Human retrovirus 666 infection and Gamuron by mouth as a potential gene therapy treatment for amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) in human patients.
Heinrich Hospital main medical research staff:
de Sade DAF, Danvers LL, Portinari B, Lindermann T, Marker K, Snickett L.
Abstract:
Systemic infection with human retrovirus 666, produced by directed evolution of the herpes simplex virus (HSV-2) has been shown, in previous studies at this facility, to suppress the symptoms of Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS), also known as Lou Gehrig's disease, by directly deactivating the sticky mutant proteins implicated in the disorder. Preliminary experiments conducted following suggestions by T. Lindermann, RN, suggest that a combined administration of the fertility drug Gamuron (3-[2-methoxy-5- (4-methylpiperazin-1-yl)sulfonyl-phenyl] -7-methyl-9-propyl-2, 4,7,8-tetrazabicyclo [4.3.0]nona-3,8,10-trien-5-one; 2-hydroxypropane-1,2-bicarboxylic acid) and the introduction of viral RNA from human retrovirus 666 into the test subjects' somatic cells results not only in a decrease in motor neuron degeneration, but a novel type of cell growth that has not previously been observed by the medical community. Side effects in rats include increased sexual potency, stamina and increased sperm production, which are attributable to the clinically useful effects of the designer drug Gamuron in infertility treatment. Results of this study indicate that human research ought to be pursued given the availability of human test subjects.
VFD ID: 240215 (Also enclosed in the Snickett Files)
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Dr. Hawking
"Oh yes baby. I'm going to stick my cock in that hot black ass of yours. Say you'll be good to me baby, and I'll pound you until you come over and over again!"
I awoke with a start. I hadn't realized that I fell asleep while preparing my lecture notes. And what an odd dream! The sensation was so strong I almost thought it was real, that I was whole again and having steamy hot sex with my cute little intern. Granted, I've never been so vulgar in real life, though I've often thought that dreams had a life of their own quite separate from the reality of the dreamer. I suppose that much is obvious. In my current state there is no way I'd be teasing anyone's hot black ass with my member.
I'm at a stage of my disease where I require a team of trained medical staff to attend to my every function. They help attach me to the machine that speaks for me, to the chair that keeps my body upright. They feed me and bathe me and stick tubes into my bladder to collect my urine in bags. It is not the sort of prestige often granted to Cambridge professors, nor perhaps what one has learned to expect from a man of my status. It might even appear the sick manifestation of a peculiar masochistic perversion, but I can a assure you it is a far call from even that sort of dark glamour.
I can no longer keep my head upright on my own, yet alone lift a hand to tend to even the most intimate of my body functions.
But I've gotten used to it, as much as it is possible to get used to the idea of being little more than a living brain. A good respiratory infection could easily end my long and productive life. I've had to live with ALS, and yet I live, do research, write and teach. There is still quite a lot that I'm capable of doing, and much of the things like can't do like sports, I've never really been interested in. I have a tendency to feel a sorry for myself from time to time, and when I do, I think of the boy I vaguely know who died of leukemia in the hospital shortly after I had been diagnosed.
"Dr. Hawking, Dr. Hawking!" my personal assistant, Carmen Black, exclaimed, lolling me out of my dark contemplation and running towards me carrying a piece of fax paper. I tried not to notice the way her large breasts bounced in her dress shirt. I was her research advisor, after all.
"You wouldn't believe what was just sent to you from America!" She didn't bother for me to ask her what. That sort of thing was implied between us. She's been working for me, or perhaps more accurately as a part of me, since she started uni as a student in physics, five years ago. She understood my nuances. She quickly read to me a medical abstract by a group of American doctors at a hospital named after a head Nazi. "It's apparently not yet published, and top secret," she added, waving her arms theatrically. "I couldn't find anything about it on pubmed, and no one understands what they mean by VFD or the Snickett files. It's a total mystery. This was faxed directly from the hospital along with a list of convoluted directions and a reference to a writing with an eagle feather quill and an elusive jar of vanishing ink. Oh, and there was something about a sinking submarine, but that part was total rubbish."
"A prank?" I asked her seriously. I have seen too much to be overly optimistic. The world is full of miracle cures that turn out to be nothing more than castles in the air.
Carmen looked at me, and failing to find me hopeful, started to become disappointed herself.
"If you don't mind, I'd like to try to follow this lead anyway. You know, we're scheduled to visit several major U.S. universities a week from now. It would be lovely if we could drop by the hospital and chat with the researchers there while we were at it. I promise I won't let it get in the way of my other work. I just have this feeling about it."
I'm not big on hunches, but I figured that if a woman like Carmen was willing to follow a veritable treasure map so that I could be advised about an experimental treatment, it really wasn't my place to stop her.
She kissed me on the cheek and informed me that she was going to take off now, whether I wished her to go or not, and that she would find someone to fill in for her for a couple of weeks while she was out adventuring.
I wished her luck, of course, and went back to planning my lecture notes.
Twelve hours later I received a text message saying that she had arrived in America. I was just finishing discussing research with one of my graduate students and hardly noticed the interruption. I sent off a polite reply, typing with eye movements, and returned to the conversation.
I was being fed diner in the company of my married daughter when Carmen's next message arrived. It was typed quickly, with a lot of errors, and said something about trouble with hospital security and escaping though an air duct into the medical lounge. I found this rather peculiar and a bit unnerving, so I sent back a reply asking if she was all right.
Hours passed, but I received no answer. All calls made on my behalf went directly to Carmen's voicemail. She never checked into any of the nearby hotels. I had an attendant notify the embassy in America and Carmen's parents.
A week later, I went off to America on my scheduled book tour, without Carmen.
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Carmen Black
Almost the moment by plane touched down, I jumped up, remembering to close my legs like a proper woman, and pulled my bag out from under my seat. It was still several moments before I could make my way out of the plane into the airport, but I was restless after the long flight and itching for an adventure. I brought two of my textbooks with me, quantum field theory and general relativity, and busied myself with homework problems while I flew over the Atlantic. But I was so restless the whole time, I never quite forgot where I was or why, and I made a lot of stupid mistakes in algebra, which I only noticed when the problems became completely intractable. Not good at all.