Some of you have been waiting a long time for this one. ^-^ As always, both comic book logic and crazy sex fantasy rules are in effect.
*****
Normally Barbara disliked people lingering in the Batcave's central chamber without a clear purpose. Unless she was currently getting fucked by Superman, she was in front of the computer because she wanted to work. Typing away was comforting, flying through a world with nothing to hold her back.
Given how much time she'd spent grimly staring at the screen recently, though, perhaps she needed a break. When Selina and Riley sat down on the couch and started chatting, she didn't object. In fact, soon she started listening. Though they mostly discussed the old days of crime in Gotham, comparing notes from very different perspectives, eventually their topic switched to a much more... carnal topic.
"Do you ever even think about anyone else?" Selina leaned back and unzipped her outfit even more, presumably just for comfort since no one there was interested in her cleavage. "The other day I tried to do my old seduction routine on a guard and I had a rough time managing it. I just... couldn't put myself into it."
Riley frowned and fidgeted with her hair. "Says the woman who gave a strip tease in front of everyone just last week."
"But that's just the thing: that was for Superman. I don't know if I've been spoiled or what, but I have a hard time getting excited about some random guy's dick. No, that's not quite right, because I didn't really care before. It's like it's just not worth even thinking about, you know what I mean?"
"Not really. I actually spend a lot of time glad I have something better than that tiny puppet dick."
"Wait, what?" Barbara turned and said the words at the same time as Selina. Riley hid beneath the wave of her hair, but otherwise she just looked back at them like she'd said nothing unusual.
"You remember the Scarface puppet, right?"
"I remember," Barbara said, "but I never once imagined that it was anatomically correct."
Selina shivered. "Scarface is far, far creepier now that I know that."
"No offense to you, Riley, but you caught an incredibly lucky break when Superman fucked you. I mean, I thought I was glad, but you..."
She nodded quietly. "That's why I started the conversation with that."
Their conversation moved on from there. Generally speaking, they spent very little time talking about Superman or his supercock. It was on display in one of them quite often, after all, so there wasn't really any need. Just another fact of life.
Barbara turned back to the computer, her amusement already fading. There had been no sounds of pleasure in the Batcave for almost a full day. Before, Superman got hard when he went more than an hour without attention, but now he seemed locked in a grimly focused mode. Without realizing it, she'd let herself get sucked into it as well.
The heart of the problem was the Joker: both the threat he posed and the inexplicable fact that he seemed invisible, even to Superman's senses. But before Barbara could get too wrapped up in the technical problem again, Superman appeared in the room with a deep frown on his face.
"That puppet had a dick?
Riley threw up her hands. "
You're
surprised? You have x-ray vision, didn't you know?"
"Do you think I'm just constantly looking under people's clothes?
Puppets'
clothes?"
Though he smiled, the expression didn't reach Superman's eyes. He floated behind Barbara and laid a hand on the back of her chair, looking over the same data. It wasn't so different from all the previous hours, pushing against the insoluble problem.
"You've isolated radiation from sections of Gotham?"
"After using the MacGuffins to cross-reference, it wasn't as hard as I thought." Barbara flipped back to the timeline data. "And here are the energy readings measured over time for as long as I've been recording data."
"I see. The m-waves are what we would expect for MacGuffin movement but... ah." Superman saw what she'd uncovered almost immediately. "There are two major sources of c-levels. One is our location, growing over time, but the Joker's territory is releasing almost as much energy. What does that mean?"
"I wish I knew. Maybe the Writers are at war and one of them has chosen the Joker?"
"Well, that would explain why I can't find him. If they could somehow blind Batman to an obvious bomb, then their reality manipulation powers are quite formidable. But if that's the case, what can we do about it?"
"No idea." Barbara sat back and carefully repositioned her legs. She felt the need to go out and do something, even if that was a poor strategic decision considering what they were facing. Perhaps she had a death wish of her own. "If someone has been supporting our activity, maybe we should ask them."
"It would help if they would show up and explain what any of this means." Superman glanced skyward significantly, but no extra-dimensional Writers manifested. Barbara sighed.
"I don't think they're going to appear directly. I mean, they call themselves 'Writers' - they're clearly viewing all of this from quite a distance. Doesn't make sense for them to be part of the story."
It had been a casual, off-hand observation, but Superman's eyes narrowed to slits. "Yes... yes, that's exactly it."
"What is?"
"This really is all a story to them. They change reality to resemble whatever they think is... most artistic. That's why my powers have fluctuated over the years and why some things that don't make any sense persist - someone thinks they make for a more interesting story."
Barbara's legs felt very cold, but she pushed them out of her mind. "But you've been crushing your opponents effortlessly. That's not much of a story."
"Because we're not in that kind of a story anymore." Superman smiled grimly, staring at the data with new perspective. "But the Joker is. And whatever these c-levels truly are, they indicate that the Writers care about what the Joker is doing. We've been acting independently, each in our own... the word 'series' is coming to mind, though I don't know why. But if our paths are going to cross over, the rules start conflicting."
To her it seemed like a huge leap in logic, yet Superman spoke with the same strange certainty she saw in Harley. "Then do you have a plan?"
"Not yet. But now I know I can't defeat the Joker by force, and I think the Writers are far beyond anything we can punch. I need to find a way to play by the rules... but I'll need time to think about what they are."
Superman closed his eyes and drifted away slowly, falling deep into his own thoughts. Barbara wanted to put her own mind to the problem, yet she found herself staring down at her legs. She was still paralyzed because some extra-dimensional being thought that was more interesting?
That train of thought soon had her spiraling down dark paths. Barbara wheeled away from the computer and through the hallways, looking for something but not sure what. She needed someone to help focus her thoughts, but not Harley. Especially not recently, since the return of the Joker left her moody and twitchy, wearing a different costume every moment. No, Barbara needed someone with whom she felt an older kinship.
As she passed one of the training rooms, Barbara heard two voices within and realized exactly what she needed. She entered and stayed at the door for a while, just watching Cassandra and Stephanie spar. It was a good-natured bout, both of them laughing as Stephanie tried increasingly reckless moves to get past Cassandra's guard and still ended up on her back.
One particularly wild flail made Barbara laugh, pulling their attention. Cassandra merely nodded, but Stephanie waved. "Oh, hey Babs, didn't see you there!"
"You look troubled," Cassandra stated. Barbara was still smiling, but it didn't surprise her at all that everything else would be obvious. She wheeled into the room and they came to meet her off the side of the mat. Perhaps Cassandra's body language reading was the example she should have focused on...
"I'm glad to see you too, Steph, but I actually had a question for Cass. When you... changed yourself, what exactly did you do?"