Note- I do not own the rights to the work of Conan Doyle nor do I the character of Sherlock Holmes. This is purely fan fiction inspired by said stories. Likewise, any person herein described by myself refers to no one in real life. Special kudos also to the bondage illustrator Bill Ward.
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The actress Rachel McAdams had stumbled across the erotic fiction website by the name of Literotica whilst browsing the internet and had been quite taken. In particular she enjoyed the celebrity section and was highly amused by the entry by Scarlett Johansson. She decided there and then to write one of her own featuring herself as the lead villainess Irene.
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'The Erotic Scandal In Bohemia.'
London, 1892.
"I wonder what the woman is doing right now?"
Doctor Emma Watson peered over the top of that days edition of the Evening News and pondered the offcut remark. Opposite the petite English rose sat her partner in work and life, Scarlett Holmes, the worlds first and by far the best female private detective. The pair of elegantly dressed ladies were seated in the study of 221B Baker Street, Scarlett's lodgings in the heart of London. Bored as ever the blonde beauty was aiming her Webley chambered revolver at the wall, seemingly about to add to the already peppered wall where she had forged the initials of her Majesty Queen Victoria, V and R in bullet holes.
"Which woman?"
"THE woman."
BANG! Scarlett fired and scrutinised her work. Whenever Scarlett referred to THE woman she meant the notorious American opera singer and adventuress Rachel Irene Adler. Emma always referred to the same as that bloody Yank, fiercely jealous as she always was when another woman was mentioned by her lesbian lover.
"I care not a jot about the vile creature." Huffed Emma who resumed reading.
"I don't believe you, surely you fondly recall that day four years ago in 1888. Oh, how I miss those rosy cheeks of hers."
Again Emma looked up, her heavy lidded eyes ablaze with fury.
"Oh really? Upper or lower?"
"You know the answer to that my precious, and don't glare at me so."
Emma made a noise with her teeth and scowled even more. She did indeed remember March, 1888, when the retired wartime nurse had been present when they had been visited by a mysterious client who had turned up masked. Emma looked off into the distance as the memories flooded back.
x
"Please be seated," said Scarlett. "Allow me to introduce Doctor Watson, a very close colleague if ever there was one. To whom do I speak?"
The tall and distinguished gentleman sat down and placed his plumed hat on the table. In the brilliantly lit room he looked at each lady in turn. Scarlett had her medium length fair hair back and up and wore a sleeveless floor length dress in peacock blue. High necked and with a ruffled lace hem she looked chic and graceful.
"Charmed, my dear Doctor." He bowed.
The younger of the two, Emma has her light brown hair pushed back with loose waves about her shoulders. Her dress in olive had a high waist with button accents and a lace up back. Also floor length, the Count perceived her black boots under her slightly raised hem.
"I cannot divulge my true identity due to the rather delicate matter on which I have been conveyed." He continued. "Suffice to say the client I am acting for is highly ranked and is immersed in such a scandal that European history may be influenced."
"So you cannot help us in the identities of yourself and your illustrious client. Then I must refuse my help."
Scarlett moved to the fireplace and poked at it several times.
"But you must! Only the famous Holmes can help solve this singular problem."
"As my dear Doctor Watson would relate, I need data to solve any and all crimes that I investigate. If I have no facts I cannot aid you."
"This is too bad, too bad."
The masked visitor squirmed and wrung his hands as he contemplated the words of Scarlett Holmes. At six feet tall he wore a black vizard mask to disguise his ruddy features. A heavy cloak of blue silk with gold brooch was worn over his double breasted coat and britches. His fur lined boots were of a rich brown, commonly worn in Europe.
"But of course Sir, I already know who you are." Announced a casual Scarlett.
"What!" How?"
"By simple deduction, Count Kramm of Bohemia."
The man was lost and stammered and stood in disbelief.
"Holmes, this is exceedingly remarkable!" Cried Emma.
"It is my business to know what other people don't." Said Scarlett with a smug grin. "For instance the Count dresses in the ways of Germanic aristocracy. Moreover his calling card is the type made in Bohemia and I perceive that the Count has a penchant for buggering his pet dog!"
The blustering man stood to his full height and screamed a profanity.
"My good woman, what on earth is the meaning of this outrageous statement!"
"It is known in some hushed circles throughout Europe that the Count loves his Pomeranian dogs to such an such an extent that he partakes of the physical side of his affections. If you care to see, he has unmistakable red dog hair in abundance around the groin area of his britches, and a tell tale distinct aroma of canine faeces about his person. The Pomeranian breed has a sad history of bad smells due to poor anal glands and it's quite evident in this case. The dogs have an abundant textured coat as you can see for yourself."
"But, but, I."
"Outstanding Holmes, but quite obvious now you explain."
Emma looked decidedly unimpressed now she had the explanation and wrinkled her cute nose as she realised the Count did have a certain odour about him.