Summer Heat 22

A warm breeze blows through the window I have left open, fluttering the single sheet that covers my lower body. The heat is already unbearable, even though it is only just past dawn. The air conditioner busted weeks ago and I have never bothered to get it fixed. What would be the purpose after all? I ignore the heat, just as I ignore everything else.

Some days are better than others. My mind wanders aimlessly beyond my control, spinning thoughts wildly around what I fight so strongly to forget.

You.

But try as I might, there is no reprieve. Images flash at a breakneck pace. Memories that I try to forget, haunt me. They spin torridly in my mind like a tornado in the middle of a blazingly hot summer day such as this one. Thoughts break into my normal routine and leave me speechless. A trail of chaos left in their wake.

All right, who am I kidding really? There is nothing normal about my routine or my life. There never has been. The image of normalcy is an image that shatters and cracks in my mind as soon as enters.

You are gone.

Not in the forever met your maker sense that everyone has thought. I cannot allow that from myself. I know better, I've been around you for too many years. Too many lifetimes. But rather in the sense that you are not with me.

There is an emptiness that walks beside me now wherever I go. An emptiness that will never fade or be filled. I fear there will never come a day when you are ever again near me. I now find myself in this harsh reality that is a shadowed and barren wasteland.

Even as I fight to forget you, you are the one constant beam of brilliant light that shows the way.

There is one single memory that bothers me almost daily. It is a comforting friend and I have recently caught myself anxiously awaiting its arrival.

When it comes, I usually stop whatever it is that I am doing, regardless of the consequences. Strangely, it has nearly gotten me killed twice since it began to visit. I fear what the outcome would be if I did not pause to let it wash over me, for despite the battles with my memories, my greatest fear is forgetting you.

As I lie in the bed, the memory overtakes me. Wraps me in its comforting arms. A warm, woolen blanket in the stark reality that is my life now.

Your scent fills my nose and trickles lazily down into my lungs. Sweet vanilla and sharp, woodsy sandalwood spin together. They meld together to be as one and you are there beside me.

Your crystal green eyes and untamed red hair fills my vision. You smile down at me and your eyes are alight with mischief. There is a sparkle in them that warms me. One that I notice only when we are together like this. You hover over me, your weight on your knees.

One of your hands grips lightly around me, guiding me to where you want me to be. Warmth surrounds me as you lower yourself onto me and you whisper for me to keep my eyes open and on you for the duration.

I easily comply. For you, I would conquer the world.

Your bare chest brushes mine as you lean over me. A shiver raises goose flesh along your arms as the coarse hair on my chest brushes against your nipples. Your voice whispers in my ear as you grind your hips against my pelvis. You realize my excitement level is high and you've decided to play with that fact.

"Forty-five." Your breathless voice whispers into my ear. You lift and lower yourself without saying more at my questioning look.

"Forty-five." You say again as you raise yourself. I realize at that moment your exact meaning, wondering why it was not clearer to me sooner.

A smile tugs at the corners of my mouth and I decide to play along. "Sixty-one." I counter, slamming your hips down so that you engulf me fully.

Your head falls back as a sigh escapes your lips at the feeling of me filling you so completely. But you are not to be outdone; this is one game that you have decided that you want to prolong.

"Seventy-five."

I hold your legs in place, deciding that we will remain cemented together until we are in total agreement with each other.

"Eighty."

Your head lifts and our eyes meet, your green to my chocolate brown. A smile breaks out on your lips. You know exactly where you are going next. It has been two weeks since we were last together this way and you are certain about the next word that passes your lips.

"One hundred."

The number hangs heavy in the air between us, a challenge given. I have no doubt I can meet your challenge but I fear time is my enemy and I wonder if I can stick to my word as I wet my lips and hear the agreement slip between them.

Your hands pry my own off your hips and you begin a slow and steady rhythm. Your breath hints each number as you carefully count. I realize, too late, that this will certainly be a testament to my will. Glancing at the clock across the room, I see that ten minutes have passed since the agreement was made.

You have only reached twelve.

I dare not say a word however. I am determined not to utter a sound, nary even breath heavy until I have won. Two can play this game.

Your emerald green eyes narrow at twenty-three, surely by now you had thought I would break. Even just a little. Determination shadows across your face and the next ten thrusts are performed in quick succession. You smile triumphantly at my sharp intake of breath, resolved to make even the tiniest crack in my resolve.

You are unaware of my blood boiling through my veins at a breakneck pace. Oblivious to the sharp pounding of my heart against my ribcage as I struggle to retain the façade of control. There is a dull roaring in my ears deafening me ever so slightly so that I cannot hear your voice breathing out numbers. I watch your lips mouth each number as it caresses past your lips.

I want to raise myself up, press our chests together as you sit on my lap, but I dare not move. Only my fingers move as they grip lightly at the tender flesh of your thighs. Heat races throughout my body searching for the release it craves.

I deny it.

We've only reached fifty.

Unexpectedly, around stroke sixty-two, your muscles clench violently around me, surprising even you. I can see in your eyes that you fought to contain the release but the monster craving the hit wasn't having any of that.

You smirk as the orgasm releases its grip and continue along as if nothing happened.

After all, this is about me, not you.

You have always taken joy in this game and I gladly indulge your desires without argument.

Your body is loose now, pliant from the release that tore itself free of your grasp. You push yourself harder now, unafraid that your control will slip anymore.

Your hips grind nearly to the point of pain against mine. It only enhances the excitement pooling greedily at my hips. Your knee cracks ever so slightly as you bear your weight on them time and time again.

They are quickly being pushed past their point of give as you drive us both. You count in your head now, your lungs unable to be taxed anymore than they already are by allowing you to speak.

Sweat breaks out in a fine sheen over both our bodies and my hands slide uselessly from your thighs.

My vision is beginning to gray around the edges and I fight mercilessly with the animals screaming inside of me for release. I have denied them freedom for too long and they hunger for the barriers to fall away.

The roaring in my ears has completely silenced everything now. The blood rushes through my head and I wonder how I can coherently think at all anymore.

Then again, you have always found ways to push me further than I ever thought possible. It is one of the reasons you count.

As well, you could just enjoy the torture.

The number ninety shatters through my thoughts and ice cold panic freezes the haze in my head. I realize that in a split second you are going to win. I have fought diligently but control has abandoned me.

Your eyes burn with a raging fire as you realize the same just moments after I do. The conquest seeps from every pore on your body. I can smell it. The scent is sweet and intoxicating.

You viciously slam your hips down, lifting your knees so that I fill you with every inch of myself.

My vision darkens then turns pitch black just you lean down, our sweat slicked skin burning furiously between us. Your breath pants in my ear, my blood rushing now to the single hot core that is ready to ignite.

A flutter of your breath pierces the word through my conscience at exactly the moment of detonation.

"Ninety-nine."

The heat sears through me as I explode inside of you. My extremities become numb and I feel nothing but the floating connection between us. Waves of pleasure riot out like a stone thrown into the middle of a peaceful lake. Control is unthinkable. I struggle vainly to bring order to the chaos but there seems to be no end to the madness.

A scream echoes in my brain and I realize, amazingly, it is my own voice.

Finally, there seems to be a break in the waves and I desperately grapple for it, reining in the thread of control that slipped through my fingers moments ago.

I swallow hard as I come back to myself and I am vaguely aware of you still over me. I glance up to see your hands gripping tightly to the oak headboard above my head. A smile widens your mouth and you welcome me back to you.

Your head rests against my shoulder as you lower yourself to lie beside me, sleep almost immediately overwhelming you.

The memory fades and I am left alone once again. My hand idly brushes the sheets beside me, searching for the warmth that was once there. It is stark and cold and I turn to stare out the window as the daily reminder of a time past is now over and tucked away until the next time.

It is a double edged sword, this memory. Spending it's time reminding me of what once was and what I once had.

My eyes close and I succumb once again to sleep; drifting off to a place you still inhabit in my mind.

[end]