Seinfeld - George and Marisa Tomei

Fantasy episode of Seinfeld when George finally has a chance for sex with Marisa Tomei.

Opening scene - Jerry and George are sitting in Jerry's apartment, trying out jokes for Jerry's stand up comedy routine.

Jerry: What do you think about Ovaltine?

George: Don't really care for it but I like Bosco.

Jerry: No, I mean, why do they call it Oval-tine? The container is round, so why not call it round-tine?

George: I still would rather have Bosco.

(The security door buzzes and Jerry lets in Elaine. As she enters the room...)

Elaine: George! You'll never guess who I ran into today - Marisa Tomei!

George: What! Marisa Tomei!

Elaine: Yeah, I was trying on shoes in Botecelli's and she came in and saw me and sat down. We talked for a while and then had lunch.

George: You talked? Did you talk about me? What did she say?

Elaine: Well, (clicking her tongue) as a matter of fact, she asked about you.

George: She did? Marisa Tomei asked about me? What did she ask, what did you tell her?

Elaine: I told her that your finance passed away and that you were "out there" again.

George: Oh, I'm out there, baby! What else - what did she say?

Elaine: As a matter of fact, she gave me her phone number and said she'd like you to call her sometime.

George: She did? Oh, my God! Marisa Tomei wants me to call her!

Jerry: Her dating pool must be drying up.

George: This is big, BIG, Jerry! I know she would have had sex with me before if I wasn't engaged; I could FEEL it!

Elaine: Anyway, here's her phone number, George, if you want to call her.

George: IF I want to call her? IF I want to call her? Give me the number, Elaine. I'll call her right now, right NOW, Elaine!

(After Elaine gives the number to George, he goes into Jerry's bedroom to make the call. When he rejoins Jerry and Elaine...)

Jerry: Well?

George: (Smugly) Marisa says she has been lonely and we have a date tomorrow night. Tomorrow, Jerry! George Costanza is having sex with Marisa Tomei tomorrow night!

Elaine: Calm down, George, maybe she just wants some company.

Jerry: Well, if you do get lucky, George, remember to go "downtown".

George: "Downtown?"

Elaine: Yeah, George, with some beautiful women like her, you have to go "downtown" before you can get "uptown."

George: I've been "downtown" but I mostly just like "uptown."

Elaine: I'll let you in on a little secret, George. Marisa broke up with her last boyfriend because he wouldn't go "downtown."

George: Really?

Elaine: Yep. Evidently Marisa really likes it "downtown." I mean, REALLY likes it.

George: Wow, "downtown" huh? Okay, if that's what it takes, I'm all over it, baby!

Elaine: Just be sure to take your time, George. Women don't like to be rushed when it comes to being "downtown."

Jerry: And that's coming from a woman who can be happy just STAYING "downtown" all night long!

Elaine: (Giggles)

Jerry: So if you want to go "uptown", go home and practice holding your breath for long periods of time, Georgie boy, and she will LOVE you.

Elaine: Says the man who can hold his breath for, what Jerry, four minutes at a time, tops?

Jerry: In my defense, as I recall I had the remnants from a bad cold and my respiratory capacity was thusly diminished.

Elaine: And as I recall, that's not all that was thusly diminished (and she laughs heartily).

(George leaves just as Kramer bursts through the door into the apartment.)

Kramer: Hey, George, where are you off to in such a rush?

George: (Smiling proudly). I have a date with Maris Tomei tomorrow. I'm going home to, uh, (looking back at Jerry and Elaine) to "prepare" for my date.

Kramer: (To Elaine and Jerry, after George leaves) George and Marisa Tomei? I don't see that happening.

Jerry: He hasn't got a prayer.

Elaine: He's toast.

(The next scene is the morning after George's date with Marisa Tomei. Jerry is alone in his apartment watching television when George comes in)

Jerry: Well, George, how did it go?

George: You wouldn't believe it, Jerry.

Jerry: Yes, I think I would.

George: We had sex, Jerry, well almost.

Jerry: Almost?

George: All through dinner, she kept saying how lonely she was and how she missed sex on a regular basis. I gotta tell you, Jerry, I had a boner all through dinner.

Jerry: So, she wanted sex but you said almost....

George: Here's what happened. We go back to her apartment and we're making out on her sofa and she is all OVER me, Jerry; I couldn't believe it. Then she says, "I'm so horny; let's get naked and do it right here."

I nearly creamed my jeans right there. So we both take off our clothes and she pushes me down and starts kissing me, and then her boobs are in my face and she's moaning and all of a sudden, she's sitting on my chest.

Jerry: Sitting on your chest, like...

George: Yeah, like she's getting ready to sit on my face. So she looks down at me and says, "Do you mind, George? This is the only way I can come." You know I'm not gonna say "no", Jerry, I'm about to eat Marisa Tomei's pussy.

Jerry: You can't refuse!

George: No, and I didn't, I just smiled up at her and said, "Sure, it would be my pleasure" Then she slides up onto my face and her pussy was so wet, Jerry, I mean soaking wet. I did what I thought was a good job but I was hard and I started getting excited, you know. I mean, there she was, Marisa Tomei, grinding away on my face and I know I'm gonna be fucking her in a few minutes. How could I not be excited, right?

Jerry: Of course; you're only human.

George: Exactly! So I'm laying there and I just hold my cock, you know, keeping it ready and she's going apeshit on my face, Jerry. She's moaning and rubbing her wet pussy all over my face and I'm dying. She must have been up there for a good half hour, maybe more, I don't know.

Jerry: Good for you, being patient, George.

George: Yeah, well, I wasn't paying attention to my fist and I kept getting more and more excited. Finally she yelled, "Eat me, George, I'm gonna cum in your mouth!"

Jerry: And?

George: And I came all over myself, on my stomach. I just kept pumping and pumping as she wiggled on my face. By the time she was done, I was already done.

Jerry: What did you do? What did she say?

George: When she got off of my face, she stood up next to the sofa, looked down at my cum all over my stomach and asked, "What happened?" I told her that I got so excited to be eating her than I lost control.

Jerry: Was she mad?

George: No, but she said, "That's a shame, because I was really looking forward to a good pounding."

Jerry: She actually said that? A good pounding?

George: (Sadly) Yeah, and the she asked me to leave. But she did say I could come back over tomorrow night and try again.

Jerry: That's a good sign; that she still wants to have sex with you.

George: Yeah, and I'm not going to mess up this time, Jerry, I'm gonna fuck her like she never got fucked before. She's gonna be hooked on old Georgie boy.

(George leaves as Elaine enters the room.)

Elaine: What's up with George? I didn't even get a chance to ask how his date went with Marisa Tomei.

Jerry: Not well; he went "downtown' but didn't get on the bus, if you know what I mean.

Elaine: What happened?

Jerry: She sat on his face and he couldn't control himself and, "boom" while she was still grinding away on his face.

Elaine: That's a shame because I'm sure she was ready to give him a ride. I know I would be, except not with George, of course.

Jerry: Of course, duly noted.

(Kramer comes bursting into the room, in his usual fashion)

Kramer: (Going right to Jerry's refrigerator) Jerry, you got any mustard?

Jerry: Top shelf in the door.

Kramer: (Holding up the mustard container and shuddering) This isn't mustard, Jerry, it's YELLOW for crying out loud! You gotta have Grey Poupon, Jerry, ONLY Grey Poupon, not yellow!

Jerry: (Calmly) I'll try to keep that in mind, Kramer.

Kramer: Have you seen George?

Jerry: He was here a little while ago. Told me about his date with Marisa Tomei.

Kramer: (Licking his lips) Man, she is so hot; I'd eat her for breakfast.

Elaine: Kramer, you're disgusting; you'd eat your own grandmother for breakfast.

Jerry: Yeah, and he'd probably smear Grey Poupon all over her body.

Kramer: Careful, Jerry, I got a low stimulation level.

Jerry: Anyway, she sat on his face and George lost his load so he didn't get laid.

Kramer: That's a shame; it's a shame to waste a wet pussy.

Jerry: Well, he has another shot tomorrow night, so maybe he'll score then

Elaine: Poor George.

Kramer: Yeah, he fucked up, spilled his seed too soon.

Jerry: He couldn't help it; she was sitting on his face and talking dirty. That would make it difficult for any of us.

Elaine: (Laughing) Yeah, and some women love to use a guy and make him suffer.

Kramer: I've never lost it while eating pussy.

Elaine: Really? Never?

Kramer: Nope. I once spent a weekend with two stewardesses from Jamaica and took turn eating them all weekend, never lost my cool or my sperm.

Elaine: I just can't buy that.

Kramer. Well, they DID have me tied up and they never even touched me all weekend, so.....

Elaine: I thought so.

(The next scene is George sitting in Jerry's apartment telling Jerry about his second date with Marisa Tomei.)

Jerry: Well, tell me about it, George; did you get to do the deed?

George: Well, we got right into it and I was ready, I really was, Jerry.

Jerry: But....

George: We're sitting on her sofa making out again and again she says, "Let's get naked so we don't have to stop." So I'm all primed and ready, and I sit on the sofa and she sits on my lap, naked while we're making out. Oh, my God, she felt so wet and so good, Jerry. I got hard so quick.

Jerry: And....

George: Well, she stood up on the sofa, straddling me and there was her pussy right in my face.

Jerry: Does she have pubic hair, by the way?

George: A little. So she starts rubbing her pussy in my face again, so what could I do?

Jerry: Right! You go "downtown" - what else would you do?

George: So I'm getting into it and she's loving it. I'm holding on to her ass, which, by the way, Jerry, she has a fabulous ass.

Jerry: Tight?

George: Like a gymnast's ass, Jerry, TIGHT! So I'm licking away and she says to me, "Keep that thing hard for me, George, I'm gonna sit on it as soon as I come."

Jerry: There you go; an invitation to to "uptown".

George: Right! So, I'm trying to be careful, you know and she's pressing herself against my face, her pussy is so wet, her juices are dripping down my chin.

Jerry: Nothing like lunch at the "Y".

George: Yeah, that too. But she starts with the talking again, and she drove me nuts, Jerry.

Jerry: Oh, no, not again?

George: I couldn't help it, Jerry. She was humping my face, squeezing my head with her legs and she's moaning over and over like, "Oh, George, I never had anybody make my cunt feel so good," and "we're gonna fuck all night, George, I can hardly wait."

Jerry: And then....

George: I shot a load clear off the sofa all over her coffee table. It looked like a puddle of melted ice cream.

Jerry: French vanilla?

George: It was a hell of a load, Jerry; she would have been proud to have it in her.

Jerry: Something tells me that's not the flavor she had in mind.

George: When she tried to sit down on my limp dick, she got off the sofa and asked me what happened. I pointed at the coffee table and she just went "Tsk tsk."

Jerry: "Tsk tsk?" She went "Tsk tsk?"

George: Yeah, and then she asked me to leave. She said since she was going to have to masturbate again she wanted to do it in private.

Jerry: I think she was too much for you, George; you tried too hard.

George: I think she really likes me because she told me to come over again tomorrow, about lunch time.

Jerry: So, you can get another stab at it, even if it is only with your tongue.

George: What am I gonna do, Jerry? I want to show her how good a lover I can be, if I can just keep her off my face.

Jerry: Maybe you could get one of those cock cages to, you know, keep it in check.

George: No. No, Jerry, I am rising to the occasion one way or another. I might even masturbate before I go over there so no matter how long I lick her pussy, I'll be ready for her.

Jerry: Not a bad idea, actually.

(Skip to the evening after George had his midday date with Marisa Tomei. George comes into Jerry's apartment...)

Jerry: George, I am on pins and needles waiting to her about your date.

George: (Sighing) If there are sex Gods, Jerry, they are all against me, AGAINST ME!

Jerry: Oh, no; did you blow it again?

George: I didn't blow it, she did.

Jerry: What?

George: It turns out she started her period today, but, get this, Jerry, she goes "Since you gave me such nice orgasms, I'd like to just suck you off." Have you ever heard of a woman like this?

Jerry: She's a keeper all right.

George: I masturbated before I went over there, so I was ready for a really good blowjob, Jerry, a nice long one, you know?

Jerry: I have a feeling there's a "but" coming here somehow.

George: But she takes me out on her balcony because she likes outdoor sex, even if she can't do it. So I drop my pants and boxers and she starts sucking on me. I relax, feeling the sun on my face, her warm breath on my cock, and then all hell breaks loose.

Jerry: What? You came on her face or something?

George: No, I look over across the way and an old woman is sitting on HER balcony watching us. So I tell Marisa, "Hey, that woman can see us," and she says, "Yeah, that's my Mom."

Jerry: Her MOM? Her Mother is watching you and she doesn't care?

George: NO! And she says, "Mom gets her kicks watching me give a blowjob, and I like to make her proud."

Jerry: So what happened?

George: Marisa is really good with her mouth, Jerry. She kept me hard for a half hour at least and she was enjoying it, moaning and sucking like she needed my cum to survive.

Jerry: It sounds like you were enjoying it as well, right?

George: No, no Jerry, I stayed hard but I couldn't come, especially with her mother smiling and watching us. Marisa finally stopped because her jaw was getting tired, which was okay because I was getting blue balls.

Jerry: So, let me get this straight; she offers you a free blowjob and you can't get off?

George: I tried, I really did but my nuts hurt so bad I just couldn't come.

Jerry: I imagine she was surprised by this?

George: Worse than that. I looked over and saw Kramer on his knees eating out Marisa's mother and I vomited all over Marisa, right there on her balcony.

Jerry: Kramer? OUR Kramer?

George: Yeah, he even looked up and waved at me; that's when I vomited on Marisa.

Jerry: So, did she give you another follow up opportunity, or...?

George: (Clearing his throat) Ahem, no, she said we didn't seem to have the right chemistry and she thinks we should move on.

Jerry: Well, I'm sorry, George. At least you gave it the old college try.

(Later that evening, Kramer comes into Jerry's apartment, all smiles.)

Kramer: Well, how did George do, Jerry? It looked like he was having a good time.

Jerry: When he saw you and what you were doing, he vomited all over Marisa and she broke up with him.

Kramer: I'm sorry to hear that, but maybe now I can get a little mother-daughter action with them.

Jerry: You ARE disgusting, Kramer, go home!

(End of the segment)