Premise: Jon becomes a love cupid for an elf who fell in love. The elf has promised Jon any gift he wants in return. Unexpectedly, it is easier than ever to help the naughty elf get not what he wants, but what he needs.
It was December. Every neighbour spent their well-earned money on decorating their snow-covered yards. Spirits were high.
Jon had just moved into the neighbourhood.
He had been looking for a place to move in. This particular house was a steal. It seems they were in a hurry to get rid of the house. He immediately made an offer once it was posted.
Though it was quiet and lonely, having broken up from a messy and toxic relationship, being single might've just been the best present Santa could give. Right until a loud bang came from the front door. It was so loud that he felt a light breeze shiver his bare skin.
Jon hesitantly approached the door, but quickly came to a halt as well. A red letter had slipped in under the door.
"Weird, it has no stamp. They must've slipped it in person instead of through the post office"
The letter was addressed "TO HANNAH."
Hannah must be the previous owner of the house.
"They might've just as well given it in person since they came all over here," Jon thought.
I check outside and see no one, except for tiny pointy foot imprints on the fresh snow.
"Ah, that explains the writing. It's by a child," Jon grinned and went back inside.
"Since I can only toss this to the garbage, I might as well check what's in."
"It's a glittery Christmas card. How cute!"
He folded the card open and cursed at the monstrous wall of child's writing that reads:
NAUGHTY BITCH
CHEATING BITCH
I GOT BLACKMAIL
COME OUT NOW
BY THE BUSHES
Taken aback from the vulgar language of a pranking child, Jon steps outside and follows the trail of tiny feet.
"Since this might just be a trick to get me out of the house and rob me, I'll flank the bushes from behind. Take that baseball bat with me for safety..."
A tiny figure could be seen in the darkness of the bushes. He approached with quiet steps in the crunching snow. The child was facing the other way, as he's expecting me from that direction.
"Pranking the prankster," he thought while raising the bat and readying his lungs to scream, "who the fuck are you, trying to scare me... HUH?"
Jon soon realised it was not a child. It was a tiny green man in Santa's clothing, with his tiny hands jerking his small cock.
"Don't kill me! I'm an elf!" the prankster screamed.
[Jon]: "Why do you have your cock out you sick bastard," Jon asked and swung his bat at the elf.
[Elf]: I'm here for Hannah!
[Jon]: Yeah I read your letter... Who is Hannah, first of all? And why are you blackmailing her? Don't play stupid with me.
[Elf]: You know Hannah. Tall-ish blonde. Bubbly personality. Perky boobs. Bubble butt.
[Jon]: Sounds great. Must be the former resident. Still, why the fuck you stalking and blackmailing her you sick fuck?
[Elf]: I don't mean to harm Hannah.
[Jon]: Oh yeah, not with that cock. Hide it for me, would you?
[Elf]: Stop shaming me, asshole! I was built this way by Santa himself. I know how to use it, alright. Ask any woman!
[Elf]: Please lower your bat and let me tell you my story...
One year ago, I came to spy on Hannah. We elves people watch to see if they deserve their gifts. You know... are they good or naughty.
I caught Hannah being an unimaginable slut... she was fucking, sucking, and even cucking her poor husband with this big, black, veiny cock. I watched this asshole fuck her in every way possible before leaving.
[Jon]: Having sex is naughty?
[Elf]: Yes, and I fell in love with her.
[Jon]: You sick pervert... you're the cuck here, you know that?
[Elf]: Fuck you... she was being naughty. So, I scratched her Christmas wishes off the list and went personally to inform her.
Hannah turned sad and sat down in tears.
[Jon]: Hold on, you're not supposed to tell people, right? You just don't give the gifts.
[Elf]: Yeah but... I told her she can be forgiven if she makes me feel good. She sucked me off, I fucked her and we had the greatest chemistry.
[Jon]: Duh, you blackmailed her.
[Elf]: No! We are in love.
Jon held his laugh, hearing a little elf defend their blind love. Bells rung in Jon's head: "This guy, this fucking little elf, is so desperate for some basic hoe's pussy, that he's blackmailing her. I can surely take advantage of this tool... to get any gift I want. I'll blackmail Santa with his pervy little elf."
[Jon]: You know what, Elf. I can help you nail her. Like, NAIL her. Own her. I'm the go-to guy. But I don't do it for free, especially for a guy who works at the biggest charity, you must be swimming in money.
[Elf]: Well... not rea... I mean sure. I promise you any gift you want.
[Jon]: Anything?
[Elf]: Anything.
[Jon]: Alright, let's find out where she lives.
...
It was wild. I was with this pervy elf who's supposed to be doing good deeds, but instead jacks off to some fixation of his. Whatever. He gave me Hannah's last name and though she was tough to find, it looks like elves don't use social media.
I located her address pretty fast from her public images. Here we are, with the Elf outside her house...
[Jon]: Here's the plan, Elf. If you want her back, you NEED to let me lead. No matter how tough it gets for you.
[Elf]: What do you mean tough. Are you gonna hurt her?
[Jon]: I'm going to seduce her.
[Elf]: NO. No way.
[Jon]: Elf, I can get any pussy I want. I don't even want to fuck a random hoe. I definitely don't want to stick my dick in a crazy who fucked an elf. I'm only doing this for your own good.
So here's how it's gonna go. I'm going to seduce her. You're going to keep yourself hidden, or your chances with her are gone forever.
I take her to an amazing, over-the-top date. Make her feel like a prize, but not too much of a prize that she thinks she can get better. I'll make her fall for me. Then, I fuck her.
That's when I drop her out of my life. I tell her she's a horrible fuck, and that she should lower her bar.
[Elf]: I'M NOT A LOW BAR.
[Jon]: Exactly. That's when you come like a white knight and show her, you're raising the bar higher than you ever did.
I give her a sloppy fuck, leave her hanging, and you swoop in like a prince with that rod of yours.
[Elf]: Yes. YES! I will bear whatever challenges if what you say is true. Make her mine, even if it means she will be yours for now.
[Jon]: Great. Stay put, watch the magic unfold, I'll go knock her socks off...
...
Knock, knock, knock, Jon went knocking on her fully decorated red door. This was an exceptionally decorated house indeed. An old, gentle woman opened the door.
[Hannah]: Merry Christmas, how can I help you?
Taken aback from the fact that Hannah was not a 20-something hoe but a grey-haired, slightly chubby motherly figure.
[Jon]: "I, uhh... There's... There's an elf that blackmails you for sex and we need to blackmail him back...''
I completely stumbled my words and revealed the entire thing as it is. Good fucking job, Jon...
[Hannah]: "Come in for milk and cookies. We'll see how to help you, poor soul."