Sparing a Fire

Alex kept calling Kara until she finally answered, her voice trembling faintly like it did when she tried to be strong. She tried so hard, but she could never quite manage it when she was talking to Alex. "Hello?"

"Hey, Kara."

There was a pause, and Alex could imagine the flustered look on her face, the little embarrassed blush as she tried to hide her distress. "You got Livewire?"

"Yeah, she's back in custody. I won't let her get away this time."

"That's good. I know she's not an alien or anything, but she is—such a B-word!"

"Totally!" Alex agreed, letting out a little hysterical laugh. "Are you okay?"

"Uh-huh. I mean, it was just some psycho being a psycho, right? It doesn't matter. It's probably going to happen more—fighting psychos like we do. At least I've got you to look out for me."

"Didn't do such a good job today."

"No, come on, Alex, it was my fault—"

"It wasn't! I should've at least given you a warning, you could've prepared for her."

"I was as prepared as I was gonna get. I'm not always gonna be lucky enough to get a heads up. Superman certainly doesn't..."

"Superman isn't my sister." Alex fell silent, cursing herself for being so open with this, trying to take the blame so thoroughly, making Kara feel sorry for her and try to take all the responsibility herself. She didn't deserve to have Kara comforting her; she was the one who was supposed to be comforting her. "We've checked social media, no one's uploaded anything about what happened. And no one in the DEO knows either. I mean, just me and Henshaw."

"Of course," Kara said. "You wouldn't let anyone go around saying things about me. Not if you could help it."

Alex felt a fresh stab of protectiveness run through her. She'd never envied Kara, never felt bad that Kara had powers and she didn't, but just then she wished she had just a little strength, was just a little bigger, a little faster. Able to do anything to protect Kara instead of leaving her exposed to the world, flying out into the world with a big red target on her chest.

"Listen," Alex said, her voice starting to feel larger, more certain as she spoke, as she finally felt like she was doing some little thing to help her sister. "I know you're okay, I know you're fine and you don't need my help and you won't let it get to you--but I'd just really like it if you came over tonight and spent the night with me. Nothing special--just watch some TV and open some wine... see about doing your hair..."

"If I change my hair, I think someone will figure out my secret identity. But everything else sounds good." Alex could hear the tiny smile in Kara's voice. "And I will

always

need your help."

***

Alex tidied up before Kara could get there, wishing there was more she could do, make her apartment some kind of—Kryptonian spa. She put a Greek pizza in the oven instead, figuring whatever the situation was, it'd be better if Kara had pizza to eat.

Kara came through the door, using her key, while Alex was taking the pizza out of the oven. Alex turned around, DEO training telling her she was being breached, and took the brunt of Kara's appearance, full force. Hugging herself, knees tilted inward, all hunched up and wrapped around her pain. Alex just went to her and hugged her, so glad this was her sister, that she could just hold her, that Kara loved her enough to let her try and make this better.

"Tell me all about it, Kara," Alex said firmly. "Tell me all about it now."

"It's fine, it's nothing—just a bad fight, Superman has bad fights..." Kara let herself be led to the couch, laid out on it, her hair and taut-muscled arms petted by Alex. Feeling Alex's touch was like permission to relax, let go of the clench she was in. "It's just... just Cat yelling at me and Jimmy doesn't know I exist and it's like Winn wants something from me and I

like

him but he wants me to like him more and Max Lord wants to kill me and my aunt wants to kill me and Livewire kisses me,

Rao

, it's like the first time I've been kissed in months!"

Alex picked away her hair clips, letting her hair down, and then ran her fingers through its ruffled length, further straightening and smoothing it. "Do you want to cry?"

"No!" Kara scoffed, shaking her head, piteous like she wanted to moan.

"Don't lie." Alex was almost proud of Kara, how

solid

she'd become, how tough, the armor she'd built up over the past few weeks But she didn't want to be one of the people outside it. She wanted to be part of Kara's wall, protecting her. And she knew Kara would always let her in.

She leaned in and kissed Kara's head and Kara couldn't take it, couldn't keep pretending to be so tough when Alex loved her so much. "

Yes!

" she said, her voice cracking, and Alex held her close, feeling Kara's breath blaze against her shoulder as she huffed sob after sob.

***

Alex practically had to hand-feed Kara to get her to eat, snuggling on the couch with Kara and taking her mind off her troubles with the lovelorn doctors of Seattle Grace. It made Kara cry more, but they were softer tears. Kara relaxed into Alex's embrace, the jagged rasps of emotion leaving her until she was able to smile at McDreamy and company.

After Netflix burned through three episodes, Kara was practically comatose. Alex picked her up easily enough. She may have been the Girl of Steel, but she was still flesh and blood, and Alex had little trouble carrying her to the bedroom. She suddenly wished she had sprung for an apartment with a guest room, cursing herself for not having the foresight to build in a place for Kara to stay over. What if Kara's apartment had blown up or burned down or even just been fumigated? Was Kara supposed to sleep on the

couch?

Alex would sleep on the couch. Kara deserved a bed to sleep in. Alex laid her down and helped her out of her shoes and her pants and her bra, all to a mumbling monologue from the sleepyhead, then she drew the covers over Kara. When she turned to leave, she felt Kara's hand on her own. All throughout the evening, Kara had been soft and pliant, but now her grip was firm as could be.

"Stay with me?"

"I don't know if that's a good idea." Alex was at war with herself. She wanted to keep comforting Kara, keep an eye on her—no way she'd have a good night's sleep with Kara out of her sight, even knowing she was in the other room. But she also suspected that Kara needed her space, and didn't want to crowd her when she was getting through some things. "What if I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and I wake you up? You need your sleep."

"I need you more," Kara said, then her eyes got impossibly bigger. "I'm a really sound sleeper. I won't notice if you play a brass band in here! Please? I'll tell you what Mom got you for Christmas?"

"I'm a spy, Kara. I could find out if I wanted to."

"I'll give you a foot-rub!"

"

Fine

," Alex breathed at last, just to see the look of excited relief on Kara's face. "Just let me go and get into my pajamas and you have to tell me what's bothering you. All of it. No repression allowed."

Kara nodded excitedly. "And you'll scratch my back?"

Alex rolled her eyes. "You're a monster."

Kara grinned, seeing Alex had fallen prey to the puppy dog eyes. "Thank you, Alex."

Alex groaned as she went to get her pajamas.

***

Despite herself, Alex enjoyed scratching Kara's bare back under her rolled up shirt. It made her feel like she was doing something to help, and Kara was kinda like a kitten being petted, nestling into the scritches and hugging her pillow to her face. Alex scratched behind her ears, just to see what would happen. Kara sighed happily.

"So what's really bothering you?" Alex asked, now scratching idly between Kara's shoulder blades.

"Livewire wasn't enough? I got my ass kicked."

"Yeah, but you've gotten your ass kicked before. You usually bounce back faster."

Kara sighed and rolled over, pulling her shirt a ways down her belly, but not all the way down. It spooled out over her tummy and belly button, and Alex stared at her vulnerable little navel as Kara lazed back on her pillow.

"Cat yelled at me again today."

"Of course she yelled at you, she's a yeller." Alex reclined onto her side, head held up on a bracketed arm. "I don't understand why you work for that woman. It's not like you care about who Harry Styles is dating. I could set you up with a nice DEO cover job, just like mine..."

"It makes me feel normal," Kara protested.

"Normal people don't hate their jobs, or get tormented by their bosses."

"Yes they do—"

"Well, they shouldn't."

"Cat can be really nice," Kara said defensively. "Just—not today."

"What'd she say?" Alex asked, hoping scratching Kara's arm would help her open up.

Kara pinched her eyes shut before asking. "Nothing... just that it's a good thing I'll never get married and have children, because if I'm that bad at handling her simple needs, then I'd be a horrible mother..."

"Jesus, Kara!" Alex exclaimed. "You let her talk to you like that?"

"What am I supposed to do? Fry her with my heatvision?"

"You could quit and get a job where you're treated better. Or ask me to make her death look like an accident. One of those two."

"You can't just judge her like that!" Kara said, and despite herself, Alex felt a vein of admiration running through her. Loyal to a fault, her sister. "Cat's worked very hard to get where she is! If she were a man—"

"Then she'd still be an asshole," Alex said calmly, feeling like a bossy big sister for lecturing Kara like this, but preferring that to being the kind of sister who would let her girl subject herself to verbal abuse for a paycheck. "Kara, how many villains have you fought who had bad childhoods, or who lost someone, or who were mistreated? That doesn't give them the right to hurt people. I don't care if Cat personally led the suffragette movement, she doesn't have the right to say hurtful things to you for no reason, or anyone else for that matter!"

Kara bit her lip; Alex knew she had to feel a bit disloyal, listening to her go on like this and not being able to defend her 'friend'. "But Alex... she's my boss."

Alex sighed. "You're trying to impress her, aren't you?"

"Well... maybe kinda... I think she's just about to warm up to me..."

"People like that aren't impressed, Kara. Giving more than a—

spigot

of power diminishes their authority. She wants you to be constantly scared for your job and scared of her, but always thinking things would get better if you just worked harder. That's not how a job is supposed to be. You're supposed to be well-treated and paid what your labor is worth and psychologically stable.

That's

what makes people productive, not living in the North Korea of workplaces."

Kara stayed quiet, staring up at the ceiling. Why'd she have to be so tenacious, Alex wondered. Did she think Superman never gave up? Maybe not when he really, truly wanted something, but there were some things you just had to write-off, and trying over and over again to please some monstrous big fish in her small little pond... Alex hated the thought of it piling even more stress on top of Kara. No one deserved that, least of all someone who had been

born

into such responsibilities already.

"You really have a lovely view of the night sky," Kara said. "Once you get a little X-ray vision..."

Alex tickled at her bare stomach. "Want me to keep scratching you? Want me to keep scratching?"

Kara let out a shrill, sudden giggle. "Stop it, no, c'mon!"

Alex pulled her hands away. "I get it, you don't want to talk about the Cat Grant Situation." Alex gave Kara an exaggerated scowl, wanting to leave a lasting impression of just what she thought of CGS. "We'll table it for now, since I respect you and don't believe in yelling at people when I don't get my way."

Kara huffed a sigh—Alex took a little vindictive satisfaction in knowing that once again, Kara wanted to counter her poor opinion of Cat Grant but couldn't think of any defense for her.

"So," she continued, "what's going on down—" Alex picked at the waistband of Kara's panties, pulling them out before letting them snap back. "There?"

"Alex! Gross!"

"C'mon, Kara, I'm your sister. If you can't talk to me about what you're feeding the monster—" She winked.

"Do not call it a monster!" Kara huffed. "And it's not like you tell me anything about your love life!"

"That is because I am a pathetic workaholic who can't keep a man," Alex replied. "You're a cute intern with access to the private phone numbers of several male models. Not to mention

all kinds

of superhero yum-yum. Give me something to live vicariously through!"

"One, no superhero is going to tee off Supes by dating his baby cousin," Kara pointed out. "They'd pull on Batman's cape first. Second, those male models are very high-maintenance. And third... you think I should go out with Winn? I mean, he does like me—he's kinda cute—maybe it could turn into something."

"He's

your

friend..." Alex said.

"What's that mean? You don't like him?"

"I don't know him.

But...

I don't like that my sister has been giving him the busy signal for months and he's still on the line."

"What about Jimmy?"

"Jimmy 'Dating Lucy Lane' Olsen? You don't think that counts as a busy signal?"

Kara blew a puff of air out her lips. "It's not like that! He's interested! I can feel something, I swear it—"

"Trust me, you don't want to be with the kind of guy who Vagoogles you..." Yeah, because Kara would know what

that

meant. "With the kind of guy who's willing to investigate another relationship while he's already in one. Especially when he's like forty."

"Jimmy is not forty! He's thirty-six, which I just happened to know because I was looking for something to get him for his birthday and I needed to know when that was..."

Alex stared at her sister. "You're starting to scare bunnies for two states over. And that's still a ten year age difference. That was too much for Community, remember?"

"So Jimmy's too old, Winn's too weird—is there anyone you'll let me date?"

"Cat Grant? You do seem really into her..."

Kara patted Alex's hand. "I promise, you're the only one allowed to boss me around."

"Damn straight. Guess no dating for you. Stick to masturbation."

Kara nodded. Then stopped nodding. "How's that go again?"

"You don't know how to masturbate? Of course you don't know how to masturbate..."

"When that girl did it in that horror movie, she got killed!"

"This explains

so much

."

***

"I mean, there's not much to it," Alex said, suddenly aware of just how close two people could be, sharing the covers of a single bed. She could smell Kara's sweat. Supergirl must've showered before coming over, but underneath—or she'd started sweating again. "You, uh... You just start rubbing at your thighs. Your lower belly. Your vagina. You explore it, sees what feels good, and when something feels... good, you do it harder. Faster."

"You just touch yourself..." Kara's hand was moving under the sheets. Like the wake of a submarine traveling under that blue cover, crinkling and warping the sheets above. "And see what feels good?"

"Yes," Alex said, her mouth suddenly dry. No way Kara was doing, would do what she thought she was doing. She was just scratching an itch. That was all. An itch.

"And what do you think about?"

"Think about?"

"When you do it. I know a lot of women think about Fifty Shades of Gray, but I read it and it really wasn't all that sexy."

Jesus Christ.

"You think about whatever you want," Alex said with a nervous laugh. "It's a fantasy. A harmless fantasy. It doesn't matter—you can think about Jimmy."

"I don't want to think about Jimmy." Kara reached for Alex and for a helpless moment, Alex thought she was going to caress her face. Maybe hold her by the cheeks as she gave her a kiss.

Wouldn't that be strange? Kara was affectionate as a puppy dog, she must've kissed Alex's cheek or forehead or hand a thousand times, but never her lips. That would be so different—yet it would have to feel a little like Kara's lips did elsewhere. Wouldn't it? Maybe it wouldn't be strange at all. Maybe it'd be comforting.

Christ, this was her

sister

.

Kara's hand hadn't touched her face. It'd touched the sheets pulled up to Alex's chin. It's gripped them and pulled them down her body and now Alex's pajama top was revealed in full. It was blue with a josie dot pattern, made out of sateen, with matching shorts to serve as bottoms. And it buttoned up along the cute red piping. Kara herself had gotten her the pajamas. Alex had worn them ever since.

Only it got warm in her apartment, in all of National City. She didn't sleep with a comforter. Some nights she didn't even cover herself with the sheets. And she unbuttoned the pajamas a ways, leaving some of her chest bare. It wasn't like she slept in the nude or anything. But having those two buttons undone—out of five, and they started at her cleavage—kept her toasty without making her wake up soaked in sweat every morning. And when she did get a guy, or a girl, they didn't mind the view. It wasn't lingerie, but it wasn't a burlap bag either. She looked nice.

Kara thought so. Kara had to think so; she must've pictured Alex in it when she bought the PJs. She would want her sister to be cute while she looked comfortable. It was just the way things were on Earth. More often than not, when you looked good, you felt good.

You couldn't see all of her breasts, even. Just the inner curves. Maybe the pink of an areola. It was nothing. Nothing.

Kara looked. Her hand locked on the rumpled bedsheet, like she wanted to make sure it couldn't cover Alex up again. Her other hand was moving under the sheets. Not with the telltale rhythm of masturbation, but with a slow, rolling motion over her groin, her thighs, her belly. Exactly where Alex had told her to touch.

"Kara," Alex said pitifully, her voice croaking out of her. "I'm your sister."

"Adopted," Kara said. "We don't say that a lot, because I would never ever want to diminish what you mean to me, you're my best friend, you're as close to me as a sister could be, you're the person that I care most about in this world. But you have your parents and I have my parents and when we met, we were almost fully grown—if Idris Elba had been raised alongside you, would that stop you from—

should that

stop me from thinking that you're amazing, and beautiful, and I love you so much that sex is just

a part of that

, just one more way to show you that I care?"

"Jesus!" But Alex didn't move to cover herself, didn't say anything as the hand underneath the sheets kept moving.

"Alex." She could hear a soft moan in Kara's voice. "Krypton doesn't even have the same sexual taboos as Earth. We don't have any beliefs against homosexuality—even those redneck Kandorians accept it—and we only consider incest to be incest if there's a possibility of offspring. There wouldn't be with us. And if it's that you don't think I could please you, I promise, I'll do whatever it takes! Whatever your pleasure is, I'll do it. I want to serve you. I've thought about it—imagined it—and nothing satisfies me like that

thought

, that picture in my head of pleasing you and making you proud of me and—"

"Kara!" Alex interrupted. "This is... you don't have to be in a relationship. I know you hate being alone, but you'll always have your family and your friends. You don't need me to be your lover for it to count!"

"But why shouldn't we be?" Kara demanded. "We care about each other so much—isn't that more important than sex?"

"Yes, but—" Alex would've said something about how platonic friendships, but then she remembered all of Kara's platonic friends kinda wanted to bang her. Why did everything have to be a fucking love triangle in this world? Next thing she knew, Hank Henshaw and Maxwell Lord would be competing for her affections.