Denise was not having a wonderful day. Elbow-deep in guts would be fine. Sitting through a lecture on the endocrine system would be great. But no. This would not be one of the days of her internship where she learned something. It would be one of those days where she was taught a 'life lesson'. She slept eight hours a night, drank in moderation, and boned modestly hefty dudes. Her life was great.
J.D., though, had come up with some Full House bullshit about her and Katie Collins needing to learn a lesson from each other. Something to do with how Katie was such a suck-upâor 'people person'âand Denise wasn't, since her job was to fix sick people, not cuddle with them. Why would she cuddle with them, anyway? They were sick. She might catch something.
But after five or six instances of J.D. doing that thing where he stared upward into space, imagining a pop culture reference, he came out and said it. The interns would be doing each other's grades on the next assignment. She had Ed grading her; he'd already given her an A plus because she'd promised to say he'd gone to the bathroom whenever he went for a jay break during rounds. She, on the other hand, was supposed to be grading Katie. And they were roommates, which meant Denise now had to put up with Katie twenty-four-seven. It was like having a dog wagging its tail whenever you came home, fetching your newspaper in the morning and licking your feet.
Denise was a cat person.
After a long day at Sacred Heart with Katie hanging over her like an anthropomorphic Successories posterâalways telling her good job, great workâ
Denise knew she was doing a good job
âshe got back and Katie wanted to take her partying. Denise replied Screw that noise, with some metaphor involving which body part she'd rather feed to rats, and went to sleep after rolling it to some barbarian movies.
Then she woke up. And Katie was there. "Morning, sleepyhead!" said Katie. Oh God. She had waffles.
Denise looked down her bed to see there were scrambled eggs, sausages, at least five different plates arranged on her comforter. Katie had even set down a glass of orange juice, though she was holding onto it so it didn't fall over. "What is all this crap doing on my bed?"
"Breakfast in bed!" Katie enthusedâthough that could go for any sentence she cared to speak. "I just like doing nice little things for my friends. We're such good friends, aren't we Denise?"
"You stole my answer during rounds last weekâ"
"Yeah, it's crazy to think of how we used to not get along, and now we're such good pals, friends, besties, BFFsâ"
"Stop saying synonyms and get this crap off my bed before it's all over the floor."
"Sure! Sure!" Katie quickly relocated the breakfast menu onto the nightstand. She knocked off Denise's clock radio in the process, but that was the least of Denise's worries. "Oh, I got you a present! Call it an early Christmas gift! Though I also intend to get you a gift for Christmas!"
Denise tried a piece of bacon as Katie scrambled for an Amazon box. It was hard. Why did people bake bacon so hard that all you could taste was the char? Denise wanted to
know
her meat had come from a pig.
Katie came back with a DVD box-set of Homicide: Life on the Streets. Denise stared at it as she wouldâpretty much anything Katie presented her with.
"I noticed you watching this the other day. Surprise! Now you can watch it all you want, no commercials, director's commentaryâ"
"Why would I want to watch it? I've already seen it. What, you think someone else is going to have killed the blonde if I watch it again?"
Katie's face fell. "Maybe we could watch it together! As besties! While we do each other's hair, talk about boys, play Katy Perry musicâ"
"Okay, lemme hit pause right there." Denise got out of bed, Katie wincing when she saw the other woman's panty-and-tanktop-combo of sleepwear. "It's
painfully
obvious you're just trying to be my friend so I'll give you a good grade, but like the vast majority of people, I don't want to be your friend. So just pay me a hundred bucks and I'll give you an A. Everyone's happy."
Katie bit her lip. "I kinda used all my spending money on the DVDs."
Denise groaned as she sat back down on her bed. "I don't suppose you'd consider just working hard and earning a good grade? I'm not the kind of bitch that would give you a bad grade just because you're the exact reason blondes get a bad name. I'm the kind of bitch who would give you a bad grade because you suck."
"Of course I intend to work hard!" Katie protested. "I just believe in giving a hundred and ten percent! That's what you have to do in a hospital! Haven't you noticed how Dr. Dorian and Cox, they have to bend the rules and go above and beyond the call of dutyâ"
"Are you giving a speech?"
"âto get patients the treatment they need, even if it's against the hospital's rules, the politics, the bureaucracyâ"
"Stop giving a speech."
"âI'm going to be a great doctor, Denise, but I can't do that if I have an F on my record so please, please, don't doubt my commitment. Tell me what I need to do to get your support! What would a good friend do for you?"
Denise thought about it. At the moment, all she wanted from Katie was to wipe that 'idealistic young helper of the ill' look off her face. "Well, I have been feeling a bit horny lately."
The look went away. Hallelujah. "Horny?"
"Yeah. So if you could eat my pussy, I don't know, that'd be nice."