to me. "And I'd happily do the spanking." He winked at me like I totally agreed and found his comment hilarious. Well I would happily have spanked that arse.
After a short time it became my turn to approach the desk to be greeted by the lovely Lorraine.
"Hello there.......Eh?" As usual, her nose wrinkled up as she beamed out that famous, gorgeous smile. I smiled a large goofy smile back at her, just glad I wasn't drooling, and then quickly realized her pause was to let me say my name.
"Oh, William, Ms Kelly." I said.
"No Ms!" She laughed. "That makes me seem like 70 years old! Lorraine is fine."
"You could never seem that, Lorraine, you don't look older than 21."
"Oooh, you're a charmer." She giggled and signed my book, then held her hand out towards me to shake. I don't know if I was breaking protocol, but I took her hand and kissed the back of it saying,
"Thank you Ma'am."
When I let go her hand she began to use it as a type of fan, and fanned her face.
"Oh, MY." She exclaimed. "I should hire you."
"It'd be the best job ever." I said.
"Get away with ye, you over the top.....charming Englishman." She joked waving her arm in the door's direction. "And enjoy your book, and you don't get signatures like that every day!"
'I kissed Lorraine Kelly!' I was thinking to myself as I headed towards the front door. I took a quick look back at her. After a second she looked up and just happened to see me looking back. There was no cheeky wink, no funny face gesture or anything like that, just a very soft and gentle smile. A blush on her face would not have looked out of place.
I decided I would like to sit and have a drink and mull over this pleasant little experience. I found a nice little lounge bar on the ground floor. The lighting in the place was low, not bad lighting, more the sort of place it might be nice to bring a date before moving on. A classy little lounge bar. The barman was very friendly.
"I couldn't help but notice you were from down south." He said.
"Yea" I replied. "Well from the North of down south."
I told him I would be attending the University in Glasgow. He told me the names of the best bars around the University area, which I noted down. I told him about my encounter with Lorraine.
"Oh yes,." He said. "Lovely lady, very down to Earth."
