Soul Gazer

I stood there watching, slowly watching, in fact, almost anticipating what Taylor might do next. It was cold outside; much colder than it had been the past few times I had stood for hours outside just hoping to meet him. I wondered what the rest of the fans that were shivering all around me were thinking. I wondered if they too thought there might be something special when they had first saw him or if they were just there for autographs and pictures so they could brag that they had met him later to their friends. Most of the people in the crowd were either ten to fifteen year old girls who knew him from "that show" on television, women my age hoping to get him into bed or marry him... whichever came first, or women in their mid-fifties or early sixties whose maternal instincts took over when they saw the sweet man in their living rooms every Tuesday night. Then, of course, there were the fans like me. The ones who loved everything about Taylor Hicks; His sweetness, his humor, his humbleness, but most of all, the music and happiness he had brought to each of us. Christene and I were those fans, the ones that wouldn't turn and run at the first sight or mention of him doing something odd or different or straying from the person he was on the show.

Flashback...

The concert tonight was wonderful. He played songs from his new album which had just been released weeks ago and blew us out of the water with the striking harmonies, all the while playing the harmonica and making me weak in the knees. No one had ever had this kind of control over me and while it was exhilarating, it was also a bit frightening. The music he supplied was the air I breathed... my spirit.

At one point in the concert he got on his knees and extended his hand into the sea of hands reaching for him. One girl, about seventeen from my best assessment, had grabbed his hand and wouldn't let go almost pulling him off stage. Being the calm and collected person that he is, he didn't let it faze him, as soon as the security guards freed him from her tight grasp he continued to make love to us through the music... to his fans, the intermittent ones who cared for the music almost as much as he did.

Flashback to Reality...

Christene is tugging at my sleeve when I'm pulled back to reality, out of my thoughts; out of my own mind.

"Taylor just got off the bus and was waving to everybody! What's up with you tonight? You just stood there!" She laughed.

"I don't know... maybe nerves... I don't know. Did he get back on the bus?" I asked her while being shoved by a few little girls to my left.

"No, I think he went back in. You okay? You don't wanna leave do you?" she asked while I just stood there.

It was true, I had a weird feeling all day and it was getting stronger and stronger by the minute. Something was going to happen. I didn't know whether it was going to be bad or good, but something was going to happen. I was getting more claustrophobic by the minute... Since everyone had seen the gray haired soul singer jump off the bus they were all clamoring toward the flimsy yellow caution tape to catch a closer look, pushing me forward in the process. The air was getting even colder now and I was tempted to walk back to my car for my pea-coat. The sweater I was wearing was too much during the concert and not enough now.

"Just wonderful." I thought to myself, "When Taylor gets to me I'll be shaking so much from the cold that he'll think I'm getting all fan-girly on him and won't give me the time of day..."

Standing there I played with my necklace to avoid biting my nails; A horrible habit I had since I was a little girl. My thoughts were racing as the people behind me kept pushing me up further and further against the yellow caution tape, causing the security guards to throw more than a few nasty looks my way.

Suddenly, Taylor emerges from the loading bay of the concert hall to the left of me and the crowd goes crazy. Everyone is screaming and little girls are crying all around me. I stand there motionless as the tall, well-built man works his way up the line of fans with a Sharpie marker in one hand and gifts from fans filling the other, smiling from ear to ear. His every move is fluid even though he's being tugged on by women from all directions. Occasionally he stops to give hugs to kids and their mothers and even grandmothers. As he gets closer I pull the letter out of my pocket to get ready to give to him as he passes by.

Flashback...

I laid on my bed... the sounds of my house at night filling my eardrums. The clock ticking... The cat rolling something around on the floor above me... My own heartbeat was even distracting. I couldn't sleep, all I could do was lay there... in limbo... waiting until tomorrow and thinking of what I could possibly utter if I met Taylor. Sitting up in bed I decided I would just write him a letter to let him know what I wanted to say, just in case it wouldn't come out. The distraction of the sounds didn't help so I decided that I would turn on the radio or listen to some CDs while writing to keep my mind off of the ticking of the clock and the scrambling of the cat. Getting a piece of paper from a notebook and a pen from the cup on my nightstand, I started writing.

Taylor,

Thank you. I'm sure you get tons of fan mail and you never get the time to read any of it. I hope you read this. No one has ever made me as happy as you have made me. I know I don't know you personally and will never claim to because I'm sure you get enough of that already. You make my heart smile and my worries go away. Thank you for bringing so much joy to my life. It truly means the world to me.

-Loryn

Flashback to Reality...

Christine grabbing my arm again snapped me back... She was screaming something to me when I looked at her, but I couldn't hear what it was she was trying to tell me over all the screams. When I turned my head back to the front there he was. He was gazing at me with his eyes... those eyes... etching meaningful memories onto my soul. Even though he was smiling, his eyes were sad. For one split second I hugged him, gave him my letter and then he was gone. While he was signing more autographs, I heard the screams behind me and my heart began to thump in my chest and then the crowd surged.

"C'mon!" Christene screamed as she pulled at my arm trying to help me get away from the crowd that was now making it difficult to see where she was. The screams were deafening and I was getting extremely worried that we would get separated... I always hated crowds and now I was being given a reason to hate this one. Christene's grasp on my arm had tightened and when I saw her face through a break in the crowd I could tell that she was getting worried just as much as I was.

I wanted to run or hide but I couldn't break free from the tangle of people around me. I turned to run until I felt a hand grasp my other wrist and I was being pulled the other way back toward where the caution tape used to be. The crowd had broken through it and was going crazy trying to get to Taylor.

Finally, I decided to pull the opposite way of Christene and let the hand take us where it was going to since it was only logical to go with the flow of the crowd instead of against them. I tried to look through the crowd at the person that was pulling me but all I could see was a swarm of unfamiliar faces and security guards. In the distance I could see that we were coming up on the back entrance of the concert hall and started to worry if Taylor was alright since the fans had gotten all the way here. I also started to worry that we were all going to get arrested, hurt, or worse, killed. The hand pulling me toward the concert hall kept tightening its grip so much it almost hurt but I kept following until we were to the dark overhang of the back entrance. As soon as I was about to see who was pulling me some security guards threw something over the bearer of the hand, Christene and I.

"Great... we're REALLY in for it now... sneaking back into a blocked off area... sneaking into the back entrance of the concert hall... SHIT! How much weirder could my night GET!?" I thought to myself.

"GET IN THE FUCKING DOOR!" I heard someone yell as I was pushed into the person in front of me "They're all right behind you and if you don't get in the damn building they're gonna follow you in!" as soon as the man stopped yelling the door slammed right behind us.

"What the hell's going on!?" I heard Christene yell from behind me. I could tell she was just as worried (not to mention mad) as I was and she wasn't doing anything to hide it. I felt her fighting at the cover that was keeping us from seeing anything. Finally she had freed us from the cloth and I could feel the cooler air of the building hit my face as I looked back to see her standing there. Her hair was messed up and flying all around her face from the cover being thrown over her... She was mad.

"WHAT THE Fuuuuu...." Christene yelled, dissolving into barely a whisper as I saw the expression on her face change "ck is this..." she finished, trailing off.

"I wanna go home Christene..." I said, trying to explain while I was holding the blanket in my hands, "this person just kept pulling me toward the building and I couldn't help it and I was worried that we were gonna get into trouble and then those people threw this... this blanket over us... and now they're probably looking for us..." I said, out of breath and exhausted from my lengthy explanation. I turned my head to look around the room for an exit. I looked to the right and there was no way to get out from over there so I looked to the left... Stretched out on a bench was Taylor... watching us and laughing under his breath.

(to be continued...)