It was my fifth time on liberty in Hong Kong.
I meet this Malay special forces Sergeant at the local Brit EM club. I'll call him Gunga Din to protect the guilty. After three beers we decide to join forces, become an Army of two, go out into the environs of Hong Kong Island and do a little reconnoitering.
This reconnaissance mission lasts for at least a minute.
We go to the nearest bar where my Sergeant met Nancy Kwan better known as Suzie Wong the night before. Nancy, alias Suzie Wong, is waiting for him and makes sure none of the other bar girls sink their hooks into his wallet or jump her claim to my, or actually her Sergeant friend, aka, the "gold mine."
The bar girls have an internal ethical standard. It's kind of a professional pride sort of thing. Once the gold mine is being mined by one girl prospector, no trespassing allowed unless you want to get your eyes clawed out and your ass kicked.
The girl that tries to jump a claim becomes an outcast and the gold mine that allows more than one prospector is ... well that is ... forbidden but, sometimes allowed depending on the size of the gold mine.
We get into a minor altercation with a couple of British sailors. Words are exchanged. After a couple of more Tsingtao beers, one of the Limeys tries to pick a fight.
My friend knows Judo and he applies a little Judo technique called "Shimewaza," and physically tosses the fiesty one out of the bar. The other, smarter, Limey, if there is such a thing, leaves without a fuss.
The, not so smart Limey comes back into the bar looking for more action and my Sergeant friend has to restrain him again and tosses him out into the street for the second time.
My friend tells the bartender, he better keep that Brit out because the third times the charm. If the dumb-ass Brit comes back into the bar again there is going to be trouble. Gunga Din is running out of patience.
This bar has somewhere between 30 and 50 hookers employed. It is like a slave market or maybe more like a meat market.
The movie, "The World of Suzie Wong," first released in November of 1960, is still playing in a local theater, nearby.
After my night with Kim, a hooker and my First, I have nothing against hookers just the "Johns" that use them poorly. I personally am in awe of hookers and have respect for their artistry.
I use the poetic excuse that I have no time to woo Nancy or Sue there is barely enough time to see a movie and screw.
I introduce myself to one of the bar-girls, the first one that approaches me with "you like fuck me, sailor" and say, "Hello, my name is either William Holden or Robert Lomax, take your pick, you look exactly like Suzie Wong."
She says, "No, have two names, no Bill, no Bob, my ass."
I say, "Well, Bill is a rich, famous, well-hung movie star, and uses real Hong Kong dollars while Bob is a poor, infamous, wee-bit of an architect, and uses fictional Monopoly money. Are you the real Nancy Kwan or the fictional Mee Ling by chance?"
She says, "Me call you Bill."
She answers, "Me no Nancy, no Mee Ling, me Suzie Wong, me virgin.
I respond, "I thought you might be."
Suzie is a smart girl.
She says, "We all Suzie Wong here, we all virgins."
I respond, "Suzie is a very popular girl for being so chaste."
Gunga Din comes over and suggests we leave before the whole British Fleet comes into the bar and blows us out of the water.
I tell him great, let's take our life-long virgin girlfriends, to lunch, to the movies, and see if we are lucky enough to deflower them. Relieve them of their last half- hour of virginity at long last.
My Sergeant friend groans, calls me a name that I have heard before, opens his wallet and starts to count his money, while muttering.
I tell him to quit complaining, I ain't no bloody wanker, and he has no imagination. I tell him it will be like going on a regular date: wine, dine, feel up your girlfriend in the dark, and maybe, just maybe, get lucky.
He says luck has nothing to do with it.
I say, just think about it, use your imagination, sitting in a darkened theater; listening to Bill and Nancy romance each other in Chinese; while we try to fondle and charm these two Chinese Suzie Wong virgins into going to bed with us.
Gunga Din says that my imagination, my complete lack of charm, is going to cost us extra as both our Suzie Wongs are smiling and nodding their heads in agreement. They seem very pleased with themselves and with us, especially my attitude towards the expenditure of Hong Kong Dollars, the probability of the redistribution of wealth, and my Suzie does not seem to put off by my lack of charm.
