Earth-617
The woman that strode into Felicia's apartment for their appointment definitely looked sexy enough. She was tall and trim, her jacket classy, her skirt knee-length, her powder-blue Oxford blouse tight enough to be interesting, with her thin, classical face further delineated by a set of black spectacles. Her brown hair was cut short, hanging neatly about her face, and when she introduced herself, it was with an unaffectedly low, husky voice that was not smutty, but just authoritative enough to be interesting.
She wasn't green though.
"If you don't mind me asking, Ms. Walters," Felicia said, in a poise-off with Jen as she crossed her legs in their leather skirt, displaying a teasing amount of stockings. "You seem a little... pale?"
"I'm actually one eighth-Cherokee," Jen replied, rotating her dainty ankle where her legs were crossed as they sat, facing each other. "I find my She-Hulk persona can be a bit distracting in legal matters like this. People get the idea that I'm some kind of rambunctious sex beast who can't control my hormones. Men, right?"
Felicia laughed. "Men!" she agreed, and wondered just how attracted bisexuals were to lesbian catnip. Because this woman looked like one-half of an AfterEllen OTP.
Jen took out a tablet and poised her pen over it. "Now, you were a little secretive over the phone about your needs—"
"My needs..." Felicia said, wondering if there were a desk around to be swept clear.
"Yes, your needs," Jen repeated. "We are covered by attorney-client privilege. You can tell me."
"Well—" Felicia drummed her hands on her crossed leg. "I am pregnant."
"Oh," Jen said, and sounded a little disappointed. Lamenting that the heteros had her?
"I need to establish some trust funds, some college funds, whatever. No kitten of mine will have to scrape by on handouts from a Hitler reject."
Jen's eyebrow quirked, her face assuming an even more serious mien. "The Hatemonger is involved?" she asked, reaching for her glasses to take them off for Avengers business.
"What? Oh, no, J. Jonah Jameson."
"Ah." Jen left her glasses on. "Slightly worse, than." She made a quick note on her tablet. "Well, not to be too judgmental, but a fair number of your activities have been... extralegal, let's say. If there were some sort of money issues, it could be very rough, keeping the government from seizing everything."
"And do you like it rough, Ms. Walters?"
One advantage of her being un-Hulked: Felicia could see her blush. "There are ways around that. I'm sure you're aware of Swiss bank accounts, for instance. There are other loopholes. I'll get some paralegals on it and contact you shortly."
"Thanks. That's all I wanted to hear."
Jen stood. Felicia stood. They shook hands. Jen's grip was disappointingly light.
"If I may ask," Jen said, "boy or girl?"
"I don't know yet. I want it to be a surprise."
Jen sighed wistfully. "That must be nice."
"Are you trying for kids, Ms. Walters?"
"Oh, no. I couldn't. Gamma radiation, you know. But I've represented the Avengers in legal matters, so I know what it's like to have to deal with a bunch of screaming infants. One last thing. I know this can be a sensitive subject, but the father... if you're looking for legal ways to get money to your child, that's a big gimme."
Felicia nodded thoughtfully. "He's not in the picture at the moment."
"I'm sorry to hear that, Ms. Hardy."
"Oh, don't be. He's just in an alternate universe. Given the way trouble follows him around, I'm just trying my best to enjoy the peace and quiet. God knows what he's gotten himself into."
Earth-69
They were sinister. There were six of them.
Delilah was big, beautiful, and built like a brick outhouse.
Then there was Scorpia, tall, leggy, and oh-so-lithe.
She was followed by Shriek, small, svelte, and abundantly stacked.
Then came Calypso, a bit small-breasted, but pure dynamite everywhere else.
And finally there was Lady Octopus, Carolyn Trainer. Peter had met some beautiful women in his time; he had to admit, Carolyn didn't have much on Mary Jane, or Felicia. But she was still a very attractive woman. Her red hair was cut short, framing a face that was almost as beautiful as the women he loved, but rougher, leaner, more hardened. Her breasts were large, and the corset that held her tentacles lifted them and shaped them into bullet-like torpedoes, while leaving her ass mostly uncovered save for a thong-like section of metal. Her legs, totally bare, were long and shapely. While she was middle-aged, she was also sexier than many women half her age.
And unfortunately, she had Peter trapped, wrists and ankles webbed soundly to the wall of the warehouse the Six were holed up in. Arana wasn't much better, tied up with Janice's webbing. Peter wasn't a fan of her being the new Venom.
"It has been a great deal of fun," Carolyn said, running a teasing hand over Peter's chest. "On occasion. But we can't have you getting loose and ruining all our plans for our new symbiote. We've taken a vote and we'll all agreed that the rational thing to do is kill you now. We just wanted you to wake up and know it was us that had beaten you."
"Don't you mean you?" Peter asked. "And your ego?"
"Oh no, you won't turn us against each other this time!" Carolyn said wryly—apparently no matter what the universe, supervillain team-ups ran into the same problem. "It was my plan, yes, but Janice here executed it flawlessly."
"Thanks, babe." Janice leaned over to kiss her on the cheek.
Well, Peter doubted Doc Ock and Mysterio had ever considered holding their alliance together that way. Maybe Electro...
"Sure you don't want to tell me what your evil plan is?" Peter asked. "For old time's sake?"
"I think not, Spider. And no, we don't want to brainwash you into being our mindless slave, no, we don't care to unmask you. We're just going to murder you."
"Besides!" Shriek cackled. "We have Arana for all our needs."
"She's mindless enough already," Scorpia agreed. The sinister laugh really rubbed it in.
"So who gets the honor of killing me, anyway?" Peter asked. "Is it Delilah? Please don't let it be Delilah..."
