Regrets Re Wonder Woman

I regret tying up Wonder Woman and fucking her.

I regret groping her breasts for nine hours until I had kneaded them into every shape a breast can make.

I regret trying to fit as much of her left breast in my mouth as possible.

I regret being born with such a strong gag reflex, preventing me from fitting as much of her breast in my mouth as I would have liked.

I don't regret biting Wonder Woman's left buttock.

I don't regret giving Wonder Woman three hickeys on her neck.

I regret mocking Leo DiCaprio for only dating women under 26 because the truth is I would have loved to date Christina Hendricks when I was 23, even temporarily.

I regret spanking Wonder Woman until my hand hurt.

I regret not developing stronger calluses on my hands.

I regret not asking Wonder Woman more questions about herself.

I regret that I forgot to take a lock of Wonder Woman's hair.

I regret that I built the miniature train set and not the cloning machine.

I'm sorry I ate all those Funyuns.

I regret inventing the modern sense of the word "cuck". In my defense a lot of the more insidious ways people are using it were not in my initial design document.

I regret convincing vast multitudes of people that the antonym of "inferior" was "suferior", ultimately leading to many dictionaries being removed from store shelves and pulped.

I'm sorry I accidentally started the rumor that Australian Aborigines never independently discovered the sex-pregnancy connection.

I'm sorry I didn't take a picture of Wonder Woman while she was making the anime orgasm face.

I'm sorry I intentionally started the rumor that a Black father and a White mother will make a Vietnamese child 1/100th of the time.

I'm sorry I managed to convince approximately 97% of the world's population of that factoid.

I'm sorry I spent all day reading manga on the floor of Barnes and Nobles and didn't buy anything.

I regret bio-engineering a stealth virus that infected the world's population and made it so that a Black mother and a White father make a Vietnamese child 1/100th of the time.

I'm sorry I accidentally swapped the race of the parents while engineering the virus.

I'm sorry I didn't think to give the Vietnamese babies special abilities or anything cool like that.

I'm sorry that the second-most autistic person in the room hates the most autistic person in the room.

I regret letting Moloch enter my soul early.

I regret that I never trusted anyone enough to let them double team Wonder Woman with me.

I regret buying a coin pusher for my house.

I regret my Twilight-for-men series, where a guy named Bill is seduced by a sexy vampire woman and a sexy werewolf woman who has some Navajo ancestry.

I regret not listening to my gut when it told me that the woman I got to play the werewolf was lying about her Navajo ancestry.

I regret having beautiful passionate sex with the actresses I got to play the vampiress and the she-wolf.

I regret not being able to grow a second penis so that I could adequately make love to a vampiress and a she-wolf simultaneously.

I regret that they weren't in costume while I was fucking them.

I regret that I didn't think to make their costumes jizz-proof.

I regret that I didn't think to make all the stuff that I jizzed on that I shouldn't have jizzed on jizz proof.

I regret persecuting the Mormon Church for their polygamist beliefs until most of them stopped being polygamists.

I'm sorry I pretended to be searching for the right word when what I was actually doing was pausing for dramatic effect.

I regret holding Evangeline Helsing tight and telling her I would never ever stop loving her.

I regret my romantic candelit dinner with Wonder Woman's she-butler.

I regret not telling her that I wanted to "butler-fuck" her.

I regret making love to an acrobatics team so hard and so good that they decided to retrain as sex therapists.

I regret inventing an MMO where players would act out vitriolic online discussions through mechanics-heavy allegorical combat.

I regret that my Flame Wars MMO acted as an effective substitute for such discussions, such that all online discourse about topics like the mermaid from The Little Mermaid being recasted as black or Pramila Jayapal including the 19 dead terrorists in her 9/11 death toll now takes place within my online video game, earning me millions of dollars each year.

I regret indulging in numerous make-out sessions with Woman Woman. Each one sloppier than the last. My tongue forcefully invading her mouth. Her tongue submissively getting out of the way and letting my tongue do that.

I regret punching Wonder Woman really hard in the tit. Even though it didn't hurt her. In fact, she enjoyed it.

I regret covering my testicles in frosting and having Wonder Woman lick them clean.

I regret asking Wonder Woman to dress up as Harley Quinn.

I regret asking Wonder Woman to dress up as Batman.

I regret asking Wonder Woman to dress up as Shuri.

I regret fucking that sock so long and hard and good that it turned into a shoe.