Science wasn't cheap. Being Spider-Man involved a lot of science. Peter Parker couldn't very well skimp on his costume (he very well could) or his gadgets (he didn't need them). These three facts created quite a conundrum for New York's webslinger when Jonah J. Jameson fired him from the Daily Bugle, deciding it would be cheaper to hire and train a drone pilot to stalk Spider-Man than rely on Parker's inconsistent shots and alleged 'connection'.
He was right about that, but that is neither here nor there.
Peter needed cash, and he needed it quickly. He could ask Aunt May, but he didn't want her to wonder why he needed it. Pawn his camera equipment? Heresy. He tried freelance work for a week, but had little luck finding any clients. Desperate, Peter turned to Google. Google always had answers (except for how to treat a radioactive spider bite; he went on to try that one on Yahoo answers and immediately regretted his decision).
After a bit of research, he had something. It took another week to convince MJ, by which time Peter had ripped his precious suit three times over and
desperately
needed that cash for the repairs (he probably could have bought thread anywhere for dirt cheap).
***-***-***-***-***-***-***-***-***-***-***
The two of them sat in MJ's cramped apartment in their underwear, freshly showered from the two very messy hours they had spent fucking like rabbits.
Spider rabbits.
Figurative spider rabbits, not literal bunny spiders. Those are a thing. They're pretty cute, insofar as eight-legged monstrosities who tie their victims up and eat them can be 'pretty cute'.
While MJ had been washing up, Peter edited the video down to forty minutes. He thought he did a pretty good job, but it was sloppy and amateur as all hell. When she squeezed in beside him on the couch, the two young lovers interlaced their fingers and Peter began the upload. Both of them were quiet with nervous excitement, with MJ herself beet red with embarrassment. Once it was done, Peter started pasting their advertisement all over Reddit, Twitter and several other sites.
"Hey, tiger." MJ was staring at the screen after Peter posted the last link on the Facebook account they had made for this. It was, of course, immediately banned. She licked her lips, nervous. It was a new expression for the bombshell redhead, who had been modeling since high school. "I want to watch it."
Everyone else was about to.
"Yeah. Okay." Peter opened Pornhub, navigated their otherwise barren profile page for the video titled
SPIDEY'S SLUT: SPIDER-MAN'S OFFICIAL SEX TAPE
and hit play. Peter had picked the soundtrack for the video, thinking it was sexy. It was several decades ago, now it was just corny in a cringey, unironic way.
"Oh my god," MJ muttered, almost mortified. "Is this from some 1960s Ron Jeremy porno?"
"He didn't start until the late 1970s," Peter replied without thought. MJ glanced at his boyfriend, decided not to question why he had such trivia in his back pocket, and focused on the screen again. The first two or three minutes of the video were focused on MJ performing a striptease, peeling out of her clothes one piece after another until she only wore whorish red high heels and a matching domino mask. Her boyfriend had assured her that it would hide her identity.
His rationale was that it worked for Robin in Batman. It was a good thing MJ just took his word for it on face value, because if he had told her "hey, it works for a fictional character, so it'll definitely work for you and won't impact your modelling career whatsoever", she probably would have slapped him, told him to fuck off and kicked him out.
After showing all of her assets off to the camera, MJ licked her full lips and looked up to the ceiling, her eyelids falling heavy over her green eyes. She spoke the video's first lines with her hips swinging and her hands slowly sliding down her tummy, rubbing slowly, inviting circles over her thighs. "Hey, hero," she sensually purred, "I need a good guy to come down here and save me from my wet pussy before I make any bad decisions. Think you can help a hot babe out?"
"Jesus," the real MJ moaned at how bad Peter's script was, slapping a hand to her brow. She soon outright groaned when the corny porno music faded off to Bonnie Taylor's
Holding Out for a Hero
and gave Peter a withering glance out of the corner of her eye. "Really, Peter? Really?" MJ didn't have a problem with the song, but it was a little much. It was, she dared to think, a bit tacky.
Peter beamed with pride. "I know. Great, right?"